NOVEMBER RIDER COMMENTS

Woman: "My name is Y'Keshia.  I was named after my father's mistress."

Woman in her 20's: "The COVID vaccine is the only vaccine I've ever had. My boyfriend convinced me to get it due to my health. When I was a child my Mom didn't believe in vaccines and she worked in a doctor's office and forged all the paperwork for my vaccines."

Woman: "My mom said that I'm the nicest bitch she's ever met."

 "When I was 26, I made $250,000 in a year selling time share. It was great because I carried $500 in cash all the time and I could buy my girlfriend Coach purses and watches. My boss told me that if I went to Myrtle Beach I would make twice that and I did it."

Woman in her late 20's: "I've lived in 63 cities in my life." (military family)

I went to pick up Tiffany and a rather large black man walked to my car wearing a mask.  Me: "You're not going to tell me that your name is Tiffany, are you?" Him: "No, I'm not until I put on my makeup."(I did not react until he laughed)

Him: "Being a freshman at the Citadel was more fun that I never want to have again. A graduate explained it this way- imagine a pyramid of shit and seniors on the top have it best and freshman are on the bottom."

Me: "How long have you been married?" Male: "Thirty years, it's time for parole."

From New Jersey like me, he said, "people in New Jersey are born with a silver spoon in their mouth." Me: "next time I pick you up, I'll have a spoon in my mouth."  Him: "Will it be silver?"

Him: "I believe that you(everyone) have to shine your light on the world."

She is in cybersecurity and he's in emergency management. Her: "We're dark humor people, if we weren't, we'd be alcoholics."

Male in the Coast Guard: "The best McDonalds in the world is in Guantanamo Bay. When you're out to sea for a month and you come back, the food is great."

The man in his 50's had a very thick Alabama accent. He said, "my accent helped me get my job at Boeing. There were 500 applicants then they cut it down to 6 and then 2. The interviewer was from Seattle, but he loved my accent."

"My parents gave me the nickname, Tripp, (which I go by), when I was born since I was the third child. I think they gave it to me so if the cops come to my door, I can show them by real ID and say I don't know who Tripp is."

She works for the city of Kansas City: "If there is an apocalypse, there's a plan for dignitaries to go the caves in Missouri and they'll have everything there, strip clubs and everything."

Me: "I've been married for 38 years." Young woman: "No F'N shit, that's my dream."

Nurse in her mid twenties: "My parents pay me $500 to watch their dogs over the weekend, it's a good gig."

"We tell tourists that it rains all the time in Seattle, but most of the time it's a very light rain and you don't need a raincoat."

27 year old woman: "I'm an old soul, I love reading the newspaper in the morning, holding it and the smell of it."

When I told the Russian woman about the my former rider from Russia who had Putin's picture on the back of her phone, she said, "It's the idol of stupidity. It's funny that someone likes him."

"I'm not for a mandated vaccine, but I got it for the placebo affect,(mentally having it), and out of respect for others who have suffered."

Me: "What are you going to do when you get back in the job market?" Young black woman: "I want to promote how important it is to breast feed." (we then talked about breast feeding)

Woman: "If I told you what I do, I'd have to kill you." (works for the city of Kansas City)

Male: "I work for the federal government with propaganda for foreign governments."

He said, "New York City uses your vehicle for cabs." (Ford Transit passenger van)

Asking the female College of Charleston freshman, how she is handling the 70-30% ration of woman to men, she said simply, "it's annoying."

I thought he said, "I'm a surgeon," but then he said, "I'm a surfer," and finally I heard him clearly through the mask, "I'm a server."

Looking at an entire field of dead cows after a severe hale storm, his co-worker said, "these are definitely hale damaged cows."

Her first name has thirteen letters and it's something like, "L'ezonthale." It's a French name that her grandmother gave her, but no one knows what it means. She: I tried to look it up, but I didn't find anything. It may be a flower." I said, "okay, I'll just call you flower."

He said, "I thought I needed someone to validate my existence.  I learned that I wanted someone and that's a very different thing."

Him: "I used to have a $68,000 truck, but I had cut it loose after the DUI."

"In the south it's a more respectful society."

"We've been dating only seven months and his is our 7th wedding we've attended since May."

Him: "No one stays in New Jersey." Me: "My parents had a house there for fifty years." Him: "So their the one."

