DOING STAND-UP

(The events below took place only in my mind and any similarity between real events are just a coincidence.  Of course, my passenger was real and the conversation that took place on our ride was real too. It's just that everything else is made up, I think.  For my readers over 90, keep this in mind-this may seem long to read, but conversation in person goes a lot faster)

Scene:  The Myrtle Beach Comedy Club
When: Saturday night, February 1, 2020
(About 75 people are sitting in a small room talking to each other.  As the clock strikes 8, the host walks up on stage)

Joe the host: Welcome everyone to the Myrtle Beach Comedy Club.  We are ready to entertain you with four different acts. Since we've added one more act to our normal show, there's no time for me to make you laugh.  Our first act is different.  They have never performed stand-up comedy. They have never worked together. They have only met one time and for exactly nine minutes.  They have not talked on the phone ever and they did not rehearse this performance.  Matter of fact, they did not meet before this show and have not seen each other since November.  They are not just appearing for the first time, but I've been assured that this is their farewell performance.

Help me welcome, Jeff and MM:

(They enter the room from different places and approach the stage.  Jeff walks over to greet MM)

Jeff: Hi, I'm Jeff
MM: I know who you are, who is MM?
Jeff: You are, I gave you a stage name.
MM: That's the best you can do, mm(making the sound)?
Jeff: It's a tribute to you.
MM: Great, I feel better already, what does it mean?
Jeff: It stands for "The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel," the award winning comedy show about the hilarious stand-up comic.        .
MM: I know who she is, but that's three M's, why do I have only two?
Jeff: I thought three would be a little much, calling you, MMM.(making a sound like you would make after eating something delicious like coffee ice cream)  MM seems more normal.
MM: That's normal to you? We're in trouble or they are.(pointing to the audience)  You do realize that she is not real and I am, right?
Jeff: You are real? Are you sure? I've never seen you with the lights on.
MM: I've never see you with the lights on.  You look real, real old.
Jeff: I'll be 60 in August.
MM: 60? I thought you were in your 70's.
Jeff: Very nice of you to think that, you look real young-maybe 19?
MM: That's ridiculous, I am not 19 and you definitely need glasses.

Jeff: So, how did we get here?
MM: It's your fault, totally.
Jeff: I think you're to blame, we'll let the audience decide.
As Joe said, we really do not know each other and have only met one time.  I don't even know her name, so I gave her one.
MM: You forgot my name, really?
Jeff: Your name wasn't important, but the things you said were very funny.  We were together for nine minutes and I might add, there were other people with us.
MM: You were with me and three of my girlfriends.
Jeff: Yes, that is true, but here's our story:
(In a hushed voice:)It was a beautiful Saturday night in downtown Charleston, South Carolina. It was November 9th and it was 6:45 pm.
MM: That's very nice, but this isn't "The Muppet Christmas Carol."
Jeff: You recognized that I was mimicking the beginning of that movie?
MM:It's one of my favorite movies, we watch it every Christmas Eve.
Jeff: No way, it's one of my favorite movies and we watch it every Christmas Eve.

(Almost together they both say:) "I love the music".

Jeff: Are we related?
MM: Not that I know of.
Jeff: You don't have cousins up in the Kingston, NY area by the name of Schwartz?
MM: I don't think so, are you Jewish?
Jeff: I am, are you?
MM: Yes. I don't believe you-say a prayer.
Jeff: Baruch Atah Adonoi....
MM: Charleston?
Jeff: Yes, tell them what you did in Charleston and how we met.

