SINCE ON A NORMAL MONTH I AM GIVING CLOSE TO 300 RIDES, THE COMMENTS WILL CONTINUE TO BE MORE THAN IN THE PAST. THE FIRST 30-40 ARE THE BEST OF THESE AND I WILL HAVE A SPACE THAT COMES AFTER THE BEST ONES AND A FEW LONGER QUOTES.
"I lived in New York for ten years and didn't drive. I'm a terrible driver, but very good at parallel parking. My Dad says I should stay parallel parked."
Me: "I don't get too many riders from New Hampshire." Pilot: "It's a small state, it's really just the four of us. We have to get back before someone declares squatter rites."
After telling them I was going to take a bathroom break, but decided to take one more ride, she said, "Your bladder is more important than us getting to the airport earlier, so you can stop if you need to." When I dropped her off, she ordered, "GO EMPTY YOUR BLADDER!"
My friend is a nurse and she asked the pregnant woman if she had decided on a name for her little girl. The woman said, " I'm going to call her famalia.(how it sounds) I saw a woman with a bracelet and the spelling, F e m a l e."
"My sister called me and said she found my soul mate, but he's with someone else. Two years later I met him at her barbecue and it was love at first sight-we ignored everyone else that was there."
Retired police detective: "If I didn't have a lot of hobbies now, I'd be in jail."
He was flying back to New York because the sewer had overflown and destroyed the apartment he was renting out. I wished him luck and he said, "well, it going to be shitty for awhile."
"I've seen a lot unusual things. In Afghanistan, I saw a man "with" a goat." Me: "Was that when you were in the Army?" Him: "Well, I wasn't on vacation there."
"My husband and I are sailors. We sold our house in Florida this summer and bought a sailboat. We are going to home school are three kids, 4,3, and 1 on the boat as we make memories for them as we make a life sailing."
"I came from a working class family. The first time I made $100,000 a year(in his late 20's) I showed my Dad and it's the only time I've seen him cry."
Male: "When I was 10, I was a bat boy for the Philadelphia Phillies and we won the World Series. They gave me a World Series ring. Mike Schmidt gave me his bat and Pete Rose was good friends with my grandfather and they used to eat dinner together regularly."
Young man: "When someone suggested I be a compliance officer for TV/movie studios in New York(COVID testing), I said, "okay I'll give it a shot." But when I found out that the pay for two days was equal to a week's pay, I said, "THIS IS A GREAT JOB!"
Former New Yorker, she said: "New York is like an ex-boyfriend-I miss it not being there, but when I'm there I realize why I broke up with it."
Woman: "My younger sister is 5-3 and I'm 6 feet tall. She's a lot like me though, but she's a little blonde chick who's a savage."
I asked the 21 year old male College of Charleston student, "how are you managing with the 70-30% ration of woman to men?" He replied, "I haven't had sex in a year and a half and I'm fine with that. It's not necessary to have sex 3-4 times a week with random women."
"My Uber driver said he had been offered a role in the movie "Black Panther" three times but he turned it down because he doesn't like the attention."
Talking with the older woman about how people have always died from the flu, she said, "My mom used to say, "that's how God weeds us out." I wish there was a better way, but I guess Detroit and Chicago figured it out-they are just killing themselves."
"My name is Deidre, but it's pronounced, "Daydre." My boss couldn't say the name right and it came out Daisy, so I started using that as my name."
"My Uber driver was watching a U Tube video on stocks while he drove me."
My GPS did not say the rider's name, but instead spelled it out- B E A U.
He said, "the woman's name was My 'Queen A 'Miracle."
The Kentucky alumni said, "CATS by 90" a common phrase in Kentucky college sports. It means that when the team wins even by one point, fans like to think it was by 90.
Two of her favorite quotes: "Time is a commodity you can only spend once." "Die with a memory, not a dream."
Young male: "I'm the kind of person who craves chaos."
Young man, "I have 200 pairs of expensive sneakers and my Dad has 400 pairs. They might be worth $500,000. My Dad has his own sneaker business also."
"I've given five talks to large groups and I charge $10,000 a speech for 45 minutes."
Me talking about one of my favorite riders: "That woman was the only one I've ever had to stop talking in my car." Her: "You never met my Grandma, she doesn't even take a breath when she starts talking."
Seeing the picture of the Super Bowl ring hanging in my car, next to the $500 bill from the South Sudan from another rider, she said, "Here's a paint stick from Home Depot you can show it off too."
