As I've said previously, Southerners are frequently mesmerizing when you hear them talk. The are smooth, friendly, and really a joy to listen to. However, sometimes it's not obvious what they are saying.
I was listening this morning to a local radio station and following along with the conversation perfectly. Then, they explained that there was new construction in Myrtle Beach and they were building a "boar". The other DJ said, "Just what we need, another "boar".
I was trying to imagine this animal or some kind of tourist attraction that people would want to see, but I was really stumped. The third time I heard them say it, I heard them say, "bar" and that made a lot more sense. I guess there are going to be some words that are going to sound really odd, but I don't think I'll ever go get a drink at the "boar."
Wednesday, January 31, 2018
Sunday, January 28, 2018
How Friendly Are Southerners?
One of the things I've always heard about southerners is that they are very friendly and after one month living here I have to agree with that. They do love to talk and are very helpful, but two incidents this week really surprised me.
Monika and I were walking towards the beach when a car with passengers came towards us and the driver waved hello. He didn't know us and we were on the sidewalk, so it was very unusual to say the least. It's one thing to be walking by someone and say hello, but driving by with the window closed and the driver was on the other side from where we were?
However, the incident today, was even odder. About 8 am this morning I was walking out of a supermarket parking lot and it started to drizzle. The one bag I was carrying was small and everything was in the bag. I had a hood on and was not distressed, soaken wet, or in a hurry either.
A car was pulling into the lot and it suddenly stopped. The window came down and the guy who was about my age said, "hey buddy, need a lift?" I said, "No thanks, I'm good," and he replied, "It's a nice rain day, isn't it?" I agreed and he pulled away.
I consider myself pretty friendly, but would I ever stop and offer someone a ride under those circumstances when I was going into the lot and they were coming out? No way-I think it's going to take awhile for me to become a southerner.
Monika and I were walking towards the beach when a car with passengers came towards us and the driver waved hello. He didn't know us and we were on the sidewalk, so it was very unusual to say the least. It's one thing to be walking by someone and say hello, but driving by with the window closed and the driver was on the other side from where we were?
However, the incident today, was even odder. About 8 am this morning I was walking out of a supermarket parking lot and it started to drizzle. The one bag I was carrying was small and everything was in the bag. I had a hood on and was not distressed, soaken wet, or in a hurry either.
A car was pulling into the lot and it suddenly stopped. The window came down and the guy who was about my age said, "hey buddy, need a lift?" I said, "No thanks, I'm good," and he replied, "It's a nice rain day, isn't it?" I agreed and he pulled away.
I consider myself pretty friendly, but would I ever stop and offer someone a ride under those circumstances when I was going into the lot and they were coming out? No way-I think it's going to take awhile for me to become a southerner.
Saturday, January 27, 2018
Learning To Use A Phone
All I've heard is how easy it is to use a smart phone. It can do this and that and it will make your life so much easier. It's only been a few days, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to need a lot more time and I mean a lot more time. It is more than likely I will never be raving about how great it is to have a smart phone.
It is easier to text, some of the time. It's not easier than an e-mail, but I guess it's easier. The first night I had it I tried to show off and text my brother and sister. It was pretty simple-I found their names on my address list and typed the message quickly. I said something like, "texting on my new phone." It didn't take long for them to text me back that I had e-mailed that message to them. I understand that now.
I also started taking pictures for some reason. I walked out to the beach just before sunrise and took a couple pictures before I got there. Then, I got there and took a few more and the phone said, "low battery-20%." It didn't say that, I read it. I figured I was fine, but after a half dozen or so more pictures the battery ran out. My last picture was just as the sun started to appear. It was a beautiful sunrise and the pictures would have been great.
I thought I had taken about ten pictures, but it turned out to be 30 pictures. I barely touched the button to take the pictures, but I got many duplicates. I learned how to delete them and I did it. Now, if I can only learn how to download Facebook and somehow get the pictures onto Facebook, I'll be able to copy those pictures and e-mail them to my Dad so he can see them on his computer.
It's very easy to use a smart phone.
It is easier to text, some of the time. It's not easier than an e-mail, but I guess it's easier. The first night I had it I tried to show off and text my brother and sister. It was pretty simple-I found their names on my address list and typed the message quickly. I said something like, "texting on my new phone." It didn't take long for them to text me back that I had e-mailed that message to them. I understand that now.
I also started taking pictures for some reason. I walked out to the beach just before sunrise and took a couple pictures before I got there. Then, I got there and took a few more and the phone said, "low battery-20%." It didn't say that, I read it. I figured I was fine, but after a half dozen or so more pictures the battery ran out. My last picture was just as the sun started to appear. It was a beautiful sunrise and the pictures would have been great.
I thought I had taken about ten pictures, but it turned out to be 30 pictures. I barely touched the button to take the pictures, but I got many duplicates. I learned how to delete them and I did it. Now, if I can only learn how to download Facebook and somehow get the pictures onto Facebook, I'll be able to copy those pictures and e-mail them to my Dad so he can see them on his computer.
It's very easy to use a smart phone.