Male: "I had just had a fight with my wife and then went to a bar. A guy in his eighties gave me advice. He said to sincerely apologize and told me a whole list of things to say. I went home and said to my wife, "I'm sorry I was stupid." She interrupted and said, "you're right, you were a stupid ass." That was the end of the argument."

Me: "Since this is your first trip to Charleston, what's been the best part of your trip?" Him: "The Uber drivers."

When I signed up for the Uber app I was drunk and my name came out Josb instead of Josh.  It's fun to hear drivers try to pronounce it, so I haven't changed it."

Him: "I found a purse in an Uber and gave it to the driver. He said he was going to hold it until someone contacted him and he wouldn't open it.  When I got out of the car I saw him go through the purse."

Male: "I wouldn't expect you would have much Uber business in this neighborhood, we have old people and families."

"I stopped taking yellow cabs when I was in one that went off the embankment with me in it." For five years I had only 2 bad Uber drivers, one of them said I could tip him and then he opened his glove compartment and showed me his weed." This past year has been different, one guy was driving 65 on East Bay St. and wouldn't slow down. Another, had 15 inch speakers in the trunk and the whole car vibrated. My girlfriend and I and kids were picked up by my old girlfriend who made me sit up front and she was constantly touching me."

She said, "I have 6 children, 18 grandchildren, and 7 great grandchildren. I came here to get some peace."

"If you don't like downhill skiing or walking in the rain, Seattle is not for you."

"San Diego has the best weather in the country, but Denver has the best weather if you want four seasons."

Him: "This Boeing thing has worked out well."

Him: "I've had harder jobs that paid less."

"I like the vibe here in Myrtle Beach better than Miami."

"The best thing about living in Washington DC is the museums."

Me: "Why did you move out of New Jersey." Young man: "Because Murphy(Governor) is an idiot."

Woman from San Diego: "Charleston is the only other place in the country I would live. I'm a real foodie."

"The weather in Washington state is amazing."

Two young women going out to dinner: "We're amazing, you should put our picture up in your car next to the picture of the Super Bowl ring."

"I came here from Russia speaking no English.  I learned it watching TV and movies.  My favorite movie was "Home Alone."

"My  Great Grandmother was a big Red Sox fan and she was alive in 1918 and finally saw them win again in 2004.  She lived to be102."

The male realtor said, "Market Commons is adorable."

Kansas City Chief fan: "I can't wait to get into work and tell my boss I saw a close up picture of the Super Bowl ring when we beat his 49ers."

"The difference between here and LA is that no one is in a rush here."

Woman from Florida: "I feel more southern here than in Florida."

Male: "We were living below are means, so we bought a nicer vacation home."

"I went to a Red Sox playoff game and would not sit down. I told the guy behind me, I paid $500 and traveled 2,200 miles to be here, I'm not sitting down."

"I put windows into expensive houses like Bill Gates's house in Florida.  I met Tiger Woods on one job."

As a NY Giant fan, I teased the Patriot fan as he got out of the car, "I won't even mention the two Super Bowl games." He replied, "I won't mention the six Super Bowl wins."

"There are 1,400 micro chips in most new cars, that's why you're having trouble getting your car built."

She said, "I love chicken, but only fried chicken.  I don't eat any other chicken."

She said, "I don't really like chicken, but yesterday I was craving it."

Looking at the picture of the Super Bowl ring in my car, she said, "Did someone lose a Super Bowl ring?"

She said, "Sometimes the GPS pronounces my name "Ollie" and sometimes it says "Alley." (Her name is spelled Ali).

"I'm working 80 hours a week in a restaurant here.  I can't say know because the owners are so nice to me."

When I told them I was giving my list of favorite comments, he said, "That's so cool."

She said to me, "you are a blessing and a gift."

Him: "I work on anything you can plug in."

She said, "Your kindness is what the world needs more of."

Couple: "We thought that Corpus Christi in Texas was the best place we've visited on our trip."

"The most important thing I learned in the Army was resourcefulness, making due with what you have."

He said, "This is the most perfect vehicle for what you do."

Speaking to a friend as she got out of my car, she said, "he was awesome."

Him: "you made my day."

