"YOU SWING BOTH WAYS WITH UBER AND LYFT?" The older woman made me laugh with her question.
"WHEN I TURNED 25, I GOT TIRED."
He said to me, "YOUR NICKNAME SHOULD BE JEFF-RO, NO-FRO." I think it's hilarious.
"EVERYTHING'S BETTER DOWN HERE COMPARED TO THE NORTH"
"MY LIFE IS HURTING A BIT." (Translation: she's tired)
"WHEN I'M RUBBING HARD ON YOUR NAKED BODY...." The massage therapist said this twice sitting next to her boyfriend as we discussed the minimum wage and how people tip.
"SHOULD I PUT YOU ON RETAINER?" My passenger asked me as I picked him up for the third ride on the same morning.
"THE WILLIAMSBURG SECTION OF BROOKLYN IS WHERE THE HIPSTERS LIVE."
:"THE HURRICANE DIDN'T HAVE ENOUGH ACTION." The visiting student was not impressed with the heavy wind and rain.
"SOCASTEE HAS ONE OF THE HIGHEST HEROIN OVERDOSE RATES IN THE COUNTRY." My passenger seemed certain that the area that we live close to is heavily into heroin.
"I LIKED LIVING IN LOS ANGELES, BECAUSE YOU COULD WALK ANYWHERE AND NO ONE GIVES A FUCK."
"IN RHODE ISLAND WE DON'T EVEN LIKE EACH OTHER."
"NORMAL PEOPLE DRINK COFFEE. YOU SHOULD DRINK COFFEE." The girl who works at Starbucks informed me that I was really missing out since I have never had a cup of coffee.
"WHEN THE EAGLES WON THE SUPER BOWL I KNEW HE WAS THE MAN I HAD TO HAVE." What if they lost?
"UNTIL I GET RICHER, MYRTLE BEACH IS WHERE I'M GOING TO COME FOR VACATION.'
"THANK YOU FOR TALKING TO ME."
When I asked the rider what location we were going to, he said, "I DON'T KNOW, I JUST PUT DOWN AN ADDRESS AND WE'LL FIGURE IT OUT FROM THERE." (he was kidding)
"MYRTLE BEACH HAS THE MOST PERFECT PIZZA&SUSHI." I told the visiting student that she had to have pizza in New York when she visits there.
"THIS LOOKS LIKE A TRASHY PLACE. THEY MUST HAVE THE EAGLES GAME ON." Just a couple of tourists who were big Eagle fans and wanted to watch the football game.
"THERE'S DIFFERENT CRAP AT DIFFERENT RESTAURANTS."
Monday, September 30, 2019
Thursday, September 26, 2019
Southerners Are "Sickenly" Nice
I've now given over 2,200 Uber/Lyft rides and one of my favorite comments by a passenger in my car came last month. I was talking with a guy who had just moved from New Jersey seven weeks earlier and told him that the people here were falling over themselves to help you. He said they were "sickenly nice." I wish I could tell him this story.
I have a list of 3-4 stories that I regularly tell to people about how nice people are here and this story will certainly be added to this group. Recently, a poll was done of the friendliest states and South Carolina finished third and I am not surprised.
This story starts out with "sick" and ends with "ridiculously nice." My wife unfortunately got very sick the other night and I woke up to her throwing up blood and more. (She's okay now and is being treated for ulcers) I took her to the emergency room and she stayed overnight while they gave her a few tests.
My wife asked me to take some of the dirty towels that I used that night out on the lawn and use the hose to wash them off. It was not a pleasant job to say the least. However, I had several wet towels(still dirty) on the lawn and I figured I'd let the sun dry them off some while I visited my wife at the hospital. It wasn't an awful sight for anyone walking or driving by because they were away from street.
A few hours later I returned to pick the towels up and bring them inside. As I pulled into my driveway I had my mouth open and the only word that could explain the look on my face was-stunned. The towels were neater than I left them and NOW THEY WERE ON THE GRASS ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE DRIVEWAY!
Who would take someone else's wet and dirty towels and move them? I guess they did it because the sun wasn't on that side anymore, but why would you? I didn't want to touch the towels, but I had to. I could not believe that someone would really do that, I know I would not under any circumstances move anyone's property unless it was damaged or a hurricane was coming.
We have our suspects, but we do not know who moved the towels and I'm embarrassed to ask, because I know what they were. It was a nice gesture, but way beyond being nice, it really was "sickenly nice."
I have a list of 3-4 stories that I regularly tell to people about how nice people are here and this story will certainly be added to this group. Recently, a poll was done of the friendliest states and South Carolina finished third and I am not surprised.
This story starts out with "sick" and ends with "ridiculously nice." My wife unfortunately got very sick the other night and I woke up to her throwing up blood and more. (She's okay now and is being treated for ulcers) I took her to the emergency room and she stayed overnight while they gave her a few tests.
My wife asked me to take some of the dirty towels that I used that night out on the lawn and use the hose to wash them off. It was not a pleasant job to say the least. However, I had several wet towels(still dirty) on the lawn and I figured I'd let the sun dry them off some while I visited my wife at the hospital. It wasn't an awful sight for anyone walking or driving by because they were away from street.