Tuesday, January 23, 2018
The Singing Manager
Over the years I have read a lot of ads for jobs, but no ad has ever made me laugh more than the one for "The Singing Manager." I saw the ad about ten days ago and read it several times and I was laughing most of the time. A retail store called "The Fudgery" had placed the ad and they have three of their locations in Myrtle Beach and another 10-15 in other areas of the country.
The ad was very short on details about the position. The focus of the ad was that they were looking for someone who would have fun, who loved to sing, and would be able to entertain to some degree.
The ad said, "We don’t sell fudge, we sell FUN that comes disguised as fudge. To make our magic work, we need a FULL TIME STORE MANAGER with a skill set as unique as our concept."
Well, I love to sing and my family will tell you that I don't sing well, but I do love to sing and I have a very unique set of skills. I've also written a couple hundred songs over the years and I'm looking to have a "fun" job, so I applied. I couldn't send a normal resume, because they were looking for personality and uniqueness and I gave them that. After sending a survey to me where I had to rate among other things my singing(I put 5 out of 10), they then sent me a request for a real resume, which I sent them. I also told them that I had written a song just for their store and I would share it with them or sing it to them at the interview.
However, a week later, I have not heard back from them, so it looks like I will not be their singing manager. I e-mailed the HR person today and I attached the below song for their amusement. I had this picture of being interviewed and then walking out to the store, grabbing a microphone, and singing this song to the unsuspecting customers. It would have been fun!
The ad was very short on details about the position. The focus of the ad was that they were looking for someone who would have fun, who loved to sing, and would be able to entertain to some degree.
The ad said, "We don’t sell fudge, we sell FUN that comes disguised as fudge. To make our magic work, we need a FULL TIME STORE MANAGER with a skill set as unique as our concept."
Well, I love to sing and my family will tell you that I don't sing well, but I do love to sing and I have a very unique set of skills. I've also written a couple hundred songs over the years and I'm looking to have a "fun" job, so I applied. I couldn't send a normal resume, because they were looking for personality and uniqueness and I gave them that. After sending a survey to me where I had to rate among other things my singing(I put 5 out of 10), they then sent me a request for a real resume, which I sent them. I also told them that I had written a song just for their store and I would share it with them or sing it to them at the interview.
However, a week later, I have not heard back from them, so it looks like I will not be their singing manager. I e-mailed the HR person today and I attached the below song for their amusement. I had this picture of being interviewed and then walking out to the store, grabbing a microphone, and singing this song to the unsuspecting customers. It would have been fun!
“Fudge
Fun”
“Beach Baby”(sung to)
Fudge fun, fudge fun, fudge
fun, fudge.
Do you want to eat something
great?
We don’t want you to
hesitate.
Come up front and have a
bite,
You’ll want to eat fudge all
through the night.
Fun fudge, fun fudge, fun
fudge, fun.
If your life has some
drudgery
You need to come down to The
Fudgery.
We’ll make you smile and
laugh some too,
And if we don’t, it’s on you.
Fudge fun, fudge fun, fudge
fun, fudge.
But if you really don’t like
my song
It may be that I sang it
wrong.
But there’s nothing for you
to fear,
They didn’t hire me yet, to
work here.
Fun fudge, fun fudge, fun
fudge, fun.
Fudge fun, fudge fun, fudge
fun, fudge.
Sunday, January 21, 2018
Southerners Can Really Talk
We haven't been here a full month yet, but one thing is obvious-people down here can really talk. There have been several times that I was thinking to myself(while listening to someone talk), I don't think they are going to stop. There's almost no way of getting a word in and they just keep talking.
Don't get me wrong though, it's not boring at all. Matter of fact, it's mesmerizing. Not only do they love to talk, but the way they sound is just incredible. It's not just one person, it's almost as if everyone with that accent talks so smoothly, it's hypnotic. I think you can give them a phone book to read and they would sound great.
I do like to talk about some subjects, but how long will it take to be able to talk like they do? Is it something you can learn? We haven't said y'all yet, but eventually that will come. But a smooth sounding voice-that may take a very long time. Maybe I can get a southern voice on my GPS?
Don't get me wrong though, it's not boring at all. Matter of fact, it's mesmerizing. Not only do they love to talk, but the way they sound is just incredible. It's not just one person, it's almost as if everyone with that accent talks so smoothly, it's hypnotic. I think you can give them a phone book to read and they would sound great.
I do like to talk about some subjects, but how long will it take to be able to talk like they do? Is it something you can learn? We haven't said y'all yet, but eventually that will come. But a smooth sounding voice-that may take a very long time. Maybe I can get a southern voice on my GPS?
Friday, January 19, 2018
Flipping Off The Flip Phone
I am so close-I am almost there. The moment my wife and kids have been waiting for is about to happen. It could have been today, it will be this weekend. I am about to transfer from a flip phone to an I-phone, or is it i-Phone. I have no idea, I haven't been trained.
They have been telling me I should make the switch month after month after month. It's been going on for years. It'll be more fun, I'll get more done, I'll be able to text whole sentences, It can count my steps, I can sit in my car and look at my e-mail, I can watch TV shows on my phone-there are so many wonderful things I'm going to be able to do-when I have my own i-phone or I-Phone.
