How Close Am I To Being A Southerner?

If you consider that we are on the planet earth and somewhere out there exists extra-terrestrials, the distance between us and them is further than I am from "being a southerner."  I still have a long way to go in this journey that is now officially one year old since we arrived December 27th of last year.

A friend in Highland Park, NJ., (I only have one there), commented that my blogs are more about daily life than "becoming a southerner."  It was an interesting point which inspired me to write this. (yes, it's his fault)

I think having a daily life in a different part of the country really is a significant part of "becoming a southerner".  Adjusting to the beautiful weather and occasional hurricane, "suffering" with the low gas prices, ($1.84), putting up with all the friendly people, and trying to adjust to a slower pace of daily life, are all things that we have dealt with this past year.

Living in the south and in South Carolina, another significant aspect is the lower pay.  Although having a part-time job is not unusual in other parts of the country, I think it is more common here.  There may be more retired people here than most places, but many people are trying to piece together an income they are happy with. In a tourist area like Myrtle Beach there are also less full-time jobs and many of them are in service areas.

I still have not eaten Southern grits, I have not said, "y'all" to anyone, and I do not have a southern accent.  If any of those things happen in 2019 you'll be the first to know and I will have taken one giant step towards being a "real southerner."

It Was A Christmas Miracle!

Last week I wrote about how I was not going to watch "The Muppet Christmas Carol" movie on Christmas Eve for the first time in 15-20 years.  We haven't bought a television yet, so all we had was the DVD of the movie.  Since all of our kids would not be with us, they were going to watch it where they were.

I was all prepared and ready to just listen to the soundtrack, but our youngest daughter surprised me.  She bought the movie online and we watched it on the computer.  It was great as usual, but there was another surprise towards the end.  With about ten minutes left in the movie, I fell asleep.  I was tired and had a long day, but I missed the best part in the movie!

Tiny Tim did not die as you probably already know.  I would have liked to see Scrooge turn around and be generous and I would have liked to see Ms. Piggy's face when he tells her that he's going to pay off the mortgage to Bob Cratchet's house. 

I guess I'll have to wait another year to see that, but the whole family enjoyed the movie once again. Isn't it about time you saw the movie?

Milking A Laugh To The Very Last Drop

I know I'm guilty of this, but when something is funny I feel we should keep laughing about it as long as possible.  This year I have written three blogs about Ms. D, a customer that I deliver boxes too.  She's the big New England Patriot fan who told me earlier in the year that the Patriots lost the Super Bowl because, "they ate two much greasy food that day."

I promise this will be the last blog I will write about her, but I just had to do one more.  A couple weeks ago the Patriots had a heartbreaking loss on a miraculous play at the end of the game that will be watched for decades to come. My New York Giants won a big game the same week.  Last week the Patriots lost on the last play of the game again. 

Although  my Giants lost, I knew Ms. D would be very upset to say the least.  I thought this would be the perfect time to get her to switch teams and start rooting for the Giants.  A couple days later I resisted running into her office when I delivered nearby, but the next day I couldn't stop myself. 

I grabbed my winter NY Giants hat and burst into her office. Fortunately there were no patients waiting, because they wouldn't have known what was going on.  As soon as she saw me, Ms. D had a big grin on her face and said, "Get out, get out of here."  Laughing I told her that I knew how upset she was about the Patriots last two weeks and this would be a great time to start rooting for the Giants and I told her I would give her my hat.(I knew there was no chance of her taking me up on it, so my hat was not at risk)

"I'll throw that in the garbage," she said.  I was finally able to stop laughing and we talked a few minutes about the games and then I left.  But, I needed to add one more thing and I thought it was perfect. She was going on vacation for two weeks and with Christmas coming, I thought I'd get her a little gift for all the laughs she's given me this year.

I printed up my three blogs about her and put it in an envelope that said, "Merry Christmas from your favorite NY Giant fan."  Friday I went in to give it to her, but she was already on vacation. When she gets back I know she will be laughing.

Just to be sure she'll be laughing I'm printing this one up too.  This should be "good to the last drop" as the old coffee commercial used to say.