A few hours later I returned to pick the towels up and bring them inside. As I pulled into my driveway I had my mouth open and the only word that could explain the look on my face was-stunned. The towels were neater than I left them and NOW THEY WERE ON THE GRASS ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE DRIVEWAY!
Who would take someone else's wet and dirty towels and move them? I guess they did it because the sun wasn't on that side anymore, but why would you? I didn't want to touch the towels, but I had to. I could not believe that someone would really do that, I know I would not under any circumstances move anyone's property unless it was damaged or a hurricane was coming.
We have our suspects, but we do not know who moved the towels and I'm embarrassed to ask, because I know what they were. It was a nice gesture, but way beyond being nice, it really was "sickenly nice."
Wednesday, September 25, 2019
Watching A Football Game Without Seeing It
For most people watching a football game is pretty routine. You take your remote control and you press a button or two and you sit back and watch the game. Some people do it a little differently and they go to a friends house or bar or restaurant and they watch the game there. Also, there are some people who are on the road driving and they listen to the football game.
Very few people "watch" a football game the way I do. I'm usually driving for Uber/Lyft on Sunday when my New York Giants play and since I'm not in the area I can't listen to the game on the radio. (I have been told I could download something and listen to it on my phone, but that doesn't really work well for me since I'm using the phone while I drive people around)
I do have the phone set so I can regularly check on the score and occasionally I look at some stats or even see a highlight from the game while waiting for a ride. Frequently, my son living in Lancaster, PA., will text me comments and the score as I'm driving around. After the game is over I check online and watch a bunch of the highlights and for me that's "watching" a football game since I don't have a TV anyway.
This Sunday was an unforgettable Giant's game which I'll never remember seeing, since I didn't see it. My son kept texting me how awful it was going and then suddenly, everything changed. Our young rookie quarterback was moving the team up and down the field. My son was excited and so was I. I texted him, "they have the momentum." Unfortunately, that text came out, "they have mono." He replied, "you can't text."
In the final minute after I had arrived home, my son called me and did some play by play. Actually, it wasn't close to play by play, but it was something. It was entertaining to hear him tell me on the final play about the missed field goal that gave the Giants the victory, "he missed it, he missed it, he missed it."
It was a fun game and I spoke to my Dad shortly afterwards who enjoyed every minute of it. In the end, I know that I was the one who missed it, but it's okay. Some things change as you get older and some things don't seem to be as important as they used to be. I've watched the Giants play a lot of football over the years and this was one game I didn't watch and I'm okay with that.
Very few people "watch" a football game the way I do. I'm usually driving for Uber/Lyft on Sunday when my New York Giants play and since I'm not in the area I can't listen to the game on the radio. (I have been told I could download something and listen to it on my phone, but that doesn't really work well for me since I'm using the phone while I drive people around)
I do have the phone set so I can regularly check on the score and occasionally I look at some stats or even see a highlight from the game while waiting for a ride. Frequently, my son living in Lancaster, PA., will text me comments and the score as I'm driving around. After the game is over I check online and watch a bunch of the highlights and for me that's "watching" a football game since I don't have a TV anyway.
This Sunday was an unforgettable Giant's game which I'll never remember seeing, since I didn't see it. My son kept texting me how awful it was going and then suddenly, everything changed. Our young rookie quarterback was moving the team up and down the field. My son was excited and so was I. I texted him, "they have the momentum." Unfortunately, that text came out, "they have mono." He replied, "you can't text."
In the final minute after I had arrived home, my son called me and did some play by play. Actually, it wasn't close to play by play, but it was something. It was entertaining to hear him tell me on the final play about the missed field goal that gave the Giants the victory, "he missed it, he missed it, he missed it."
It was a fun game and I spoke to my Dad shortly afterwards who enjoyed every minute of it. In the end, I know that I was the one who missed it, but it's okay. Some things change as you get older and some things don't seem to be as important as they used to be. I've watched the Giants play a lot of football over the years and this was one game I didn't watch and I'm okay with that.
Tuesday, September 24, 2019
Jay Leno Comes To North Myrtle Beach
About a week ago we found out that Jay Leno was going to perform on Saturday night in the area. We both liked Leno and thought it would be fun to go see him perform. A couple in our neighborhood joined us on Saturday and none of us were disappointed.
My wife and I discussed the possibility of both of us driving a passenger to the event and after the show driving passengers from the event. We could actually make money going to the show and leaving it too. As it turned out my wife brought someone to another place next to the theater and then went in and we both did get rides when we left the show, which is a pretty fun way of seeing a show.
I'm not sure if the theater was sold out, but it was a very large crowd, there were not many young people there. Jay is 69 years old and did not show his age. He talked for two straight hours, only taking a few sips of something he was drinking. He started telling jokes immediately without any chatting with the crowd or opening remarks about being in the area.
If I didn't know better it was as if he was going to miss a plane, he spoke quickly and frequently there were words we all missed due to how he delivered them. He was very funny and discussed just about every possible topic. In the last thirty minutes or so he slowed down some and talked about his family. The crowd enjoyed his "clean" sense of humor to the point that one couple up front was asked to laugh quieter since people around them complained they couldn't hear what Jay Leno was saying.
