FEBRUARY RIDER STORIES

 

THE FEMALE COMEDIAN: I am rapidly approaching 5,000 Uber and Lyft rides and this passenger is certainly going to be one I'll always remember.  I've had less than ten riders who were very funny and this woman made the list. She told me that twenty years ago a friend told her that she could do a talk show and I have no doubt she could still do one.  She was entertaining and I had no idea what she was going to say next.  After she got in the car I asked her what she did for a living and she replied, "I'm a whore and a massage therapist." She said the woman's voice on the directions was ruining her life and that, "people think I'm crazy because I speak my mind." I hope I get to pick her up again and I'd listen to her doing a talk show also.

THE FBI AGENT: It doesn't happen often that someone is happy they spoke with an FBI agent, but I was.  Technically he's no longer an agent and working in finance, but he was an agent for ten years.  He used to work in the white collar crimes unit and left because he had enough of the bureaucracy.  He asked me a question that no one has asked before, "what does Lyft and Uber do to keep drivers happy and driving?" Several times during the ride I joked about his questioning and that he sounded like an FBI agent and he laughed.  As the ride ended I said, "it's too bad the ride wasn't longer so you could continue your questioning."  

THE ARTIST: I've had a lot of riders in my car that were inspiring and she has to be included in that group.  As a recovering alcoholic, she spoke eloquently about the illness and all the support she's had from friends and family. She called her sponsor from the car and told me she had been posting sunrises on Facebook this week.  She loved my quote that's hanging, "If you can't find the sunshine, Be the Sunshine." I told her my business name was, "The Sunshine Man," that's probably why I picked her up.  Obviously very talented, you could tell that overcoming alcoholism was something that she was dedicated to beating. I encouraged her and congratulated her on her determination.  I think she's going to beat it.

RIDER LOST: On a Sunday morning I got a ride that was 22 minutes away, which is a pretty long distance.  When I was four minutes away I texted the rider since I knew it was a gated community.  I texted, "should I go to the front or back gate?" His reply was, "I'm already there." I figured he meant the gate, but when I got there, he wasn't there.  I texted him again and then called him.  He told me, "I didn't think you were coming, so I'm walking." Obviously, not a regular Uber user, he told me he was about to walk over a bridge into Little River near a restaurant. I thought he meant the drawbridge, but  he wasn't there.  He started walking up a highway bridge in the wrong direction from where his car was.  I picked him up on the bridge and drove him two miles to his car.  He never would have made it on foot.  His ride was actually short, but since Uber pays for a long pick-up, it turned out to be one of the best paying rides of the day and I did save the rider.

THE REPORTER: We had a football tournament in Myrtle Beach with 100 teams from across the country.  Covering the tournament for high school students was a reporter for Yahoo Sports.  I recognized his name, although he mainly covers College Football.  He's worked for them for two years and travels every couple weekends. He's living in Chicago and enjoys his job, but now that he's married the travel is not his favorite thing.  I enjoyed interviewing the reporter, it's not something I get to do too often.

Dog Tails

 Ok, I admit it.  There are no "tails" in this blog.  I intentionally misspelled "tales" because I know that it would annoy a few people.  I'm not saying who, they know who they are.  From time to time I will blog about "dog tails" or "dog tales", for your amusement. (certainly not mine)

Today, I made a delivery to an office and there was a dog running around the lobby as the receptionist watched over him/her/it. I know her pretty well and politely asked what kind of dog it is. (this is called dog talk in my book) It was some kind of poodle and she started telling me about the pets she had when her kids were young.  The dog was sitting there patiently until I opened the front door and it made a mad dash for the parking lot. Fortunately, someone got him before he got to the street.  Why a dog is running in an office I do not know.

Our dog, Odin, has now been with us for two weeks. We do have something in common, searching for a place to pee and poop.  Odin does it in our backyard, I do it everyday on the road driving around.  Odin walks around looking for the right spot as if some spots just would not work.  I look for bathrooms in places that I can get in and out of quickly and bathrooms that are somewhat decent.  I go every few hours and Odin goes a couple times every hour he's awake.

Eating dinner this past week my wife brought Odin in from his "pee searching" and told me that his ass was in the shape of a triangle. I told her I hadn't noticed.  As I put another forkful of food in my mouth, she brought Odin over and showed me his ass.  Yes, she is right again and I continued eating.  I was not impressed at all.

Odin gives kisses or I'm told that's what they are.  My wife brought him over to me and he was kissing my neck.  I put a big smile on my face with my eyes bulging out of their sockets and my level of discomfort on a scale of 1-10 hit about 23.  I said, "I hope we can do that again in a few years."

