March: Comments and Occupations From My Uber and Lyft Riders

"I'M LESS THAN NOTHING" I had one guy sitting in the front and one in the back.  I asked them what kind of work do they do.  The guy in the back said, "he's a big lawyer."  The guy in front laughed and said, "he's nothing."  The guy in the back said, "I'm less than nothing."  He said he left or retired from his sanitation job twenty years ago and hasn't "figured out what he wants to be."  I'm not sure I know what either of them do, or maybe they don't "do" anymore?

"SO YOU REALLY LIKE THE BEATLES?" "YES, I SAID, THERE ARE A FEW FANS HERE."  I picked up three eighteen year-old boys from England.  They are in the army there and will eventually be called for emergency situations.  I had a feeling one of them might be from Liverpool and sure enough one of them was.  He wanted to know how I knew that, so I told him it was because I'm a big Beatle fan.  When I asked him about "The Cavern", the famous club that the Beatles were discovered in, at first he didn't recognize it.  Then, he asked if it was the place they have bands play and I said it was.  I had to tell three British teenagers how the Beatles were discovered.  They seemed surprised about The Beatles' popularity, which doesn't seem possible.  I wanted to tell them that the five most famous British people in history were John, Paul, George, Ringo and Churchill, but I refrained myself.

"I FEEL MORE BACHELORETTI NOW" She was going out with the girls for a bachelorette get together for the second straight night.  She told me immediately that she just wasn't in the mood.  I told her I would help her with that during our ride.  For the next 25 minutes we talked continuously about music, some of my riders, and she and her husband did for work.  Sometimes a conversation can be uncomfortable or forced, but we talked like we were old friends just catching up.  When she got out of the car she really did say, "I feel more bacheloretti now" and I actually thanked her for the ride.

THE LOBBYIST: It's unusual to meet a lobbyist if you're outside Washington D.C., but this lobbyist for the travel industry worked 12 years on the staff of a congressman.  It turns out that the congressman was from my former state of NJ.  We had a great conversation about Congress and congressional staff and some of the issues that have been in the news.

"I'M JEFFREY, THE UBER DRIVER" The voice that said that was not mine, but a woman in the back seat of my car.  I was driving her and three of her friends somewhere and they had been out having a good time.  There was more laughter on that ride that maybe any other I've ever had.  The woman, who is a fourth generation children's shoemaker and runs the business, said I should come up to Pennsylania and shovel some of her snow. (I told her I brought a shovel to South Carolina) I replied, "who said that and she said, "I'm Jeffrey, the Uber diver."  She said that she was me and I was her.  I said, "how am I going to explain this to my wife?" To add to the silliness, her boyfriend's name is Jeffrey! When I told the group I was from Phillipsburg, New Jersey, another woman proudly boasted, "I've been to the Chic-fil-A there." I asked her, " how many drinks brought that comment on?"  It would be easy to say they were drunk, but they really weren't.  A better explanation was that they were drunk on the happiness of being together with good friends.  I enjoyed being a part of their group for twenty minutes and they asked to be sent a copy of this blog which I am sending out to them.

"MY WIFE NEEDS TO HEAR THAT SEMINAR" I told the rider, " I'm just the driver and I'm putting you in charge of directions, you're the boss."  He quickly replied with the comment about his wife and I started laughing.  It was in the first minute of my first ride on a Sunday morning-a great start.

"SHE PUT HER NUMBER IN YOUR BAG"  I was driving a 22 year old male and he wanted to stop at Bojangles, the chicken place, to get some biscuits.  He wanted to go through the drive-thru and I saw him eyeing the girl at the window.  When she was putting his order in the bag I told him that she dropped her phone number in his bag.  For a split second, I had him believing it might have happened.  He said he's going to go back there and I'm sure he will.

"THIS IS THE WORST JOB"  You could probably come up with dozens and dozens of jobs that you might consider "the worst job," but one morning an airline pilot tried to convince me that his job was the worst.  "Pilots are whiny  and we switch jobs every 18 months."  Not a Union pilot he was unhappy with his pay although he had been a pilot for 32 years.  He told me he's only able to eat once a day,because he's worked so hard.  I said, "I eat about five times a day and I'm snacking right now."  He accused me of rubbing it in. When we got out of the car I had one little donut left and I offered it to him, but he turned me down.  He was whiny, but he was eager to share his thoughts with me.

