JUly Rider Quotes

Me: "What's the advantage of staying in Conway each year when you visit?" Rider: "The beaches are nicer."(WHAT BEACHES?)

Me: "What kind of work do you do?" Rider: "I'm in death sales. I sell plots, caskets and mausoleums." I can get you 15% off on a casket. Sometimes people ask if they can get the discount later on and I tell them that when it's time, it's too late for the discount."

African American woman from Indianapolis: "Is there a hood here?"  Me: "Yes, but I don't go there often."

Coming off the casino boat the nurse said, "If I jumped off the ship I could have been a mimosa mermaid."(yes, she drank a couple)

After hearing about the Mimosa Mermaid, the bartender said, "I'm going to make that the drink of the day."

"When my grandfather heard I was going to be named Marissa, he hated it.  He said it was the worst name he ever heard and said, "why would anyone name a child that?" (we did and we love it)

"My Dad was voted class clown in high school and my grandfather was too.  When my older brother was not, the pressure was really on me, but I did it without a problem."

"We don't care how badly people drive as long as they are safe. We own a towing business."

"I used to sell life insurance, but I'd much rather talk to people who are 60 with one foot in the grave."  Me: "I won't be 60 for 6 more weeks so I'm good."

Her:"I turned 41 yesterday, but I was 17 the day before." Me: You had a really long day."

Me: "How did you get away for a ten-day vacation?" (young couple) Him: "She convinced me, she is pretty cute." Her: "It really helps to be cute sometimes-maybe he'll propose here."

"We can't buy anything to bring home since we drove the 300 miles from Virginia Beach on a motorcycle."

"When I worked in a bank a woman used to come in with her dog and we'd give it a bone.  One day the dog collapsed in our lobby and the woman gave the dog mouth to mouth.  There was no way I was going to help her with that. The dog was just lying there and the woman was crying, because she thought her dog was dead.  Suddenly, the dog just got up and started walking."

(Cuban rider on July 4th) "You can't tell Americans what to do, that's what I love most about this country."

"I've never given an Uber driver a tip, but I have to give you one."(he did)

Her 15 year old daughter asked her, "which end of the year dance recital should I invite grandpa(Indian decent) too?" She said, "the one where you show off the least."

"I'm writing a movie script, something like "Lord of the Rings."

"The beach-all day, every day.

"I named my daughter Haven, becasue she's a safe haven from my addiction."

"I was born in Poland and lived in Canada, California, and Denver, but my favorite place, because of the people, is the Northeast where I lived for a semester of college."

Me: "Are you two married or dating?" Him: "We'll be married some day."  Me: "You're getting married Monday?" Him: "No, some day-I have to sell a lot more caskets for that."

"I may have to eat Ramin the rest of my life."

"I live in Manhatten, Kansas.  We call it "The Little Apple."

Me: "Where do you live in Ohio."  Her: "In the middle of nowhere. We don't have a stop light, but we have two restaurants."

"We had our high school graduation a month later, we had only 30 in our class."

"I've done the walk on the beach for five minutes and that's enough for me."

"I would have had straight A's in grammar school, but they decided to grade spelling."

Me: "Where do you live in Boston?" Rider: "We live in Fenway Park. We can see the stadium from our living room."

"The older I get the more grateful I am for what I have."

"We're now using two different bleach to clean and one of them makes our fingers bleed."

"I know some kids in high school who intentionally failed so they could repeat their senior year so they could play sports with their friends."

"I applied to a bunch of colleges in Florida where I lived and I was turned down by all of them. I applied to St. John's in New York just for "shits and giggles" and I was accepted.  My choice was to live at home and go to a community college or go to St. John's, so I went to St. John's."

(Woman from Ireland on visa to work here) I really enjoy the different cultures here in America.

