AUGUST RIDER COMMENTS

 "My friend knew of a woman who spelled her name Kmnop. She pronounced her name, "Noel", because in the spelling of her name there is no "L".

When I told the above story about the woman called "Noel", a woman said, "those parents should not have been allowed to reproduce."

Young woman: "I sell shots in a strip club." Me: "Do you get a lot of tips?"  Her: "Oh yeah, I get tipped up the ass." (she really said it)

Young woman: "I like corny jokes so I got a tattoo, that says "corn" and it's just above my knee." Me: "It says corn?" Her: "Let me show you." Me: "I'm driving, wait till I stop." She does have "CORN" above her knee.(corn-knee)

After telling the above story another woman said, "She's not as corny as ethanol."

Woman: "I'm not going on a safari here with all the mosquitos.  I hate them, but they love me." Me: "Who has better taste?"

Male from Ohio: "We used to come down here every year. One year I pulled up to a light and my next door neighbor in Ohio was next to us. We had no idea we were both going to be here."

"I knew a family where the names of the children were River, Season, and Rain."

She: "I'm in town for a family reunion." Me: "How many people do you have?" Her: "Not much, a few hundred. My great grandmother had 11 kids."

"My English teacher told us that her and her friends were drinking and one woman got a tattoo of a bowl of mashed potatoes on her stomach."

After losing her best friend the day before to COVID, the positive woman said, "God puts good people in my life. I'm trying to make this a great day."

Young woman: "My boyfriend's real name is Ponyboy after a character in an old movie his parents loved.  He doesn't go by that name."

(Very professional black woman) "I'm in Institutional Foreign Exchange sales for a Japanese company and I learned Japanese to communicate with my colleagues. The word sun is pronounced "yune-it-tima."

The Puerto Rican man said, "My Dad when I was young had me pour salt and pepper on top of each other on a paper plate and told me to separate them.  He said you can't separate the world that way."

"I knew someone who spelled their first name, Abcde."

The rider was raving about IP TV and telling me what I need to get. I said, "Before I do that I have to get something important- my wife and I never bought a TV here." Shocked he said,  "A TV is like having a fork."

"My best friends' name is Keewaden, it's Native American."

A few guys in their twenties: "Are there any hot girls you cam refer us too?" 

Male Red Sox fan working in Massachusetts: "At the beginning of the pandemic I went to work one day with a Yankee mask on and everyone gave me dirty looks."

Angelica: "My name is sometimes confused with the Angelica on the old "Rug Rats" show.  She was like a demon. I'm only that way when my husband pisses me off."

"I knew a girl named Candace, who used Candy as a nickname.  She married a guy named Barr.(sp?) Her name is Candy Barr and she's not a stripper."

Me: "What's the best thing about working in a library part-time?" Her: "the air conditioning-when I was a full-time teacher I never had any."

A male named Ashely, "I was in the bank and the woman said to me, "is that your real name?" I looked at her name tag which said, "Sam" and I said, "looking at your name tag, you shouldn't ask me that question."

Female wedding officiant: "Every woman deserves to afford a beautiful wedding."

Male: "I like dogs better than people."

"We couldn't believe the woman here who walked out the door in front of us and then came back and apologized for letting the door shut and opened the door for us.  In New York, she might have spit on us."

Young guy: "I sold my car one night in a bar because I was bitching about it. Funny thing is he's only seen the car at night."

"The Belmont Hotel in Charleston was selling for 1.3 million dollars a room. They have 140 rooms."

The accomplished country singer and songwriter told me, "you should get some of those songs you wrote copyrighted, they are creative."

"I know of a girl with the last name of June.  She was named "April with a middle name of May, so she's April May June."

Young woman: "My name is Santa which is Saint in Spanish. My Dad was buying my mom flowers at a shop from a woman named Santa. She told him he was having a girl although the doctors said it was a boy.  She said that if you name her Santa she will be very healthy and always happy. When I was born a girl they named me Santa. A few days later, my Dad went to tell the woman that they named me Santa, but the woman had suddenly passed away a couple days ago."

Talking about her favorite chicken she said, "it's uber, uber, fresh." Me: "Did you just tell an Uber driver that something is uber, uber, fresh?"

Woman: "I once had a Santa Uber at Christmas time. He wore a Christmas hat and had another hat with dollar bills.  When you got a trivia question right, you got a dollar."

"My kids and I got an Uber ride the other day in an $80,000 large truck, the kids loved it."

It used to cost one million dollars to have a taxi in Boston, but after Uber it now only costs $15,000 and no one wants it."

The white female Uber driver in her 20's said to the black couple, "I don't like white people because they complain about my driving."  During the ride she kept swirving to the right apparently falling asleep and she said, "Don't worry I got it , I got it." She didn't, they were scared and complained.