The Myrtle Beach area has a number of musical shows and entertainment here. It's certainly not Las Vegas, but we're going to keep our eyes out for other performances after having a fun night with Jay Leno.
My wife and I discussed the possibility of both of us driving a passenger to the event and after the show driving passengers from the event. We could actually make money going to the show and leaving it too. As it turned out my wife brought someone to another place next to the theater and then went in and we both did get rides when we left the show, which is a pretty fun way of seeing a show.
I'm not sure if the theater was sold out, but it was a very large crowd, there were not many young people there. Jay is 69 years old and did not show his age. He talked for two straight hours, only taking a few sips of something he was drinking. He started telling jokes immediately without any chatting with the crowd or opening remarks about being in the area.
If I didn't know better it was as if he was going to miss a plane, he spoke quickly and frequently there were words we all missed due to how he delivered them. He was very funny and discussed just about every possible topic. In the last thirty minutes or so he slowed down some and talked about his family. The crowd enjoyed his "clean" sense of humor to the point that one couple up front was asked to laugh quieter since people around them complained they couldn't hear what Jay Leno was saying.
The Myrtle Beach area has a number of musical shows and entertainment here. It's certainly not Las Vegas, but we're going to keep our eyes out for other performances after having a fun night with Jay Leno.
Monday, September 16, 2019
Random Thoughts As I Drove North To NJ
Northerners Drive Faster: It's not even close. I am not a fast driver, so when cars are driving 10-25 miles per hour faster, I always notice. The highway was filled with drivers driving over the speed limit, not nearly as many who do that in South Carolina.
You Have To Watch The Gas Prices: There are so many exits on 95 and you will see just about everything when it comes to gas prices. I expected the prices to rise significantly as I headed north and they did, but some exits had stations with prices far exceeding the previous or the next exit. It's easy to pull off and get gas at the most expensive station.
Most Things Are Cheaper In The South: From time to time I get a fountain soda in a convenience store and I pay $.87 in South Carolina. When I pulled over in Maryland I wound up paying $2.01, which is ridiculous.
McDonald's Still Has The Best Fries-I had a craving on Friday night and since I had two hot dogs for dinner, I decided that french fries would go great with the hot dogs. I lucked out and got french fries from McDonald's which were just made. It was hot, hot, hot. It was outstanding and it was worth paying an "arm and a leg." By the way, they do charge an "arm and a leg," but it does not matter, they are that good..
Heading North Is Easier Than Heading South-The traffic is lighter heading North, maybe because less people want to go there and more people want to head south?
Pulling Into A Rest Area: It does not matter what time of the day or night you go, there are other crazy people who are also pulling into a rest area.
You Have To Watch The Gas Prices: There are so many exits on 95 and you will see just about everything when it comes to gas prices. I expected the prices to rise significantly as I headed north and they did, but some exits had stations with prices far exceeding the previous or the next exit. It's easy to pull off and get gas at the most expensive station.
Most Things Are Cheaper In The South: From time to time I get a fountain soda in a convenience store and I pay $.87 in South Carolina. When I pulled over in Maryland I wound up paying $2.01, which is ridiculous.
McDonald's Still Has The Best Fries-I had a craving on Friday night and since I had two hot dogs for dinner, I decided that french fries would go great with the hot dogs. I lucked out and got french fries from McDonald's which were just made. It was hot, hot, hot. It was outstanding and it was worth paying an "arm and a leg." By the way, they do charge an "arm and a leg," but it does not matter, they are that good..
Heading North Is Easier Than Heading South-The traffic is lighter heading North, maybe because less people want to go there and more people want to head south?
Pulling Into A Rest Area: It does not matter what time of the day or night you go, there are other crazy people who are also pulling into a rest area.
Wednesday, September 11, 2019
9-11
Over a lifetime there are a lot of moments and many days you remember clearly. There are good times and bad times, but there are only a few times that people will never ever forget. Certainly the attack on Pearl Harbor on December 7, 1944 and President Kennedy's assassination on November 22, 1963 are two of those days and the most recent unforgettable day was September 11, 2001.
On the 18th anniversary of the terrorist attack on our country, it is impossible to avoid thinking about that day and that particular week. The shock, anger, horror, and sadness that we experienced was unlike anything I had ever experienced. (I was only 3 in 1963)
A couple things stick out in my mind from that week. I was on the road that day and heard what happened in a deli when two guys were talking about a plane going into a building. I was a distance from them and it sounded like they were telling a joke or talking about a television show.
As I drove around I listened to news reports and also music stations playing patriotic music. When I hear Ray Charles singing, "America the Beautiful", I still think about the events of 9-11. A short time after 9-11, I took my youngest daughter to a McDonald's and I clearly remember seeing all the American flags inside the store, which was very moving.
Living in the south on 9-11 is different than living in New Jersey. Newspapers and radio stations do not cover 9-11 the same way down here. However, driving to work this morning I was reminded of 9-11. As I crossed over an overpass, I saw two men with very large American flags. They were walking on each side of the overpass very slowly and displaying the flag for the cars below them. I heard a number of cars honking and moments later I heard Ray Charles singing "American the Beautiful."