I told our mortgage guy I was "making the switch." He said, "don't do it, it's the downfall of society. When I got my i-Phone(or I-phone) my beard was black and now it's grey." I don't have a beard, will I be able to grow hair back now? I told my Dad on the phone yesterday that I was going to get a "real" phone. He said, "you mean a landline?" I guess I can call it anything I want-maybe George.
I've been procrastinating. I have the time to be trained and the phone is now charged, for a second time. I think tonight before I shut off my flip phone I'm going to open and close it a few times and say, "Scotty, beam me up." Maybe he will and I won't have to do it right now?
They have been telling me I should make the switch month after month after month. It's been going on for years. It'll be more fun, I'll get more done, I'll be able to text whole sentences, It can count my steps, I can sit in my car and look at my e-mail, I can watch TV shows on my phone-there are so many wonderful things I'm going to be able to do-when I have my own i-phone or I-Phone.
I told our mortgage guy I was "making the switch." He said, "don't do it, it's the downfall of society. When I got my i-Phone(or I-phone) my beard was black and now it's grey." I don't have a beard, will I be able to grow hair back now? I told my Dad on the phone yesterday that I was going to get a "real" phone. He said, "you mean a landline?" I guess I can call it anything I want-maybe George.
I've been procrastinating. I have the time to be trained and the phone is now charged, for a second time. I think tonight before I shut off my flip phone I'm going to open and close it a few times and say, "Scotty, beam me up." Maybe he will and I won't have to do it right now?
Thursday, January 18, 2018
Feeding The Alligators
No, I did not do it. I just wanted to get your attention. We've had a lot of changes down here, but that would border on the insane. Which leads me to the signs I keep seeing around the neighborhood- "Don't Feed the Alligators." I start backing away immediately when I read the sign.
I guess it must be a law but who in their right mind would feed an alligator? A bird, okay. A duck, okay. But something that with big teeth and a big mouth which could easily take off your arm or leg, it's not going to happen. Not today, tomorrow or ever... I promise. Are there really people walking around with food looking for alligators? I don't think so, but I'll let you know if I see someone doing that.
I've seen unusual signs before that must cost money to put up, I've always wondered if they do anybody any good, other than getting a good laugh. I know you're all up there, but in case you didn't know-"Don't Feed the Alligators."
I guess it must be a law but who in their right mind would feed an alligator? A bird, okay. A duck, okay. But something that with big teeth and a big mouth which could easily take off your arm or leg, it's not going to happen. Not today, tomorrow or ever... I promise. Are there really people walking around with food looking for alligators? I don't think so, but I'll let you know if I see someone doing that.
I've seen unusual signs before that must cost money to put up, I've always wondered if they do anybody any good, other than getting a good laugh. I know you're all up there, but in case you didn't know-"Don't Feed the Alligators."
Tuesday, January 16, 2018
Building A New House
How many times do you get to build a house? This is our second time as we officially put a deposit down on a three bedroom house in Myrtle Beach, South Carolina. We're scheduled to move in just in time to break Matzoh for Easter at the end of March.
Do we need three bedrooms or four was a big question and you would think that would be easy. However, Monika's mom is with us and she may or may not be in an assisted living place at some point. Recently, Monika was counting out the bedrooms, one for her Mom, one for a guest room, one for an office and one for a craft room. We temporarily forgot the master bedroom, but we have settled on three bedrooms.... for now.
The screened in porch was a challenge also and we finally decided to get it and have them do it when they build the house. The lighting in the bathroom is just not enough and since we are building an "express" house, they can't put a small window in and they can't put a fan fixture in either. However, they can build the house in under 70 days, so we'll take that and buy a lot of candles.
By far the biggest problem was the toilet in the master bedroom. The toilet is surrounded and enclosed by a wall, apparently to keep people out when you're in there. It's a tiny room with a dim light and I'm sure if I sat in there I would feel like I'm being punished. How am I going to read with a dim light in a small room?(I am proud to say I have literally read hundreds of books on the toilet and used plenty of toilet paper too)
So I said to Dave, the Sales/Building Operations person(I have no idea what his title is), I really don't want you to BUILD THIS WALL around my toilet. I brought it up many times in many different ways and they insist on building the wall instead of skipping it. Apparently down south here, most people prefer a wall...around their toilet and it's good for re-sale. Dave said that his wife has always wanted to knock down a wall and I told him to get her ready for Passover/Easter weekend.
I think it would have been easier for Moses if he had to go around a wall instead of parting the Red Sea. How am I going to get used to a wall around my toilet?
Do we need three bedrooms or four was a big question and you would think that would be easy. However, Monika's mom is with us and she may or may not be in an assisted living place at some point. Recently, Monika was counting out the bedrooms, one for her Mom, one for a guest room, one for an office and one for a craft room. We temporarily forgot the master bedroom, but we have settled on three bedrooms.... for now.