MM:I was in Charleston with three of my friends and we were hanging out for a couple days.  We had just had a couple drinks, having a good time, and we were going to eat. It was a mile away and we didn't want to walk-we were lazy, so we got an Uber and that's how this began.
Jeff: So it was your fault, right?
MM: I just wanted a ride, I wasn't planning on doing stand-up!
Jeff: I was the Uber driver and I was taking my last ride of the night and then meeting my wife for dinner.  I was a little tired since I had been taking rides since 6 am., and I had no clue who I was picking up and I still don't know.
MM: I was looking at his profile and he almost had a perfect rating, close to 5.0 and I also saw that he said his favorite day of the week is Monday.  How can that be?
Jeff: The rating or about Monday?
MM: Both
Jeff: Well, I really enjoy driving people and they are kind enough to rate me highly, but my rating was was only a 4.6 which isn't even the best in my house.  My wife's rating is 4.8, she's prettier than I am.  Monday is my favorite day, because it's the beginning of a new week and it's most people's least favorite day.  My youngest daughter and I call Mondays, "Magnificent Mondays."
MM: That is ridiculous! Don't you all agree?(asking the audience and the audience applauds)

MM: I knew this was going to be an unusual ride when I saw his vehicle on the other side of the road and he drove right up on the sidewalk.
Jeff: It was dark and it was a busy street and I did not go over a curb.  I just drove up an incline so I was in a safe spot for them to get in. As she's crossing the street, leading her posse...
MM: A posse? They were friends.
Jeff: She was leading the march, definitely the leader of the group.  She's in the middle of a busy street, in the dark, loudly talking about my great rating.  I had gotten out of the car to make sure they got in my car safely away from the traffic and I just started laughing. I opened the door and said something about the service she was getting.  I knew this was going to be a great last ride for the night.  I never thought I'd end up on a stage.

Jeff: As I pulled away she said something like, "it's only a mile away, is that okay?" Knowing her all of 30 seconds I said, "you're all already in the car, I'm kind of stuck with you."  I really don't talk like that to riders I just met, it usually takes me a few minutes to tell if I can kid around with them.
MM: I didn't like what he said, so I told him something like, "if you don't want us, I'll have to give you a 1 rating,." It's the lowest rating.
Jeff: I was still laughing and said, "she's threatening me, can you believe it, she's threatening me.  You do know that I rate the passengers too, right?"  Then I asked her, who ordered the ride? It was the person whose name was on my app, whatever it was.  She said it was one of the girls in the back, but she lied.
MM: I wasn't going to tell him it was me, but one of my posse spilled the beans.

Jeff: She said something else that was funny-I was having difficulty concentrating on driving, I was just trying to keep pace with her and it was almost impossible.
MM: He was laughing and trying to drive, it was funny watching him laugh at everything I said.
Jeff: I said to her, "Have you ever done stand-up?"  Her response was priceless- she said, "No, should I?  Maybe we should do it together later tonight?"
MM: I thought he might enjoy that.
Jeff: If she was the driver and I said that, she probably would have slapped me in the face.
MM: Yes, I would have and I would have  enjoyed doing it too.

Jeff: That's when I realized I have to talk more, because I had no idea what she was going to say.  If I was in an easy place to drive and she was the only one in the car, I would have pulled over for a minute, just to stop laughing.
MM: So, if we were alone you would have pulled over, that doesn't sound like a good idea.
Jeff: It would have helped my driving.  I said something like, "it's a good thing this isn't a longer ride, it would be difficult to drive any distance with you."
MM: I guess that was a compliment, but I was having fun.
Jeff: I told her that I write a blog for my family and a few friends in New Jersey and I would have to write about her.
MM: I definitely wanted to read that so he gave me his card, which he probably gives out to a lot of women. He said I should send him my e-mail address and he would send me the story when he writes it.