The events of 9-11 will never be forgotten.
On the 18th anniversary of the terrorist attack on our country, it is impossible to avoid thinking about that day and that particular week. The shock, anger, horror, and sadness that we experienced was unlike anything I had ever experienced. (I was only 3 in 1963)
A couple things stick out in my mind from that week. I was on the road that day and heard what happened in a deli when two guys were talking about a plane going into a building. I was a distance from them and it sounded like they were telling a joke or talking about a television show.
As I drove around I listened to news reports and also music stations playing patriotic music. When I hear Ray Charles singing, "America the Beautiful", I still think about the events of 9-11. A short time after 9-11, I took my youngest daughter to a McDonald's and I clearly remember seeing all the American flags inside the store, which was very moving.
Living in the south on 9-11 is different than living in New Jersey. Newspapers and radio stations do not cover 9-11 the same way down here. However, driving to work this morning I was reminded of 9-11. As I crossed over an overpass, I saw two men with very large American flags. They were walking on each side of the overpass very slowly and displaying the flag for the cars below them. I heard a number of cars honking and moments later I heard Ray Charles singing "American the Beautiful."
The events of 9-11 will never be forgotten.
Wednesday, September 4, 2019
How Many Windshield Wipers Do You Need On The Front of Your Car?
You're probably saying that you need two if you're going to be driving, but what if you don't have two? Last week I was driving and there was a few raindrops and I turned on my wipers and heard a scraping sound that really scared me. My right wiper on the passenger side was no longer there.
How do you lose a wiper? I guess if it was loose it could fall off or maybe someone took it off? It does seem unlikely, but my wipers snap on, so I'd have to go with someone took it off. I'm not going to speculate why, but I found myself with only one wiper as it started to rain.
Fortunately, my other wiper is very large since I have a van and it covered most of my front window. I didn't want to hear that scraping sound so I had to resist turning on the wipers as it started to rain. It is difficult to do, since you frequently do it without thinking.
From time to time I did turn it on and I got through the drive with only one wiper blade. It's not recommended, but it can be done safely. I did get two new wipers so I am ready for the next rain which will be a hurricane. I'm pretty sure I won't be driving in it, no need to worry. I just hope I can keep two wiper blades on my front window in the future.
How do you lose a wiper? I guess if it was loose it could fall off or maybe someone took it off? It does seem unlikely, but my wipers snap on, so I'd have to go with someone took it off. I'm not going to speculate why, but I found myself with only one wiper as it started to rain.
Fortunately, my other wiper is very large since I have a van and it covered most of my front window. I didn't want to hear that scraping sound so I had to resist turning on the wipers as it started to rain. It is difficult to do, since you frequently do it without thinking.
From time to time I did turn it on and I got through the drive with only one wiper blade. It's not recommended, but it can be done safely. I did get two new wipers so I am ready for the next rain which will be a hurricane. I'm pretty sure I won't be driving in it, no need to worry. I just hope I can keep two wiper blades on my front window in the future.
Tuesday, September 3, 2019
August Rider Quotes
"HE WAS RAPPING TOO HARD LAST NIGHT" When another passenger heard my story of the rapper falling asleep in my car, she made me laugh with her quick remark.
"GHOST SHOPPING IS WHEN YOUR WIFE STAYS AT HOME AND SHOPS" He told me this with his wife sitting next to him. He then told me, "no one sees nothing." I told him I could understand why they call it "ghost shopping", "when the bills come in, it's scary."
"YOU SHOULD MAKE DINNER FOR YOUR WIFE, MAKE HER CURRIED CHICKEN!" I told her I was meeting my wife for dinner soon. After her comment I told her that I don't cook. "My wife cooks and I eat."
"MY WIFE JUST ATE A LOT OF LOBSTER CRAB-THERE'S STILL SOME ON HER SHIRT!"
"HE'S BEEN MISSING FOR 24 HOURS" I picked up several guys who were part of a bachelor party and I asked if any of them were the bachelor.
"WHEN YOU LIVE IN MY HOUSE, YOU LISTEN TO MY MUSIC" My rider was telling me how much she enjoys The Beatles and Queen, which are her Mom's favorite groups. She had had a rough morning and after telling her to take her Mom to see the movie "Yesterday", she got out of the car and said to me, "thank you, you made my morning".
"I'M AS AMERICANIZED AS SHIT. WHEN I FEEL STUPID, I WATCH SOCCER." The guy from Latvia has been here for 20 years and I picked him up from a bar where he was actually watching soccer.
She said, "I CAN'T EVEN PEE IN TWO MINUTES."
As the student from Poland waived goodbye to her friends, tears fell from her eyes and I asked, "where are you headed?" She said, "I'M GOING TO HAWAII FOR 12 DAYS."
"MYRTLE BEACH IS LIKE A DIFFERENT PLANET THAN ROMANIA." I asked the young guy who was working here on a short visa if he liked it in Myrtle Beach.