November Rider Stories

THE PROFESSIONAL SOCCER PLAYER: I picked him up in the Charleston area and found out that he plays for the Charleston team which just ended their season without making the playoffs.  He was about ready to start his off season workouts.  He had two older brothers who were not as good a player as he was, but it certainly helped him in his career.  He's 28 years old and is a midfielder who has played with a number of teams. He once lived in Iceland for 18 months and played a game in below zero weather.  I told him I couldn't imagine how a leg would feel kicking a ball in those temperatures and he calmly said, "the body adjusts".  I don't think mine would.  I got his autograph and I looked Robbie up online to check his career. He's from Scotland and we talked about his country.  One of my favorite Paul McCartney songs is, "Mull of Kintyre", which is about a place in Scotland.  I asked him if he had ever been there and he hadn't.  It was a lot of fun talking with him and when I dropped him off I turned on my iPod and one song later was, "Mull of Kintyre." 

THE DESIRE TO SERVE: Each year thousands of young people sign up to go into the military.  Many of them have had members of their family who served and many of them are looking for a better opportunity with the training and the financial rewards.  My passenger signed up for six years and has four more years to go.  For several years after high school he needed to help his family through a difficult financial situation and he did it as a plumber, making $40 an hour. His reason for joining the Navy? He said, "I felt that I could help protect my family and my country, it was something I could do and it was important." When he gets out of the Navy, he plans to go back to work as a plumber where he knows it's a needed skill and he'll be able to make more money to raise his own family.  I was impressed with his sincerity, his maturity and his commitment to do something good for our country.  He has a great future in front of him and he believes that the Navy is making him better prepared for it.

THE PROFESSIONAL SINGER: She was performing locally in a show and told me she had worked in 70 countries over the past few years.  Due to the traveling, she said, "it's a hard life." She told me that her favorite music was opera. I told her I once asked as opera student to sing a line for me, but I didn't ask her to do it. She joked that she was, "forced" into the career since her parents were both musicians.  She was happy to have a nice off day and was going to spend some time on the beach.

TALKING MORE CHICKEN: I picked up the woman to go the local supermarket and she told me that she was getting a rotisserie chicken and that's all I needed to here.  I told her some of my "chicken" stories and she was amused.  I also told her that if she couldn't finish it and didn't want to deal with the carcass, she should give me a call and I'd pick it up for free.  I didn't think that was going to happen.  The very next day, I picked up the same woman and she was feeling a little guilty.  She said, "I really don't like chicken, but I was craving it yesterday." She didn't want me to have the wrong impression. Apparently, her mom used to make a lot of chicken and so that's why she doesn't really like it. And that of course led to me explaining to her how I feel about pizza. At least I enjoyed talking chicken.

Eating Breakfast in Edison, New Jersey

There is nothing special about eating breakfast in Edison, NJ, unless of course you are 600 miles away living in South Carolina.  Having grown up in Edison, I've had more breakfasts there than anywhere, but what I ate for breakfast as a kid is kind of blurry at this point.

I finally arranged to get together with my old supervisor (4 years older), who I worked with as a courier up until the end of June.  The first time I met him, I knew we could be friends.  He's from North Jersey, is a big Yankee fan, likes to joke around and he has a work ethic very much like mine. If we get together with our wives I think both of them will find if amusing how similar the two of us are.

We planned on meeting for breakfast in Conway, South Carolina, not far from the warehouse we worked together.  He warned me that the portions were big, not knowing that it wouldn't bother me at all.  He told me the pancakes were huge and I looked it up online and he was telling the truth. He said he couldn't eat two of them, but I knew I could if I wanted to.  As it turned out, my wife and I had gone to IHOP the week before, so I wasn't really in a pancake mood.

I pulled up at the small restaurant and we talked outside while we waited for a table.  I told him I saw online the size of the pancakes and he said, "there's a place in Edison, New Jersey that everything is huge." I started laughing and told him it was Harold's, where I've eaten lunch/dinner many times.  He didn't know that I grew up in Edison.  I told him my favorite thing there was actually the cakes which are sitting on the left side as you walk in and they are stand so tall they don't look real. Take a look at this below without reaching for some milk-chocolate cake at Harold's in Edison. This is the real size.

We sat down and I did only order one pancake which is pictured below.  It was thick and I do think I could have eaten one more, but I'm saving that for another time.  On the wall behind the register at this place was pictures of customers who took the breakfast challenge.  In one sitting they ate 3 pancakes, 3 eggs, 3 pieces of bacon and I think it was 3 pieces of toast.  If I break a fast there for Yom Kippur I may be able to do it, except they are not open that late in the day.  Maybe, we'll stop at Harold's on our Thanksgiving trip and I'll just eat a big meal and call it breakfast.  I wish I had that cake right now!