Jeff: The business card has a picture of my wife on it and I don't give it out to a lot of women.  I told her one of my funny rider stories that I knew she would like, but her response was totally unexpected.  One of my passengers gave me a nickname, Jeff-Ro, No-Fro, which everyone laughs at.  The ride was almost over and suddenly she started almost shouting, "I have to show you something, I have to show you something."
MM: His story was funny, but I couldn't believe what he said, because of my past.
Jeff: It is never a good idea for a woman to start shouting those words at a man who is driving a car.
MM: What did you think I was going to show you? You didn't think I was going to "flash" you, did you?
Jeff: No, definitely not.  Never entered my mind, no.
MM: That's a lot of denials for an easy question.
Jeff: It is, but it's still no.
MM: He had to see what I wanted to show him.
Jeff: It was about that time I missed a turn down a small side road and the ride was extended another minute or two.  I pulled over to drop them off and she shows me a picture on her phone and she was wearing an afro.
MM: I wasn't wearing it, my hair was in an afro in second grade.  My uncle cut my hair-it was awful.
Jeff: It was dark, I was in a hurry, I thought it was possible it was a recent picture.  Finally, she got out of the car with her posse and I had a good laugh.  I realized that she was no-fro now too, really bizarre.  I couldn't wait to tell my wife about my last ride.  I also gave her a good rating and if I could have, I would have given her 10 stars.(5 is the highest rating)
MM: My posse enjoyed the show we put on and we had a great time the rest of the night.

Jeff: Just when I though it could not get any odder, the next night I was sitting in our living room with my wife and I got a text from you know you.
MM: They really don't know, they don't know my name either.
Jeff: Ok, what's your real name?
MM: I think it's a little late for that, why do you need to know?
Jeff: Isn't about time I knew? It's not like I'm going to write a song about you.
MM: You don't write songs too, do you?
Jeff: Yes, I've written a few, over 300.  But, I'm not writing a song about you.
MM: Are you sure? You're starting to sound like a stalker. But, if you did write a song about me, what would you call it?
Jeff: Well, I could call it: "A Woman With No Name, " or I could call it, "Once, Twice, But Three Times You Won't See Me," or maybe "This One's Not For You."
MM: You didn't just come up with that.  You've been thinking about song titles about a song you're not going to write?
Jeff: The thought did occur to me, but I'm definitely not writing a song about you, I don't even know who you are!

MM: I sent him a text the next night after I gave him a 5 rating on the app, a tip, and I wrote some comments.
Jeff: When I read the comments, I started laughing again.  This is exactly what she said, "  'WOW, WHERE DO I EVEN START WITH JEFFREY.  WE HAD A MAGICAL EVENING RIDE, THOUGH IT WAS ONLY A MILE DRIVE.  WE REALLY BONDED. JEFFREY AND I ARE GOING TO BE PERFORMING A NIGHTLY STAND-UP ROUTINE ONCE HE AND MONIKA SETTLE DOWN IN CHARLESTON.  I WILL BE DEBUTING ON THE BLOG NEXT WEEK AND THINGS ARE ON THE UP AND UP."

MM: I thought the comments were pretty normal, that's what I write about all my Uber drivers.
Jeff: Sure you do! "A magical evening ride?" I was not Aladin showing Jasmine the city on my flying carpet. I hate texting, but for the next ten minutes I was texting back and forth to you know who.  My wife said this was really weird and I said it was, "but, that's what makes it so much fun."
MM: I sent him a recent picture of me at a wig party, with sort of an afro wig.
Jeff: I didn't even know what she looked like, but I could see the resemblance from the second grade picture. I sent her a link to my blog and figured that was the end of the story, but it wasn't.  I was thinking about how funny it would be if an Uber driver and a passenger who didn't know each other, really did a stand-up routine.  What if I wrote a comedy sketch about the two of us meeting? Do I ask her if she wants to give me lines she would say, or would I appear to be a stalker if I contacted her again?  I decided to write the comedy sketch and somehow try to be as funny as she would be.  Then, I would make sure she saw it with my story about her at the end of the month.
MM: My posse was giving me a hard time about this old man hitting on me, but I knew he really wasn't.  It was just very unusual to connect so easily and immediately with someone so much older than I was.
Jeff: Yes, our age difference has to be about 50 years, right?
MM: I was 8 in the first picture you saw, so maybe 60 years?