When I told my rider that another rider gave me the name of Jeff-Ro No-Fro, he took off his hat showing his curly hair and said, "but I'm Jeff-Fro."(It wasn't a fro though)

"The other night we paid $125 to get from Broadway at The Beach to the southern part of 707."

Me: "You're from Minnesota, the friendliest state in the country." Rider: "It is now after I left."(funny, not friendly)

"Our supermarket has 3-4 times more online orders since the virus."

"For our buffet everyone has to wear a mask and they need to wear gloves when they go up and get food and they should change their gloves each time.  We are all watching and other customers tell us when someone isn't following the rules."

"The average house price in  the Myrtle Beach area is around $230,000.

"The people in Mississippi are hard-working, patriotic people."

"You really can't find people who can do the job."

July Rider Stories

THE CLASS CLOWN: Of the 3,500 rides I've given there have only been three people who were just naturally funny or hilarious.  One, was the IBM manager who I told that he should do a comedy special and I wanted a video of it. His reply was, "it's going be a cheap video to make since I'll only need one copy." Another funny rider was the  young woman who suggested that we do stand-up comedy together that night and called her one mile Uber ride, "a magical evening ride." The third guy in sales had been up all night and at 6:30 am I was taking him to a "hook-up."  His last words to me were, "make good choices."

The couple I picked up recently was visiting from Pennsylvania and I knew immediately that this guy was going to make me laugh the whole ride.  I had to interrupt him at the beginning, because he sounded like he should be in sales.  When I asked him what kind of work he did, he said, "death sales." He said it was usually "overlooked" as a career and he sells "caskets, plots, and mausoleums too." He added, " I can get you 15% off on a casket. Sometimes people ask if they can get the discount later on and I tell them that when it's time, it's too late for the discount."

He used to sell insurance, but he said, "but I'd much rather talk to people who are 60 with one foot in the grave."  My reply was, "I won't be 60 for 6 more weeks so I'm good." I thought he said that they were getting married on Monday, but he really said, "some day, I have sell a lot more caskets for that."  His humor runs in the family since his Dad and Grandfather were voted class clowns in high school. "When my older brother was not, the pressure was really on me but I did it without a problem."  His girlfriend said, "his Dad is even crazier than he is."  It was a lot of fun driving them and I got them laughing with some stories too.  As the ride ended he said, "I've never given an Uber driver a tip, but I have to give one to you."  I should have tipped him, it really was entertaining.


THE BREAKFAST RIDE: It should have been easy picking up a couple from The Hilton and taking them a mile away to a breakfast place, but everything went wrong.  As I started to drive, the Uber app said, "you have arrived." I had gone nowhere and I saw the address was the same as the hotel.  My passenger looked up the breakfast place and I put the address into Google Maps.  As I passed the big outlet mall on the left I mentioned it and the Wal-Mart was on the right.  The directions took me to a mall that did not have a breakfast place in it.  I looked up the address and it was exactly what I had, but now the directions took me back where I was.  I got some laughs mentioning the Wal-Mart on the left and the outlet mall on the right.  The new directions took us into a campground and sure enough at the back of it, was the restaurant.  It was a brick building, that did not look appealing and they decided not to go in.  Since I had already recommended Blueberry's Grill, they agreed to go there.  The Wal-Mart was now on the right and the outlet mall was on the left and we were all laughing again. They were happy with how their breakfast place looked and when I got there they all also had a bigger appetite.


MR. AND MRS. SUNSHINE MEET THE SUNSHINE MAN: I guess it was just a coincidence, but it was some coincidence! Recently, I put a sign up in my van for passengers to see; "If you can't find the sunshine, be the sunshine." I drove 14 miles out to Conway and picked up a truck driver and his wife to take them back to the beach. I told them they were in luck, because it was hot and sunny at the beach today, unlike the clouds that covered the sky in Conway. The wife hadn't been to the beach in a long time and yesterday was her birthday. Her husband was taking her there for an hour after he made a supermarket delivery.  The wife said, "I was 41 yesterday and 17 the day before." I replied, "you had a really long day," and we had a good laugh.