"We took an Uber ride from Manhattan to around Newark Airport(in NJ) and it cost about $160. The return ride cost half as much because New York has higher taxes."

Me: "Have you ever gotten a gift from an Uber driver?" Her: "Yes, a driver in North Carolina gave me pot, but I threw it out."

Former Uber Driver: "I went to pick up a guy who jumped into my car and yelled, "drive, drive."  His wife came running out and yelling and started to chase me.  She jumped in her car and followed me for fifteen minutes honking her horn.  I wanted to throw him out, but finally was able to drop him off."

Former Uber Driver: "My rider called me and asked if his dog could ride with me and I asked if he was friendly and then told him yes.  When I arrived I saw the largest dog I've ever seen, 300 pounds.  The rider wanted to drive his motorcycle and follow me and his dog.  I had a pick-up truck and strapped him in all the way in the back, because there was no way he could ever get in a back seat.  It worked out well."

Young guy: "I sold my car one night in a bar because I was bitching about it. Funny thing is he's only seen the car at night."

"The Belmont Hotel in Charleston was selling for 1.3 million dollars a room. They have 140 rooms."

The accomplished country singer and songwriter told me, "you should get some of those songs copy righted, they are creative."

" I know of a girl with the last name of June.  She was named "April with a middle name of May, so she's April May June."

"In New Jersey we ordered an Uber and a black guy pulled up in a white Tesla with an Uber sticker.  He used to be in real estate and said this was his Uber vehicle, we took pictures."

"My Uber driver yesterday said my mask was too small.(it wasn't) Then he started talking to me about "you people" thinking I was black. Before I got out of the car he told me he doesn't like "ghetto people." I yelled at him that I was Puerto Rican not black. I gave him a 1 and reported him to Uber. They gave me a $5 credit." 

I told the former taxi driver from Boston about the Tesla and he said, "there are at least four Uber Tesla's in Boston, two black, 1 gray and and 1 white."

Plant Manager: "I own three factories in three states.  Two of them have a mask mandate and we're going to that in the third. I have 20 people there who either have the virus. are in quarantine, or are waiting for results."

"I  grew up in the cornfields of Iowa.  The cornfields that were on the other side of the outfield fence for recent "Field Of Dreams" baseball game, is not corn that we can eat.  It's just for the cows."

Woman: "We need more love in this world."

Holding her small crate with two crabs in it she said, "I hope Ted and Fred will be allowed to make their first plane ride."

Me: "What do you do for fun?" Him joking: "maybe a little streaking sometimes."

"When the Red Sox fan saw my Yankee hat he joked, "that's why we just ordered another Uber."

"The name Ladasha is spelled La-a."(two riders have seen this)

"About 7 years ago our area in Northern New York had 140 inches of snow in one week.  The media came up there and was asking everyone about the snow and people just answered, "yes it snowed." It was no big deal and some people did get to work."

Me to a guy dating his girlfriend less than a year: "You should take her to Charleston." Him: "Maybe for the honeymoon."

Male: "I had a really bad motorcycle accident, but it was a blessing in disguise."

Woman after a two-minute ride: "You made my day!"

"My wife is a pre-K teacher, she brings all the diseases home."

Seeing my Yankee and Giant hats on the dashboard he said, "Now I understand the mask thing."(drinking)

After an interesting political discussion after I told him I was Jewish, he teased me and then jokingly said, "Since you're a good Jew I knew you could handle that."

"I love pizza, but it can hurt you."

Woman I was taking to the hospital: "Two nights ago a cop was chasing someone and came around the corner doing about sixty and hit a car which pinned me against another car. I'm lucky to be alive."

Black male: "My friends gave me the nickname, "Chasing the Money."

"All parents are doctors now."

"They changed the name of the road here so they could charge more money."

After telling me about the early flight Monday morning, she said to me, "you're just going to have to adjust your schedule.  Tell your wife not to be mad at me."

World traveler: "When you visit a city in Europe, don't spend much time on the big attractions. What you really want to do is walk down a local street and have a family invite you in for dinner."

"We're a little bit meaner in Ohio than here."

When I told them that I've written a lot of songs, he said, "you must be writing anonymously for Justin Beiber and Maroon 5."

Woman from Seattle: "I appreciate you wearing a mask.  So many of my drivers here were not wearing it or even asking us to wear one."

Me: "It sounds like you miss living in New York.  Retired woman: "You bet your ass I do."

Her: "I've taken a lot of Uber's, but none of them really stand out." Me: Good, that means I have a shot at it."

Woman in her 40's: "It gets better every year."

"You're the best Uber driver we've had here."

"I work for a contracting/home improvement business in Kentucky and we have six crews working, but we're more than 250 jobs behind."

Woman from Seattle: "I think sex work has become stigmatized."

Male: "I was named Noel because I was due in December, but I was born early."