When I told the woman in the office today that I just got my first dog, she asked, "don't you just love him?" Love would be too strong of word, so I said, "I'm getting used to him."  He is a cute dog and although he is a dog, somehow, he is a "good boy." (my wife keeps telling him that. Wasn't Pinocchio a good boy too?)

The Good and The Bad

 Let's face it, nobody really likes change.  If you're 20 or 90, most people don't like things to change, because it's uncomfortable. Sure, every once in awhile you hear about someone deciding to drive across the country and start living in a state they've never been to-and in the bitter cold! But, that's not what usually happens for most people.

When things change it's very natural for people to focus on what's wrong with the change instead of what's right with it.  I've blogged about this before, but when something changes you should focus on the good and not the bad in it.  There is good and bad in most things and focusing on the good will usually make your life a whole lot better.

Here's an easy example: I've been using a hand truck to make deliveries that I borrowed from my warehouse almost two years ago.  I am really comfortable with it, but the time had come to buy a new one to use.  In sales, there is a technique to make a sale by listing the positives on one side of the paper and the negatives on the other.  Below is a picture of the two hand trucks, the green one is the old one and the red one is the new one.

The good: The new one was relatively inexpensive, about $40.  It's sturdier, moves much easier and makes no noise, which is hard to believe.  By being shorter it can stand up easier in my van or when it's flat it takes up less room. It looks a lot nicer since it's new.  You can't see the bad shape the green one is in.  The red one is also wider, which probably is the reason it's sturdier.  The wheels are also a little bigger and hopefully will last longer.

The bad: It's shorter and there will be times that I will miss putting an extra box or two on top.  It does not come apart.  The green one's handle comes off which makes it easier to fit into my car.  Since it is so quiet, people coming from the right or left hallway will not know I'm coming. How long will it last is the biggest question and that's to be determined.

When I add everything up, so far it's a good deal.  I have to get used to it, but I'm pretty sure it's going to work out well.  So, what's new in your life? The changes you're going through, are you focused on the good things about it? It's not that difficult to do, focus on the good.  It's easier than living in -2 degree temperatures.

The famous saying is, "you can't teach an old dog new tricks."  Can a new dog teach an old man new tricks? We're going to find out in our house with my first real pet, Odin.  Remember, when something comes up, focus first on what's good about it and you're going to be a lot better off.

COURIER DELIVERY STORIES

 During the past week or so I've had a few amusing stories to share with you:

Today I was dropping off at one of my best accounts and the woman said, "no shorts today?" It was still on the cool side with some rain so I answered, "no not today."  But, then I had to think twice because I almost wore my shorts underneath my pants because it was going to be warmer in the afternoon.  I told her, it's a good thing I remembered that I did not wear my shorts underneath, or I would have tried to show you my shorts.  She laughed a lot about that and now I'll be embarrassing her each time by showing off my shorts and legs.

Last week I was delivering to a Pastor and asked him how he was doing? He said, "good, if we can only get some sunshine here."  When I walked inside I noticed the sun was just peaking out from the clouds and we walked towards the door and I said, "ask and you shall receive."  And he saw the sunshine and I thought, I've only been in the south three years and I'm quoting scriptures to a Pastor! What's next, grits for breakfast?

On Friday, I delivered to a radiology office and I've known the woman I delivered to for at least two years.  I had to go back to their storage closet and she said to me, "you better go this way, there's a naked woman down that way." The funny thing was she has directed me in the same direction before and said she had a patient there, but why she had to mention she was naked I have no idea.  I wanted badly to make a funny comment, but these days you never know if someone would be offended.   When I told my wife she said that she would have said(if it was a naked man), "let me take a look down that way." (she's going to love this)

Finally, one snow story for you since you haven't had enough snow in the northeast.  My customer, who calls me snowman, I visited last week. I showed her some pictures of the big storm in New Jersey and she wanted nothing to do with it.  She has another office on the other side of the building and I told the woman that I'm being called, "snowman," on the other side.  In the past, I said to her that I'm here so much I should have my name on the wall where I put her boxes.  When I came in last week she led me over to my spot and grabbed a piece of paper that is pictured below and put it up on the wall.  It was very funny and then I showed the picture to my "snow buddy" on the other side of he building. Just because I can't be in the snow, I can still have fun with it.

The Era of Odin Has Begun-Day 1

 Odin is here.