Jeff: I wrote the comedy sketch just before Thanksgiving and then I wrote my end of the month stories on my favorite rides of the month.  I did text her to let her know and if she couldn't get them on my blog I would send them to her for her to enjoy.
MM: I was surprised when I read the sketch and parts of it were very funny, but we were a lot funnier in person.  I texted him back and said I enjoyed it and thank you, but I said, "maybe we really should do stand-up once."
Jeff: It's her fault we're here.  I came up with the idea that I would ask a comedy club if we could raise money for a local charity and if they would give us a chance to perform one night.  I did ask my wife first, under the circumstances.  I promoted it on our Uber Facebook page and I told a lot of drivers.  A number of them are here, right? (some applause in the audience)  Those of you in the audience who need a ride home, will definitely not have a problem tonight.
MM: I thought it would be fun, but I didn't think he would be able to do it.  And then he texts me and asks what weekend I would be available in February.  I started laughing at the idea we were going to do this, it seemed ridiculous.  How was I going to explain this to my posse? I'm going to fly to Myrtle Beach to do stand-up with my Uber driver?  How could I explain it to my family?
Jeff: When she said she wanted to come down and could be here Saturday, February 1, I knew I couldn't back out.  How was I going to explain this to anyone? Who would believe this? We are filming this so we have proof and I'm sure we will get a few laughs after tonight.
MM: I may have to watch it again, so I believe we really did this.

Jeff: We have a few minutes left and we can take two questions from the audience.
Question from a woman: You were very funny together, why do you say it's your farewell performance?
MM: Long distance relationships and business relationships, are very hard to work out.  I have a full-time job and he's married for a long time and works too.  It just wouldn't work out for the two of us to travel the country bantering back and forth at bars and comedy places.
Jeff: MM is right, it wouldn't work. Why would I want to be away from my beautiful wife of 36 years and miss this great weather in Myrtle Beach?  I barely survived my first 9 minutes with her, how could I stop laughing if I was around her a lot? She got her fantasy to do stand-up with an old man.
MM: Yes, since I was 9, I wanted to do a stand-up routine with someone old enough to be my grandfather, isn't that every little girl's dream?
Question from a man: So, the two of you don't have a thing?
Jeff: Of course we do, this is it.  You could say this is our one night stand....up!
MM: You saved that for last, didn't you? All night he's been throwing out these great lines trying to top me.
Jeff: And still, it probably didn't work.  You're just naturally funny and I'm not.  You've been a great audience, thank you comedy club and thank you MM. We'll hang around after the show if anyone wants to say hello.  Why don't you say good night Gracie?
MM: Who is Gracie?
Jeff: Who is on first.
MM: She is?
Jeff and MM: Good night.

Courier Road Tales

It almost doesn't seem fair that most of my good stories come from driving for Uber/Lyft compared to driving as a courier.  I spend about ten hours more a week delivering as a courier and I make about 50-60 deliveries more than I give Uber/Lyft rides each week.  However, there are some funny courier moments and these are a few I've accumulated over the last few months.

Today, I was in the warehouse working when the warehouse worker made me burst out laughing.  Our supervisor had just had surgery and cannot lift anything for three weeks and he's really struggling not handling any boxes.  He keeps picking up small things and the warehouse guy and I have been kind of scolding him. So, I said to the worker, "we may have to tie him up.'  His reply to me was, "you should do more work."  Never in my life has anyone told me I should work more and he may have been have joking, but it didn't sound like that.

Sometimes the reception I get when I walk into a place with a delivery, surprises me.  I've had women say to me, "you're my favorite person" or, "I love you." (it's a little much for a few boxes)  Not too long ago a woman greeted me with, "you're my hero."  I asked her if she could sing it for me like the song, but she didn't go for it and just laughed.

A week ago the weather here was fall-like for me.  It was in the 50's and people were freezing.  As I made a delivery, the woman said that she was so cold and I said, "I'm wearing shorts."  Her reply was, "I can't even look at you wearing no pants."  I started laughing and I drowned out the rest of her sentence and she started laughing when she realized what she said.  She couldn't remember the rest of the sentence, but we did have a good laugh together.

It's going to be in the mid to high 60's tomorrow and my shorts are ready.  With any luck I'll get to deliver to the same woman again.  I just don't think I can walk in and announce, "I'm not wearing pants again."

