August 28, 1983

There have been a lot of wonderful days in my life, but only one best day.  The best day of my life was thirty-five years ago today when Monika Melcher agreed to marry me.  I can't imagine what my life would have been like without her.

We did meet three years earlier working at Burger King and I did trick her into giving me her phone number.  When I got up the nerve to call her, her Mom amusingly answered the phone by saying, "Melcher's Pizza."  I really did pull out the phone book and try to find where Melcher's Pizza was, not realizing that there are very few German pizzerias.  On our second date I asked her if I could kiss her and she really did say, "I'm engaged."(sort of engaged to someone she hadn't met)

It was an unusual beginning, but it's been a wonderful 35 years.  I am constantly amazed at how talented my wife is and all the things she knows that I don't have a clue about.  She's a terrific cook, she paints and decorates like a pro, she can fix just about anything, and she has a terrific sense of humor.  Those are only the first few things that come to mind at 5:30 am this morning.

We are fortunate to have three amazing children who clearly have many of her talents.  She continues to be a magnificent Mom and she's a lot more responsible for who they are than I am.

She makes me happy every day and I am very grateful to have spent these 35 years with her.  Every night when we go to sleep I look into her eyes and see a woman who is more beautiful today than she was on the day we got married, August 28, 1983.

Happy Anniversary Princess-I love you.

How Big Are Your Dragonflies?

I'm not a bug person, never have been and never will be.  When I was in junior high school or high school and it was time for dissection, I never had any interest in that.  I don't care what animals or snakes or bugs look like inside or out.  I know some of you feel the same way.(at least on the inside)

I have to admit though, I have been staring lately at the dragonflies here in Myrtle Beach.  They are H-U-U-G-E!  I've seen plenty of movies where bugs or animals become larger and I've watched movies or television showes where you see these large bees buzzing around and cutting into cars with people inside screaming.

But, this is real.  have sat in my van at a light or in a parking lot and watching a H-U-U-G-E dragonfly(yes I know I repeated myself) circling in front of my windshield and then following me as I drive.  I have sat in my car and made a fist and tried to figure out if the dragonfly is bigger than my fist.(probably not)

Why are they so big down here? Do we have too much water? Is the weather so nice they are attracted to our area?  What are they eating to get that big? Fish? Grits? Salamanders? I have no clue.

I just wanted you to know that when you visit Myrtle Beach or South Carolina, look for the nice weather, the beautiful beaches and the H-U-U-G-E dragonflies.  You really can't miss them.

"Seems Like Old Times"

This was a 1981 movie starring Chevy Chase, Goldie Hawn, and Charles Grodin. The comedy is one of my favorite movies due to the three stars who were in their prime and complimented each other perfectly.  If you ever get a chance to see the movie, it will make you laugh.

What does that have to do with anything? Well, one of the reasons we moved to South Carolina was for me to slow down some.  It is much slower paced down here and I have slowed down some from my 12,14,16 and even 19 hour work days running my business in New Jersey and Pennsylvania the past few years. 

Most of my days working as a courier are pretty short and I've been finishing work between 2-3 pm., which, in my book, is closer to half a day than a full day.  However, this week was different.  Being several drivers short, I had the opportunity on three days this week to work around 12 hours. I am a little sore and tired, but it really was fun.

Don't ever forget that when you work really hard at something and you know you did a great job, it's a very rewarding feeling.  I did make a lot more money and I lost a couple of pounds(probably just temporary), but it also gave me a lot of satisfaction knowing that I haven't lost a step.

There's nothing wrong sometimes in turning the clock back a little bit and enjoying doing something you used to do.  What can you do this week that would give you that great "Seems Like Old Times" feeling?

Happy Birthday To Me(The Seafood Buffet)

(Fair warning-if you are hungry or if you just ate, you are better off reading this later)

Why not wish myself a happy birthday, everyone else did. Well, not everyone, I haven't checked Facebook today.  Being here in South Carolina I have seen all kinds of restaurant buffets advertised and the one that gets the most praise is Captain Georges Seafood Buffet.  I decided that on my birthday my wife and I would go there for dinner and I was looking forward to it a lot more than she was.

GAME PLAN: Comedian Jim Gafigan has said that when you go to an all-you-can eat place the goal is to eat one more dollar than you spend for the meal.  I was thinking $33 the whole meal and about the food of course.

WHAT THEY DIDN'T HAVE: We didn't see any lobster(although it could have been there) and there was no pasta or chicken parmesan.  They had just about everything else including a ridiculous dessert area that I didn't get back to.