I Wore A Quilt

The title is not a misprint.  I did not mean that I wore a kilt, that would be ridiculous to see.  I decided this morning to wear shorts despite it being 37 degrees at 6 am.  I was going to spend most of the day driving in my car and by 9 am it would be in the 50's.

I wanted to be comfortable, but yesterday my feet were cold wearing shorts.  I took the colorful quilt our oldest daughter made and carried it into the car.  Who knows, maybe I wouldn't have a ride until it warmed up?

When I put the quilt on, my feet were immediately warm.  The problem was that I got a ride right away and a guy sat in the front seat.  Would he see me wearing a quilt? No, fortunately he had a lot to drink last night and he didn't have much sleep either.  I wonder what he would have said if he saw it?

This may be a new trend for driving-wear a quilt to stay warm.

I'm Not Going to See It Snow on Christmas

I've never seen a  poll done on who likes snow and who doesn't, but it's safe to say that I'm one of the few people who really loves snow.  I enjoy driving in snow, shoveling snow and watching the snow fall.  That one sentence would convince many people that I'm out of my mind.  If that wasn't enough, I really did bring a snow shovel to Myrtle Beach, South Carolina, just in case I may need it sometime in the future.

I mentioned in another blog that when I was a kid I used to sit in front of a large window where our television was and I would watch the snow fall instead of watching the television.  It was peaceful, beautiful and every flake seemed to be different and the wind would blow the flakes all different directions.  It was fun to see the snow pile up on our patio.

Every year growing up a few days before Christmas I would check the forecast to see if there was a chance of snow.  I remember watching endless television shows and movies where it snowed on Christmas, but I don't recall ever seeing that happen in New Jersey.  I remember rain and some warmer Christmas's, but I don't recall ever seeing snow on Christmas.

I did just check the forecast for Myrtle Beach on Tuesday.  The low will be 36 degrees and the high will be 53 degrees.  It's going to be sunny hear with zero chance of rain.  It's not going to snow here on Tuesday.

To paraphrase a song, "It's going to snow somewhere on Tuesday."  December 25, 2019-maybe it will snow here next year.  I'll be waiting and I'll let you know.

Did I Tell You About The Gas Prices Here?

I have no idea if I did or not.  Three weeks ago I wrote a blog that the gas prices dropped under $2.00 per gallon.  I was thrilled and shocked that they had continued to drop past the $2.17 I paid when I first arrived here just after Christmas last year.  I had been telling visitors here how happy I was to pay so little for gas.

Three weeks ago I saved a draft of that blog, but apparently did not post it according to the records on my blog.  It still shows it has a draft.  However, my youngest daughter said that she read it.  I have no clue based on my incredible technological skills.(yes, that is funny)

However, I am paying $1.87 now and that isn't funny, it's ridiculous.  Within the past two weeks a lawyer in Florida(who will go nameless) posted something on Facebook about the low gas prices in "red" states(Republican) versus "blue" states(Democratic).  He asked if there was a "conspiracy."  I did not reply on Facebook, but here's the obvious answer:

For the most part, "red" states have less taxes and "blue" states have more taxes.  That's primarily how Republicans and Democrats like it.  There are some exceptions to that and not too long ago Republican Governor Chris Christie raised gas taxes in "blue" New Jersey.  This is one of the main philosophical differences between Republicans and Democrats, less taxes versus more taxes.

I'm now paying thirty cents less per gallon from when I got here.  If I fill up three times a week(which I have) that's 40 gallons or saving $12.00 a week in gas or $48 a month or almost $600 this next year if they stayed this low.  Do you know what that $48 extra a month can buy?

We can get two rotisserie chickens for free each week? I'm hungry just thinking about it.

We can go to the movies twice a week and buy popcorn and a soda and have money left over.

We can go out to dinner twice a week and just get a main course.

You get the picture. I'm very happy paying $1.87 for gas.  Got to run and get some gas.