"There's No Bad Weather, Just Bad Clothes"

You may have heard this Norwegian phrase before, but I heard it this morning on the radio.  Norwegians are raised to learn how to dress well for outside due to the weather conditions they face.  They are very big on wearing layers of clothing which I've been a believer in for years.  If it gets cold up north this winter, make sure your head is covered and it will help keep your body warm.  I would much rather wear 3-5 layers of clothing than a heavy coat, it just works better.

How do you get your body adjusted to the cold? Apparently our military has spent a lot of money trying to figure that out and prepare our cadets at West Point.  It is cold up there in New York in the winter, but they make first year cadets take a cold shower each morning and that makes a big difference.  Yes, they take a cold shower every day to get their body adjusted for the outside temperatures.

Down here in the South there are many people like ourselves who start getting adjusted to warmer temperatures.  When it's fifty degrees there are not just native southerners who are cold, but people who have moved down here from colder climates.  I expect at some point temperatures in the 40's and 50's will start bothering us, but we're not there yet.

So, if you want to start getting used to the cold, take cold showers.  Or, maybe you'll feel warmer knowing that other people are taking cold showers and you have a hot shower coming in the near future. And, you don't have to worry about having good or bad clothes on, just take the hot shower.

Doing Stand-Up Comedy, Sort Of

The idea of me doing stand-up comedy is something I have thought about over the years.  I would like to do it one time.  I used to do a lot of public speaking and although I really can't tell a joke to save my life, I know I can tell some funny stories.  I also know that over the years I've had some funny things happen to me and other people have found some of them amusing.

I watched my friend Larry in New Jersey, (he was born funny) do a stand-up routine for a charitable event at his Temple and to no one's surprise, he was funny.  I've been making a lot of Uber/Lyft riders laugh in my car with some original material and by telling them about my other riders.

Recently, a passenger in my car, suggested that the two of us do stand-up together, which is about as unlikely as the Jets winning The Super Bowl, the Knicks winning the championship and the Mets winning the Super Bowl, all in the same year. (It did happen in 1969, but that was 50 years ago)

However, since I do like to write and sometimes I do it well, what if I wrote about doing stand-up with this passenger? It's difficult enough I think to write something funny for you to say, but how about trying to write something funny for someone else to say and you really don't know her? If you, (not you Dad) went to a comedy show and two people got on stage who had never done stand-up and had only met once for nine minutes and one was the other's Uber driver, would it be funny watching them try to be funny?

I think it would be.  I was going to ask my funny friend Larry, but I got a thumb's up unexpectedly from another source.  My last ride on a Saturday night in Charleston, was the passenger who suggested we do stand-up and the next Saturday morning in Charleston, was actually a woman who was starting a career as a stand-up comic.  I asked her and her sister if my idea would be funny and they laughed and said it would be.  Her advice was, "if you think in your heart you should do something, you should do it."

If you want to blame someone for what I am about to do, you can blame me.  Or, you could blame the passenger who made the suggestion, or the stand up comic I just mentioned.  Even better, blame Senator Al Franken.  I read his book recently which was great and it was about his career as a comedy writer and a US Senator.  If you don't think it could get worse than me writing a comedy sketch, what if I was running for a political office???

What My Riders Say About Me

Earlier in the year I wrote about some of the comments my Uber riders have made on the app about me and the ride I've given them.  Next month I will have reached 2,000 Uber rides, so I thought I would tell you about a few more comments I've had this year. Very few people actually take the time to make a comment, but some of them are really terrific.  Here are a few:

"I FORGOT I WAS IN AN UBER, IT FELT LIKE A RIDE WITH A FRIEND."

If I had to just write about one comment, this would be the one.  If I had to describe what my goal was when I pick someone up, this would explain it.  Sure, I want to get them safely to where they are going, but for the most part, I treat them like a friend who I haven't met and there dozens, maybe a few hundred, I wish I could drive again."

"PERFECT UBER DRIVER AND PERFECT UBER VEHICLE."

