"The Art of The Deal"

No, not that "Art of the Deal."  You're thinking of the best selling book by a successful businessman who just happened to go on to become President of the United States.  I'm talking about the art of the deal that goes into buying and selling a car.

Helping our daughter buy her first car was a very interesting experience this weekend.  We went to three dealerships and had two brand new salespeople.  One of them we had to help get through the experience, but we weren't able to get the numbers we needed so he didn't make his first sale.

The second new salesman got a lot of help from an experienced sales manager who did a very good job.  My daughter was trying to decide between one car he was selling and another one at another dealership.  When he asked her how much she wanted to pay for the car she told him $18 less per month than he was offering.  Going back to his desk he sent the new salesman out with a sheet of paper that was $15 less than his original offer and written on the paper was, congratulations-you win.  The salesman showed her the paper and stuck his hand out to shake her hand and that's where "the art of the deal" really came in.

My daughter left his hand hanging in the air for maybe two full minutes, before we decided she needed some time to think about it.  She didn't get any lower price on the other car, but she decided to go with the higher priced car.  The afternoon was frustrating and suspenseful and it ended up with a new car, but watching the sales process work and my daughter make her decision, was very entertaining.

How Three People Can Share A Bathroom

I'm pretty sure it was very common for three or more people to share a bathroom in the past and it's probably not that uncommon today.  However, the question came up since I was going to share a bathroom with two others for one night and morning in a few weeks.

Fortunately, I went through the same thing just this past weekend and I did it for TWO nights and TWO mornings.  So, here are a few rules to get through this successfully:

1. Let the first person go in.
2. When the first person is finished, let the second person go in.
3. When the second person is finished, let the third person go in.
4. If anyone has to go back in, let them go back in.

As you can see this is not very complicated and I am all prepared to do this on Father's Day Weekend.  If I learn any new rules I'll share it with you in case one day you need to experience this.

Last Names

This is one thing we all have in common-we all have a last name.(and some of us have the same one!)  The difference is, some of our last names are short and simple and others, not so much.  Every work day I ask 15-30 people what their last name is so I can type it into my palmtop.  Sometimes I'm really surprised with what they say.

The best ones are the three and four letter last names.  Rarely do I get a three letter name like "Day", but last week I hit the jackpot with "Mi".  How simple is that for a last name?  Although she probably has to spell it since it sounds like "My."

The worst ones are the long ones that I chuckle at because they are ridiculously long.  I'll usually guess it's about 15 letters. I tell them they don't have to spell it, because no one is checking my spelling.  Usually I just put down what it sounds like and that's good enough.

Unusual last names come about once in awhile too.  I was fortunate to meet a woman whose last name was "Lovely."  How can you possibly forget that name?  I can see that would be fine with just about any girl's name, but are there really boys in that family? Somehow, Jeff Lovely, doesn't really sound right. This week I had the name of "Wycyk", a name without vowels.  You don't see that too often.  It's much more common to have a name with 5 or 6 vowels and they aren't easy to spell either.

I'll never forget hearing in grade school from a teacher who had student with the last name of "Hog".  The problem was that the parents named their son "Harry."  So, if you don't like your name, don't worry about it.  You could have been Harry Hog.

A Techie Morning

Almost anyone who knows me(which includes all of you reading this) knows that I am not a techie.(someone proficient using technical devices-my definition) However, the other morning I was laughing at myself because what I was doing was absurd.

Walking out of my garage to my car to go to work I had:

1. My ANDROID(I consider it an Iphone) cell phone in my pocket which I turned on in the car.
2. In the same pocket I had my IPod which I also turned on when I got in the car.
3. My new refurbished GPS which I turned on in the car and plugged in to charge.

When I got in the car I took out my work palmtop, turned it on to check the locations I was going to deliver to that day.  With all this plugging in and turning on I almost forgot to press the remote to close the garage door.  Wires and chords were all over the place and I had to stop and think if I had everything and what was it I should do next?

I remembered to turn on the car as the IPod, cell phone, palmtop, and charger all went on about the same time.  I can't remember what it was like before all this existed.  And, I am not a techie.  There are many people who are doing these things and more throughout the whole day.