The screened in porch was a challenge also and we finally decided to get it and have them do it when they build the house. The lighting in the bathroom is just not enough and since we are building an "express" house, they can't put a small window in and they can't put a fan fixture in either. However, they can build the house in under 70 days, so we'll take that and buy a lot of candles.
By far the biggest problem was the toilet in the master bedroom. The toilet is surrounded and enclosed by a wall, apparently to keep people out when you're in there. It's a tiny room with a dim light and I'm sure if I sat in there I would feel like I'm being punished. How am I going to read with a dim light in a small room?(I am proud to say I have literally read hundreds of books on the toilet and used plenty of toilet paper too)
So I said to Dave, the Sales/Building Operations person(I have no idea what his title is), I really don't want you to BUILD THIS WALL around my toilet. I brought it up many times in many different ways and they insist on building the wall instead of skipping it. Apparently down south here, most people prefer a wall...around their toilet and it's good for re-sale. Dave said that his wife has always wanted to knock down a wall and I told him to get her ready for Passover/Easter weekend.
I think it would have been easier for Moses if he had to go around a wall instead of parting the Red Sea. How am I going to get used to a wall around my toilet?
Saturday, January 13, 2018
We Met Our Daughter's Boyfriend the Modern Way
We've watched this scene before on television or in the movies. A boy pulls up to the house and comes to the door and you get to meet and greet your daughter's boyfriend for the very first time. It can be a little awkward and you know your daughter wants to get her boyfriend out of the house as quickly as she can, but you go through with it . It's your first time meeting him after you've heard so much(or so little) about him, but there always has to be a first time.
Tonight was a little different since our daughter was walking to meet her boyfriend in Atlanta and she arrived when she was still talking to us on her cellphone. We said hello to him and got a few laughs out of both them before they went to a comedy show.(we did tell them we were the warm-up act)
Since he has been reading my blogs and is a big fan of milk crates, I know he is laughing a little or a lot or maybe he is just grinning as he's reading this post about him. Monika and I are looking forward to that awkward first meeting with you and you're welcome to visit us in Myrtle Beach sometime soon.
Maybe we'll get to "meet" our son's girlfriend the same way, maybe not.
Tonight was a little different since our daughter was walking to meet her boyfriend in Atlanta and she arrived when she was still talking to us on her cellphone. We said hello to him and got a few laughs out of both them before they went to a comedy show.(we did tell them we were the warm-up act)
Since he has been reading my blogs and is a big fan of milk crates, I know he is laughing a little or a lot or maybe he is just grinning as he's reading this post about him. Monika and I are looking forward to that awkward first meeting with you and you're welcome to visit us in Myrtle Beach sometime soon.
Maybe we'll get to "meet" our son's girlfriend the same way, maybe not.
You Can Smile in South Carolina
Going to Motor Vehicles can be a long and difficult experience and we made it a pretty long adventure the other day. We went to the Myrtle Beach location 20 miles north of us only to learn we had to go to Georgetown 15 miles south of where we are staying.
Fortunately, the workers in both locations were very helpful and it could have been much longer than it was. We both had to get our new license and Monika had to register her car and pay for the car property tax. That's right, a car property tax. We had never heard of it but it was created in several states to offset the rising house property taxes which are ridiculously low here.
The tax cost $175 for Monika's Mazda and I'm guessing my 2018 Ford Transit is going to be around $300. And, we get to pay it every year-we are lucky. When you add everything up for both vehicles and the licenses we are going to pay over $1,000 which may equal are property taxes for the first year for our house. Somehow it doesn't seem balanced, but that's what it is.
The highlight of the day was getting are picture taken for our license. When the lady was about to take mine I asked if I could smile(since they won't let you in New Jersey) and much to my surprise she said I could. Both our pictures came out great with big smiles which made our day. We get to keep that smiling picture for the next ten years, unless of course we move to another state.(just kidding Dad)
Fortunately, the workers in both locations were very helpful and it could have been much longer than it was. We both had to get our new license and Monika had to register her car and pay for the car property tax. That's right, a car property tax. We had never heard of it but it was created in several states to offset the rising house property taxes which are ridiculously low here.
The tax cost $175 for Monika's Mazda and I'm guessing my 2018 Ford Transit is going to be around $300. And, we get to pay it every year-we are lucky. When you add everything up for both vehicles and the licenses we are going to pay over $1,000 which may equal are property taxes for the first year for our house. Somehow it doesn't seem balanced, but that's what it is.
The highlight of the day was getting are picture taken for our license. When the lady was about to take mine I asked if I could smile(since they won't let you in New Jersey) and much to my surprise she said I could. Both our pictures came out great with big smiles which made our day. We get to keep that smiling picture for the next ten years, unless of course we move to another state.(just kidding Dad)
Protecting Myself From The Sun In January
The other day it was almost 70 and the sun was strong and I was wearing shorts to take a walk on the beach. Having fair skin I had to put lotion on(#50 for babies) to make sure I did not burn. It was odd to do this in January, but it did work and that's all that matters.