The Costco Experience

My wife had a fun idea for today. In addition to going out to eat, we were going to stop by Costco and get a membership.  She had a discount for a membership and we used to belong to BJ's years ago, so we figured we would check it out and see if we liked it.

Since they didn't open until 10 am, we didn't show up until 10:20.  The two parking lots nearby were almost full and there had to 300-500 cars.  I told my wife there was no way all these people had just arrived, they had to have opened at 9:00 or earlier.  There were swarms of people going in and coming out and it really looked like they were giving stuff away.  An employee at the door told me they opened at 9:45 and people were lining up to get in at 9:15.

I thought I was at a football game. There were two lines of people leaving Costco and were being checked on the way out.  A number of people had only a few items in their cart, which seemed odd.  We got our picture taken for our cards and went in the membership door.  Immediately, my wife saw the televisions and pointed to an LG(the brand I used to sell part-time) and said, "I'd want one bigger than that." It was less than $600 which was a very good price, but I had to tell her, "it's 65 inches, that's a big TV."  Keep in mind, we have not owned a TV in four years.  Eyes get bigger in these stores and we had just walked in!

We got our steps in and walked through most of the store.  We did find a few good prices on salmon and most importantly a very good looking and large, rotisserie chicken.(I did eat a drumstick when I got home and it was very good) I also bought sweat pants, jeans, and two knee braces, which is a lot for me to buy in one day.

We managed to get out in an hour and a half and there were no long lines exiting the store.  They had a lot of stuff and it was the beginning of the holiday season, but they were crazy busy for a Wednesday morning.  You would think there were no Wal-Marts or supermarkets in the whole town.  We will go back, but there's no way we are going to be standing outside waiting for the store to open. Later in the day I tried to get my wife to go back for dinner at Costco because they had hot dogs and pizza, but she didn't go for it-something for us to do next time.
 

It's Potty Time!

Maybe I should just write dog columns? With so many dogs just in our neighborhood, I could spend a few hours with each dog and then write a nice little story for the owner and maybe put it in a little frame with the dog's picture or the dog and it's owner.  How much could I charge? $25? $50? To make what I make Uberring I'd have to write 4-5 stories a day, or a couple every day of the week.  With the love I have for dogs, that shouldn't be a problem.  Think of the gas I'll save! And, it's a great Christmas present for that person who has everything!

Back to our latest saga of "Me and my Dog." I think there is an oldies song that begins with a guy yelling out, "It's Party Time." Potty time isn't as much fun.  The routine is that Odin eats/devours dinner and maybe halfway through our dinner, he rings a bell and we know that he needs to go out.  My wife gets up and takes him out and he goes potty pretty quickly, frequently both kinds.

Our backyard yesterday was a little different and he noticed immediately. The fountain that shoots water out in the pond was off.  We've seen it happen a few times, but Odin has not. He was fascinated or annoyed that there was no water. (he did not say which one) He loves the water, either watching it or hearing it. (he has not said which one or both) Without the water in the pond, you can see the reflection on the houses in the water, but I don't know if that's what fascinated him. (no, he did not say)

After dinner which he cleaned a plate and a half so you could see yourself in the plate, Odin rang the bell and the adventure began. I walk out and put sandals or flip-flops on, hook up his leash,(so he doesn't eat dirt, plants or furniture), and we walk.  I did not provide a picture of this, but here is the description: older man, walking aimlessly in his backyard, with the dog leading him on their quest. The old man gives a motivational speech, "ok, go potty, find your spot, you can do it, it's your time-come on Odin!" (the right phrase I've been told is "go potty poops."

It may have been the water not being on, which I think helps the dog pee, but maybe it has a different effect on getting rid of other waste? How many times did Odin and I make our quest through the backyard in the dark? Just a ballpark figure, more than six and less than a dozen times over a couple hours.  He went to sleep without going and I'm wondering when he wakes up in an hour, how big a bag am I going to need?

But, here's the truth, do I really want him to go potty? Of course not, why would I want to pick up shit? (I would have used another word, but in this case....) Finally, the best part was this: after encouraging Odin to go potty for a couple hours, we were sleeping by 9:45.  Less than two hours later, I woke up-I had to go potty, really.

Me and my Dog

 I know, it should be my dog and I, but I'm still more important and it is age before beauty and I've got him on that too.  This is the first time I am taking care of our dog by myself and that should make all of us a little nervous. My wife is away for two days and I've got notes and a plan.  Last night was our first meal together and I know you're going to want to be a part of it.