"YOU'RE THE GUY WHO TOLD ME HOW MCDONALD'S MADE THEIR MONEY"  I picked up three cadets in Charleston and the guy in the backseat thought I drove him before.  Suddenly, he remembered what I said about McDonalds and I knew I had driven him.  Previously, I had quizzed his friends if they could guess how McDonalds made their fortune and they had a lot of fun trying to get the answer.  I did it a second time with these new cadets and explained that all the McDonald stores are owned by the corporation and all the franchisee owners paid rent for the building and property of their franchise, which resulted in their fortune.  The answer: real estate.

"AYE" I picked up two Canadian couples who have visited Murrells Inlet(just south of Myrtle Beach) many times.  Somehow, they hadn't been to some of the biggest attractions in the area so I started planning their next trip for them.  We got to talking about Canadian politics and prime Minister Trudeau and his recent problems.  As they were leaving,I wanted to say something special for them so I said, "bonsoir" which is "good evening' in French.  The woman said, "we don't speak French."  So I tried again and went to say "aye"(which Canadians say a lot), but it came out sounding like "eye," which they laughed at and corrected.  I joked that I just said the wrong letter.

'THIS IS THE BEST UBER VEHICLE I'VE EVER SEEN!" I started laughing when the airline pilot told me this as I dropped him off at the airport.  He then started listing all the great features of my van, just moments before getting into a cockpit.  I told him that he sounded like a commercial for my van.

"I'M TAKING MY KIDS ON A YEAR LONG TRIP AROUND THE WORLD" When she said it I had to ask her to repeat it, because I thought I had been working too long and didn't hear her correctly. Her three kids are 6,10 and 12 and she has planned out her first six weeks of the trip.  The kids will still attend school online and her husband will join them at different times when they are traveling.  Her mom had loved to travel and had been to all the countries in Africa so this is like a tribute to her. When she told me she had already started a blog to write about this, I told her that she just made my blog with her unique plans.

"I BUILD HOSPITALS"  This guy told me he was in construction, but he didn't look like he was 30.  He goes to a city and works there for 9-12 months depending on the size of the hospital and his company pays for whatever apartment he rents.

"I CALL EVERY GAS STATION "KANGAROO"  This comment sounds absurd, but down here there are gas station convenience stores called, "Kangaroo, Turtle Market, or Circle K(not the service organization.  My rider was going to one and told me he was going to the kangaroo.

"I PASS GAS FOR A LIVING" My first ride on a Sunday morning cracked me up with that comment. In the first couple minutes I asked him what he did for work and instead of telling me he was an anesthesiologist he told me, "I pass gas for a living."  He said he doesn't use that line on everyone, but he knew right a way that I would enjoy it.

"YOU SHOULD BE A SPORTSWRITER"  I picked up two good friends from Connecticut, one a Yankee fan and one a Red Sox fan.  They were saying how the rivalry isn't what it used to be.  When I mentioned the great pennant race in 1978 between the two teams, both of them had blank looks on their faces.  I gave them a five minute synopsis of the amazing race.  The Red Sox great start, the Yankees injuries, the Yankees getting healthy and the Red Sox slumping, The Boston Massacre in September and then the classic final game 163 of the season with Bucky Dent's home run and Hall of Famer's Goose Gossage facing Carl Yastzremski for the final out.  I literally had them on their edge of their seat and their last comment was, "you made me feel like I was there."

"HE CAME IN WITH A BANG AND OUT WITH A BANG" The "he" was her son who was actually in Boston plowing snow when he ordered the ride for me to pick-up his mom at the local pharmacy.  In a short ten minute trip his mom told me most of her life story and was filled with great lines like this: "My son could have any girl, he's so handsome."  "In high school he was dating two girls and one of them jumped out of his bedroom window so I wouldn't see her."  "My son was born on the 4th of July and nine months earlier I was in the back seat of a car." (re-read her first quote)  "I'm lonely, but I'm not desperate.  I may have to go back up north to get a guy to come down here before I can't have any more fun."  (I really can't type her explicit comments on this, but she said it three different times)  My wife's explanation was that she was flirting with me.  I have not flirted in 38 years and I know things have changed, but, THAT WAS NOT FLIRTING!