I've always said that I've spent some of the worst days of my life on the beach. Sitting in the hot sun, trying to stay under the umbrella or sitting under the boardwalk reading, waving away the flies when I was trying to eat, walking uncomfortably in hot sand and on little rocks. The beach can bring back all those wonderful memories for me. And let's not forget the sunburn and trying to take a hot shower or should it be a cold shower(?) to get rid of the sting. I remember dating Monika and she got so burned she was in bed for three days. The beach really is a "magical" place!
One of the funniest beach stories happened 15-20 years ago. My "love" of the beach was the reason my wife and kids would take me to the beach on my birthday each year. When you have three kids the beach becomes more like a mini vacation and driving down the Jersey Shore can turn into a two hour trip. Everyone fell asleep and I was driving in traffic listening to Disney songs on a cassette and heard the song, "Beauty and the Beast." I quickly started "writing" my version of "The Beauty of the Beach" and when they woke up I sang the song to them.
"Packing up the car, gonna go real far. Nothing seems to fit, isn't it the pits, it's the Beauty of the Beach"
But it's now 2018 and change is definitely in the air. We are about to buy a house in Myrtle Beach. And in January, I was walking on the beach for two hours, watching the waves come in, picking up sea shells and thinking I should re-write one of my old songs. Maybe this really is "The Beauty of the Beach."
I've always said that I've spent some of the worst days of my life on the beach. Sitting in the hot sun, trying to stay under the umbrella or sitting under the boardwalk reading, waving away the flies when I was trying to eat, walking uncomfortably in hot sand and on little rocks. The beach can bring back all those wonderful memories for me. And let's not forget the sunburn and trying to take a hot shower or should it be a cold shower(?) to get rid of the sting. I remember dating Monika and she got so burned she was in bed for three days. The beach really is a "magical" place!
One of the funniest beach stories happened 15-20 years ago. My "love" of the beach was the reason my wife and kids would take me to the beach on my birthday each year. When you have three kids the beach becomes more like a mini vacation and driving down the Jersey Shore can turn into a two hour trip. Everyone fell asleep and I was driving in traffic listening to Disney songs on a cassette and heard the song, "Beauty and the Beast." I quickly started "writing" my version of "The Beauty of the Beach" and when they woke up I sang the song to them.
"Packing up the car, gonna go real far. Nothing seems to fit, isn't it the pits, it's the Beauty of the Beach"
But it's now 2018 and change is definitely in the air. We are about to buy a house in Myrtle Beach. And in January, I was walking on the beach for two hours, watching the waves come in, picking up sea shells and thinking I should re-write one of my old songs. Maybe this really is "The Beauty of the Beach."
Thursday, January 11, 2018
Unusual Food Shopping
We have now counted out 10 different supermarket stores within the 20 plus miles we are traveling around Myrtle Beach, S.C. There are the well know ones like Wal-Mart, Krogers, and Publix and some others called Hi-Lo and Harveys.(not Weinstein) I imagine when it gets busy down here they will all be crowded but we've noticed a few unusual things at Publix where we've been doing most of our shopping.
The first time we were there they insisted on bagging and the bagger actually pushed the cart out to our car. I think he would have put everything in our car also if I let him. I joked with him that he could come back home and carry them in to our second floor condo, but he didn't bite on it.
We also noticed that when you ask them where something is, they don't just tell you or point to it. They actually walk you over to where it is, even if it's on the other side of the store. As we walked by the meat or fish department, the person behind the counter who is doing something else, will look up and ask if there's anything they can get for us or if there's any question we have.(tried to see if I could get one really long run on sentence for my proof-reading daughters)
Monika was looking for fresh cranberries and after the employee walked her over to a place they didn't have any, he started giving her suggestions on what else she could use instead. I think he just wanted some of the cranberry bread she was going to make.
The best one though came on our last trip when the employee told Monika that he would take everything out of our cart and put it on the conveyer belt for her. When have you ever seen that? At the same time I was fighting off another employee so I could bag the groceries and appear to be useful. We were allowed to pay and push the cart out to our car.
What happens when it gets very busy down here, do they increase their customer service? If so, I don't know what more they can do.
The first time we were there they insisted on bagging and the bagger actually pushed the cart out to our car. I think he would have put everything in our car also if I let him. I joked with him that he could come back home and carry them in to our second floor condo, but he didn't bite on it.
We also noticed that when you ask them where something is, they don't just tell you or point to it. They actually walk you over to where it is, even if it's on the other side of the store. As we walked by the meat or fish department, the person behind the counter who is doing something else, will look up and ask if there's anything they can get for us or if there's any question we have.(tried to see if I could get one really long run on sentence for my proof-reading daughters)
Monika was looking for fresh cranberries and after the employee walked her over to a place they didn't have any, he started giving her suggestions on what else she could use instead. I think he just wanted some of the cranberry bread she was going to make.
The best one though came on our last trip when the employee told Monika that he would take everything out of our cart and put it on the conveyer belt for her. When have you ever seen that? At the same time I was fighting off another employee so I could bag the groceries and appear to be useful. We were allowed to pay and push the cart out to our car.
What happens when it gets very busy down here, do they increase their customer service? If so, I don't know what more they can do.