"I LITERALLY SKIPPED HALF OF MY SENIOR YEAR IN HIGH SCHOOL, BUT SINCE I HAD STRAIGHT A'S, I WAS ABLE TO GRADUATE." She was well spoken and very believable, but she didn't like going to school so she didn't. It's pretty amazing that she was able to graduate missing half her senior year.
"I HEARD THERE ARE SHARKS ON THE BEACH!" I assured the tourist that the sharks here stay in the water."
"THE LARGEST ARCADE IN THE UNITED STATES IS IN NEW HAMPSHIRE." I bet you just learned something, I learned it from my New Hampshire rider.
"I PAY $22,000 A YEAR IN PROPERTY TAXES FOR MY HOUSE IN SAN FRANCISCO." I told my rider I would never forget that number; it's even more insane than California drivers paying $4.00 per gallon of gas.
"I'D LIKE TO TRAVEL WHEN SOMEONE ELSE IS PAYING FOR THE TICKET." The guy was paying $1,200 to fly to Japan to visit his fiancee.
"I MOVED DOWN HERE TO GET AWAY FROM ALL THE TERRIBLE PEOPLE IN NEW YORK." I don't think he realizes how many New Yorkers' live in the Myrtle Beach area.
"MASTERS IS A FIRST CLASS ORGANIZATION" Masters is a Gentleman's Club in Myrtle Beach.
"SINCE THE WORLD IS ENDING SOON, WE'LL BE OKAY IN BUFFALO." I asked her how she gets through the rough Buffalo winters.
"DO YOU HAVE ANY MUSLIM FRIENDS?" This is the first time anyone ever asked me this question. My two riders were going to a Mosque and it wasn't open yet on Sunday morning.
"THEY HAVE THIS LITTLE YACHT CLUB THING." They were a young couple and did not look like "yacht club people," so I don't know how they got into it. You can tell they didn't belong by how he said it.
"I'LL HAVE PLENTY OF TIME TO REST WHEN I RETIRE," said the 23-year old as I took him home to take a power nap at 6:30 am on a Sunday morning. He works two full-time jobs in Myrtle Beach, eighty hours a week.
"I CAN'T WAIT TO GO HOME SO I CAN SLEEP ALL DAY." Another young person working here on a visa just wants to go back home so she can get some rest.
"I WISH PEOPLE WOULD BE MORE SUPPORTIVE OF THEIR LOCAL POLICE." The Bronx cop and I discussed gun control and some of the problems cops have today. He said, "common sense isn't common anymore."
"YOU'RE GOING TO A FANTASY MEETING WITH A BUNCH OF WOMEN?" My female rider's previous Uber driver said this, not realizing it was a Women's Fantasy Football Draft.
"OVER 80% OF ALL THE CASES I WORK ON ARE DRUG RELATED" The prosecuting attorney from New Jersey told me a lot about the difficulties he and his colleagues are having in Morris County.
"YOU HAVE A LOT OF HAIR ON YOUR HEAD," the barber said. He told me I've only lost 30% of my hair. When I told him that my wife has been cutting my hair for over 30 years, he said, "maybe that's why you lost so much."
"NEW YORK WAS CROWDED, NOISY, DIRTY AND THERE WAS DRUGS EVERYWHERE." The student from China had just visited New York and was clearly not impressed.
"GHOST SHOPPING IS WHEN YOUR WIFE STAYS AT HOME AND SHOPS" He told me this with his wife sitting next to him. He then told me, "no one sees nothing." I told him I could understand why they call it "ghost shopping", "when the bills come in, it's scary."
"YOU SHOULD MAKE DINNER FOR YOUR WIFE, MAKE HER CURRIED CHICKEN!" I told her I was meeting my wife for dinner soon. After her comment I told her that I don't cook. "My wife cooks and I eat."
"MY WIFE JUST ATE A LOT OF LOBSTER CRAB-THERE'S STILL SOME ON HER SHIRT!"
"HE'S BEEN MISSING FOR 24 HOURS" I picked up several guys who were part of a bachelor party and I asked if any of them were the bachelor.
"WHEN YOU LIVE IN MY HOUSE, YOU LISTEN TO MY MUSIC" My rider was telling me how much she enjoys The Beatles and Queen, which are her Mom's favorite groups. She had had a rough morning and after telling her to take her Mom to see the movie "Yesterday", she got out of the car and said to me, "thank you, you made my morning".
"I'M AS AMERICANIZED AS SHIT. WHEN I FEEL STUPID, I WATCH SOCCER." The guy from Latvia has been here for 20 years and I picked him up from a bar where he was actually watching soccer.
She said, "I CAN'T EVEN PEE IN TWO MINUTES."
As the student from Poland waived goodbye to her friends, tears fell from her eyes and I asked, "where are you headed?" She said, "I'M GOING TO HAWAII FOR 12 DAYS."
"MYRTLE BEACH IS LIKE A DIFFERENT PLANET THAN ROMANIA." I asked the young guy who was working here on a short visa if he liked it in Myrtle Beach.