My wife bought me a rotisserie chicken, which of course is one of my favorite foods.  Odin, our dog pictured below, he was scheduled to have some salmon, carrots, and broccoli cut up and of course have some of MY chicken.  He was hungry and I was hungrier, but I got his meal ready first.  He was definitely eyeing MY chicken as I heated up his meal.  

When I put down his meal, he went after it, much like I go after MY chicken. Moments later he was almost finished and I now had MY heated chicken in front of me.  I realized I forgot his broccoli.(no surprise there)  So, I improvised and cut up some broccoli and cut up some of MY chicken, heated it a little and then dumped it, or beautifully placed it on his plate with his leftover food.

As I started devouring MY chicken, Odin ate 85% of what was on his plate and then came over to me to wait for more of MY chicken. I realized that he is now the only one who can watch me eat a rotisserie chicken.  My kids and my wife block their view or look the other way from the spectacle.

Odin would not stop staring me down with an occasional bark or two.  Below you can see him waiting for more of MY chicken.  Here's how the conversation went between us:

Odin: I want more chicken.

Me: Odin, you've eaten a lot and eaten very quickly, rest for now.

Odin: I ate as quickly as you are, I don't see you resting.

Me: I just started and it's MY chicken.  Ok, here's a couple small pieces.

Odin: That was really good, Mom would give me more.

Me: Mom isn't here and it's not her chicken.  Ok, a couple more small pieces, but that's all-all gone.

Odin: That was good too, but I'm now standing on my legs and I still see a big chicken.

Me: Don't worry, I'm going to make it disappear once you stop interrupting me.  Okay, two more, but that's it.  Finish what's on your plate.

Odin: I like the chicken better, you finish what's on my plate.

Me: No more Odin, or I'll send you to your room.  All gone... no more after this piece.

Odin: Okay, but I'm going to lay down right next to the kitchen table and your foot if you change your mind.

It was a good meal and I saved some chicken for tonight's meal.  He's going to daycare today so I have the whole day to get ready for his next dinner. 

HOW MUCH OF MY CHICKEN WOULD YOU GIVE THIS DOG?

October Rider Comments

SINCE ON A NORMAL MONTH I AM GIVING CLOSE TO 300 RIDES, THE COMMENTS WILL CONTINUE TO BE MORE THAN IN THE PAST.  THE FIRST 30-40 ARE THE BEST OF THESE AND I WILL HAVE A SPACE THAT COMES AFTER THE BEST ONES AND A FEW LONGER QUOTES.

"I lived in New York for ten years and didn't drive.  I'm a terrible driver, but very good at parallel parking. My Dad says I should stay parallel parked."

Me: "I don't get too many riders from New Hampshire." Pilot: "It's a small state, it's really just the four of us.  We have to get back before someone declares squatter rites."

After telling them I was going to take a bathroom break, but decided to take one more ride, she said, "Your bladder is more important than us getting to the airport earlier, so you can stop if you need to." When I dropped her off, she ordered, "GO EMPTY YOUR BLADDER!"

My friend is a nurse and she asked the pregnant woman if she had decided on a name for her little girl. The woman said, " I'm going to call her famalia.(how it sounds)  I saw a woman with a bracelet and the spelling, F e m a l e."

"My sister called me and said she found my soul mate, but he's with someone else. Two years later I met him at her barbecue and it was love at first sight-we ignored everyone else that was there."

Retired police detective: "If I didn't have a lot of hobbies now, I'd be in jail."

He was flying back to New York because the sewer had overflown and destroyed the apartment he was renting out.  I wished him luck and he said, "well, it going to be shitty for awhile."

"I've seen a lot unusual things.  In Afghanistan, I saw a man "with" a goat." Me: "Was that when you were in the Army?" Him: "Well, I wasn't on vacation there."

"My husband and I are sailors.  We sold our house in Florida this summer and bought a sailboat.  We are going to home school are three kids, 4,3, and 1 on the boat as we make memories for them as we make a life sailing."

"I came from a working class family.  The first time I made $100,000 a year(in his late 20's) I showed my Dad and it's the only time I've seen him cry."

Male: "When I was 10, I was a bat boy for the Philadelphia Phillies and we won the World Series.  They gave me a World Series ring.  Mike Schmidt gave me his bat and Pete Rose was good friends with my grandfather and they used to eat dinner together regularly."