She said, "Philadelphia is my favorite city because it celebrates black culture and it has great food and music."

"I hate to say it, but selling fishing rods our company made a killing this past year."

"The woman insisted that I spell my name, "Wilhemenia" the wrong way."

"I heard of another woman named Palace with a last name of Steps."

"Delta airlines has done a great job throughout the crisis."

"This summer it cost me twice as much to build a deck in my backyard due to the cost of supplies."

August Rider Stories

 TALKING CHICKEN: There are a few rides over the years that I wish I had on camera just to hear again what took place and this is definitely one of them.  The woman I picked up worked at Cracker Barrell. I never even asked what she did, all that mattered was the large bag or great smelling fried chicken that she was carrying. I told her, "you can't come in here with that much fried chicken when it's almost dinner time-that's my favorite food."  That began the laughter and she told me that chicken was her favorite food too and she was eating it when she got home.  We had to stop at the McDonalds to get dinner for her Mom, but we discussed our favorite chicken and then she told me her favorite chicken place where it was "uber, uber, fresh."  I said, "did you just tell an Uber driver that something is uber, uber fresh?" We were laughing again and a lot. It was a short ride and when we arrived I knew she had two large bags to carry in and a drink holder. I said, "let me help you with those and I'm not even going to ask to hold the bag of chicken." She was now laughing more and I finished her off by saying, "the next time I pick you up, you better come out with a piece of chicken just for me or you're not getting in." She was almost hyperventilating and I was laughing at how she was going to explain to her mom that she just finished work and was laughing so much. I tried to spray Febreze in the car to get rid of the great smell of that chicken for my next riders, which I hated to do. It was the ride of the day.

THE WEDDING OFFICIANT: Sometimes I pick someone up and I know that I was meant to pick up the rider, but sometimes it is really strange.  I picked up a woman and a man to take them to their hotel to get their luggage and then to go to the airport.  The woman was very outgoing and she said they were from Indiana and I said, "I have some great stories from Indiana." The story I started to tell them was one of my early stories that I rarely talk about. I picked up an Egyptian priest who had just performed a wedding ceremony and was going back to Indiana where he lived. She started laughing and said, "do you want to hear something funny? He's Egyptian and I'm a wedding officiant and I have my own chapel." She started her own business as a legacy to her late husband because she believes that "every woman deserves to be able to afford a beautiful wedding."  She charges only $400 for use of the chapel and her services.  She said she was, "just a regular girl" and I corrected her and told her, "when they gave out personality, you got three big scoops."  Her two children are the exact age of my two oldest children and then I asked her, "do you have a birthday this month?" She said, "August 18th," and I handed her my driver's license for her to see that my birthday is the 19th.  When she got out of the car she said to me, "I really needed you today, you're a blessing." What she didn't know was that I needed her that day after a very challenging ride a little earlier.  She was inspiring and she thought I was too!

THE PEANUT ROASTER: He was about to turn 61(me too) and he has been in the USA for only four weeks. For forty years he has roasted peanuts in Germany and he's in business with his son who he said," has the brains."  I reminded him where his son's brains came from.  They have three stores in this country, Miami, San Francisco and Myrtle Beach. A month ago, he could not speak English, but after only four weeks he can speak it well.  He had a terrific sense of humor and understood everything I said.  He's going to work another 5-6 years and then retire and his son will run the whole operation.  I asked him how many different kinds of peanuts there are, but he told me there were too many to give me a number.  Whatever you're doing today, this guy is roasting peanuts.

IT ONLY TAKE TWO MINUTES: You can quickly change someone's day as I did on this ride.  I was dropping off a couple at a hotel and I noticed right away the woman standing there looking as if I was her driver.  I did get a ride on the way on the app, but I had no idea who or where the rider was.  When the woman got in I said, "you did a great job being here where I dropped them off-this doesn't happen very often." Her reply was, "I'm your lucky charm." Since she was going less than a mile, I immediately told her, "I'm going to have to give you a gift for that." She was already laughing as I explained about my list of favorite rider comments. As I dropped her off at the restaurant I told her, "you're going to be in a public place, you can't be laughing loudly like this, or everyone will want to read it."  Her reply was, "you made my day." Moments later she gave me a $5 tip, but it was a very enjoyable two minutes for both of us.