The husband was tired from driving and the wife seemed to be the positive and enthusiastic one.  She loved my sign and told me that she calls her husband sunshine.  When she was in a difficult marriage he would see her around the apartment complex and sometimes, "his friendly greeting was the only kind words she heard all day."  She said that maybe my "sunshine" sign is the reason I picked them up. I added to that and told her that my business name was "The Sunshine Man," which made the connection even better.

I told them the story of when I picked up the couple who had slept overnight at the police station.  I made it a point of giving them some "sunshine' and opitimism and when I dropped them off the sun came out and the guy shook my hand for my encouragement.  She loved the story and as we approached the ocean she actually started to cry she was so happy. She was a photographer and asked if she could take a picture of the three of us which I agreed to.  I would have have gotten a copy, but wearing masks we looked like we were about to rob a bank. Oddly enough, as I left them and headed away from the beach I saw that the clouds had followed us from Conway.  Within 30 minutes it was raining, but at least she made it to the beach and had some sunshine for her birthday.

If You Spray Yourself With Febreeze, Will You Smell Good?

This is another one of those questions I'm sure you've asked yourself before. Today was the day I had to seriously think about this question. I love a challenge and I had to get to the oral surgeon by 4 pm to get my tooth pulled.  Working in the hot sun, I realized that I really needed to get home and take a quick shower which would put me only 15 minutes from their office.  I also had to eat some real food before going which should have been the easiest part of the day.  Finally, I was going to finish working at least 30 minutes from home.  I knew I had to be heading for home by 3-3:15 to arrive on time at 4 PM.

I brought a change of clothes if I could not get home to shower, but I forgot to bring deodorent. I had disenfectant wipes and Febreeze, would that be enough? It was a given that I was going to smell badly, so what do you do?  You can't spray Febreeze directly on you, do you spray a lot in the car and sit there? There are no directions on the can for spraying yourself.  My guess was that this would work if I needed it.

From 5 am this morning I was working hard at making that appointment, which seems odd, since I really did not want to get a tooth pulled.  Around noon the office called and asked if I could come in earlier.  I told them I might make it by 3:30.  My window was shrinking, but I was ahead of schedule.

Around 1 pm we had one of those typical southern storms and I was stuck inside of a store for close to thirty minutes. I was pretty wet, so now I had to dry off.  Do I still go home and shower and dry off after getting soaked by the storm?  About 2 pm my tire air pressure light went on and I had to put air in my tires after I finished my last stop at 2:15.  Both fast food places I went by had too many cars waiting and I still had to eat.

I arrived home at 3, showered and changed and was out the door by 3:15.  I stopped at a convenience store and bought a healthy hot dog and some small donuts and topped my dinner off with a few crackers and a peppermint pattie I picked up during the day.

I arrived at the office at 3:40 and they asked when I had something to eat and I said, "I'm still swallowing."  As I sat in the chair and the drilling started, I was certain that this was a really bad idea to begin with.  And the Febreeze, I still think it would work, but I'm going to have to try it another time and I'll let you know.

The Letter

Have you ever really looked at some of the junk that is in your mail? One letter recently caught my eye because it was from Louisville, Kentucky.  I don't know anyone there, but I have heard of it.  My name was spelled right on the envelope and it was very neatly done, but I'm not sure a human being did it.

It was great to hear from the Chrysler Dodge Jeep Ram dealership in Pawley's Island.  We live not too far away, so it made sense to get this letter.  Why did it come from Kentucky? Does this mean the sales person really didn't send it to me?