"STAY AWAY FROM IT-IT'S AN AWFUL GAME: A golfer gave me this advice after I told him I've only played golf one time.  He said that one day you feel like you've learned something and the next day, "it looks like you bought your clubs on the way to the course."

"I WAS A LITTLE GRUMPY GETTING OUT OF WORK, BUT AFTER THIS RIDE YOU REALLY CHANGED MY MOOD"  She didn't seem grumpy to me.  She was 33 years old and told me her inspiring story.  In high school she was 11th in her class, but she had to drop out due to family problems.  She put herself through cosmetology school, became a hair stylist, went to a four year college, opened her own salon, works as an independent contractor for a hair company where she travels and does hair and teaches hair styling and she owns two houses.  I told her she was a terrific role model and when she said that I changed her mood, I told her that I got more out of the ride than she did.  She also gave me a very generous tip.

THE OPERA STUDENT: She goes to school locally as a music major, but she just won a contest singing opera.  When I asked her what her voice sounded like, she was willing to sing a line of opera and I heard her remarkable voice.  When she got in my car the sun was shining, but when she got out the sky was full of clouds.  I said to her, "remember, even if the clouds are out, your voice will always make the sun shine for others."

"I'M SO DRUNK RIGHT NOW"  The 26-year old woman showed no signs of her drinking when she got in my car at 9:30 am on a Saturday morning.  We talked for thirty minutes on a wide range of subjects including her explaining her job in a lot of detail.  I told her that I didn't have much experience with people who are drunk, but she sounded perfectly sober.  I also told her that drinking never meant much to me and I have a beer or two a year and have never smoked.  Her response was, "are you a tri-athlete?" (stop laughing)  This was the only moment I questioned her sobriety. Maybe since I was wearing shorts she saw my muscular legs? (continue laughing)

"THE SEAT BELT" I picked up a guy from New York who owned his own IT company.  He had just gotten approval for a device that prevents the driver from turning on a cell phone while the car is running.  It was his second patent and he takes after his grandfather who, according to him invented the seat belt for airplanes in the 1940's.  He gave me a lot of details about what his grandfather did, but I was unable to find his grandfather's name online, but I do believe him.

Crosswalks and Tire Pressure

I hope you're not staying up at night thinking about these two things. If you are, I'm going to help you out with some information.  There are some things in the South that are different than the North and there are some things that are about the same. Both of these things are about the same.

Crosswalks-People don't seem to pay attention to them and frequently drive past someone standing at the crosswalk. In Pennsylvania a few years ago, I slowed down and came to a stop at a crosswalk and a car behind me didn't stop and went into me.  I was already completely stopped, she just didn't see my red vehicle.

In Myrtle Beach on Ocean Boulevard, there are crosswalks every block due to the traffic from the hotels.  Frequently, cars ignore the pedestrians and just keep driving.  On Sunday, I saw an older man(older than me), standing with a walker and his wife.  I stopped my car, but the car on the other side next to the couple drove right through the crosswalk.  I honked my horn, but I 'm sure the guy had no idea why I was honking, but the pedestrians knew.  Keep your eyes out for people crossing the street and let them go.

I don't know about you, but for me tire pressure is always frustrating.  You're driving along and all of a sudden your light goes on.  You pull over and look at the tires that all look okay.  Which one is low?  I know some of the newer cars will show you on the dashboard, but it's something all cars should have.  So you look for an air pump.  Can you find "free air" that some places have, or do you have to pay $1.50?  Do you have the quarters or are you going to you a credit card?

How much air do you put in? Do you pick one tire or put them in all the tires? If you're lucky you can see when you put the air in how much air is in the tire and hopefully you can tell which one it is.  When are you going to get it checked out? And, the big question is, can they patch it or is the tire shot?  Or, did the change in the weather cause the deflation and you're really okay?

I just spent the last couple days playing, "which tire is it" and it was the back tire on the driver side.  It had two nails in it and one of those nails turned out to be fatal for the tire.  If you drive, eventually you'll have the same experience and what part of the country you live in won't make any difference.