THE PILOT WHO MOVED THE TRAIN: I have had some unusual rides and this is one I won't forget.  It seemed routine, because I was picking up someone in downtown Charleston and I knew it was an 18 minute ride which I guessed would be to the airport. The name I had was unusual and I didn't know if my rider was male of female.  I was across a busy street from the condos where the rider was, but there was traffic and I couldn't cross the street.  Right across the street were railroad tracks and suddenly a slow moving freight train appeared. I crossed the street and was the third car from the tracks.  I texted my rider who suggested I go a little north and around.  I did it, but found myself staring once again at the train, which was suddenly going backwards! It just passed the tracks in front of me and I drove through the blinking lights.  My passenger was standing at the corner and he got in.  I told him that I know pilots are very talented, but I had never seen a pilot who could move a train backwards.  It was a great conversation until about 15 minutes into the ride when I got a text from-my rider?? I was almost at the airport when I learned I picked up the wrong person.  He didn't check the app on what car was coming since one had already canceled and in my rush to get around the train, I didn't pronounce his name.  My real rider was also going to the airport and I had to cancel her ride.  My rider in my car had to cancel his ride and he gave me $40(too much) to work it out with Uber. He got to the airport in time to fly his plane and when I tried to give Uber money for the ride, they said they couldn't do it and I should keep it.  There's no record of that ride, yet I gave a ride and got a very large tip.  If that train didn't come I would not have seen the pilot at that corner and would have picked up the correct rider. I would have made a lot less money and I wouldn't have see a train go backwards so I could pass by.

THE MATCHING COUPLE: My last ride of the day was so much fun.  I picked the young couple up from a hotel and they were going to a nice seafood restaurant for dinner. Immediately, I noticed that the woman was wearing a nice, blue and white print dress and it matched the guy's blue and white shirt. I said to the guy, "I 'm guessing matching outfits was not your idea." The woman said that she put on the dress first and he said she knew she put it on.  I added, "I'm sure no one in the restaurant will notice." They had been dating only three months. He said, "we work in the same hospital, the same department, and we do the same job." I asked, "you're not going to tell me that you match at work too?" He laughed and said they did. We laughed about a few things and when they got out I said, "don't be self-conscious about your matching outfits, I'm sure no one will realize it." We were all laughing as I left them.

THE MAN I CAN'T BLOG ABOUT: Writing a story about someone you can't talk about is really a challenge.  He has visited over a hundred countries (working for our government) and is somewhat retired and one of his favorite movie characters is Jason Bourne from the "Bourne Movies." He told me that the mistake people make in visiting foreign countries is that they spend too much time on visiting the tourist attractions and not on seeing the real country. He said, "what you really want to do is walk down a street and get invited to dinner from a local family." He was fun and interesting to talk to and then he handed me a $500 bill from the South Sudan.  It's only worth $3 here, but he said it was the newest country in the world.  It was founded ten years ago and has more than 11 million people in it. It is one of 54 independent countries in Africa.  Below is the bill and I hang it up in my car and so far riders have enjoyed seeing it.  Why can't I blog about him? I really can't tell you.

How To Make Tuna

One of the things I decided to do being semi-retired was to learn how to cook some basic things.  Here are the things I've "cooked" in my life: pasta, tuna, and maybe there's a couple other ones.  It's a sad list for sure, but I decided to change that.  

I stopped making tuna because my wife told me to. Somehow I was making a mess and if I wanted tuna I just had to ask her.  That kind of worked for awhile.  I started just saying the letter "t" and she knew what I wanted.  But, now that I'm home four days a week, I knew I had to make my own tuna.

I asked her to make tuna and I would take notes, which she eventually did a couple weeks ago.  Now that I have the notes I'm asking her today to stand by me and watch me make tuna. This will be more difficult for her to watch, but the pressure will really be on me. Wish me luck, it is 11:20 am.

It took another hour or so, but my wife agreed to stand by me while I attempted this difficult feat. I took out my notes which are below. (notice the "Tuna" to the far right so I don't mix it up with all my other notes on cooking things.) I immediately ran into problems reading my notes and I had to make some additional changes.

I couldn't remember where the can opener was and where to place it on the can, but I did remember to hit the button so it rotates around the can. My wife's instructions to mash up the tuna were, "flake it, break it, shake it," which are pretty good lyrics I think. I didn't put enough mayo in, but finally the color of the tuna did change.  I did try to keep the little pieces of tuna in the measuring cup and not on the counter, but a couple did get away. 

Finally, my wife's nightmare was over and we finished and it was time to eat.  My wife did say, "you really don't know anything about cooking." She's known me for 41 years, so this was not new information she was sharing with me.  She also said, "I can make tuna for you anytime you want." I assured her, "I will let you make tuna for me again sometime." I did say it as I was laughing of course.  Below is the tuna we ate for lunch, it was good and I MADE IT!

The Newest Member of Our Family

 No, it is not another dog or even a cat-it's an indoor exercise bike! Years ago, we had a treadmill that we got some use out of, but I needed to have something that I could get a workout in the middle of a hot day without being outside in the heat.

There are so many different kinds of indoor bikes and they range from $200 to under $1,000 dollars.  The picture below is the aerial view of me standing over it.  It's not a good picture, I know. Some things are not designed to look really good in a picture and I think this is one of them.  I was going to have my wife take a picture of me in action on the machine, but I figured you didn't need another picture of me. I can sit in the chair and watch a show on the computer of even read a book.