"The Muppet Christmas Carol"

Last year, 2017, was the 25th anniversary of the making of a very special movie,  "The Muppet Christmas Carol", which was directed by Brian Henson. He is the son of the Muppet creator, Jim Henson, who had recently passed away.  

During the past 15-20 years this movie has been a part of the Hoenig "Christmas Eve" festivities.(I do realize I've just said a mouthful to the rest of my Jewish family) We have watched this movie religiously every year and we've enjoyed it every year.(yes, some more than others)

This year, since we all won't be together, we won't be watching the movie. We will have our youngest daughter with us and we may just listen to the soundtrack of the songs which were written by the legendary Paul Williams.(it seems he has written songs for almost every movie)  It will be unusual not to watch the movie this year, but let me tell you why:

THE STORY: The Charles Dickens story was first published in 1843, which makes it 175 years old!  It is one of the classics and of course is known by almost every one. The character of Scrooge is iconic, an individual you can never forget

THE MUSIC: I've always loved the music and I think I have at least five of the songs on my iPod which I listen to all the time.  The songs are brilliant and are a joy to listen to.

THE ACTING: Micheal Caine plays Scrooge and although he's had a long and successful career, I find it hard to believe he's done a better acting job in another film.

HUMOR: The two narrators are Muppets, as are many of the characters.  Gonzo the Muppet narrates as Charles Dickens with the assistance of Rizzo the Rat.  Do I really have to explain more how this is funny.  Miss Piggy and Kermit the Frog are married and they are hilarious together.  There are many lines in the movie that our family has repeated over the years from this movie which won't mean anything to you, but some of them are:

"Heat Wave"

"The British Way"

"I Loved it"

"Belinda!"

I often thought over the years, how could people miss out on a movie that is this good? If you've never seen this movie you can buy it at Target for $9.99, which is a steal.  Some other people have described this movie like this:

"Heartwarming"

"Charming"

"Incredibly moving"
"Best treasure ever"

"Does the word brilliant mean anything"

This is one of my top ten favorite movies of all-time, it's really that good.

TWO BEERS IN FIVE DAYS!

My drinking problem began in high school and I'm pretty sure my Dad is partly to blame.  If I stopped writing now you would completely have the wrong idea.  I never did have an alcoholic drink in high school, but I did think about it and that was the problem.

At some point in high school my Dad said to me as he pointed to the bar in our TV room, "If you ever want a drink let me know."  I think I lost all interest at that moment.  When most people are excited about something, I usually have little interest.  The lottery-never played, smoking a cigarette-never lit up, drinking coffee in the morning-never tried it, can't wait to drink alcohol-never cared about it.  Even getting a driver's license-I was not in a hurry and I waited for four months after my birthday to take the test.

Why? I don't know, I guess I'm just a rebel.  When I read the poem in high school, "The Road Not Taken" by Robert Frost, it meant a lot to me.  The poem ends with this:

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

Back to drinking: it was February 19th 1979, which was my 18th birthday and a half and we had a major snowstorm.  Fairleigh Dickinson University, where I went to school, was closed. My roommate and I went to the campus pub and I had my first beer.  My reaction was, "eh".  I wasn't impressed.  Maybe twice in my life I drank a beer and thought something other than, "eh."  I think they were hot days and the beer tasted good.  Over the years there have been many, many years that I had one beer or less.  In college one night I had four beers at a party and there's a picture of me and I look like I had four beers.  I didn't enjoy the beer that night either.  When we go out to eat now I usually order two waters and I tell the server, "I'm a big drinker."

However, two weeks ago on December 1, my wife and I were invited to a small party to celebrate a friend's 72nd birthday at his house.  He offered me a beer and I took one.  We ate pizza(which is a food I usually say, "eh" too also, and I drank the whole beer and it was, "eh."  Five days later my roommate from college and the best man at our wedding, came to Myrtle Beach to visit.  We hadn't seen him in 15 years and we went out to dinner.  This was the same roommate that almost 40 years ago I had my first beer with.  I ordered a beer to celebrate all the beers I haven't enjoyed in my life.