Young man: "When someone suggested I be a compliance officer for TV/movie studios in New York(COVID testing), I said, "okay I'll give it a shot." But when I found out that the pay for two days was equal to a week's pay, I said, "THIS IS A GREAT JOB!"

Former New Yorker, she said: "New York is like an ex-boyfriend-I miss it not being there, but when I'm there I realize why I broke up with it." 

Woman: "My younger sister is 5-3 and I'm 6 feet tall.  She's a lot like me though, but she's a little blonde chick who's a savage."

I asked the 21 year old male College of Charleston student, "how are you managing with the 70-30% ration of woman to men?" He replied, "I haven't had sex in a year and a half and I'm fine with that. It's not necessary to have sex 3-4 times a week with random women."

"My Uber driver said he had been offered a role in the movie "Black Panther" three times but he turned it down because he doesn't like the attention."

Talking with the older woman about how people have always died from the flu, she said, "My mom used to say, "that's how God weeds us out." I wish there was a better way, but I guess Detroit and Chicago figured it out-they are just killing themselves."

"My name is Deidre, but it's pronounced, "Daydre."  My boss couldn't say the name right and it came out Daisy, so I started using that as my name."

"My Uber driver was watching a U Tube video on stocks while he drove me."

My GPS did not say the rider's name, but instead spelled it out- B E A U.

He said, "the woman's name was My 'Queen A 'Miracle."  

The Kentucky alumni said, "CATS by 90" a common phrase in Kentucky college sports.  It means that when the team wins even by one point, fans like to think it was by 90.

Two of her favorite quotes: "Time is a commodity you can only spend once." "Die with a memory, not a dream."

Young male: "I'm the kind of person who craves chaos."

Young man, "I have 200 pairs of expensive sneakers and my Dad has 400 pairs.  They might be worth $500,000. My Dad has his own sneaker business also."

"I've given five talks to large groups and I charge $10,000 a speech for 45 minutes."

Me talking about one of my favorite riders: "That woman was the only one I've ever had to stop talking in my car."  Her: "You never met my Grandma, she doesn't even take a breath when she starts talking."

Seeing the picture of the Super Bowl ring hanging in my car, next to the $500 bill from the South Sudan from another rider, she said, "Here's a paint stick from Home Depot you can show it off too."

The female surgeon said, "I couldn't get an Uber to catch my flight, so I drove to the airport, but the parking lots were full. The lot was blocked off by cones so I just moved the cones and I made my own space. I didn't get a ticket."

"I was at the DMV yesterday and I failed the eye test 12 times, I couldn't get the last letter."

"I don't need Google, I have a wife."

"When I sold time share I imagined that I was talking to my grandma and I wouldn't want anything bad to happen to her."

"We sell time together, not time share."

Going to her 35th high school reunion, she said, "I just wanted to see what some of them look like."

Woman: "I don't do well with rebelling children."

Female: "I couldn't believe that we couldn't get a taxi-we're not dead yet!"

"My brother got married last night.  He's a big Red Sox fan so everyone at the reception had to sign a Red Sox jersey.  I'm a Yankee fan, so I signed it, "Go Yankees."

I asked the women who does accounting work, "Do you like numbers?" She said, "I like money."

"My husband and I wanted a new hobby during the pandemic.  We had two dogs and a cat already, so we got five quail."

She said, "On a job interview in college I was asked, "if you were an item on the McDonalds menu board, what would you be?" I was a vegetarian and I completely froze, I couldn't think of what was in a McDonalds, I hadn't been there since I was a child."

Male cleaning room in a hotel: "I think I cleaned a room today that was a murder scene. There was a lot of blood.  I mean it wasn't a lot, it was a lot, a lot."

"I was licensed to be a mortician 56 years ago."

Me: "What do you think the Ravenel Bridge in Charleston was built to look like?" Her: "A toaster?"

"People hardly drove during the pandemic and they forgot how to drive."

Passionate chef: "When I cook a meal at my restaurant I cook it as if I'm cooking for my family. Every table should be a VIP table."

Older woman, "Any day above the grave I'm doing good."

Young woman: "I thought people were crabby here.  Maybe they're not use to seeing an Asian woman."

Flight attendant from the south: "The first time I was up north I ordered sweet tea and I got regular tea.  I didn't know they don't have sweet tea up North."