Now you can sleep soundly.

A Southern St. Patrick's Day

It might be interesting to read how a comparison on how St. Patrick's Day is celebrated in the South compared to how it's celebrated in the North.  Unfortunately, you're not going to read about that here.  It would be difficult for me to do since I've never really "celebrated" St. Patrick's Day.

Sure, I've worn green as I did on Sunday, but is that really celebrating? It would be fair to say I've never had an alcoholic drink on St. Patrick's Day.  I just had a lot of trouble spelling "alcoholic."  (I did it again too)  I will start avoiding typing that word, as much as I do drinking it.

What observations can I make from the weekend? It was a weekend of drinking, more so than usual.  since the "holiday" fell on a Sunday and Saturday is typically a big "go and drink day". There were a lot of celebrations here in the Myrtle Beach area and in Charleston.  I'm reporting from what I saw in Myrtle Beach Sunday and my wife was telling me about what she saw in Charleston that day.

When I was in Charleston on Saturday it was obvious that there were more "celebrations" than usual.  I did have a number of rides going to bars or pubs or parties and some people were dressed with funny hats and of course wore green colors.  I was stopped at a light and could clearly see a mobbed pub with maybe 75 people outside holding a drink.  I did not think, I wish I was there.  My thoughts were, I hope to get out of here.  There were more celebrations on Saturday in Myrtle Beach also and I'm guess it was more St. Patrick's Weekend in a lot of the country too.

On Sunday, there might have been less celebrating than Saturday.  I did laugh when I picked up two guys in their twenties from Wisconsin around 9 am in North Myrtle Beach.  They were looking for an open bar and I dropped them off at a hotel to start drinking.  About a half hour later I picked them up again since that place hadn't opened yet and they found another one that was open.  I did ask them if they had alcohol in Wisconsin and they did confirm that they do.

Things will be different next year since St. Patrick's Day will be on a Tuesday.  There's still a very good chance I will not have a "you know what" on that day either.  However, it did appear that people enjoyed the holiday in the South as much as people enjoyed it in the North.  Just don't take my word for it.

Things You Don't See

You probably have never thought about "the things you don't see," but I've been thinking about it recently.  There are two kinds of "things you don't see."

The first one is-things that are there, but you haven't noticed.  This happens to me all the time in my own house.  My wife buys something new or moves something to a different place and weeks or months later I ask her, "is that new?"  Or, my wife will ask me if I saw the strawberries she bought for me and of course I tell her I didn't because they are in the back of the fridge.  And when I open the fridge, they are right in front of me.  Why didn't I see them?

The other day I was sitting at a traffic light in North Myrtle Beach and I looked up the telephone pole and saw a green sign that said, "Charlotte" with an arrow to the right.  I know why I haven't seen that, because no one else is going to see it up the telephone pole.  Why is it there? Do you know have far Charlotte is from North Myrtle Beach? It's 188 miles away!

The second kind of "things you don't see" are things you really only see once.  The shortstop cutting across the pitcher's mound, cutting off the relay from the outfielder and flipping the ball to the catcher to get the runner at the plate.  Derek Jeter made that play in 2001; it's the only time it's ever been done.  There are plenty of sports moments that live in infamy such as: the band coming on the college field as the winning touchdown scores,(California beats Stanford) the receiver clutching the ball to his helmet on the final drive in the Super Bowl(David Tyree), or even the field goal kicker with half a foot kicking the game winning 63 yard field goal which set the record for the longest field goal in history.(Tom Dempsey)

Sometimes you see something in your day to day life that you've never seen and won't see again.  In our neighborhood there is a house with a very large wooden swing set.  Right next to the swing set is an identical swing set.  There are two kids and two swing sets.  Have you ever seen that before?  A few weeks ago I stopped for a red light and I was in the left lane and the lane to the right of me could turn left too.  A tractor trailer had just turned left through the yellow light and then a car turned left through the red light.  And another car turned left through the red light, and another car turned left through the red light.  All three of my passengers watched in disbelief as four straight cars turned left on red.  I know you've never seen that either.

Most of the day we're focused on what we see, which makes sense.  However, maybe every once in awhile we should pay close attention to those things that we don't see.  Who knows, we may never get to see that again.  It might even be a twenty dollar bill on the ground!