This Saturday, we will be going out to eat to celebrate my daughter graduating from GEORGIA TECH.  Do I dare have THREE beers in two weeks? I wouldn't count on it. I haven't had three beers in one month since college, why break that record?

The End is Near

I'm an optimist, so the title of this post is far too negative, or is it?  "The End is Near" is not about what's happening in Washington D.C.(you really don't want to know what I think)  It is about what's happening in Atlanta, Georgia this Saturday, December 15th.

Our youngest child, Marisa,(I hope it's okay to use "real" names if they are your own flesh and blood), is graduating from Georgia Tech University.  She is our third child to graduate from college and she has excelled at least as much as our first two children, Jess and Sean.  WE ARE VERY PROUD OF ALL THREE OF THEM!

Recently I saw some pictures of the three of them when they were young on the first school day of the year and it really brought back memories.  The report cards, the home work, the teacher nights and asking them the question that they loved to hear-what did you do in school today? Frequently they would say nothing, but I'm pretty sure they were doing a lot more than that.

We were fortunate that all three of our kids were self-motivated and wanted to do well in school.  I guess my wife and I should get some credit for some encouragement along the way and I guess the genes came from us too.  But, Saturday is really the last day of school for our family.(although Sean is taking grad school classes)  It's the end of a long, successful journey and it's the beginning of another journey called life, for Marisa.

Marisa is a joy.  Her enthusiasm and energy has inspired many of her fellow students and we are looking forward to enjoying a fun weekend in Atlanta with her celebrating her outstanding college career.  And if you ask me next week, how was your weekend? I'm going to be grinning from ear to ear and I'll tell you how wonderful it was.

How To Eat and Drive

I know Dad, I can hear you from 650 miles away.  "You shouldn't be eating while you drive, it's dangerous."  I've never been to confession since I'm Jewish, but I'm going to have to confess-I've been eating and driving for forty years.  Don't worry, I do take breaks, but I've eaten a lot of food and I've driven a lot of miles.  I figured I would give you some tips on how to eat and drive and also my views on particular foods in the car.

DRIVING ON DARK, WINDING ROADS: Don't eat, starve yourself.  This really can be dangerous.

IN TRAFFIC JAMS: This is one of the best times to eat since you're not moving and it will help you pass the time quicker.  It will also make the people in the cars next to you jealous and hungry.

EATING A HOAGIE OR SUB: Go light on the lettuce.  You'd be surprised how much lettuce you can drop and you may not find some of it for a month or two.  This is not the time to go heavy on mayo either-think light.

CHICKEN OR RIBS: I've only had ribs once while I was driving and it was not a pretty sight.  You think watching me devour a chicken or turkey carcass is disgusting to watch? Trying to drive while licking sauce off your fingers is even worse.  But, I was hungry and the ribs were incredible as I drove on the highway-safely. And my car smelled so good for weeks!

A CHICKEN OR TURKEY CARCASS: No way I would get in a car with one, just can't do it justice while driving.  It may also be dangerous and very messy in a car.

SAUCE:  Just like the mayo, go light.

COTTAGE CHEESE: This can be tricky.  You have to have the cottage cheese inside a lunchbox tightly so when you scoop it up with a spoon, the container doesn't move.  It does work well if you do that.  Cottage cheese can be messy if you drop it on yourself or your can.

BANANA: It you think the banana smells, you've got to get the peel out of your car, because it really stinks.  Peeling a banana can be tricky too.

SANDWICH: I've eaten thousands in my car.  Your hands may be dirty so keep the sandwich in the sandwich bag and just take small bites as the sandwich slips out a little bit from the bag.  Once in a while you might taste plastic, but it's probably harmless.

CHEERIOS(without milk)  Grabbing a handful of those little things is easy, but getting them all in your mouth is the challenging part.  Those tiny bits of food can sit on your floor for a long, long time until you find them.

THE FIVE SECOND RULE: You all know the old saying that if you drop something on the floor you need to pick it up in five seconds or less and it won't harm you.  In a car, when you're driving, it's more like a full minute.  How dirty can the mat be where you put your feet?  Keep your eyes on the road while your arm stretches down.  Remember, if  you dropped cranberry bread-you have to get it back!