My wife and I put it together in just over an hour.  When I say my wife and I, I clearly mean, my wife put it together.  My job is to get the box in the house and take everything out and one day throw out the garbage and cardboard. (probably tomorrow) I did put in a few screws, but her aptitude for putting things together is at least 15 times mine.  She did a great job.

To celebrate my new bike, I put on my favorite movie, "Field of Dreams" and road the bike for 45 minutes.  I sweated and enjoyed the movie of course.  The true test will be tomorrow when I can see if my legs will move.  I think I'll be fine.

The Night of The Snake

It would be a great movie title, don't you think? Over the years there are moments in your life that are truly unforgettable. After a day of driving which was memorable, I did not expect that the evening would be unforgettable also.

After dinner, we were going to take a short walk and two doors down from us, we stopped dead in our tracks.  On the side of our neighbor's house was something big and black.  Here is my first picture:

 

We were alarmed because it looked like a very large snake.  My concern was how thick it was.  I didn't get too close to it, but I focused in on it and I could see the fur(?) or skin.  It was not moving, but I did think I saw it move once.  We moved away and told one of our neighbors and then went back for another look.  I took a second picture and it had straightened out, so we knew it had moved.

We got another neighbor and he decided that he was going to kill it with his shovel.  Below is the picture of him with his shovel as sundown hit our street. 

It was a tense moment with about a half dozen neighbors watching as he approached the snake ready to chop it's head off.  Moments later, we were all laughing hysterically since the scary snake was actually a small, black, piece of tarp.  I still can't believe it wasn't a snake! 

This morning we took another walk and I'm happy to report there are no snakes or tarp in the neighborhood.

JULY RIDER COMMENTS

Since I am now driving three days a week instead of two and July had five weekends, this is the most rides I've ever given in a month(over 300) and of course this is the longest number of rider comments.

 "I used to live in the capital of Mexico- Los Angeles. I decided I had to get back to the USA so I moved out of Los Angeles. One of the things I miss most from living there is real Mexican food."

The male college student seriously asked me, "Is there a place that has buffets on four floors?" Me: "Did you think of that when you were awake or sleeping-I think it's a great idea."

Truck driver from Texas: "I tell people that my marriage has lasted 12 years for three reasons: 1. I married my best friend. 2. I know that she's really trying to kill me slowly and I'm not going to make it easy for her.  3. She can leave anytime she wants, but I'm going to go with her."

"Paula Dean has killed more people with her recipes than anyone."

The older man was very impressed with our app.  He said, "I know everything about you, even your sex life."

When a woman's car moved into my lane to cut in front of me, the young guy in my car said, "I wish I had a milkshake to throw at her."

The woman said, "I'm a single parent with three children, I have 20 clients as a personal trainer, and I started being a body builder at the age of 48, six years ago. It is so enjoyable and I exercise one hour a day."

Woman from North Dakota: "In North Dakota there are 3 cows for every person."

Driving the man in his 50's to Wal Mart he said, "I 'm going to get some groceries and flirt with some women.  It's a great place to pick-up women."

He told me, "I got a job as a chef working a scientific vessel for the government.  Due to the bureaucracy, it took me a full year to get through the hiring process. They even had me take a blood test in the middle of nowhere at a truck stop."

School nurse: she said, "the kids were great during this past year, but some parents are stupid humans."

The guy was explaining what Top Golf was and how it worked and his girlfriend said, "it sounds like a foreign language." When he told her that the large net protects the car windshields from being hit, she said, "the car windshields being hit sounds more interesting than golf, it would be very entertaining to see."

He wanted to get back with his old girlfriend and told me, "I can see us sitting on a front porch in South Carolina cleaning our dentures."

Hairdresser: "About 20 years ago I put the Nike swoosh on the back of someone's head.  I thought at the time it was really weird."

Woman with two boys 6 and 8: "I don't do anything, but I started a business out of my garage providing healthy food for my neighbors.  Each week I cook a large salad and a main dish and I have about 50 customers who pick up meals for themselves and their family and I make about $800 a week."

Woman: "I tell my employees not to bring their work home and don't bring your home to work."

Rider stuck at Food Lion texted: "Please don't cancel, have been waiting long time, they keep canceling." Arriving there I said, "You've been through a lot so the ride is free, I'll just need a steak dinner instead." He replied, "I don't have steak, but I am grilling some pork chops, you can join me."

When I told the Navy guy about my last ride with the steak and the pork chops, I missed his turn and he said, "You missed my turn and you owe me a pork chop." Me: "I'm going to substitute a list of my top 20 comments instead of the pork chop, but if you ever get a pork chop in the mail in the future, you know where it came from."