"I had a number of things that I needed fixed around the house, nothing major.  I had someone come in and then they texted me an estimate of $30,000.  I texted back, "is that $30,000 or $3,000?" They said it was $30,000 but they could do it for $28,000.  I got someone else who did six days work for $6,000."

I told the guy from Buffalo my story of the woman from Buffalo who when I asked about the rough winters, she said, "Since the world is ending soon, we'll be okay in Buffalo," He assured me that was  a global warming statement. He said, "we think Buffalo is going to be the new Florida in the future."

She said, "I had an Uber who was a middle aged woman and the car was completely decked out as a Betty Boop car.(cartoon character) There were flowers and stickers and she had Betty Boop barrettes in her hair.  She even wore Betty Boop gloves.  She didn't say anything about it and I didn't either, but I took some video when she wasn't looking."

The "best responses to my "Super Bowl Ring" story: The young woman said, "so it's yours now?"
 A young man said, "you should have mugged her."  Looking at the picture of the ring hanging in my car which said, "Super Bowl ring" and "$70,000," she said, "Why are you selling your Super Bowl ring?"  He said, "that's sick."

"When I was 23 and about to graduate college I was selling cars and sold a $14,000 car to a 20 year old kid. He told me he was going to pay cash, but my boss didn't believe him and told me to go to the bank with him.  I asked him how he could afford to pay cash and he told me that he sold time shares(in the 80's) and he made $23,000 in two months.  I decided right then that when I graduated I would drive four hours away to California and get a job with that company.  I did and I've been with them 35 years."

"My girlfriend and I were in an Uber Maserati here, it was a weird ride. I've been in two Uber Tesla's in other places."

Flight attendant: "I had a female Uber in Savannah.  I was her first ride, but she didn't know how to start the ride. I would have canceled if it wasn't a woman, but she took me to my destination and I paid her cash."

I told the professor to pull down the chord on my seat to put her drink down.  She was confused and we agreed it wasn't a chord.  She said, "I would have called it a pulley thing."

Ron Jaworski, the former Eagle quarterback owns a bunch of golf courses.  He was talking to my Dad and he had is Super Bowl ring and let me put it on."

"A few years back I went to see the Tigers play the Yankees.  I was one of the first ones in the stadium in Detroit, but there was an older woman in my row who I was talking to and then she started yelling for Derek Jeter.  He came over and talked with her.  Every time he came to Detroit he left tickets for her since she was one of his grade school teachers.  She introduced me as her friend and when I shook hands with him, it's the first time I was speechless."

"We sold our Chrysler 300 to a young guy.  He was going to pick it up next week, but he offered us almost $1,000 extra to get it today so we don't have a car now."

"My friend is a DJ for the Miami Heat and he has three championship rings."

"I live by three principles-logic, fact, and sense."

"In Russia there are forever gloomy days."

Another chef claimed, "I run Myrtle Beach."

I asked the bartender, how long have you been bartending?" She: "A hundred years."  Me: "Is that a lot of double shifts?" She: "definitely."

"My twin daughters had just turned drinking age and they got an Uber and went out and got drunk.  My son went our hours later and the Uber driver asked, "do you have two sisters?" They puked in his car and did the same thing in another Uber."

Female recruiter: "Not a day goes by that I don't ask myself why I didn't go into the tech field."

He said, "the former President was a real butthole, but he did do some very good things for the country."

"I had to have a large pool table moved and a guy gave me an estimate of $2,500.  I offered him $1,000 and he took it and did a great job."

"Nobody can fix you, you have to fix yourself."

Male College of Charleston on the way to the airport to see his girlfriend, "In chemistry class there are four beautiful blondes all around me and I have to concentrate in that class."

"I think that 60-70% of the girls at the College of Charleston are blonde."

Looking at my NY sports hats he said, "my Dad roots for all those teams." I said, "tell him he has good taste." Him: "If I do, he's going to laugh."

The woman said she reserved a room at a hotel for her son and daughter-in-law because, "they need a break from their new baby." I said to her, "they should jump all over that, but if they don't, let me know." She said, "I will."

Male: "I became a truck driver because I want to contribute and do my part."

The older woman said, "the most discriminated person is the fat lady."

"I think everyone should go into the military, we would be better off."

"The bartender told us that sometimes it's hotter here than a doorknob to hell."

Heading to a timeshare sales pitch, she asked, "Can you walk out of one of those? Will they charge you?"