Y'ALL

It finally happened.  I wanted "y'all" to know I have now completed phase one of "becoming a southerner."  It was bound to happen, just a matter of time.  I really did say it.  I was living in South Carolina for 436 days before I said "y'all" in a sentence.

This past Saturday, March 9th, I was driving a few people in Charleston, when the magic words came out.  I said, "are you just visiting or are y'all living here? I covered my mouth with one hand,(since I was driving) and then told the group what I had said.

It's true that I didn't have an accent when I said it, but it came out naturally.  Now I know that it could happen at any time on any day.  I hear it so often it's almost surprising that it took this long to say those words.  What happens if I say it in April when I''m visiting New Jersey?

Now that "y'all" is behind me, could grits and playing golf be far behind? Yes, they are still far, far, behind.

Can You "Out-Nice" A Southerner

(I wrote this blog at the end of last week, but I wasn't happy with the ending until today.  The last incident happened today)

Sometimes you can, but it takes a lot of work to be successful at this.  I told you last year about the guy who offered me a ride one Sunday morning as he was driving into a parking lot that I was walking out of.  I have also written about the woman who I met in an elevator whose first words to me were, "would you like a tomato?" (she was holding two tomatoes in her hands)

Recently, I had too many boxes on my hand truck and a small box slid off onto the ground.  A person in front of me and one in back of me, both tried to pick up the box.  I thought they were going to have words with each other.  Yesterday, a security guard escorted me to the housekeeping department in a hotel and literally walked me all the way in.  Unfortunately, two large boxes of cups would not go in the door horizontally, so the guard picked each one up and handed them to me.  I guess it was all in a day's work for him.

One of the biggest challenges with how nice Southern people are is when you are both going into or out of an elevator, building or door.  They always motion for me to go and now I refuse to give in.  I motion to them to go and they do the same back to me.  However, I've found if I offer them a second chance to go, they all take it.  It just goes to show that being persistent is vital even when you're being nice.

The best example of this came this afternoon in a hospital.  I walked towards an elevator with an empty hand truck and an employee had already pressed the button.  I thanked him for getting the elevator for me and he laughed.  When the door opened he stepped back and motioned for me to go.  I said, "no that's okay, go ahead."  He repeated his previous statement and I repeated mine.  He wasn't budging so I got in the elevator.  When the door opened, we started again. However, I told him that I went first last time.  He gave in this time, reluctantly.  I said to him, "now we're even."

I told you that you can "out-nice" a Southerner, but it's hard work.  Sometimes, just telling someone about it can be exhausting.  I hope I don't meet him again at the elevator.

My February Riders: Occupations and Memorable Quotes

Although I drove only three weekends I still gave over 170 rides this month.  Here are some of my most memorable moments:

SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO GO GET THE STUPID OUT OF PEOPLE:  I can't even tell you what we were talking about, but he made his point and got a big laugh out of me.  And, if you think about it, sometimes this is the case.

SHOULD I GIVE YOUR WIFE A GOOD RATING?: I picked up a couple at a hotel in Charleston and mentioned that I drove down from Myrtle Beach. The husband immediately asked me if my wife was doing the same thing and we realized that she had picked them up the day before.  He said he hadn't given her a rating yet and then he asked me if he should give her a good rating.  My reply, "I always do."

THE HOUSEMAN: I have never heard the phrase before, but a rider told me that he was a houseman with a number others at a hotel. They help the guests get the things that they need on a daily basis.  It sounded more like a concierge, but for him, his job was a houseman.

"I THINK WE'RE GOING THERE!" I was bringing a couple into downtown Charleston and I thought I was going to a hotel.  I told them a little about Charleston and suggested that they look for the cruise ship that comes into port.  That's when the wife said, "I think we're going there."  She had to know she was going there, since she was leaving on the ship.  I had no idea, but found it amusing I was suggesting they should take a look at a cruise ship they would be on for a week.

"YOU HAVE NO IDEA" To say that the roads in downtown Charleston are not good is really an understatement.  It's not just the one way streets, the smaller streets, the very bumpy roads, but also all the carriages that you have to drive behind.  I was telling a family from Michigan about the roads and the husband said the roads in Michigan were just as bad.  I asked if he meant the highways or the local roads and he said, "both, you have no idea."  I'm not driving to Michigan anytime soon.