The female surgeon said, "I couldn't get an Uber to catch my flight, so I drove to the airport, but the parking lots were full. The lot was blocked off by cones so I just moved the cones and I made my own space. I didn't get a ticket."
"I was at the DMV yesterday and I failed the eye test 12 times, I couldn't get the last letter."
"I don't need Google, I have a wife."
"When I sold time share I imagined that I was talking to my grandma and I wouldn't want anything bad to happen to her."
"We sell time together, not time share."
Going to her 35th high school reunion, she said, "I just wanted to see what some of them look like."
Woman: "I don't do well with rebelling children."
Female: "I couldn't believe that we couldn't get a taxi-we're not dead yet!"
"My brother got married last night. He's a big Red Sox fan so everyone at the reception had to sign a Red Sox jersey. I'm a Yankee fan, so I signed it, "Go Yankees."
I asked the women who does accounting work, "Do you like numbers?" She said, "I like money."
"My husband and I wanted a new hobby during the pandemic. We had two dogs and a cat already, so we got five quail."
She said, "On a job interview in college I was asked, "if you were an item on the McDonalds menu board, what would you be?" I was a vegetarian and I completely froze, I couldn't think of what was in a McDonalds, I hadn't been there since I was a child."
Male cleaning room in a hotel: "I think I cleaned a room today that was a murder scene. There was a lot of blood. I mean it wasn't a lot, it was a lot, a lot."
"I was licensed to be a mortician 56 years ago."
Me: "What do you think the Ravenel Bridge in Charleston was built to look like?" Her: "A toaster?"
"People hardly drove during the pandemic and they forgot how to drive."
Passionate chef: "When I cook a meal at my restaurant I cook it as if I'm cooking for my family. Every table should be a VIP table."
Older woman, "Any day above the grave I'm doing good."
Young woman: "I thought people were crabby here. Maybe they're not use to seeing an Asian woman."
Flight attendant from the south: "The first time I was up north I ordered sweet tea and I got regular tea. I didn't know they don't have sweet tea up North."
"I had a number of things that I needed fixed around the house, nothing major. I had someone come in and then they texted me an estimate of $30,000. I texted back, "is that $30,000 or $3,000?" They said it was $30,000 but they could do it for $28,000. I got someone else who did six days work for $6,000."
I told the guy from Buffalo my story of the woman from Buffalo who when I asked about the rough winters, she said, "Since the world is ending soon, we'll be okay in Buffalo," He assured me that was a global warming statement. He said, "we think Buffalo is going to be the new Florida in the future."
She said, "I had an Uber who was a middle aged woman and the car was completely decked out as a Betty Boop car.(cartoon character) There were flowers and stickers and she had Betty Boop barrettes in her hair. She even wore Betty Boop gloves. She didn't say anything about it and I didn't either, but I took some video when she wasn't looking."
The "best responses to my "Super Bowl Ring" story: The young woman said, "so it's yours now?"
A young man said, "you should have mugged her." Looking at the picture of the ring hanging in my car which said, "Super Bowl ring" and "$70,000," she said, "Why are you selling your Super Bowl ring?" He said, "that's sick."
"When I was 23 and about to graduate college I was selling cars and sold a $14,000 car to a 20 year old kid. He told me he was going to pay cash, but my boss didn't believe him and told me to go to the bank with him. I asked him how he could afford to pay cash and he told me that he sold time shares(in the 80's) and he made $23,000 in two months. I decided right then that when I graduated I would drive four hours away to California and get a job with that company. I did and I've been with them 35 years."
"My girlfriend and I were in an Uber Maserati here, it was a weird ride. I've been in two Uber Tesla's in other places."
Flight attendant: "I had a female Uber in Savannah. I was her first ride, but she didn't know how to start the ride. I would have canceled if it wasn't a woman, but she took me to my destination and I paid her cash."
I told the professor to pull down the chord on my seat to put her drink down. She was confused and we agreed it wasn't a chord. She said, "I would have called it a pulley thing."
Ron Jaworski, the former Eagle quarterback owns a bunch of golf courses. He was talking to my Dad and he had is Super Bowl ring and let me put it on."
"A few years back I went to see the Tigers play the Yankees. I was one of the first ones in the stadium in Detroit, but there was an older woman in my row who I was talking to and then she started yelling for Derek Jeter. He came over and talked with her. Every time he came to Detroit he left tickets for her since she was one of his grade school teachers. She introduced me as her friend and when I shook hands with him, it's the first time I was speechless."
"We sold our Chrysler 300 to a young guy. He was going to pick it up next week, but he offered us almost $1,000 extra to get it today so we don't have a car now."