Wednesday, January 10, 2018
Writing With a Southern Accent
In South Carolina you immediately notice how great everyone sounds with that accent and I'm not sure I'll ever sound that good. A month or two ago when the family was around, I tried to talk with a southern accent and it was very bad and very funny. But, can you write with a southern accent?
My friend, Larry Osman, of the infamous Uncle Larry's Schlumpia, e-mailed me yesterday saying he "couldn't wait until I was writing southern." I'll give it a shot. Do I write about college football which I don't like? Or, do I write about race car driving which I know even less about? I already wrote about grits which I knew nothing about. I could write about chicken which I know a lot about, at least eating it.
But writing with a southern accent? How many you'all's can you put in a sentence? I'm pretty sure that's not even spelled right. My favorite Democratic writer, James Carville, talks a lot about mama's cookin' and growing up on a farm and he has some really odd phrases. He's know as "the Ragin' Cagun" but I think you really have to be a southerner to talk and write with a southern accent.
Sorry Larry, family, and friends, you'all gonna have to wait awhile for dat.
My friend, Larry Osman, of the infamous Uncle Larry's Schlumpia, e-mailed me yesterday saying he "couldn't wait until I was writing southern." I'll give it a shot. Do I write about college football which I don't like? Or, do I write about race car driving which I know even less about? I already wrote about grits which I knew nothing about. I could write about chicken which I know a lot about, at least eating it.
But writing with a southern accent? How many you'all's can you put in a sentence? I'm pretty sure that's not even spelled right. My favorite Democratic writer, James Carville, talks a lot about mama's cookin' and growing up on a farm and he has some really odd phrases. He's know as "the Ragin' Cagun" but I think you really have to be a southerner to talk and write with a southern accent.
Sorry Larry, family, and friends, you'all gonna have to wait awhile for dat.
Monday, January 8, 2018
If I Give You a Dollar, Will You Get Your Eyes Checked?
For the last couple years my wife and kids have been telling me I should get my eyes checked, my ears checked, my teeth checked and I should visit as many doctors as there around. I really haven't had much time to go to doctors and I just barely got a physical and dental cleaning before heading south. For the most part I can see and hear well, but now I have a big problem-I have time to go to the eye doctor.
I haven't had my eyes checked since George W. was President I think and I haven't had any issues with seeing. I read a lot on the computer and have probably read 250 books since my last check-up. If there is a coin on the ground I can spot it from a distance away.(having found $90 over the last 14 months) I don't like to have anything on me when I'm driving: no gloves, hat, plug in my ear, zip. But I do have time to get an eye exam and in South Carolina you have to pass an eye test to get a new plate-for some reason.
Monika wants to go tomorrow and my mother-in-law was trying to encourage me to go and she said, "If I give you a dollar, will you get your eyes checked?" That was easy to answer. I said, "no, but if you give me a chicken I might consider it." She didn't offer the chicken, so I may sleep on it.
To go or not to go-that is the question.
I haven't had my eyes checked since George W. was President I think and I haven't had any issues with seeing. I read a lot on the computer and have probably read 250 books since my last check-up. If there is a coin on the ground I can spot it from a distance away.(having found $90 over the last 14 months) I don't like to have anything on me when I'm driving: no gloves, hat, plug in my ear, zip. But I do have time to get an eye exam and in South Carolina you have to pass an eye test to get a new plate-for some reason.
Monika wants to go tomorrow and my mother-in-law was trying to encourage me to go and she said, "If I give you a dollar, will you get your eyes checked?" That was easy to answer. I said, "no, but if you give me a chicken I might consider it." She didn't offer the chicken, so I may sleep on it.
To go or not to go-that is the question.
Kicking Seashells and Ice Skating on The Beach
No, they are not the two newest Olympic events and I can guarantee you no one has written about this before and never will, but here it is:
In South Carolina we have ice on the beach which is very unusual to see. When are you ever near a beach when it's cold enough for ice? Walking on the beach yesterday I saw from a distance a few kids who were "ice skating." No skates of course, but they were sliding across ice patches and having a great time. I was never any good on skates as my wife can attest to holding me up many, many years ago when we went "skating." So I tried it once, skating on the beach. It was fun, for a moment or two. Can you imagine "skating" on the beach and falling and breaking a bone and have to tell people how you got hurt? Unlikely, but I'd try it again, if there's any ice left after the heat wave we're about to get.
Have you ever tried to kick seashells right side up on the beach? It's very difficult to do. Monika was picking up seashells which were very nice and I was trying to turn them over when they were upside down. They do tend to break when you kick them so you have to be gentle or just crush it, when you get frustrated. I think I'm going to have more practice at this "sport" and my goal is to get really good at it.
Next activity: simulated tennis-when you pretend that someone is on the other side of the court and you are really playing, but you're not.
In South Carolina we have ice on the beach which is very unusual to see. When are you ever near a beach when it's cold enough for ice? Walking on the beach yesterday I saw from a distance a few kids who were "ice skating." No skates of course, but they were sliding across ice patches and having a great time. I was never any good on skates as my wife can attest to holding me up many, many years ago when we went "skating." So I tried it once, skating on the beach. It was fun, for a moment or two. Can you imagine "skating" on the beach and falling and breaking a bone and have to tell people how you got hurt? Unlikely, but I'd try it again, if there's any ice left after the heat wave we're about to get.