THE FIRST PLATE: It's a seafood place so I went with seafood first.  A bunch of scallops and shrimp were incredible and filled half my plate.  I squeezed in some salmon, flounder and some kind of fish combo, which was good too.  I had some mashed potatoes and a small piece of corn.  I tried to take my time, but this plate did not last and I said to my wife, "that was a good appetizer!" (I also had a taste of one of her crab legs which was okay)

THE SECOND PLATE: I went southern since I'm trying to be a southerner.  Spare ribs and steak were the first two things on my plate.  I passed the fried chicken and went for the healthier broiled chicken drumstick, but I circled back for a fried chicken drumstick too.(I haven't really had fried chicken here and I've been craving it)  I had a few small potatoes and some pork and I topped the plate off with another small corn on the cob.(just had to have one more)  After I finished this I said to my wife, "that was a good start!"

THE THIRD PLATE: Did I tell you that I've lost two pounds in the last couple weeks and now weigh less than I have in maybe 20 years? I went with surf and turf- two ribs, one fried chicken drumstick, some more shrimp and scallops, two small pieces of steak and another corn on the cob.  As I started eating the server brought over a large piece of chocolate cake since I told her we were here for my birthday.  I had to ask if I could bring it home, because I knew I could not eat it tonight.

You'll be "proud" of me when I tell you that I did not finish my third plate.  I left spare ribs on the plate and one piece of steak, I may never forget that.  I think I ate at least $50 worth of food and I enjoyed every minute of it.  And tomorrow night-some cold chocolate cake I will share with my wife.(if she wants some)

I'm going to get that tall glass of milk ready right now....

Tales From The Road(updated name change)

I'm not sure what stories will be funnier, the ones from when I'm delivering boxes to people or the stories about me delivering people as an Uber driver.  I don't think the below stories can match my last post of Uber stories, but you decide:

I was delivering some large boxes to an outlet mall and I went behind the store and rang the back door.  When the door opened I laughed because the entrance to the back was almost completely blocked.  How am I going to squeeze these in?  I struggled a little and as I pushed my hand truck into this tight spot, the manager said to me, "Sir, is there anything you can't do?"  I said, "no you're right, but don't ask my wife." I did get a laugh and another delivery done.

Ms. Wilson: As I approached Mrs. Wilson in the hospital to sign for my delivery, she was standing with someone in her department. I looked at the other lady and said, "did you know Ms.Wilson here is famous? When her husband, President Woodrow Wilson was sick, she took over and was the first woman President of the United States!" Ms. Wilson of course, was laughing and once again she enjoyed me making her delivery. The other lady probably didn't quite know what to make of what I said.

Ms. D: I'll call her Ms. D, so you don't know if her real last name is Davenport or Davis.  She is the die-hard New England Patriots fan who awhile back told me that the Patriots lost the Super Bowl because they ate too many fatty food that day.  As much as she made me laugh then, she actually topped herself last Friday when I delivered to after the office had closed for the day.

I reminded her about her Super Bowl comments and she shared this story with me.  Her favorite Patriot player was the wide receiver, Julian Edelman.  One game when she was watching with several of her women friends, the Patriots were struggling.(it doesn't happen often)  She stood up and got her friends standing and put her two hands on her chest. She then started shaking around and had her friends doing what she called, "The Edelman Shake."

Her 24-year old son happened to be walking down the stairs at the time. He looked at the group of middle aged women shaking and holding their chests in front of the football game, said nothing, and turned around and went back upstairs.

Ms. D demonstrated "The Edelman Shake" to me and now I understand why some kids think their parents embarrass them.

The Snow Lovers Club

What could be more fun in the dead of summer while we have heavy rains almost every other day? How about discussing how much we love snow!  I had a great conversation with someone moving into our neighborhood when I overheard him say how much he loved snow.  He's been in South Carolina for around 15 years and he really misses the snow.

I suggested we form a new club, most likely the first one ever in South Carolina-"The Snow Lovers Club."  He said he used to watch the snow fall when he was a kid, just like I did.  And, this is the best part, he has a snow shovel here, just like I do.  I told him we have to get together for a picture with our shovels.  About ten years ago it snowed six inches here and he built a snowman! I wonder when the next real snow will be?

So, what can "The Snow Lovers Club do?  Here are a few ideas:

1. We can get together and tell our favorite snow stories.
2. We can watch Christmas movies since it always snows on Christmas in the movies.
3. In the winter we can check out where it's snowing and find out who is getting the most snow.
4. Print up t-shirts that say, "We love snow, how about you?"(with snow falling on the shirt of course)
5. Publish a "Snow Newsletter" with snow information, so people here in South Carolina can learn more about it.
6. Learn about the biggest blizzards in history.
7. Take a group picture with our snow shovels.
8. Debate who has the best snow shovel and what shovel is the best for snow.
9. Give lessons on how to drive in the snow.
10. Has anyone ever skidded on snow or ice and ran into something like a mailbox owned by the post office?
11. Write down our prediction on the date we will have one inch of snow, three inches of snow and five inches of snow.  Maybe we throw a couple bucks into a pot and see what it can add up to over the years!