It looks like a very down to earth personal note that he suddenly decided to send me.  Here's what it said with my thoughts in parenthesis:  "We're under new management (it's about time, but I've never been there) and looking to build up our professional inventory. (how is inventory professional?)  If you still have your 2012 Jeep Patriot (I barely remember the car and have driven over 300,000 miles since I had it) we'd like to welcome you back to the dealership (I may have passed it on the road, but that's it) for an aggressive purchase offer! (I'd prefer a passive purchase offer which includes free food)  With no payments for up to 90 days (only 90 days, one year and you have a deal), and other great incentives,(food?) now would be a great time to trade! (what time isn't?) See enclosed offers!

Talk to you soon (the chances are slim and none, you pick) VD (his real initials, but I didn't spell his name out) 843-613-6817 ext. 24876 (I changed one number for privacy reasons)

The year is 2020 and they are looking for my 2012 Jeep Patriot? Good luck finding that, there's no chance it's in South Carolina. How desparate do you have to be to be looking for a car that is eight years old? What do you think the letter cost and how many do they send out? Do they actually get a few calls back? Is it possible that they make a sale like this?

I know it's too many questions, but the bottom line is that junk mail is the same in the South as it is in the North. It's also equally annoying.  I'm throwing the letter out right now.

"I Enjoyed Mowing the Lawn"

I've been mowing lawns for many decades and for the most part, I have enjoyed mowing the lawn.  Probably not as much when I was a kid in Junior High School or High School, but certainly when I've had my own lawn.  It's good exercise and there's a certain amount of satisfaction to see the lawn cut and looking nice.

Here in South Carolina, I bought a push mower that uses no gas, is light to push, and makes very little noise.  I've actually talked on the phone a few times while I mowed the lawn.  It really has been the most fun I've had mowing lawns in my whole life.  When we started out here we had very little grass to cut, but that's no longer the case.

We've replaced grass and fertillized it and watered it and when I say "we", I mean specifically my wife has been working on this.  In addition to planting dozens and dozens of flowers, plants and occasional trees, she's been working on our lawn and it looks amazing. It is growing a tremendous amount with all the rain we've had this past month.

We decided to move the blade down on the mower to get a closer "shave."  When I say "we", once again, I mean my wife.  I held the mower and she lowered the blade.  It wasn't difficult from where I was standing and she's just a lot better at these things than I am.  The other day on the way home I was looking forward to cutting the lawn to see what it would look like with a closer "shave."

As I pulled into the driveway I was surprised to see the lawn looked incredible and it was cut.  My wife, for the first time in her life, mowed the lawn.  She told me, "I enjoyed mowing the lawn." She wanted to help me out because I had a late day and she wanted to see what it was going to look like.

I'm wondering though, am I now not going to be able to enjoy mowing the lawn, because she's going to want to do it before I get home? What if I never have to mow the lawn again? I think I'd miss it, really.

"You're Just Like Christmas!"

When I deliver packages to people it is not unusual for them to be excited and enthusiastic, however, today was the first time I've ever been compared to Christmas. I did the best I could with her comment and said, "Merry Christmas, I hope you've been good."  As I was leaving I did add, "enjoy your Christmas."  Both times of course, I got the laugh I was looking for, but it did give me something to think about.

They did know the packages(boxes) were coming and usually they know what is in them and it wasn't a gift.  Imagine what their reaction is on Christmas Day, or when they were a child how excited they must have been.  Maybe it's just opening something up or getting something new and it really doesn't matter what's inside. I still occasionally have someone look at a box and say, "what's in it?" I'll tell them, " it's a magic box, whatever you want is inside."  They always like that answer and that really would be something to be excited about.

It is nice to get that kind of greeting when you walk into a store or office and it usually results in a few laughs.  However, I'm pretty sure that this Jewish guy and Christmas don't have very much in common.  I do celebrate Christmas and I enjoy it and I love Christmas music, but I'm really not "like Christmas."  It just goes to show you that there are all kinds of people in the world.  Some people don't believe we ever landed on the moon and some people think I'm "just like Christmas." And, some people like you and me are not right on everything all the time.(just most of the time)

What Would You Say to An Elevator?