As you know I am not perfect, but my van probably is.  I have had countless people compliment and rave about my van and it really is ideal for driving Uber.  Many people comment that they've never seen or been in a car like mine and I usually say, "that's why I'm here, just to show you the car."

"VERY FRIENDLY AND A GOOD DRIVER.  OPENED AND CLOSED OUR DOORS FOR US LIKE A GENTLEMAN."

I try when I can to open and close doors for women especially and sometimes men too.  My side doors can be a little difficult for some, so it makes sense to do it.  Also, it gets me out of the van and I can stretch my legs."

'WOW, WHERE DO I EVEN START WITH JEFFREY.  WE HAD A MAGICAL EVENING RIDE, THOUGH IT WAS ONLY A MILE DRIVE.  WE REALLY BONDED. JEFFREY AND I ARE GOING TO BE PERFORMING A NIGHTLY STAND-UP ROUTINE ONCE HE AND MONIKA SETTLE DOWN IN CHARLESTON.  I WILL BE DEBUTING ON THE BLOG NEXT WEEK AND THINGS ARE ON THE UP AND UP."

You can tell easily that this passenger enjoyed her ride in my car.  If she didn't mention a couple specific details, I still would have known exactly who this was due to her outgoing personality and unique way of speaking.  She is one of my favorite riders of the month and I'll be writing more details about our "magical" one mile trip at the end of the month.

Just A Reminder: It's Never Too Early For Christmas!

This morning at 5:15 am I walked outside towards my car. The temperature was a "freezing" 45 degrees, so I put on my winter hat.  I felt ridiculous, because it wasn't really cold for me, but 45 degrees is very cold down here.  I was wearing shorts and two light jackets also and I was in a really good mood.  No surprise there, it was a Monday, my favorite day of the week.

It was totally unexpected what happened next.  My wipers cleared the windows and I realized I might actually have some ice on them in a couple mornings. (don't miss that)  I turned on the radio and there it was-a Christmas song!  And, after that song, came another one and I realized that one of the local stations had changed their format for the holidays-Christmas music all the time!

Years ago, I had come home after work around Thanksgiving time and I had enjoyed listening to Christmas music on the radio.  My youngest daughter said, "it's too early for Christmas," and I quickly replied, "It's never too early for Christmas.'  That inspired me to write a song by that name.

I didn't listen to the station all day today, but I did enjoy hearing a number of songs.  I know that some of you couldn't care less and some of you really do think it's too early for Christmas music, but I love hearing many of the songs.  I enjoy hearing multiple singers singing the same song and hearing how they sing it differently.

If Christmas music in mid-November doesn't bring a smile to your face, how about this?  When you're getting up in the morning with your cup of coffee tomorrow, or trying to get the little "sleepies" out of your eyes, I'm driving down the road in my van singing Christmas music!

Yes, I can see you smiling right now-it's never to early for Christmas!

The New Highway

To say that life is at a slower pace here in South Carolina, is really an understatement.  I've joked with some southerners that it may take me ten years to get down to this pace, but I am working on it.  How does the pace make a difference here? Simply, things get done much, much slower.

We have a great highway close by to our house that runs from North Myrtle Beach through Myrtle Beach.  Route 31 is a great ride since there is never traffic; it's almost as if only half the people know it exists.  I usually drive home on this highway instead of taking the main road, Rt. 17, which goes through the same area with lights all the down through Charleston, South Carolina.

The extension of Route 31 would go through Murrells Inlet(just past Myrtle Beach) and down to Pawley's Island near Georgetown?  We're not even sure where the road ends up, but definitely south. It was scheduled to open in 2017, before we got here, it's been delayed a bit.

We recently heard it was going to be November, this year!  It would definitely save us a few more minutes coming up home from the north, since it would cut off a stretch of another road with lights that we would no longer need to drive on.  Then, we heard it was going to be this weekend!

Driving home last night, the closed highway with all the cones, was not on my mind.  It's automatic: the road turns into one lane and then all the traffic exits onto Highway 544 towards Surfside and then there's a couple traffic lights and I get on 707 for the final stretch home.