So, you're not alone with these technological activities.  Even in South Carolina we are daily experiencing the same thing you are-we just have nicer weather.

The South Carolina Weather

It's been difficult getting used to the weather down here.  First, there was no snow unless you really count the one inch of ice we had in the beginning of January.  I did miss the snow and I know for those of you in the northeast you really feel bad for me.  Somehow, as soon as we left New Jersey Christmas week, winter arrived up there and it was a tough winter.  With temperatures in the 50's and sometimes lower than 40 degrees, it was a "cold winter" down here, one of the coldest they've had in many years.  We even had to bundle up in winter hats and coats while we walked along the beach!

And, now we have to get used to endless sunshine.  Going into this past week we had I think twelve straight beautiful days of sunshine and mid 70's to mid 80's weather.  How can you grow new grass at a new house without any rain? We have been roughing it with struggles like this.

However, this past week we were finally going to get some rain.  The forecast showed no sunshine and a 20-70% chance of rain for the next ten straight days.  The first two days we had five minutes of heavy rain and a few sprinkles and two days of sunshine, it's been tough.

But, we finally did get some rain and my grass is growing and our palm tree is very green on top.  Still the forecast the next ten days shows no sun and rain every single day.  The sun was shining early this morning and we may see it more during the day, but right now we do have some rain.

I'm afraid it's going to take awhile to get used to the South Carolina weather.

The Starbucks Policy Announced!

A few weeks ago I commented on the incident in Philadelphia where two African-American men were handcuffed in a Starbucks after they were asked to leave by the store manager and the police since they were not paying customers.  Immediately, this was assumed to be a "racial incident", but my question was, "what is the policy at Starbucks?" Many retail places have a policy that is posted that restrooms are for customers only, but not a single article or column I could find explained the policy at Starbucks.  Can you walk into a Starbucks and sit down with a book or laptop without buying anything?

A UPI story out today said this, "Previously, company's guidelines were vague on how to treat lingering non-paying guests. The Philadelphia store where the two men were arrested had signs informing people the bathrooms and cafe were for paying customers only. Store guidelines for employees were to ask nonpaying guests to leave.The manager who called the police in Philadelphia no longer works at the store."

As of today, Starbucks has changed their company policy and anyone and everyone can go into a Starbucks and use their bathroom AND sit down in their cafe without buying anything.

How many articles or columns will you see that will now go back and explain the incident in Philadelphia the way it really happened.  Most likely, one of the men arrested asked to use the restroom and the manager explained it is only for paying customers(as posted) and asked the two men to leave.  When they did not, the manager called the police and the police asked them to leave and they did not leave until they were handcuffed and led out of the store.

It's an unfortunate incident, but not a "racial incident."  I don't expect to see any articles or columns explaining this, but maybe there will be one?

The Bridge Moved-Really

I have the drive to work down perfectly.  It's only 25 minutes and a few turns.  I don't have to be in any specific time, but I like to get there about 7 am.  There's no real traffic, except one day last week.

There's a small bridge that I go over that has some water on both sides.  I've gone over it and looked both ways and it's a nice, scenic view.  However, on this day, something was different.  I thought the traffic was construction or an accident and as I looked at the bridge from a dozen or so cars back, I thought it moved.  I did open and close my eyes a couple times to make sure I saw what I saw, but it definitely moved.

If I was closer I might be able to describe how this structure moved to the side, but I wasn't close enough.(then again, with my lack of technical knowledge I might still say-the bridge moved)  It did delay things for about ten minutes as one sailboat on each side passed each other, which was an odd sight right in front of me. And then, the bridge moved back and the cars drove over the bridge.

While driving especially, it's important to be very aware and get familiar with your surroundings.  You never know when something like a bridge might move in front of you, or a deer if you're in NJ.  Down here it could be an alligator, but I never want to have to tell that story.

"Oops, I Did It Again"

Does that sound like it could be a good title for a song?(Dad-it was) Do you remember when I wrote about how much milk you need to drown out the orange juice that's accidentally poured into your cereal? Yes, I did it again and this time it was really ugly.