When my new best friend moves in we're going to start working on these big, important plans and I'll make sure to keep y'all updated.

"Ubering" Away

I'm not sure that "Ubering" is really a word, but it is important that it's seven letters.  That would be worth fifty points in scrabble, so I'm going to try to use that the next time I play with my kids.

July was my first month "Ubering" and I took around 90 rides mostly on the weekend.  It was fun and it didn't feel like I was working.  The hours were very flexible, the money was good, and there were plenty of people who generously tipped me for the ride.  I met people from all over the country and a number of foreign students who were working here for the summer. They came from Taiwan, Russia, Lithuania, Albania, and Romania to name a few.

Here are some of my most interesting rides in July:

Jerry from West Virginia just started using the Uber app the day before after his kids set it up for his visit to Myrtle Beach.  He prefers to drive the eight hours here, but he took a flight this time.  When he explained his reasons for driving(not dealing with the airport getting there early, being dropped off and picked up) I started laughing, because he was saying exactly the same things I've said recently. We appeared to be around the same age and it was probably just a coincidence that I have referred to my myself as "Jerry" as recently as a couple months ago when I was going to use the name as an alias to print the book I wrote.

The woman from Iowa was fascinating to talk to.  About half way through our 45 minute trip she told me she used to work on the Iowa caucus's and met many candidates over the years and heard their speeches.  She's a registered Democrat who has a mentor who happens to be the Republican Governor of Iowa. When she said that it's too bad we couldn't talk further, I offered to drive her around more and we both got a good laugh out of that.

The nine year-old boy riding with his older sisters did not stop talking.  However, he said the magic words when he blurted out that he "loved history." I told him that I did too and I suggested he give me a history question and I would give him one.  He asked me the date of Pearl Harbor and of course I told him without a pause.  I asked him, "who was President of the United States when Pearl Harbor happened?"  He quickly said, "Roosevelt and not Theodore."  I asked if he meant Eleanor, but he didn't fall for that trick.  I did tell him it was FDR and I'm pretty sure if the ride was longer we could have talked about history for a lot longer.

My second female Yankee fan of the day was my last ride after also having two rides with Red Sox fans during the day. My ride with the lawyer in a big New York City law firm was over an hour and we spent a lot of time talking about baseball and the law.  I was jealous of all the Yankee games she's been to and enjoyed hearing about how she got into law and how difficult passing the bar was.  Although she was not wearing a Yankee hat as my other Yankee fan did earlier, she did have one packed in her suitcase.

Probably the most unusual ride was a girl in her 20's that I picked up near the beach traveling to the airport.  I know she had just came from the beach since her big towel was wrapped around her bag and it was still full of sand.  When she got in the car I also realized she had been drinking and was not feeling any pain, or maybe anything.  The ride was only two miles long, but during that time she yelled out my name three times, said she wanted to go to McDonalds, touched my arm and then said, "it's probably a good idea not to touch the Uber driver," and all this time I was calm and acted like she was perfectly fine.  When we got close to the airport she looked in the mirror to check her make-up and announced to me that she better "fluff her boobs."

I had to ask my wife what exactly she meant by that, but I can't tell you if she did it successfully or not.  I just kept looking at the road straight ahead as I pulled up to the airport to let her off. She was catching a flight to Cleveland, but when I said goodbye to her I think she was already half way home.

Is My Van Alive and How Friendly Can Southerners Be?

I know there have been many movies/tv shows where a car was alive.  "Herbie, the Love Bug", and the car from "Knight Rider", are two that come to mind, but what if my van was alive and I didn't know it?

First a little back story: Last year I was delivering very early in the morning(3-4 am) and I jumped out of my van with the ignition on and tossed some magazines at a door and walked a few steps back to my van.  I know you're not supposed to do that, but I've never really believed there is a "supposed to."  This was a few steps away on an empty main street, not a big deal, unless you close the door and it's locked.  I didn't lock the door or touch the key as far as I could tell.  A police car driving by ten minutes later saved me and easily got into my car and I was on my way.  From that day on I've carried a spare key in my pocket, because I was afraid that "technology" or the van had locked me out.(stop laughing it gets worse)

Yesterday, I went to make a big delivery at Medieval Times, a restaurant/show place that I believe is nationwide.  I had to move my van a few hundred feet up and I shut the trunk, moved the van up and went to the trunk to open it.  It was locked.  The van was completely locked.  It does not lock by itself, or does it? I reached into my pocket for my spare key and it was not there.  It was right next to my regular keys in between the seats.  Every once in awhile I grab the spare key from my pocket and this time I didn't put it back. I had locked my key and my spare key in my van.

