How To Wash Car Windows

I have no idea, not even a clue.  It may be one of the most difficult things I have ever attempted to do in my life. For years, my wife would be sitting next to me in my car and say, "how can you drive with your windshield like that?" And I would reply, "like what?" She would tell me, "it's dirty," and I would say, "I only look through the clean spots.'

But things have changed now and who's to blame? Uber. I have people in my car who are paying for the ride.  Keeping my car clean is tough enough, but the windows? They are impossible to keep clean. Last Friday, as I drove down to Charleston with a clean windshield, two birds pooped on my car and one bug made a kamikaze attack on my windshield.

When I roll down my windows(ok, press the button to lower them), when the widows come back up they are all messed up.  If I use my wipers, the corners on both sides get messed up.  Are the windows dirty on the inside or the outside? I have no idea. Am I using the wrong spray, too little spray, or the wrong cloth? What if it's all three?  My wife says the secret is to do it in cooler weather? We're in South Carolina! Do I have to drive to Pennsylvania to get my windows clean?

My wife has been promising to "train" me.  I'm getting desperate. On Sunday, I was parked at a convenience store and cleaning off my windows with a dry rag.  A guy walked by and said, "if you need some Windex I have some." I thanked him and said, "I'm really awful at cleaning windows." He said, "I know what you mean." I replied, "there has to be a secret." His answer was, "Yeah, but they're not telling us."

If you know the secret, how much is it going to cost me-just name your price!