"OUR GOAL WAS TO PLAY ALL THE MINI-GOLF COURSES IN THE AREA" It was a normal ride (except for the women asking me if I wanted to join them for dinner), but one women told me that her and her husband loved mini-golf.  She said over two years they played 57 of the 123 courses in the area.  I'm not sure what is more amazing, that they played 57 or there are 123 courses.  I would have asked her more about the courses, but the ride ended too soon.  However, my son and I are going to play on their favorite course.

'THE SANITARIAN" When I asked the guy from Texas what he did, I had to ask him to repeat it twice.  I had never heard the word before and he wrote it out from me.  He's actually a health inspector and some people in the occupation are called "sanitarians".  He was a real pro and very dedicated to what he did.  He had majored in Biology and found his odd-named job online.

"IT'S THE BEST WAY TO SEE THE COUNTRY"  When the woman told me she was moving to San Diego, I jokingly told her that I was sorry she was going to have to suffer through all that nice weather.  She was getting married to an Army Lieutenant and had been moving all her life.  I asked her if it was difficult to do and she said, "it's the best way to see the country."  I think that's a great way of thinking about her many moves.

"I'M IN SO MUCH TROUBLE" The woman was getting in my back seat and I thought her male friend was too, but they said goodbye and I started to drive off.  That's when this 30-year old engineer with a large company, told me how much trouble she was in.  She said the same thing at least five or six times during the trip.  Her mom keeps tabs on her and she told her mom she was going home last night, but instead stayed with the pilot she met.  "Nothing happened" she told me, she just didn't feel like going home.  She lives on her own and also supervises several people.  I spent the entire trip boosting her confidence and helping her come up with something to tell her Mom when she called her in the next hour.  I had to tell her she should show appreciation to her Mom for being worried, but tell her that she was fine and she knew exactly what she was doing. (or what she wasn't doing)

"THE ATTITUDE ADJUSTER" My rider said he worked at Trader Joe's and his occupation was "attitude adjuster". Having read many positive attitude books and given motivational speeches years ago, I wanted to know how he did that.  He works at the front door and greets people shopping at Trader Joe's and gets them in a better mood to shop.  It was interesting until he told me where his attitude came from.  In high school, about twenty years ago, he was in a near fatal car crash and had brain surgery.  His parents gave him a lot of positive feedback and helped him recover. When I left him off at the breakfast place on a Sunday morning, I saw him standing at the door clowning around by waving his arms as if he was flying.  It was an inspiring ride for me, he really has a great attitude.

'DO THEY HAVE A SPEED LIMIT?" My young rider watched a motorcycle go flying by me on my left and asked me the above question.  When the second motorcycle went past me just as fast I said, "Not today they don't."

"YOU SAID THAT SO WELL"  The French-Canadian woman was talking about how she was learning to speak English better, although she spoke it very well.  She lives now in the United States and continues to talk French so she doesn't lose it.  I told her the only French phrase I could think of,
"Je ne sais pas," and she was impressed with my French.  That made me laugh, since I never did well in French.  I made her laugh when I told her that my French teacher told me that I had the best English accent speaking French she's ever heard. (it wasn't a compliment)

"YOU HAVE TO BE A MORON NOT TO BE ABLE TO MAKE MONEY DOWN HERE!:" I laughed as much during this ride as probably any other I've had, because it was so unusual.  When a single rider is walking up to my car, I open the front door a little and say, "you can sit in the front if you like." Usually people take the offer, but this guy pushed the door shut and quickly tried to get in the back.  He was from New York and worked in securities on Wall Street.  I didn't think he was going to talk at all, but I actually wound up asking him if he had done stand-up comedy before.  He said, "no, but I've had other people ask me."  He got on a roll when I asked him if was going to slow down here since he had been in the area only two months. "Slow down? No, I'm going to speed up.  Look at the demographics here.  You have to be a moron not to be able to make money down here."  I wish I could have taken notes, but he had me wiping tears out of my eyes.  He must have liked my response since he did give me a nice tip.  I should have tipped him though, he was that entertaining.