Have you ever tried to kick seashells right side up on the beach? It's very difficult to do. Monika was picking up seashells which were very nice and I was trying to turn them over when they were upside down. They do tend to break when you kick them so you have to be gentle or just crush it, when you get frustrated. I think I'm going to have more practice at this "sport" and my goal is to get really good at it.
Next activity: simulated tennis-when you pretend that someone is on the other side of the court and you are really playing, but you're not.
Sunday, January 7, 2018
MILK CRATES
It may seem odd to write about milk crates, but they really are one of the most valuable things you can have in your house(after heat and air conditioning). Having delivered newspapers and magazines for many, many years, I've always had milk crates or mail bins available to put returns or old copies in. Over the years I've used them for many different things.
You can buy a milk crate in a Wal-Mart and they aren't very expensive. They are sturdy and easy to carry and you can store just about anything in them. They are also great when you move as we just did. We've been using them for a couple new things in South Carolina. We've been putting our recycling in a small garbage can in the kitchen and since the dumpster is two floors down I just empty the small can into a larger bin. Then, when I fill the bin up I take it downstairs. Nothing amazing, but useful.
When we go food shopping we now take our big grocery bags we've always used, but we also take three or four bins in the car. We put the bags in the bins and since we're living in a resort we put the bins on a hotel cart and put it in the elevator. It makes things much easier. Our bins are stacked neatly on our closed in porch so we have easy access to them.
The "new" useful milk crate item are now the packing blankets we bought for moving. We bought too many but have already used them numerous times for other things, such as keeping warm. We're going to keep one blanket in each car just in case we need it, you never know-even in South Carolina, an extra blanket can come in handy.
You can buy a milk crate in a Wal-Mart and they aren't very expensive. They are sturdy and easy to carry and you can store just about anything in them. They are also great when you move as we just did. We've been using them for a couple new things in South Carolina. We've been putting our recycling in a small garbage can in the kitchen and since the dumpster is two floors down I just empty the small can into a larger bin. Then, when I fill the bin up I take it downstairs. Nothing amazing, but useful.
When we go food shopping we now take our big grocery bags we've always used, but we also take three or four bins in the car. We put the bags in the bins and since we're living in a resort we put the bins on a hotel cart and put it in the elevator. It makes things much easier. Our bins are stacked neatly on our closed in porch so we have easy access to them.
The "new" useful milk crate item are now the packing blankets we bought for moving. We bought too many but have already used them numerous times for other things, such as keeping warm. We're going to keep one blanket in each car just in case we need it, you never know-even in South Carolina, an extra blanket can come in handy.
Thursday, January 4, 2018
The "Odyssey" Home
The famous story by Homer, "The Odyssey" is considered by many to be one of the greatest stories ever written, even better than "The Lord of the Rings".(really) In the story, the hero, Ulyssees, journeys home for decades, overcoming numerous obstacles.
My journey home yesterday from Atlanta, Georgia, where I dropped off my daughter, Marisa, at college, only seemed like it took decades. Although I saw some unusual things, I did not experience any one-eyed monsters or singing mermaids, as Ulyssees did.
From Atlanta I drove four straight hours in sunny skies and clear highways and made great time. At that point the sun started to come down and I came to a long line of traffic. I thought I saw a man who looked like Rod Serling standing on the side of the highway watching me enter another dimension. I spent an hour sitting still in that line not knowing that up ahead was sleet/snow and my first experience of a South Carolina snowstorm.(one inch of snow and ice)
After that accident I drove for about 25 minutes racing on the highway at 5-20 mph until I hit the second long line of traffic. This turned out to be the mother of all traffic jams and I sat there from 6:40 pm to 11:45 pm. I was as prepared as anyone since I had a sandwich, carrots, water, and for my cold I had cough medicine and cough drops from my daughter in Atlanta. I also was wearing by very warm NY Giants hat(a gift from my son), his Lehigh University sweatshirt hoodie, my daughter's hoodie, and by accident I had two heavy packing blankets left over from our move.
During my five hour rest stop on route 20 East, I watched the two lanes grow to five and saw tractor trailers driving on the grass. I then saw people passing the tractor trailers on the grass and one car who definitely had a significant problem. He was in the fifth lane "going the wrong way." People were walking their dogs, having a smoke, running down the middle lane and trying to make hotel reservations.
My wonderful wife saved the night by getting me one of the last hotel rooms seven miles away which I finally got to after midnight. This morning I got on the road which was still not clear and found clear sailing with people staying indoors due to "the storm." Driving a Mazda, I passed a number of pick-up trucks that were taking their time since they weren't used to driving in snow.
You all up north are lucky to have such nice weather!(Monday it may get to 60 degrees here, maybe the snow will be able to melt?)
My journey home yesterday from Atlanta, Georgia, where I dropped off my daughter, Marisa, at college, only seemed like it took decades. Although I saw some unusual things, I did not experience any one-eyed monsters or singing mermaids, as Ulyssees did.