The first era in life is childhood, which usually lasts about 18 years. Some people though, act like a child into their thirties or later.  This is a fun time where you listen to your parents some of the time and look forward to being on your own.

The second era in life if you go to college is living in a place that is not real.  You're supposed to learn something and remember it and get ready for living a real life on this planet.

The third era is when you begin your life.  Some people go to work, others go back to school to enjoy life that is not real, and others get married. You may actually believe now that your parents were pretty smart.

The fourth era for some like myself is called, "raising kids." This era can last 18 more years and is guaranteed to make you lose your hair, most of your money and all of your patience.  When you add things all up, it can be a very positive experience as it was for me.

The fifth era can be the "us" era.  This is where suddenly the house is empty except for some of the storage areas with your kids stuff.  It's just you and your spouse and you text and call and sometimes e-mail(just me), trying to keep in touch with your kids who are very, very busy in the third era of life.

But, wait! Suddenly, there is a sixth era when you get a pet. (it is true that most people get a pet much earlier in life) Why do you have a pet? This is a question that you ask beginning on day one.  Here's how a typical conversation can go:

Your son's girlfriend asks, "are you excited to have a dog?"  Unable to form any intelligent reply, what I should have said is, "I'm excited that my wife is excited that we have a dog."  Without a doubt having a dog will give me unlimited new material to blog about and here are a couple things from the first day.

My wife said, "he does have worms." My reply was, "where are the worms and how can I avoid them?" The idea of holding a dog is uncomfortable, but if he has worms? (they are inside the dog fortunately)

My wife posted several pictures on Facebook and an old neighbor said, "I see the hubby is in love with the puppy as well." If she can see that from the picture, what else can she see and when was her last visit to the eye doctor?

I am beginning to make a list of all the good things about having Odin.  I'm at two-my wife is very happy and I have unlimited material to blog about.

And that's the way it is-in the era of Odin.

My Last Day of Not Being A Pet Owner

(Disclaimer: This was written on Wednesday and not "published" so we could let a few people know that Odin has arrived.  My wife has wanted a puppy for a long time and I still want my wife for a long time, so I promised her a puppy.  Many things I say about the puppy are with tongue in cheek, but there's a lot of truth in it also. The saying goes, "happy wife, happy life." I'm now living at the beach with a puppy and my wife)

 I've said it for many years, "I have nothing against pets, as long as they are not mine." It's been over 22,000 days of living without being a pet owner and today was my final day. (technically, some time in the 1990's we had a cat for a few weeks.  We found it and lost it and it pretty much stayed inside the front door vestibule. It wasn't like it was part of the family, it was just visiting)

If you've had a pet like most people you may not understand my concern, apprehension, and of course hyperventilating at the arrival tomorrow of Odin, a cockapoo.  He's a combination of a cocker spaniel and Winnie the Pooh.  Well, that's probably not accurate, it's more likely a cocker spaniel and a poodle.  Couldn't they come up with a better combination for a name? I don't mean to be picky, but really?

What is it I don't like about animals? We don't have enough time.  I've said before that my favorite dog was the cartoon character, "Underdog," and that's not a joke.  Mickey Mouse of course is another big favorite, but he's not really a pet. He's not really real either, along with Underdog.

As I drove to my first delivery today I started practicing.  I was practicing talking to a dog.  How ridiculous is that? Do I use a normal voice, deeper one, or, do I sound like I'm talking to a baby.  At eight weeks old Odin is a baby dog, but no one puts those words together, but supposedly cockapoo is perfect.

I've been told he's going to sleep 20 hours a day, while I am up almost 20 hours a day-maybe our paths won't cross for awhile. There's really no pressure on me.  I only have to learn how to talk to the dog, what words to use, what his toys are and what they are for, how to take him outside to the backyard to poop and pee and of course how to pick up poop and do something with it.  And that is really just the beginning. At the dinner table we discussed what my wife is going to call me in front of the dog. She's going out on a limb with this to call me, "Jeff." I nixed the idea of calling me, "Daddy," I am not a father of a dog.

Apparently there are people who enjoy being licked by a dog.  My head starts spinning around just typing those words. What could they possibly like about that? And barking? Maybe our dog will learn not to bark. Can I say, "no barking", instead of "no biting." (which of course is preferred today instead of "No Biden.")

I've had several riders in my car tell me that I will love the dog and sometimes come home from work and go to see the dog before my wife. These people are called strangers and they know not what they say.  The phrase "a dog is a man's best friend," bothers me. How is it possible? I have no idea.