"I LITERALLY SKIPPED HALF OF MY SENIOR YEAR IN HIGH SCHOOL, BUT SINCE I HAD STRAIGHT A'S, I WAS ABLE TO GRADUATE." She was well spoken and very believable, but she didn't like going to school so she didn't. It's pretty amazing that she was able to graduate missing half her senior year.
"I HEARD THERE ARE SHARKS ON THE BEACH!" I assured the tourist that the sharks here stay in the water."
"THE LARGEST ARCADE IN THE UNITED STATES IS IN NEW HAMPSHIRE." I bet you just learned something, I learned it from my New Hampshire rider.
"I PAY $22,000 A YEAR IN PROPERTY TAXES FOR MY HOUSE IN SAN FRANCISCO." I told my rider I would never forget that number; it's even more insane than California drivers paying $4.00 per gallon of gas.
"I'D LIKE TO TRAVEL WHEN SOMEONE ELSE IS PAYING FOR THE TICKET." The guy was paying $1,200 to fly to Japan to visit his fiancee.
"I MOVED DOWN HERE TO GET AWAY FROM ALL THE TERRIBLE PEOPLE IN NEW YORK." I don't think he realizes how many New Yorkers' live in the Myrtle Beach area.
"MASTERS IS A FIRST CLASS ORGANIZATION" Masters is a Gentleman's Club in Myrtle Beach.
"SINCE THE WORLD IS ENDING SOON, WE'LL BE OKAY IN BUFFALO." I asked her how she gets through the rough Buffalo winters.
"DO YOU HAVE ANY MUSLIM FRIENDS?" This is the first time anyone ever asked me this question. My two riders were going to a Mosque and it wasn't open yet on Sunday morning.
"THEY HAVE THIS LITTLE YACHT CLUB THING." They were a young couple and did not look like "yacht club people," so I don't know how they got into it. You can tell they didn't belong by how he said it.
"I'LL HAVE PLENTY OF TIME TO REST WHEN I RETIRE," said the 23-year old as I took him home to take a power nap at 6:30 am on a Sunday morning. He works two full-time jobs in Myrtle Beach, eighty hours a week.
"I CAN'T WAIT TO GO HOME SO I CAN SLEEP ALL DAY." Another young person working here on a visa just wants to go back home so she can get some rest.
"I WISH PEOPLE WOULD BE MORE SUPPORTIVE OF THEIR LOCAL POLICE." The Bronx cop and I discussed gun control and some of the problems cops have today. He said, "common sense isn't common anymore."
"YOU'RE GOING TO A FANTASY MEETING WITH A BUNCH OF WOMEN?" My female rider's previous Uber driver said this, not realizing it was a Women's Fantasy Football Draft.
"OVER 80% OF ALL THE CASES I WORK ON ARE DRUG RELATED" The prosecuting attorney from New Jersey told me a lot about the difficulties he and his colleagues are having in Morris County.
"YOU HAVE A LOT OF HAIR ON YOUR HEAD," the barber said. He told me I've only lost 30% of my hair. When I told him that my wife has been cutting my hair for over 30 years, he said, "maybe that's why you lost so much."
"NEW YORK WAS CROWDED, NOISY, DIRTY AND THERE WAS DRUGS EVERYWHERE." The student from China had just visited New York and was clearly not impressed.
Monday, September 2, 2019
August Rider Stories
I ALMOST GOT INTO CORNELL AT AGE 58! With his two kids and wife in the back seat I asked the guy sitting next to me what he did for a living. He's a part-time engineering professor at Cornell University. I told him that I visited there with my daughter and she was upset when she wasn't accepted four years ago. When I told him I wrote a poem entitled "Cornell Who" to cheer my daughter up, he said he'd love to have a copy and he would put it on a bulletin board for his students. He said he really wasn't a good fit at Cornell, but he graduated. He said it wasn't for everyone. I made him a deal. I encouraged him to take his family that day to see the movie "Yesterday" since he had all afternoon before his flight home. If he texted me what he thought of the movie and his e-mail address, I would send him my poem for his classroom. So far, I'm still waiting. I came so close to getting into Cornell!
GOING TO BERLIN? When I picked up the two women on a Sunday afternoon I knew they had already had too much to drink. They wanted to go to the nearest convenience store, but when I went to start the ride my app said, "Berlin, 93 hours." The women said, "we're not going to Berlin," which of course was true. My app said that the "route was not available." They had to cancel the ride and start over but they had difficulty with that. When I took them to the store two miles away, I found out they had ordered a second ride and he was waiting for them back at the place I picked them up. They couldn't cancel that ride, because their phone was dying. They got their beer and got back safely and probably slept well that night. I just missed out on a really long ride.
THE RAPPER: It was a short ride, but very entertaining. The name I had was Evelyn and this guy definitely wasn't Evelyn. His girlfriend set up the ride. He said he was a rapper and I told him my wife loved rap music. I also said I had written 300 songs mostly to popular music. He said what I did was "jackin' for beats", a phrase I was not familiar with. I said to him, "do you perform somewhere or do you just rap for friends? He fell asleep on me. I thought we were "rapping" pretty well. (sorry I could not resist)
THE RUSSIAN: She was a very friendly and pleasant woman who worked for The World Bank and had a degree in Engineering and Economics. When she got in the car I asked her where she was from and she took out her phone and showed me the back of it which had a big picture of Putin. I thought that was funny. She had a great deal from a new Hilton Hotel here, but when they told her it was a big room, she asked for a smaller room since she's just one person. They told her she would have to pay $50 more a night for a smaller room and she did! I think she was ripped off, but she was very enthusiastic about her vacation in Myrtle Beach.
