How To Eat and Drive

I know Dad, I can hear you from 650 miles away.  "You shouldn't be eating while you drive, it's dangerous."  I've never been to confession since I'm Jewish, but I'm going to have to confess-I've been eating and driving for forty years.  Don't worry, I do take breaks, but I've eaten a lot of food and I've driven a lot of miles.  I figured I would give you some tips on how to eat and drive and also my views on particular foods in the car.

DRIVING ON DARK, WINDING ROADS: Don't eat, starve yourself.  This really can be dangerous.

IN TRAFFIC JAMS: This is one of the best times to eat since you're not moving and it will help you pass the time quicker.  It will also make the people in the cars next to you jealous and hungry.

EATING A HOAGIE OR SUB: Go light on the lettuce.  You'd be surprised how much lettuce you can drop and you may not find some of it for a month or two.  This is not the time to go heavy on mayo either-think light.

CHICKEN OR RIBS: I've only had ribs once while I was driving and it was not a pretty sight.  You think watching me devour a chicken or turkey carcass is disgusting to watch? Trying to drive while licking sauce off your fingers is even worse.  But, I was hungry and the ribs were incredible as I drove on the highway-safely. And my car smelled so good for weeks!

A CHICKEN OR TURKEY CARCASS: No way I would get in a car with one, just can't do it justice while driving.  It may also be dangerous and very messy in a car.

SAUCE:  Just like the mayo, go light.

COTTAGE CHEESE: This can be tricky.  You have to have the cottage cheese inside a lunchbox tightly so when you scoop it up with a spoon, the container doesn't move.  It does work well if you do that.  Cottage cheese can be messy if you drop it on yourself or your can.

BANANA: It you think the banana smells, you've got to get the peel out of your car, because it really stinks.  Peeling a banana can be tricky too.

SANDWICH: I've eaten thousands in my car.  Your hands may be dirty so keep the sandwich in the sandwich bag and just take small bites as the sandwich slips out a little bit from the bag.  Once in a while you might taste plastic, but it's probably harmless.

CHEERIOS(without milk)  Grabbing a handful of those little things is easy, but getting them all in your mouth is the challenging part.  Those tiny bits of food can sit on your floor for a long, long time until you find them.

THE FIVE SECOND RULE: You all know the old saying that if you drop something on the floor you need to pick it up in five seconds or less and it won't harm you.  In a car, when you're driving, it's more like a full minute.  How dirty can the mat be where you put your feet?  Keep your eyes on the road while your arm stretches down.  Remember, if  you dropped cranberry bread-you have to get it back!

FAST FOOD CHICKEN: If you put a couple pieces under your font seat wrapped up, don't be like my friend John and forget to take it with you.  After a few months under your seat the chicken will not be something you never want to smell or eat.(I know)

A PINT OF ICE CREAM:  Between the cold of the container, the frozen ice cream and the size of the container, this is not going to work.  Pull over somewhere safe and enjoy it, as long as you have a spoon.  If you don't have a spoon find anything else you can use before you have a pint of soup.

PLANNING: If you are planning on a road trip you want to have a realistic idea of what you are going to eat.  It is not necessary to have many bags of chips, pretzels, and candy like some people have done traveling from Atlanta.  Be prepared and throw in a napkin or two in case you're enjoying ribs.