I'm on Route 31 and I see the exit for 544 and I watch it as I go pass it and the road continues.  Suddenly, the light bulb goes on and I realize that I'm on the new highway.  And, there's my new exit! I get off the ramp and now everything looks familiar and I've saved 5-10 minutes on my journey home.

It's going to take awhile to get used to, not getting off on the highway I've always gotten off of.  I also have to make sure I don't miss my turn.  Just letting you know-there's a new road in the south, finally. It's about time.

October Rider Stories

NIGHT TRAIN: His name was Night Train, really it was.  I thought the most interesting thing about my rider was his first name, but I was wrong.  His Dad named him Night Train after the Hall of Fame football player, Night Train Lane, who he had met.  His mom let his Dad name him, but she said he has no say in anything else the rest of their lives.  Night Train has worked in baseball his whole life.  "My Dad broke all the labor laws, because I've been working since I was five and have done every job in a baseball stadium."  He is currently interviewing with several teams for a job.  Half way through the ride I found out his grandfather was Bill Veck, the Hall of Fame former owner of the Chicago White Sox.  His grandfather created many of the baseball promotions that exist today in the major and minor leagues.  He is famous for hiring a midget to lead off games, because they had to walk him because there was no strike zone.  He also came up with Disco Demolition night where in the seventies fans brought their disco records and the plan was for them to be blown up in between a doubleheader.  The stadium was sold out with 20,000 people outside the stadium and things got out of control and they had to forfeit the second game.  I had a great time talking baseball with Night Train and how he manages to live with such an unusual name.

A SUNDAY MORNING EARLY RIDE: My first ride set the tone for a terrific day and I wish I could thank the two women I picked up who were in their twenties.  They had been celebrating Bike Week and at 6:30 am they were ready to go to sleep.  I asked them if they had been up all night or they were just getting up and one of them said, "what do you think?" and the other said, "do naps count?" They were friends, but they could have been sisters since they talked the same way. They were outspoken and funny and had me laughing almost the whole way.  "We're just so wonderful," one told me as they jumped from one topic to another.  I told them they were a great first ride and one replied, "we aim to make every ride the best ride."  They were having a great time making me laugh.  "I hate Mondays," she said very clearly and then explained how she really disliked the first day of the week.  I couldn't resist and told them, "Monday's my favorite day of the week." Before I could explain, her reply was simple and clear-she said, "F_ _ _ you." I imagine that other people have wanted to tell me that when I told them about how I feel about Monday's, but her comment had me chuckling all day.  It turned out to be two decent rides instead of one and they gave me a generous tip, but I think I should have tipped them since they really did make it a great ride.

NOT JUST A GOVERNMENT EMPLOYEE: I had the pleasure of driving someone from Myrtle Beach to Mt. Pleasant, South Carolina, which was about 90 miles.(It's north of Charleston, South Carolina) He is in Human Resources for the federal government and works out of Charleston.  He's responsible for hiring people all over the country, in person, by phone and by video conferencing.  We talked about how they have special programs for veterans and for young people to get them into civil service positions and also how he handles hiring people who need to have security clearance. He said that millennials these days are frequently concerned more with how much time they off, job flexibility, and when they can work at home and less about the actual job.  As much as I enjoyed talking about hiring people(really), he was a history buff with a fascinating history himself.  His Mom worked as a secretary in the federal government and she was the first woman in South Carolina to volunteer after Pearl Harbor.  She was told by supervisors three times not to ask to enlist in the war effort, but she ignored them.  She eventually worked for the Navy's  military intelligence interviewing captured Germans from submarines.  Her drive and ability was recognized quickly and she became known as Eleanor Roosevelt's "right hand man."  He showed me a couple of pictures of his Mom with Eleanor Roosevelt.  He impressed me with his dedication to hire the best personnel and also at the same time his concern with saving money for the taxpayers.  I hope to give him another ride in the future.