Being on the road daily I get to see and hear a lot of things and some of them are unusual.  I'm in and out of elevators in two hospitals and several medical buildings.  It happens sometimes that I'm distracted and get off at the wrong floor or I forget to press a button and the elevator doesn't move.(imagine that!)

Today however, was a first for me. I walked into the elevator that was empty and as the door started to close, I heard a voice.  At first I thought it was coming just outside the elevator, but it continued as the door completely closed.  The voice said, "Is there an emergency?" I looked at the numbers near the elevator door and I saw the light on the phone was lit.

So, I said to the elevator, "no, there's no emergency."  And the elevator said, "you can get out of the elevator?"  I said, "yes, everything is fine."  The elevator said, "thanks, have a good day."  It's not every day you talk to an elevator, but your conversation is pretty limited.

It will probably be quite a long time before an elevator talks to me again, but I 'll be ready and I won't be as surprised.  Maybe someone hit the emergency button as they got out just before me which led to to the conversation. Who knows, maybe they do random checks to make sure everything is working well? I don't think I'll ever know exactly what happened today, but it did happen.  I'm pretty sure I didn't imagine the conversation.

Rider Stories In June

THE LONGEST RIDE: I've gotten a few really long rides, but this ride was 157 miles from Myrtle Beach to Columbia, South Carolina.  It would have taken under three hours but with part of the highway closed down briefly, the trip turned out to be almost four hours one way.  A brother and sister was taking the trip at 9 am Sunday morning after arriving Saturday night with her boyfriend. The person paying for the ride was the sister's braille teacher since the sister is completely blind.  She and her boyfriend(who had been drinking) got into a fight and she hit him first and then he tackled her.  The police were called and he was arrested. He gave a false name, and then resisted arrest.  They were leaving town without her wallet since it somehow wound up in the hotel hallway with her debit card in it.  She had bruises from the fight and had not slept which she did almost the whole trip.  It was quite a story and unfortunately I think there's a lot more to it.

REALLY-THE VERY LONGEST RIDE: I previously blogged about "The Bag" which was the end part of my very longest ride.  However, here's the beginning of the story:  I got a 65 mile ride to the Florence train station for two recent high school graduates.  Due to the virus and there not being many drivers out, it took them an hour to get a ride.  We had 75 minutes for a ride that took 85 minutes to make.  I was under pressure to get them there, but we got delayed ten minutes and the train was delayed 20 minutes. We arrived at the station and jumped out and ran into the station, but we missed the train by about two minutes. The next train was 11 hours later.  I couldn't leave them there, so I drove them 3 1/2 hours to North Carolina.  They were both upset about missing the train.  First, the boyfriend was crying on the phone to his mom apparently after his girlfriend hit him in the mouth. Then, she started crying and he spent a good hour calming her down and she finally fell asleep. His mom decided to pick them up from the train station and we arrived safely.  Everything was fine until I discovered an extra bag in my trunk that I picked up outside the first train station thinking it was part of the couple's luggage.  If you haven't read about "the bag", go back a few blogs-it's worth reading.

THE COLLEGE STUDENT: We had just had the discussion the other night about people in their twenties and if they were motivated to work.  I had mentioned several riders that I've spoken to as an Uber driver who were extremely impressive and the woman I picked up to take to the airport certainly fit into that category.  She's about to be a senior at Lehigh University,(where my son attended) and she's a Business Economics major with a Chinese minor. We had a long conversation about school and what she plans on doing in the future. She's interested in cyber security and has worked with a neighbor who is involved in it.  She wants to start as a consultant and she already has a job offer from a major company which she has not accepted yet.  She was very articulate, friendly and obviously intelligent.  She went to Catholic schools all her life although she wasn't very religious and said sometimes she just had to "grin and bear it."(the religious part) It doesn't matter where she goes in the future, because I'm certain she's going to go far and I really enjoyed talking with her.