Young woman from Massachusetts: "we call people from Massachusetts, "Assachusetters."

The female realtor said, "people have been working for a year at home and they don't like the home or who's in it."

When I asked the couple if they were ready for my Trivia Question about the Ravenel Bridge in front of us, the woman said, "is this like cash car and if we guess wrong we get left on the bridge." Me: "That is a good idea."

Getting in the car I said to her, "You must be Amelia, he doesn't look like an Amelia." Amelia: "Not tonight he doesn't." Me: "I don't need to know any more about that."

Young woman: "We're 20 years old, we're not teenagers."

Guy about a girl at school: "She's not a scientist, she may be a scientologist though."

Three college guys and a girl: Guy: "The three of us are all in the same fraternity." Girl: "Sadly, I am not in their fraternity."

"I bought the house without my husband seeing it. He says he trusts my taste since I married him."

Male with young kids: "The greatest thing about having kids is reliving your life and experiencing their joy."

College of Charleston male coach: "I have taught some of the guys here how to have a steady girlfriend, instead of just being "casual" as many of them want."

"The "Seattle Freeze" is when you're not acknowledged at all there."

Young mom: "I have a baby-free weekend. I'm going to drink wine and watch Grey's Anatomy."

Talking to him wife about raising their young daughter: "Once that tree fully grows, you can't bend it at all."

New residents of South Carolina: "We researched it and found that the weather here in April, May and October is very much like Hawaii."

Female: "When I worked at a concession stand at Yankee Stadium as a kid, I got a $50 tip from Denzel Washington."

Male: "Moving to the South from Long Island, NY. fit like a glove."

She: "Ice cream is like magic for me." I added, "you make it disappear?"

My rider Paul texted me, "I'm wearing a lime green dress." When I arrived I said, "You said you were wearing a lime green dress, what happened?" Him: "that was before, it looks better on my wife."

Female college student: "If my life depended on it, I would not go back to being in high school."

Female hotel front desk person: "I can't wait for the season to end.  People have been miserable and unhappy."

"I probably make more money than most people." Owner cyber security company

He said, "We're both "hangry."(hungry) I told him, "I thought I made that up."

Male tourist: "A bad day in Myrtle Beach is better than a good day at work."

Two young people from the Caribbean: "We stay young by drinking coconut water and working out."

Male: "I don't talk about work at home, I've already lived it once and I don't want to re-live it again."

27 year old black women with a lot of restaurant experience: "I tell them in an interview that you can low ball me for thirty days, but then you have to pay me."

She: "Sometimes the GPS doesn't let us be great."

Male sales manager: "I called American Airlines customer service and chose the option for them to call me back when someone was available.  They said it would be 21 hours. It turned out to be less time, but I missed the call because it was 3 am on a Saturday."

Chicago businessman: "My friend owns a nice restaurant in Chicago and when we heard there was going to be a protest rally there, about 50 of us grabbed are guns and knives and protected his place along with three police units and it was safe."

"Moving hear was a culture shock. Even fast food is not fast."

"Uber drivers are a lot friendlier here than they are in Michigan."

Telling several mid-twenties guys on Saturday who were here for a bachelor party: "If you're going out tonight demand and prices will be high for riders." Him: "Oh no, we're going to be in our rooms studying the bible." Me: "I'd like a picture of that."  Him: We can send you a lot of pictures."

She: "I've been getting up early my whole life."(25 years old)

Walgreens store manager: "My wife helps the world(social worker) and I make money off it."

When I told the woman that I had another woman say, "Our husbands are so needy, they don't even know how to feed themselves," she replied, "do they come home to dead husbands?"

Young, expecting Mom: "I'm worried about giving the baby a shower." Me: "Don't worry, babies don't get showers, only a bath. You might be thinking of a baby shower."

Years ago at work we all brought in food to share.  Two younger women wouldn't eat my food because I had a cat, so I told them that the cat sits on my shoulder and helps me cook."

Male: "A few years ago on an online game I was referred to as "Soup." The name stuck and I even call myself  "soup."

Nurse: "I was shocked when the Uber driver asked us not to wear a mask in his car, so we didn't."

College student: "I noticed there's a lot of wing places here. My Uber driver said they are probably money laundering places."

J-1 student: "you're the first Uber driver in the ten days I'm here to ask me to wear a mask."

Older male: "When I had Covid for three weeks I lost 24 pounds, it was not fun."

Male: "My wife and I were stuck with a layover at the Honolulu airport and we heard there were 27 seats on a plane going over to Maui.  I asked the woman at the desk if we could get on that flight and she said, "Did you pay for it? You got what you paid for, now go sit down. If they tell you to sit down twice they send you to jail."