She: "We'll  read your list when we go into the restaurant." Me: "Remember, you're going to be in a public place, so if you laugh too much, everyone will want to read it." She: "Don't worry, it will be for our eyes only."

"West Virginia is one of only two states that has lost population in the last 20 years."

Young woman who wants to be a firefighter: "I want to help people and I enjoy the physical part of the work."

"In Pittsburgh you can buy wedding "terrible towels." (what Steeler fans wave at a game)

Woman working at Wendy's: "I'm working 80-90 hours a weeks because we're short people."

Male: "I have six children and only one grandchild-they're losers."

Young man: "I just won my first kick boxing tournament here last night."

Red Sox fan: "my son doesn't even know that the Yankees used to be a good team." Getting out of the car he wasn't done, "at least you still have the Giants and Jets."

"I have a beard and dark hair, I already look like a criminal."

Asking the pilot what's his favorite city to visit, he said, "Miami, that's when I know I'm home."

Man with apparently a permanent smile: "I've been through a lot of things in my life.  If I'm not smiling, they win."

When I asked his wife how has COVID changed the mental health office she works for, he said, "there are a lot more stupid people walking around."(referring to his work as an electrician)

"Our Uber driver said we were doing a bang-up job seeing everything we've seen here."

Buffalo Bill fan from Buffalo: "There's only one football team in New York and it's the Bills."

Me: "How has being a pilot the past year and a half been affected by the virus?" Him: "We have to wear these damn, stupid masks."

"The secret to being successful is passion and commitment."

He was trying to say that he didn't want to sound to positive or rah-rah, but instead he said, "I don't want to be too woo-woo."

She took a picture of the Super Bowl ring, "my cousin used to play for them, he'd love to see this."

The male educator opened my side door and said, "This is the most perfect Uber vehicle ever built."

Couple from Utah: "It's a beautiful state, but it's become overcrowded. We're going to move to Idaho, no one knows it's beautiful." Me: "I won't tell anyone."

"Ohio has the world's largest fresh water preserve."

"You don't want to be promising the world to someone when you don't have it."

"I was at a baseball game about 20-25 rows up with my son.  Luke Voit of the Yankees had thrown a ball the previous inning to a fan and I watched him coming off the field the next inning and he threw one to me. My Dad is a neighbor of his and he talked to him and autographed the baseball for my son."

"Our trauma cases this summer were up 30-40% here."

She: "You gave my weekend a great start."

"There was rack of people there yesterday."

"I've given five talks to large groups and I charge $10,000 a speech for 45 minutes."

Woman in town for Adult Kickball Tournament: "I'm here to make money, I'm here on business."

"Your list was hilarious, it was great dinner conversation."

The older man said to me, "that was very enjoyable, looking forward to your book."

"Thank you Mr. Sunshine."

"Your car is so cute."

"The world needs a little sunshine."

OOPS-I MESSED UP

 You probably received a blog that said, "2021 Favorite Comments," it was accidentally posted.  I was working on that list which is not done yet and I went to post the October Favorite Comments and I hit the wrong one.  The October list will be coming out one day after this one, but this gives me a chance to explain my 2020 Favorite Comment list and what has happened with it.

The third week of last December I started giving out my yearly list as I did the year before and the responses I've gotten have been incredible.  I can't tell you how many people have started laughing as I'm telling them about the list.  This started as a holiday gift or a thank you for the ride gift, but I 've given it out as a birthday gift, wedding gift, anniversary gift, and welcome to the area gift. One young woman was going to her brother's girlfriends birthday party and had no gift and she was thrilled to have my list in her hands. If you saw and heard how excited some women are to get this list, you would be laughing about it like I do.  I have to give it out as they are leaving my car, otherwise, they start reading it immediately.  And for some reason, women respond to the list a lot more than men.

When I tell them about it I say that some of the twenty comments are funny and some are strange and some are both.  I also say that only three of the comments were made under the influence of alcohol which always gets a laugh. I have given out hundreds of copies to riders and I know a number of them have shared it with others.  It's fun to give something to a rider that they can enjoy after their ride.

The 2021 list will probably only be 20 some comments and I'm going to have eliminate some comments. There may be a couple more I'll hear in the next five weeks also.  I will arrange them in a certain order, mixing up comments for singles and married people too. So, you have a little preview of the list and something to look forward to in time for Christmas. Consider this your first Christmas gift of the year!