Tomorrow is the first day I will be a pet owner-thoughts and prayers are welcome.

January 2021 Rider Stories

 THE EXTRACTION: The day after I decided I was going to get a tooth pulled, I was involved in a different extraction.  I arrived at a house to pick up a guy, but he texted me and said my rider was a woman who did work for him.  He said she would be right out. A friendly guy came out and said she was getting her bags together.  A few more minutes passed and the guy paying for the ride called me.  He wanted to make sure I wasn't leaving.  The woman was involved with someone and there were drugs involved and she had to get out.  He told me he would tip me $50 to stay.  That was convincing and I didn't feel I was in any danger.  Another guy was working on a car on the driveway, so I waited.  The girl came to the door and waved me off saying she has a lot of things going on and she doesn't need a ride.  The guy paying for the ride was upset and pretty much begged me to stay.  He contacted her and convinced her to take the ride.  After about a twenty minute wait the woman came out and I drove her 25 minutes to the guy I talked to on the phone and he tipped me $50.  I really didn't deserve that much, but I was happy to receive it.

THE COUPLE IN SYNC: Every once in awhile I have a couple get in my car and you can tell that they really belong together.  They are finishing each other's sentences, joking with each other and really enjoying each other's company.  They had just celebrated their 2nd anniversary and they had me laughing at many of their comments.  They worked at a big company, but did not know each other.  They also lived in the same apartment complex and met sitting at the pool. He was not looking for a girl, because he said, "there are a lot of golddiggers out there." They didn't see each other until two months later when he was carrying a large frame in the elevator and trying to close the door.  He didn't see her and she was trying to get into the elevator which she did by putting her foot in the door.  He said, "I didn't remember meeting her before." At that point her eyes were rolling around in circles which cracked me up. Two months later she said to him, "we know we love each other, we need to make some plans."  He was an executive at the company. She said, "He had to quit his job when we got married and he opened up his own business and now we make a shit load of money." Both of them said whatever came to mind and they were clearly go-getters.  As the ride ended I said to them, " "How about you stay in my car and make everyone laugh the rest of the day? " She replied: "Why don't you come with us on our summer road trip this year?"  I'm pretty sure either one would have been a lot of fun.

SEAN: It was dinner time on a busy Saturday night in Charleston when I accepted the ride.  My rider was thrilled and he texted me a message: ""You're a lifesaver-I'm definitely going to tip you." When he was about to get in my car he thanked me again. He had returned from a date and was heading to another one when his battery died. I figured I'd have some fun with him.  When I pulled up to him and he started to get in, I said, "Before I give you the ride, what is the name of my only son?" (Panic in his eyes) He said, "Sean?" Me: You have yourself a ride!"(still waiting on the tip) He was a very outgoing guy and we had a good conversation. I hope I pick him up again, I'll ask him the same question and see what he says.  Maybe he'll even tip me!

THE AMWAY RIDES: Sooner or later it was bound to happen.  Over thirty years ago my wife and I were Amway distributors where we sold some products and started other people in their own business. I picked up a couple at the Marriott Hotel and found out they were in from Texas for leadership seminar.  When I realized they were in the Amway business I was able to remember many of the names of the people I knew thirty years ago including a couple they work with today.  It was a lot of fun catching up on what they were doing and also on the Amway business which operates in over 100 countries and does close to 10 billion dollars a year in business.  Betsy Devos, who was just The Secretary of Education, is the wife of Dick Devos, who's Dad Rich Devos, was one of the founders of Amway.

About two hours later I drove another couple from Texas to the airport and they were also in town for the meeting. They asked me several questions about my experiences in the business and I enjoyed talking to them also.  It was a long time ago and they brought back a lot of good memories. I started reading positive books when I started in Amway and I had a book in the car that I was re-reading and showed it to both couples.

SHAKESPEARE TRIVIA: The girl in her 20's that I picked up was definitely different.  She had a male first name from her grandfather. "The name really fits me. I'm unique.  I enjoy reading Shakespeare while I listen to classical music." I told her I enjoy Shakespeare too and said, "let's play Shakespeare Trivia!" She didn't seem very confident, but I told her she would do fine.  I said, "what play was this famous quote in- "what's done, cannot be undone." (one of my favorite quotes) She guessed, "MacBeth," and she was right.  I said, "for the second question, who said those words?" She guessed, "Lady MacBeth," and she was right again.  I said, "and now we go to the bonus round."  That comment made her laugh and we were out of time. You never know where the conversation will end up on a ride.  I'm pretty sure she had as much fun as I did.