It was Cocoa Krispies again that suffered this morning.  What makes Cocoa Krispies so good is the combination of the cocoa and the milk you pour in.  It really goes well together! Now, orange juice and cocoa, not so good.

What happens if you pour your normal amount of liquid in and you don't realize it until after you're done? I had just written down on the grocery list that I needed orange juice and I figured I'd be okay on milk and then I accidentally made sure that was the case.  I didn't use the milk and I used more orange juice!

At that point I decided not to use extra milk to drown out the orange juice and there was no way I was going to throw out Cocoa Krispies, since it goes for about $10 a box.  I ate it.  I ate all of it.  It did have an after taste, mixing cocoa and orange juice.  It took awhile to get the taste out of my mouth.

Where do we go from here?  I'm going to have to turn the lights on I think and stop getting my cereal ready in the dark. Or, I'm going to have get more orange juice and less milk.  Whatever happens to me, here's my advice: don't put orange juice in your cereal.

And You Thought You Had Problems?

I admit that I am a number's guy. It is true that the last fourteen months that I lived in NJ I picked up money from the ground and collected $90 which paid for my parking and some of my tolls.  But, I have to admit that this story in the news last week is way beyond my comprehension.

You may have heard last week that a man in Wisconsin ate his 30,000 th Big Mac.  Think about that for a minute, or sixty seconds.  He's been eating two Big Macs for 46 years, since 1972 when George McGovern ran for President.

Growing up, my family would sometimes get McDonalds for dinner and my wife and I have both told the story that when we were dating my Dad would call the McDonalds and order eleven Big Macs.  Each one in our family would eat two and my wife would have one.  I still can't figure out how my sister ate two of them, but the Big Macs were ready when we went to pick them up and there were never any leftovers.

Back to Wisconsin- family and friends gathered around Donald Gorske to celebrate his record breaking feat.  Most of the stories did not mention that he also saved the wrappers, receipts and bags for the past 46 years as proof of his "accomplishment."  Think about that for another sixty seconds.  He is in the Guinness Book of World Records and somehow he is still in good health.

He explained that to him a Big Mac tastes like "chocolate."  His wife jokes that when she has to put them in a blender that this will all be over, but he doesn't think so.  His brother is proud of him now, but he was skeptical forty years ago.  He says that his brother has been on "a neat journey."

You have to admit that people are different and there are somethings that are almost impossible to comprehend.  We all have problems, some big and some small.  But, the next time a problem is bothering you, take sixty seconds to remember this: there's a guy in Wisconsin eating two Big Macs a day and he has 46 years of wrappers, receipts and bags that he's been saving.

Missing Technology

May 11, 2018

I guess technology is a pretty good thing.  If you don’t think so, try doing without it. Go Amish for a week!  How did they ever do it?  Moving into a new house we are now without internet for six days.  My GPS which is only five months old won’t charge, so I’m using a back-up one that I decided not to throw out, just in case.  And, my new/old phone(the hand-me-up), may have a battery problem since it wasn’t charging right.

The internet: I’m told it may be another 3-5 days before we are hooked up to civilization again. They have to dig a hole somewhere on our property.  I don’t know or care how far down they have to go, just go.  It’s so much easier typing on a computer than on a phone.  I couldn’t even write by blogs and they were piling up in my mind.  Fortunately, my youngest daughter, suggested I hook up my computer and just type them up and copy them later.  Why didn’t I think of that?

I use a GPS almost every day and the chord that you plug into the GPS jiggles and that’s probably why I can’t charge it.  I’m going to call Garmin and hope I don’t have to buy another one since this one is so new.

The phone seems to be okay now, but would I really know? Probably not, but I’ll have to keep a close eye on it.  I like to keep it charged just in case and since I have no internet now I’m using the phone more.

I’ve never been a big fan of technology, but this is the week I have to admit that I appreciate it more than I ever have.

The Mattress/Box Spring

May 6,

We got a great deal to buy a new Queen mattress and Box Spring for a ridiculous price.  It was a no-brainer and all I had to do was pick it up five minutes away in a storage unit.  Since I have a van, how difficult could it be? Yes, it was difficult.