From Atlanta I drove four straight hours in sunny skies and clear highways and made great time. At that point the sun started to come down and I came to a long line of traffic. I thought I saw a man who looked like Rod Serling standing on the side of the highway watching me enter another dimension. I spent an hour sitting still in that line not knowing that up ahead was sleet/snow and my first experience of a South Carolina snowstorm.(one inch of snow and ice)
After that accident I drove for about 25 minutes racing on the highway at 5-20 mph until I hit the second long line of traffic. This turned out to be the mother of all traffic jams and I sat there from 6:40 pm to 11:45 pm. I was as prepared as anyone since I had a sandwich, carrots, water, and for my cold I had cough medicine and cough drops from my daughter in Atlanta. I also was wearing by very warm NY Giants hat(a gift from my son), his Lehigh University sweatshirt hoodie, my daughter's hoodie, and by accident I had two heavy packing blankets left over from our move.
During my five hour rest stop on route 20 East, I watched the two lanes grow to five and saw tractor trailers driving on the grass. I then saw people passing the tractor trailers on the grass and one car who definitely had a significant problem. He was in the fifth lane "going the wrong way." People were walking their dogs, having a smoke, running down the middle lane and trying to make hotel reservations.
My wonderful wife saved the night by getting me one of the last hotel rooms seven miles away which I finally got to after midnight. This morning I got on the road which was still not clear and found clear sailing with people staying indoors due to "the storm." Driving a Mazda, I passed a number of pick-up trucks that were taking their time since they weren't used to driving in snow.
You all up north are lucky to have such nice weather!(Monday it may get to 60 degrees here, maybe the snow will be able to melt?)
Tuesday, January 2, 2018
It's Going to Snow in South Carolina!
Tomorrow I'll be driving home from Atlanta and arriving late afternoon/early evening near Myrtle Beach and it will be snowing. I can't wait! I was tempted to throw my shovel in the car for the trip home, but I don't know if it's going to stick to the ground. I'm betting the roads will be empty and I'll be able to enjoy the snow all by myself.
The area is experiencing the coldest stretch they've had in years, but Monday it may hit 60 degrees here. Many of you in the northeast are experiencing temperatures in the teens, but you'll have some warmer weather coming for a couple days next week.
We've been walking on the beach all bundled up, maybe next week we'll wear shorts. If you have any snow, drive safe and don't knock down any mailboxes.(it can happen) If you're walking on ice, march like a soldier because it's very difficult to slip if you're marching.
Waiting for the flakes to fall!
The area is experiencing the coldest stretch they've had in years, but Monday it may hit 60 degrees here. Many of you in the northeast are experiencing temperatures in the teens, but you'll have some warmer weather coming for a couple days next week.
We've been walking on the beach all bundled up, maybe next week we'll wear shorts. If you have any snow, drive safe and don't knock down any mailboxes.(it can happen) If you're walking on ice, march like a soldier because it's very difficult to slip if you're marching.
Waiting for the flakes to fall!
Monday, January 1, 2018
Getting Adjusted....Slowly
When you live in the same place for 19 years you know where everything is, how everything works and you can walk around in the dark without bumping into everything. When you stay in a hotel everything is off. The front door makes a lot of noise so you can't sneak out quietly when everyone's sleeping. Where are my socks, shoes, and that room key? I was on my knees in the dark blindly running my hand across the dresser looking for the key. Monika, my wife, woke up from a dead sleep, walked over and put her hand on the dresser and gave me the room key. How does she always know where things are?
Getting adjusted to our rented condo has been a challenge for me. There's a different remote control for the TV.(our family name for it is "clicker") I barely know how to use the one at home and then I realized that on this one the volume goes lower on the left side and higher on the right side. I struggled with this many times until my daughter told me I was holding the remote upside down.
I had the same kind of problem with the sink in the bathroom. I turned on the left faucet and I got no hot water, so I thought maybe down south the hot water goes right to left.(like reading Hebrew) But the left side had only cold war too. My wife's sink had hot water on the left, so I guess it takes awhile to warm up.
An old boss called me a "technically deficient superstar" and he was right. I do have problems with some of the simplest things, but fortunately Monika is really good at a lot of things. So while you're comfortable in your room or apartment or house today, I'm still trying to figure out how the lights work.
Getting adjusted to our rented condo has been a challenge for me. There's a different remote control for the TV.(our family name for it is "clicker") I barely know how to use the one at home and then I realized that on this one the volume goes lower on the left side and higher on the right side. I struggled with this many times until my daughter told me I was holding the remote upside down.
I had the same kind of problem with the sink in the bathroom. I turned on the left faucet and I got no hot water, so I thought maybe down south the hot water goes right to left.(like reading Hebrew) But the left side had only cold war too. My wife's sink had hot water on the left, so I guess it takes awhile to warm up.
An old boss called me a "technically deficient superstar" and he was right. I do have problems with some of the simplest things, but fortunately Monika is really good at a lot of things. So while you're comfortable in your room or apartment or house today, I'm still trying to figure out how the lights work.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)