When I told the three women I was giving them a small gift, one woman shrieked, “w-h-a-a-a-a-a-a-t?” Moments later, she found out that we had the same birthday and she shrieked again, “w-h-a-a-a-a-a-t?”

"My wife and I were at a Charleston baseball game and saw Bill Murray who is a part owner of the team.  I asked him for his autograph and handed him a pink bat I just bought my wife and a pen.  He looked at the pen and said, "I can't sign this with a pen.  Hold my beer, I'll be right back."  He came back with a sharpie and signed our bat and said, "give me my beer back."

The teacher went to sit down at the hotel pool just over an hour ago and said, "it felt like hot coals." When I got up a wasp flew out and I yelled out the "F" word, because I was in a lot of pain and my beer went up in the air and spilled on me. I tried to apologize to the people in the pool and the child, but they spoke another language."  Me: Did you tell your husband already?"(he was with their son) She: "I sent him a picture, I have a big welt."

"My friend's father was the photographer for The Pittsburgh Pirates and Pittsburgh Steelers.  He was a good friend of the late Roberto Clemente and had agreed to go with him on his fateful missionary trip to Nicaragua on New Year's Eve in 1972. When Franco Harris of the Steeler's caught "The Immaculate Reception" to win the game, his Dad had to work the next week instead of taking the trip and he says that Franco Harris saved his life."(the catch is recognized as the greatest play in NFL history)

Woman in South Carolina, "My ten brothers and sisters and I met at a nice restaurant in Georgia along with a few other spouses.  The older couple at the next table loved the fact that we were all family and having such a good time.  She said that she hadn't spoken to her two sisters in a long time and one of my brothers said he would pray for her that it work out.  When it came time to pay we were arguing about who was going to get the big check and the waitress told us it was taken care of by the older couple who even paid the tip for us."

Woman with third child going to college: "It's not where you go to college, but it what you do there."

Female: "I sell boxes, there are a lot of box salespeople because there are a lot of boxes."

Woman: "Your car smells great, our last few rides all smelled like smoke."`

Male entrepreneur: CEO means Chief of Everything."

Young woman after I told her she can't read my Favorite Comment list in the car, she said, "I feel like there's a lot of rules in this Uber." Making fun of her name Amelia that we were joking about I said, "That sounds a lot like the snooty "Emelia" we were talking about before."

Me: "Are you married?" Him: "No, we've been dating for two months although we've known each other for a long time.  She wants a ring." When they got out of the car I said to him, "I've been married almost 38 years, it's a good deal."

"I told the guy who wrote songs that I once wrote a song about "The Life of a Cigarette Butt", and a drummer told me last month, "that's genius." He replied, "He's right, it's genius." (How come no one told me this 40 years ago when I wrote it?)

Actress from New York City: "I was in a military family and the theatre became life preserving for me and today I'm in plays and do commercials."

Putting her suitcase in my trunk, I asked where she was headed.  She replied, Arkansas, it's a dreadful state."(lived there four years)

"A dog can't bark and bite at the same time."

"I'm as balanced as an elephant on a tightrope."

When I told him that a guy once waved at me behind his back when I was driving by, he said, "if that happened in Detroit(where he's from) or New Jersey(where I'm from), he would have been cursed out." 

"I probably make more money than most people." Owner cyber security company

I said to the young woman, "Are you from New York?" She said, "Yes, Long Island,  how did you know?' Me: I could tell from your accent."  Her: "I don't have an accent."

"I definitely needed your positivity today." She went to get a U-haul truck to move and they didn't have one for her.

Actress from New York City: "I was in a military family and the theatre became life preserving for me and today I'm in plays and do commercials."

"I'm a commercial diver-I do welding under water."

Young woman who wants to run a hotel like her mom, "hospitality runs in my family."

Asking the man from Chicago, "does this remind you of Chicago?"  He said: "hell no, I just needed to get out of the city."

26 year-old male: "I've been working since I was 16 and I never had much time for a life.  I don't have any hobbies and never did fun things."

Him: "We're going to San Diego." Me: "I'd love to go, do you have an extra seat?" Him: "Sure, you can come with us."

Male: "I would make a good hood ornament"

Him: "My Mom had a crush on someone named Houston in the 1976 Olympics, so that's what she named me."

She said, "It's easier to breathe down here." 

Male: "This is the perfect Uber vehicle."

"My husband and I don't ever talk politics because I'm a Democrat and he's a Republican."

Pastor: "I took over our congregation in January after our Pastor was tragically killed by his son with a gun. We have a lot of healing to do. "

She said, "The best thing about living in Denver is the weather diversity."

Him: "My friend was working in New York City in a studio apartment and when the pandemic hit, he rented a house in Lake Tahoe and worked remotely and saved money."

He said, "Sometimes you just have to take chances with a career."

"California just has some stupid laws."

Military guy in school: "What do you think the political situation will be here over the next few years?"