Two employees came to my rescue and went way beyond what you would expect.  The maintenance guy, who reminded of Macgyver(an old TV show) said he's done this before and in no time he had a thin pole inside my car.  Unfortunately, the end of the pole was not solid enough to open the lock, the handle would not open when it was latched on to and we could not grab the key or the spare keys to get it open.  He spent about an hour working on this and he was so close to getting it done. 

Finally, I decided to call the local police since they rescued me in NJ, but I got an answering machine.
The sales manager offered to use her Triple AAA and she made the call and they arrived in ten minutes and I was saved.  It was a very generous thing for her to do and she even texted me later on to make sure everything was okay.  Being as tech savy as I am, I did not realize that I have an app on my phone with my new insurance and I could have gotten road side assistance from the beginning.

How did it all happen?  The only logical explanation is that when I took the key out of the ignition I hit the lock key and did not hear it lock.  It's not possible the van locked by itself, is it?  But that was yesterday and this morning I went out early to wash my van.  I took the key chain and put it down in the garage and walked towards my van.  As I got closer I heard a click inside the van and I saw a light.(not the sun) I reached into my pockets and did not find a key, since my spare key was in the house.  I looked back at the key in the garage and it was face up, so I did not set it off when I put the key down.  The van was locked which I think it was last night.

How did that click happen and that flicker of light in my van?  The salamander in the garage is not the answer.

Special 100th Blog

Seven months ago I decided to start writing this blog, "Becoming A Southerner" so my kids, dad, sister, brother and some friends can keep up to date about our adventure as we traveled down from New Jersey to South Carolina.  Ninety-nine posts later it's time for my 100th story.  If this was a TV show I'd be ready for syndication, but as of now it is just me writing some stories.

When I told my youngest daughter that I was writing something special for my next blog, she asked if it was about her. No, Marisa, it is not about you, but I have now mentioned you by name to make you laugh.  This is a summary of some of the events over the past seven months:

Grits: Still have not eaten southern grits(only PA. grits) and I have no current plans to do so.

Android Phone: After destroying my first "real" phone after having a flip phone for years, the android phone has lasted four months.  I have taken some pretty amazing pictures and I may get used to texting some day.(or not) I wonder how you switch the flash off?

Gladys the Gall Bladder: My wife's gall bladder was removed in February and she's had no further problems, but I think we're still paying for Gladys's departure.

"Obstacles Exist To Be Overcome"-great quote from a book this year that should always be remembered.

Favorite quotes from people down south- Harry at work said to me, "You're not used to physical exercise." Ms. Davenport, who I made a delivery to, is a huge New England Patriot fan.  She told me that the Patriots "lost the Super Bowl because they ate too much fatty foods."  She also said that Tom Brady wasn't that good, really.

Southern People-extremely friendly, helpful, and they can talk and talk and talk and it sounds so nice. Yesterday I let a woman go out of the elevator first and I motioned for the man she was with to go to and he said to me, "After you."  And I said to him, "after you."  And finally he went.  I was afraid it was going to go on longer.

Four hand trucks- I destroyed one new hand truck and a second one is taped together with one new tire and one blown tire.  I started using my old, old, hand truck, but switched to a smaller old hand truck I found in the warehouse at work. I've been working as a courier for five months, one hand truck a month.

Country music- It's certainly popular here, but I can still listen to rock and easy listening songs also.  Best country song title by far was, "I Want to Check Her For Lice."  I have to look up those lyrics-they have to be a hoot, don't you think?

Don't Feed The Alligators-It's a common sign and not once has it ever crossed my mind that I should feed an alligator, but maybe some people think it's a good idea.

Still No TV- We've gone three months without a TV and we're still good, maybe some day we'll get one, maybe not.

The Weather- From the bitter cold winter(40's and 50's), to the hot summer sun without rain, and now to the black clouds and heavy thunderstorms that break out several times a day, the weather is similar to Florida.  Rain is in the forecast every day, but they really don't know.

OJ in the cereal-That would be orange juice, not the former football player and murderer.  I've solved my OJ problem by doing this when I open the fridge in the morning to get the milk: I repeat milk, milk, milk.  Every time now I'm able to get the milk in the cereal correctly, although sometimes the cereal is left on the counter.

Sally the Salamander: She is still alive in our garage, but not for long.  Her days are numbered.

The New Highway-It finally opened with white lines and no vehicles parked on the road. Oddest thing is that it's only 45 mph on a straight road with no exits and trees on both sides of the road. It was more fun when I was the only one driving on it.

Bedside Table-One drawer is being used with many of the chords/plugs I need to keep my hi-tech life going.  What would I do without it?

Lawnmower-The push mower is still functioning well, but the real test will be whenever I next use it since the grass is high and it's very wet and muddy.

The Beach-Still no real sunburn as we hit August.  If I can only continue that for a few more years....

It's been a great seven months and hopefully I will continue to make you laugh a little and entertain you some as my quest continues in "Becoming A Southerner."