THE GROOM: I asked my passenger when he got in the car early in the morning, "do you have any big plans today?"  "I'm getting married later, but I'm really worried about the weather."  I was taking him to play golf, but I figured I could give him a little wedding gift.  I told him that I would talk to the man upstairs and ask them to hold the rain off a few hours until they were at the reception around 5:30. I also said I would mention it to a few passengers during the day, so I wasn't the only one pushing the rain back.  "If the rain holds off until 5:30 you'll remember this conversation and if it doesn't, don't worry, you'll never see me again."   I told him that shortly after we cleaned up at my wedding reception in the back of my parent's house, it poured and caused some flooding in the streets.  When I told him that I've been married for 36 years he asked me, "what's the secret to marriage?"  I said, "I heard a long time ago that it wasn't finding the right person, but being the right person."  I added that it was important to remember that people are different and they have different views based on their past experiences.  And the rain? There were a lot clouds and a couple sprinkles, but the rain didn't come down until the evening, mission accomplished.

THE NEGATIVE RIDE: When my rider got out of my car I had two thoughts: I felt badly for him and he was so negative I felt like I should take a shower.  He had lived here for five years and came here with his wife and Dad.  His Dad passed away a couple years ago and his wife left him and he was very bitter.  He complained about everything here and I did not try to cheer him up.  I let him talk and he was very eager to talk.  He did say he was moving out in May and that would be a really good thing for him.  He may have been most upset that the wages are very low here, but South Carolina is like that.  He summed up his thoughts up with this, "the people suck, the wages suck, the politicians suck and the weather sucks."  I won't forget this ride, but I'd like to.

THE LONGEST RIDE:  I pulled into the Charleston Airport to wait for a ride, and I certainly got one I would not forget. My rider was coming in from China and heading to Columbus, South Carolina, which was 107 miles away.  It was an easy ride on the highway and it took one hour and 45 minutes. With a $15 tip I made over $100, the most I've made on any ride.  The 27 year-old automation engineer, was very interesting to talk to.  His Vietnamese parents came over here after a very difficult time in Vietnam. He had been out of college only three years and has done very well.  We talked the entire time on many topics.  He travels mostly in the U.S. for work and sees his job as making things automated and reducing human error.  He's interested in retiring early and has been looking into a young movement called, "F.I.R.E." It stands for Financial Independence, Retire Early.  The goal is to retire in your 30's or 40's.  He has always run a few miles as a hobby, but decided to enter the Chicago Marathon last year.  He did not train, but he finished it in over six hours.  He's training now for a Charlotte Marathon of 31 miles this year.  I learned a lot and had a great time too.

THE PLAYBOY BUNNY: How often can you pick up a Playboy bunny? It could be every year around Halloween, you never know.  When the guy put her in my front seat, I was aware that she wasn't wearing much and I soon found out why.  It was early on a Sunday morning and she had just woken up and really didn't know where she was.  She told me she must have drank too much last night and she was a little down on herself for being put in the car by a guy she did not know well.  She said she was at a Halloween Party the night before and that's all she remembered.  I had to ask her what her costume was since I was driving and I certainly wasn't going to try to figure it out.  She said, "I'm a Playboy Bunny, but I've lost my ears."  She didn't seem drunk, but she was still a little disoriented.  She's a beautician and she was fixing her hair a little and with the window open one of her blonde hairs literally flew across the front seat and hit me in the mouth.  I removed it from my mouth and asked, "do you want this back?"  I did cheer her up some with a few stories and made her laugh and by the time she got home I think she felt a little better than when she got in my car.

THE CUSTOMER SERVICE TRAINER: I picked up a rider from the Marriott Hotel who had just given a twenty minute presentation to about a hundred sheriffs.  He was speaking to a much larger group this week and has co-written several books.  He encouraged the sheriffs to do better handling the public. "Officers always need to keep in mind that the cameras are on, but it's really an advantage for them." He explained that they should constantly be promoting all the good stories that they are involved with and that they just are not doing enough in this area.  It was a pretty short ride unfortunately, so I wasn't able to get a lot out of him, but it was very interesting.