"People in California are in their own bubble."

Me to young guy: "You could drive around with me all day today." Him: "That would be pretty boring." Me: "Don't you think I could entertain you all day?" Him laughing: "I have a doctor appointment."

Woman from New Jersey about living in the South: "I love it when people say, "have a blessed day."

Male: "Amazon now pays me $20 per hour to work in their warehouse and I usually get 50-60 hours a week."

Young woman raised in the south: "If I didn't show respect when I was a child I got spanked. I sometimes say sir and mam to people only a couple years older than me."

Me: "Don't leave anything back there." Him: "I was going to leave a tip." Me: "That is always acceptable and appreciated."

Him: "I have 12 years of customer service experience." I noticed he looked pretty young so I said, "You must have started when you were 14." He replied, "I actually started when I was 12 in my Grandfather's store and worked at McDonalds when I was 14."

Woman: "A job I used to have, the boss told me he only expects people to give 65% effort. I always give 100%, so I worked my way out of that job."

Therapist: "If someone doesn't finish their therapy after surgery, they could be a prisoner for the rest of their life."

Older woman: "We're not really big fans of golf."

Female college student on vacation at 8:30 am: "I have to start drinking right away."

Young New Yorker: "I love it down here, it's so quiet and calm."

"I had a guy working for me as a truck driver who called himself, "Unbelievable."  His first day of work he forgot his license and he wanted to know if I had a copy of it on me."

He said, "My Dad told me when I was young, whatever you do for work even if you're shoveling fishhooks, you should shovel more than anyone else."

Male business owner: "If someone doesn't like the rules that the company has, they should put their money down and start their own business."

"The truck driver called me and said he was having trouble with his truck and he was working on it.  On my way into work, I saw his truck in line at another construction company.  I called him and told him he should lose my number, because I was losing his."

Human Resources manager told me that she, "has been hiring like crazy since February and I'm trying to avoid turnovers."

Navy guy: "I didn't know what I could do in the Navy, but they said I had good math skills so I should be a Nuclear Engineer."

Him: "We're going to San Diego." Me: "I'd love to go, do you have an extra seat?" Him: "Sure, you can come."

"Every time I see the Boeing assembly room with all the planes lined up, it's like I'm seeing it for the first time."

"A friend of mine lived in an expensive studio apartment in New York City.  When the pandemic hit and he was going to work remotely, he rented a house in Lake Tahoe and worked there and saved money on rent."

Woman: "The best thing about Denver is the weather diversity."

Male: "Once you get out of the cities in California, the state is mostly conservative."

Pastor: "I just took over for our Pastor who was tragically killed by his son in a gun accident. We have a lot of healing still to do."

Woman looking for me at the airport, called me and said, "Are you talking on the phone?" I said, "Yes, I'm talking to you."

New York City Detective: "I work in the beautiful sections of Brooklyn, NY."

Me: "What does the Ravenel bridge look like to you?"  Him: "Two birthday hats."

The Iranian explained, "I live in Jersey in a neighborhood with a lot of Italians, I love it.  We have always had great relationships with Italians."

Me: What hotel do you work at?  Her: "Denny's". Me: "That's a really small hotel."

"There's no place like New York City, except maybe London."

"Omaha, Nebraska is a big city with a small vibe."

When I told the couple from Washington State that I've had people from Oregon tell me that Oregon is known for it's food, the guy said, "I just think of biscuits and gravy."

Young black male working for T-Mobile: "I call myself the Dr. Phil in T Mobile."(solving problems all the time)

Male: "Every time I walk into that Boeing assembly room and see all those planes being put together, it's just like the first time I ever saw it."

She: "I think sometimes people down here just lack the desire to work."

N.Y. City Detective: "The people leading the "Defund Police" campaign should be held responsible for the loss of life it's cost."

"It's 115 degrees in Phoenix, but we had to adjust to the humidity here."

Talking about unusual names, Ulysses told me that, "in school I knew a girl named Wednesday, we called her "Weed-nes-day."

"Hawaii has the most perfect weather on the planet."

Woman from New Jersey: "The "Jersey Shore" show made New Jersey seem trashy and gross."

Me: "Do you like your job in finance?" She: "Yes, but I'm not doing it for fun."

"I was in Hawaii and saw a petrified forest that had multi-colored trees."

The young engineer told me, "Going out in the field to help customers solve problems, helps me become a better engineer."

Young woman who did not have a mask on, but was willing to put one on: I haven't seen an Uber driver wear one for six months.  I had COVID three times!"`

"Music to me is like painting a picture."

I said to three female college students: "What year are you in?" They said, "We're rising Juniors."(between Sophomore and Junior year)

"We had a great time in Charleston seeing the fireworks on a boat."

He said as he got out of my car, "sorry to see you're a Knick and Giant fan."