DRIVING AND DRINKING CAN BE EXPENSIVE: The 27 year-old woman was going to a driving class on Saturday morning that she had to take. She told me that she made a big mistake. She had never been in any trouble in her life, but she had too much to drink and tried to return her friend's car. She got pulled over for a DWI and with lawyer's fees and insurance, it's going to cost her about $6,000. I frequently drive people on Saturday or Sunday morning to pick-up their car that they leave at a bar or restaurant the night before. I now tell them that they may have saved themselves $6,000. I told the rapper, but I don't know if he was awake when I said it.
GETTING A SIGN IN CHURCH? My passenger had just left a Sunday church service and driving only a couple blocks he went over a manhole cover that was sticking up from the ground. He got a whole in the tire and I was taking him home. I said to him that I hoped he wasn't asking God for a sign and he told me that he was praying for a friend of his who texted him in the church that she had failed her nursing exam. I spent the last five minutes of the ride telling him uplifting stories about John F. Kennedy Jr, Walt Disney, Abraham Lincoln, etc. When he got out of the car I said, "I know this wasn't as good as church, but hopefully what I said helped." He said, "thanks it was inspiring." Maybe the flat tire was a sign?
THE CROATIAN GIRLS: They are working here in Myrtle Beach as part of a program that gives young people from other countries to areas that need seasonal workers. After the program ends next month they have planned a 25 day trip to eleven cities in the U.S. including Miami, New York, Washington, and San Francisco. I asked them if they had extra room and then I paused so they would think I was asking if I could go and then said, "my wife would love to go with you." They laughed, but my wife isn't going with them.
MISS MANNERS: I had a long ride with an older woman who lived most of her life in Chicago. She's been able to meet a number of famous people and she says she always treats them like a "regular person." She told me what we need today is manners, "all you need is manners." I told her it would make a great song and she laughed. She told me that she loves seafood, especially craw fish. She asked me if I liked hot food and I said I did, not realizing she meant spicy food. When I cleared that up she warned me, "stay away from the craw fish."
THE LAUGHING GIRLS: At 9:30 am on a Sunday morning I did not expect to hear two young women in their mid to late twenties, laughing on and off for thirty minutes. One of them had a flight in an hour and did not seem concerned at all. At the beginning of the ride I said to her, "Did you enjoy your time here?" She replied, "it didn't suck. We had a blast." I started laughing immediately by the way she phrased things. The clincher was when we passed the Wax Museum that has a large King Kong holding on to the Empire State Building, she said, "shit, look at that ass." The laughter of the two women showing each other pictures of themselves clowning around on the trip, kept me laughing all the way to the airport.
THE NEW JERSEY, GREEN BAY PACKER FAN": There are plenty of fans of the football Green Bay Packers and I'm sure a fair number in New Jersey. However, how many of them have season tickets for the Packer's home games? His family was buying tickets from a woman in Wisconsin for years and made a deal with her to transfer the tickets into her "nephew's name", my rider. The bogus arrangement enables him to go to 3-4 games a year. They pay for four seats to seven games at a cost of $150 per ticket or $4,200 per game. Of course, he has to travel to Wisconsin to see the game too.
THE FOREIGN STUDENTS: The three girls got in my car and I knew they were part of the program we have here for them to work in the summer. I asked where they were from and they wanted me to guess. I wasn't going to fall for that, since some people are insulted if you think they are from another country. I told them to pick three countries and then I'll guess. They picked China, Korea, and Japan and I guessed Korea. They said I was right, but a minute later they were laughing because they were from China. They taught me how to say goodbye in Chinese, pronounced "Zi-chen." One of them had taken some French classes and I taught her how to say, "je ne sais pas, " which means, "I do not know." I never thought I'd teach French to the Chinese.
RIDERS SAY HELLO TO MY MOTHER-IN -LAW: We were driving right past where my mother-in-law is staying and the husband said to me, "send all our love to her." I then had them wave as we drove past her building.
THE ALBANIAN STUDENT: I don't recall ever seeing a first name that starts with the letters XH and she explained to me that it is pronounced in her country like a "J." Why not just use "J"?
GOING TO BERLIN? When I picked up the two women on a Sunday afternoon I knew they had already had too much to drink. They wanted to go to the nearest convenience store, but when I went to start the ride my app said, "Berlin, 93 hours." The women said, "we're not going to Berlin," which of course was true. My app said that the "route was not available." They had to cancel the ride and start over but they had difficulty with that. When I took them to the store two miles away, I found out they had ordered a second ride and he was waiting for them back at the place I picked them up. They couldn't cancel that ride, because their phone was dying. They got their beer and got back safely and probably slept well that night. I just missed out on a really long ride.