"My friend is a DJ for the Miami Heat and he has three championship rings."
"I live by three principles-logic, fact, and sense."
"In Russia there are forever gloomy days."
Another chef claimed, "I run Myrtle Beach."
I asked the bartender, how long have you been bartending?" She: "A hundred years." Me: "Is that a lot of double shifts?" She: "definitely."
"My twin daughters had just turned drinking age and they got an Uber and went out and got drunk. My son went our hours later and the Uber driver asked, "do you have two sisters?" They puked in his car and did the same thing in another Uber."
Female recruiter: "Not a day goes by that I don't ask myself why I didn't go into the tech field."
He said, "the former President was a real butthole, but he did do some very good things for the country."
"I had to have a large pool table moved and a guy gave me an estimate of $2,500. I offered him $1,000 and he took it and did a great job."
"Nobody can fix you, you have to fix yourself."
Male College of Charleston on the way to the airport to see his girlfriend, "In chemistry class there are four beautiful blondes all around me and I have to concentrate in that class."
"I think that 60-70% of the girls at the College of Charleston are blonde."
Looking at my NY sports hats he said, "my Dad roots for all those teams." I said, "tell him he has good taste." Him: "If I do, he's going to laugh."
The woman said she reserved a room at a hotel for her son and daughter-in-law because, "they need a break from their new baby." I said to her, "they should jump all over that, but if they don't, let me know." She said, "I will."
Male: "I became a truck driver because I want to contribute and do my part."
The older woman said, "the most discriminated person is the fat lady."
"I think everyone should go into the military, we would be better off."
"The bartender told us that sometimes it's hotter here than a doorknob to hell."
Heading to a timeshare sales pitch, she asked, "Can you walk out of one of those? Will they charge you?"
She: "We'll read your list when we go into the restaurant." Me: "Remember, you're going to be in a public place, so if you laugh too much, everyone will want to read it." She: "Don't worry, it will be for our eyes only."
"West Virginia is one of only two states that has lost population in the last 20 years."
Young woman who wants to be a firefighter: "I want to help people and I enjoy the physical part of the work."
"In Pittsburgh you can buy wedding "terrible towels." (what Steeler fans wave at a game)
Woman working at Wendy's: "I'm working 80-90 hours a weeks because we're short people."
Male: "I have six children and only one grandchild-they're losers."
Young man: "I just won my first kick boxing tournament here last night."
Red Sox fan: "my son doesn't even know that the Yankees used to be a good team." Getting out of the car he wasn't done, "at least you still have the Giants and Jets."
"I have a beard and dark hair, I already look like a criminal."
Man with apparently a permanent smile: "I've been through a lot of things in my life. If I'm not smiling, they win."
When I asked his wife how has COVID changed the mental health office she works for, he said, "there are a lot more stupid people walking around."(referring to his work as an electrician)
"Our Uber driver said we were doing a bang-up job seeing everything we've seen here."
Buffalo Bill fan from Buffalo: "There's only one football team in New York and it's the Bills."
Me: "How has being a pilot the past year and a half been affected by the virus?" Him: "We have to wear these damn, stupid masks."
"The secret to being successful is passion and commitment."
He was trying to say that he didn't want to sound to positive or rah-rah, but instead he said, "I don't want to be too woo-woo."
She took a picture of the Super Bowl ring, "my cousin used to play for them, he'd love to see this."
The male educator opened my side door and said, "This is the most perfect Uber vehicle ever built."
Couple from Utah: "It's a beautiful state, but it's become overcrowded. We're going to move to Idaho, no one knows it's beautiful." Me: "I won't tell anyone."
"Ohio has the world's largest fresh water preserve."
"You don't want to be promising the world to someone when you don't have it."
"I was at a baseball game about 20-25 rows up with my son. Luke Voit of the Yankees had thrown a ball the previous inning to a fan and I watched him coming off the field the next inning and he threw one to me. My Dad is a neighbor of his and he talked to him and autographed the baseball for my son."
"Our trauma cases this summer were up 30-40% here."
She: "You gave my weekend a great start."
"There was rack of people there yesterday."
"I've given five talks to large groups and I charge $10,000 a speech for 45 minutes."
Woman in town for Adult Kickball Tournament: "I'm here to make money, I'm here on business."
"Your list was hilarious, it was great dinner conversation."
The older man said to me, "that was very enjoyable, looking forward to your book."
"Thank you Mr. Sunshine."
"Your car is so cute."
"The world needs a little sunshine."
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