At the storage unit the guy we were buying it from helped me get the mattress in the van.  Although it stuck out some it wasn’t a problem since it wasn’t going anywhere. The box spring was different, it had to go on the roof.

How do we keep it on the roof? I suggested he sit up on top of it while I drove, but he didn’t go for it.  We started to tape it and then he managed to find a thick rope.  He asked me if my side windows went down and I told him they didn’t.  We had to use the front windows and tie everything around the van and over the box spring and it was secure.

One minor problem was that I couldn’t get in the front seat since we tied it through the windows.  I got in the side door, climbed on the mattress and positioned myself between the two front seats and barely slid down and into the seat.  Fortunately, I am 50 pounds less than I was two years ago.

I drove slowly home and backed into the driveway and I was now facing the only three neighbors living on the block.  They weren’t outside and hopefully were not looking out their window.  I was trapped in my van and I tried to unknot the knot, but could not do it.

So, I lifted myself up in between the two front seats and pushed my way backwards onto the mattress in the back as I kept my shorts around my waist and slid out the side door.  It took a half hour to unknot the knot and I finally had to cut some of the rope that the seller wanted back.  I managed to get the mattress and the box spring into the garage and then into the house.

But the story got better when the next day my wife told me that the side windows go down and I went out to the car and checked.  She was right again, I didn’t have to struggle out of the van the day before.  It was my last van that had no windows, those would not go down.  And one last thing-I left the side window open when I checked it and later watered the lawn and wet the inside of the car.

You really can’t make this up.

The Loser Line

May 2,

Driving to work I usually flip back and forth among a number of stations.  I don’t know one from another, but one of them gave me the best laugh of the day.  They have a “Loser Line” that women can give out the number when someone “hits” on them and wants their number and they really don’t want to give them their number.

The guy then calls the number and gets a random answering message and one guy called and he said these things:

“I didn’t tell you this when we met, but I collect macheti’s.  I didn’t want you to think I was weird, but they’re pretty cool and they remind me of my mother.  Recently, I found a whole storage unit full of them.  Give me a call back and I’ll tell you what we can do on our first date.”

You probably think this was not a real call, but he sounded very serious about it.  His voice didn’t sound scary, but his words? It just goes to show you that as friendly and nice as people are down here, there are certainly as many odd people here as there are anywhere. Well, maybe not anywhere...

Ms. Davenport

May 3,

I like making people laugh when I work and I can usually get a smile, chuckle or occasionally a real laugh.  But, sometimes, I get zip, nada, nothing.  That’s where Ms. Davenport comes in. She was working at a Quest Diagnostics place and she opened the door as I wheeled in her delivery.  She was confused right away because she didn’t see my vehicle.  There were no legal spaces right in front so I parked close by on the other side of the handicapped spots.  She laughed and thought that was funny, I figured she would be easy for a few laughs.

I was wrong, she cracked me up.  I had never met her and she said she couldn’t remember who had delivered to her.  I told her that we’re not very memorable, but she didn’t even smile.  When I asked her where she wanted the boxes and I would put them anywhere she wanted but the roof, not even a grin.  When I asked her for her autograph and said, “you do give out free autographs here”, I got nothing but her signature.

By this time I was chuckling, because she didn’t stop talking.  I told her that the next time I deliver here I’ll have better material to make her laugh and she said, “wearing that hat?”(NY Yankee hat)  She wasn’t a baseball fan, but a big New England Patriot fan. She told me that they lost the Super Bowl because they ate too much greasy food.  She wasn’t kidding.  I then asked her why Hillary lost, because I couldn’t imagine her answer, but we were interrupted by a patient.  I told her we’d continue next time and I’d wear my NY Giant Super Bowl hat.  Still no smile, I’ve got a lot of work to do before I go back there.

Harry's World

May 2

I’ve told you about Harry who works with me.  He’s a retired, part-time worker with two long careers as a fireman and mail carrier and he’s from Philly.  Here are some of his latest cracks:

One morning I told him he hadn’t made me laugh today and he said, “I’m not going to, I’m saving it for my TV show.”  Of course, that made me laugh and I came up with the title of his TV show, “Harry’s World.”