FAST FOOD CHICKEN: If you put a couple pieces under your font seat wrapped up, don't be like my friend John and forget to take it with you.  After a few months under your seat the chicken will not be something you never want to smell or eat.(I know)

A PINT OF ICE CREAM:  Between the cold of the container, the frozen ice cream and the size of the container, this is not going to work.  Pull over somewhere safe and enjoy it, as long as you have a spoon.  If you don't have a spoon find anything else you can use before you have a pint of soup.

PLANNING: If you are planning on a road trip you want to have a realistic idea of what you are going to eat.  It is not necessary to have many bags of chips, pretzels, and candy like some people have done traveling from Atlanta.  Be prepared and throw in a napkin or two in case you're enjoying ribs.

More People In My Car

The month of November was definitely slower in terms of driving for Uber, so I started driving for Lyft also to get a few extra rides each week.  Uber is more popular in this area, but 90 miles south of here in Charleston, South Carolina, I've been told that Lyft is more popular.

These are my favorite stories from my riders for the month of November:

THE COLLEGE STUDENT
At 23 years old, she is about to graduate and she wants to be a marine biologist.  Her goal is to work in Hawaii and she has some friends and contacts there.  What surprised me was that she was planning her fourth trip to Hawaii.  This is one place I've always wanted to go, but at 23 she's been there three times already!  Through some unfortunate circumstances and saving some money with her sister, she was able to make multiple visits to Hawaii despite the expensive trips.  She really believes she will be able to get a job there and is looking forward to living there next year.  It's expensive to live there, but it has to be cheaper than traveling back and forth.  She was very confident and I believe she'll be able achieve her goal.

THE ENTERTAINER
It was 6:30 am on a Sunday when I got the ride from the Hampton Inn.  I was sitting in a parking lot across the street and I was at hotel in less than two minutes.  A young woman in her mid 20's walked out and she was dressed in a fancy, black ensemble.(I have no clue if it was a dress or skirt, since it was still dark out, but it was sleeveless)  She was very enthusiastic for early Sunday morning and when I started to pull away she said, "I'm going to entertain you-with a funny story."  She had my attention and told me she was at a wedding last night and had too much too drink.  She got a ride to her hotel, but could not find her key and they told her that she didn't have a room there.  She was confused and not thinking clearly, so the person who drove her let her sleep for the night in their room.  This morning the hotel told her that she was staying at the Hampton Inn six miles north of here.

As I drove towards the other hotel, I could not understand where it was and why they would have the same hotel in two locations so close to each other.(neither one was near the water)  My rider was wide awake and she gave me perfect instructions to the hotel which was hidden behind a mall and a bank.  There was no sign on the main road for the hotel either.  No wonder she couldn't find it the night before! I've been passing this intersection for the last eleven months.  It's only a few miles from our house and I never knew the hotel was there, and I was always sober.

THE FATHER AND THE 4-YEAR OLD
This could be a Disney script, it was that good.  When I pulled up to my rider I saw a man with very, very long hair and a little boy. They were going to the airport and the father had a car seat and seemed very organized.  He told me he worked in hospital in San Francisco and was headed home. Immediately, I made the connection of the long hair and San Francisco, but I was surprised when he told me he was a doctor in the emergency room.

He was trying to keep his son awake so he would sleep on the plane.  I asked if he could count to ten and the father didn't think so.  I asked the boy, "how many fingers do I have as I put one up."  He replied, "one" and I put up two fingers and he said, "two."  It didn't take long for him to count to ten that way and we made a big deal about it.  I told the father to take out the pirate brochure behind my seat and maybe he would like that, which he did.  There was one picture where the pirates were fighting and there was a fire and the father said, "if you were in that picture, what would you do?"  The four year old said, "I would help them with the fire.  I want to be a fireman."

I'm pretty sure we don't have to worry about this little boy.  He stayed awake and I'm pretty sure he's going to have a bright future.  And the Dad? He was doing a great job and seemed unfazed in handling his little boy.