THE RAPPER: It was a short ride, but very entertaining. The name I had was Evelyn and this guy definitely wasn't Evelyn. His girlfriend set up the ride. He said he was a rapper and I told him my wife loved rap music. I also said I had written 300 songs mostly to popular music. He said what I did was "jackin' for beats", a phrase I was not familiar with. I said to him, "do you perform somewhere or do you just rap for friends? He fell asleep on me. I thought we were "rapping" pretty well. (sorry I could not resist)
THE RUSSIAN: She was a very friendly and pleasant woman who worked for The World Bank and had a degree in Engineering and Economics. When she got in the car I asked her where she was from and she took out her phone and showed me the back of it which had a big picture of Putin. I thought that was funny. She had a great deal from a new Hilton Hotel here, but when they told her it was a big room, she asked for a smaller room since she's just one person. They told her she would have to pay $50 more a night for a smaller room and she did! I think she was ripped off, but she was very enthusiastic about her vacation in Myrtle Beach.
DRIVING AND DRINKING CAN BE EXPENSIVE: The 27 year-old woman was going to a driving class on Saturday morning that she had to take. She told me that she made a big mistake. She had never been in any trouble in her life, but she had too much to drink and tried to return her friend's car. She got pulled over for a DWI and with lawyer's fees and insurance, it's going to cost her about $6,000. I frequently drive people on Saturday or Sunday morning to pick-up their car that they leave at a bar or restaurant the night before. I now tell them that they may have saved themselves $6,000. I told the rapper, but I don't know if he was awake when I said it.
GETTING A SIGN IN CHURCH? My passenger had just left a Sunday church service and driving only a couple blocks he went over a manhole cover that was sticking up from the ground. He got a whole in the tire and I was taking him home. I said to him that I hoped he wasn't asking God for a sign and he told me that he was praying for a friend of his who texted him in the church that she had failed her nursing exam. I spent the last five minutes of the ride telling him uplifting stories about John F. Kennedy Jr, Walt Disney, Abraham Lincoln, etc. When he got out of the car I said, "I know this wasn't as good as church, but hopefully what I said helped." He said, "thanks it was inspiring." Maybe the flat tire was a sign?
THE CROATIAN GIRLS: They are working here in Myrtle Beach as part of a program that gives young people from other countries to areas that need seasonal workers. After the program ends next month they have planned a 25 day trip to eleven cities in the U.S. including Miami, New York, Washington, and San Francisco. I asked them if they had extra room and then I paused so they would think I was asking if I could go and then said, "my wife would love to go with you." They laughed, but my wife isn't going with them.
MISS MANNERS: I had a long ride with an older woman who lived most of her life in Chicago. She's been able to meet a number of famous people and she says she always treats them like a "regular person." She told me what we need today is manners, "all you need is manners." I told her it would make a great song and she laughed. She told me that she loves seafood, especially craw fish. She asked me if I liked hot food and I said I did, not realizing she meant spicy food. When I cleared that up she warned me, "stay away from the craw fish."
THE LAUGHING GIRLS: At 9:30 am on a Sunday morning I did not expect to hear two young women in their mid to late twenties, laughing on and off for thirty minutes. One of them had a flight in an hour and did not seem concerned at all. At the beginning of the ride I said to her, "Did you enjoy your time here?" She replied, "it didn't suck. We had a blast." I started laughing immediately by the way she phrased things. The clincher was when we passed the Wax Museum that has a large King Kong holding on to the Empire State Building, she said, "shit, look at that ass." The laughter of the two women showing each other pictures of themselves clowning around on the trip, kept me laughing all the way to the airport.
THE NEW JERSEY, GREEN BAY PACKER FAN": There are plenty of fans of the football Green Bay Packers and I'm sure a fair number in New Jersey. However, how many of them have season tickets for the Packer's home games? His family was buying tickets from a woman in Wisconsin for years and made a deal with her to transfer the tickets into her "nephew's name", my rider. The bogus arrangement enables him to go to 3-4 games a year. They pay for four seats to seven games at a cost of $150 per ticket or $4,200 per game. Of course, he has to travel to Wisconsin to see the game too.
THE FOREIGN STUDENTS: The three girls got in my car and I knew they were part of the program we have here for them to work in the summer. I asked where they were from and they wanted me to guess. I wasn't going to fall for that, since some people are insulted if you think they are from another country. I told them to pick three countries and then I'll guess. They picked China, Korea, and Japan and I guessed Korea. They said I was right, but a minute later they were laughing because they were from China. They taught me how to say goodbye in Chinese, pronounced "Zi-chen." One of them had taken some French classes and I taught her how to say, "je ne sais pas, " which means, "I do not know." I never thought I'd teach French to the Chinese.
RIDERS SAY HELLO TO MY MOTHER-IN -LAW: We were driving right past where my mother-in-law is staying and the husband said to me, "send all our love to her." I then had them wave as we drove past her building.
THE ALBANIAN STUDENT: I don't recall ever seeing a first name that starts with the letters XH and she explained to me that it is pronounced in her country like a "J." Why not just use "J"?
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