Harry said one morning about our boss, “He hasn’t done anything stupid until you got here.”(me)  “Get the hell out of here.”

“You need to know where these keys go in the office, so you’ll know where to put them when you’re in charge.”  I told him he makes it sound like I’m going to be President of the company in a year.

When I said to him, “how slow do you think I am?”, he replied, “you’re not slow, you’re deliberate.”  I did come down here to slow down and already I’m being called “deliberate”, not bad.

Last Friday he had been out late and obviously celebrating a little too much so he was very talkative that morning.  He said to me, “You’re doing a great job today Jeff, you’re an important cog in our operation.”  Of course, he doesn’t remember complimenting me, but he did.

Harry likes nicknames too.  I can’t remember all the different names he’s called me, but I think “Blog Boy” is my favorite.  He knows I write a blog and wrote one about him.  He also calls Barry, the new African American driver, Barry Goldwater.  That’s pretty funny as long as he doesn’t post it on Facebook.

When I needed some help moving furniture out of my pod he sent his two sons over.  I asked him what their names were and he said he said of his three sons, “I call them A, B, and C.”

A couple weeks ago I was returning to the warehouse and saw Harry coming out from behind the dumpster and he was doing something with his pants.  I wasn’t sure exactly what was going on, but the look on his face was priceless.  He was very embarrassed.  I think that would be the perfect scene for the opening of “Harry’s World.”  If you could have seen his face….    I also used to walk behind the dumpster to get to the front door, but I don’t do that anymore.

People Say The Dumbest Things

April 30th

I know there’s a TV show called, “Kids Say The Darndest Things”, but you could have a weekly show called, “People Say The Dumbest Things.” It’s seems it’s almost a daily occurrence these days that someone will say, tweet, or post something on Facebook that is really dumb. The people are from every age group, race, religion, or occupation.  Even The President of The United States does it once in awhile.(just going for some laughs)

Why does it happen so much? I think there are many reasons.  People don’t think too much before they talk, tweet or post.  Many people feel that everyone else wants to know what they think and of course we don’t.(unless someone’s writing a blog, that’s different) People come from different backgrounds and experiences and they think differently and you can tell when they say something dumb. Sometimes people are tired or angry or not feeling well or they are just having some fun and want to get a reaction.  Or, occasionally, what they say really fits who they are.

I usually don’t say too many dumb things.(still going for some laughs) However, it’s embarrassing to tell you what I said recently as I was delivering.  It was a very hectic and a little frustrating morning and I finally got out of the warehouse and was making my first delivery.  When I asked the guy for his last name he said, “Gentile like Christian.”  Trying to be humorous I blurted out, “Sometimes us Jews have trouble spelling that.” He was surprised and so was I.  I should have apologized for something so bizarre and I probably will if I see him next time.  I have no idea what I was trying to say, but it clearly didn’t work.

Saying something dumb can happen to just about anyone, I think I proved that.

Take Criticism Lightly

April 29th

I think it was President Theodore Roosevelt who said, “The easiest thing in the world is to criticize and the toughest thing to do is create.” I just looked it up and he didn’t say it, but I'm sure someone else did.  It’s very true though and it’s important to realize that everyone gets criticized, especially today.

I was reading a book on all the songs The Beatles did from 1963-1970.  The song, “She Loves You” was released in 1964 and is one of the Beatles’ twenty-one number one songs and was the best-selling song in England for fourteen years. 

Paul McCartney explains, “Nearly everything I’ve ever done or been involved in has received some negative, critical reaction.  You’d think that something like “She Loves You” with the Beatles would have been pretty positive. It wasn’t.  The very first week that came out it was supposed to be the worst song the Beatles had ever thought of.”

So, the next time someone criticizes something you said or did, take it with a grain of salt.  If Paul McCartney can be criticized, so can us mere mortals.  And if you don’t like this blog, just stick it in your ear.(I think President Theodore Roosevelt could have said that too).