BEST RIDER COMMENTS IN MARCH

Five-year old boy: "My Dad is getting old and fat.(mid-30's) My sister and I beat him up all the time."

I said to the young woman: "I noticed you don't have an accent and you grew up here." She: "I took care of that. It's not very attractive to sound like a country bumpkin."

Oklahoma Man: "My passion is farming, but I have to practice law to afford to do it."

Taking her to her salon to work, she said to me, "Do you want your hair braided?"

Young woman: "I thought I had COVID because I had the sniffles. When I got the test and they stuck the Q-Tip up my nose, it hurt but it cleared everything out and I felt great."

She said, "My friend, Paul Farmer, who was a Global-Health Pioneer and recently passed, said, "If you can't find the solution, be the solution."

"My fiancee is graduating law school in May and we're getting married in June. She's impressively crazy."

Maine Farmer: "If you want to survive in Northern Maine, you have to work eight days a week."

I asked the young man from China, "Is Vision your real name?" Him: "No, I made it up, probably from the Marvel character."

"Just arriving in South Carolina, some guy just walked up to me and introduced himself. I remember thinking, "I don't give a shit," and then I realized I was the one with the problem."

He lives in Colorado: " We get teased for being "the mile high state," but no person has passed away due to pot. There is a problem with pets and small children getting into things in the house."

I asked the friendly couple who have been together four years, "so when are you getting engaged?" The guy said, "when she pops the question."

Him: "There's a very fine line between Friday night and Saturday morning." 

Bartender: "I don't really talk much with my customers.  I just bring them what they want and they love me. There are 7 billion people in the world.  I'd like 1 billion to remember me."

Airplane mechanic: "If the plane ain't broke, we're not fixing it."

She: "I liked Savannah better than Charleston, because it was more rundown. It had more flavor."

Woman from New York: "I couldn't name my daughter Isabella, because I married a Melella." (her husband) "She would have been Isabella Melella and there's already one in his family."

Taking the young couple to get their marriage license on Jail road, they discussed which one of them would be more likely to be arrested. Me: "So, did you come to any conclusion?"  Him: "I think she would."

Male bartender: "I'm situationally witty. I like it when someone says, "Can I ask you a question?" and I say, "You just did," and I walk away."

Him: "I'm a steak and fat guy and I loved New York Prime. I picked up the tab for ten of us which was reasonable at $1,000."

She: "My grandparents raised me that every day I wake up I should thank the lord."

Young woman: "I wanted to be a ballet dancer, but COVID changed that.  I'm now going into the Marines."

He said, "When you open up yourself to the world, you make things happen."

Bartender: "I don't really talk much with my customers.  I just bring them what they want and they love me. There are 7 billion people in the world.  I'd like 1 billion to remember me."

Male: "Working on a project I had to go on to a military base and when they wanted to scan my left index finger, he noticed I was missing half my finger. The guard said, "You're the second guy this week." (both carpenters)

He: "I've been a Schwinn Bicycle distributor for 48 years. I'm trying to retire."

Couple: "We're looking for a house, but right now we're living with his parents and it's a lot of fun. They enjoy hanging around us."

The Professor and Department Head of The School of Computers in a large college in Michigan, said, "Your daughter made a great choice in picking Georgia Tech over Cornell. I've hired many PHD's from Georgia Tech, but none from Cornell."

Female account rep: "For three years in a row I won "the Sunshine Award in our large office for brightening everyone's day and then they canceled the award."

"Our two oldest daughters have been keeping a notebook for years on the things their younger brother says-they call it "Comments From Cooper."

Woman: "The Haunted Mansion ride in Disneyland actually goes underground and off the property, but it can't do that in Disney World due to the water." (built on a swamp)

The positive flight attendant: "We have to keep positive people together, you don't want that spirit to die."

After giving notice at a busy law firm, the HR guy was asked by his boss, "what about all the projects you're working on?" He replied, "It's not my problem anymore, you're going to stop paying me."

"We moved out of Grand Dunes after 2 1/2 years. It was a great house and we loved it, but it was getting too crowded and we didn't like that the name Grand Dunes was being used everywhere. We now live on Marco Island. (south of Fort Myers, Fla.)

After surviving Pancreatic Cancer and two surgeries while she was pregnant, the woman told me, "I wake up every morning trying to make the day better. Nothing bothers me anymore, because I know it could be a lot worse."

"I gave notice and I'm taking some time off from my job at a law firm.  I'm going on a six week hike in Spain."

Working at a fast food place, her customer said, "the coffee isn't hot enough" and then she through it at her. She told me, "I think I like doing customer service on the phone better."

Him: "I have friends in Slovakia which borders Ukraine. They have cash and suitcases packed in case their country is attacked next."

Me: "How long have you been working on the cancer foundation?" Her: "15 years." Me: "You have a very young voice, did you start in middle school?" "Actually I started as a volunteer when I was 10 when I lost my Mom to cancer and I'm full-time only the last two years. I'm 24."

Getting the woman ready for her interview for a Department Manager position with Publix, I had her laughing most of the trip.  When she got out she said, "thank you, I'm going through a divorce now and you have totally made my day."

"When I was in LA, my friend bought some tickets for a charity event at the Playboy Mansion.  He invited me and my brother.  I was kind of disappointed, other than the beautiful woman serving sushi, who were only wearing body paint. The mansion and the grotto were smaller than I thought. My brother was drunk and he got kicked out because supposedly he was trying to take pictures of Chloe Kardashian's feet."

Guy from Boston, "My wife and I wanted to celebrate our son's birthday by bringing him to Myrtle Beach. We have three kids and my wife's best friend has two, but several other people wanted us to take their kids and the three of us wound up with ten kids for the weekend." Me: "You should be getting a medal."

I told my riders that my youngest daughter, a software developer, has her own podcast, "The Blossoming Technologist." I also said that she's going to interview my son, a chemical engineer, on the Podcast.  My rider said that I should be on it also and wrote this note for my daughter, " I, Michael (last name), recommend that your dad join your podcast as a guest discussing how Uber is connecting someone who is technically deficient, with people across the globe. Kindly, Director of Finance."

I said to the Republican lobbyist who has been in politics for a long time, "I knew President Trump lost the election on election night because his numbers weren't high enough to overcome the next day's totals.  Do you think he really believes the election was stolen from him?." He said, "I personally don't believe it was stolen, but I know a number of people close to him and he absolutely believes it."

                                                                UBER/LYFT COMMENTS

Female flight attendant: "My favorite Uber ride was in Las Vegas.  The guy had things hanging in his car he had gotten from other riders and he wrote a personal message on a post note for each rider.  I still have mine."

She: "My Dad is an Uber driver in Philadelphia and he loves it. A few years ago he got a bonus check, because he had the most rider in Philadelphia." (?)

When I told him about the Uber driver in Vegas who writes a personal message on a post note for each rider, he said, " That's taking customer service to a whole different level."

She: "I was in an Uber in a different state and the guy drove on the other side of the street and went through a couple red lights."

The 19 year-old guy said, "I recently got a job selling furniture, but they told me I was too young, I had no sales experience, knew nothing about furniture and I didn't have a car to get to work. I told them I would Uber every day and be here an hour early. This job has literally changed my life."

She: "I was in an Uber in Texas for a wedding sitting next to the male driver.  There were three women in the car and the driver made a joke about wife abuse. When no one said a word, he said to me, "no one's laughing, that's going to go against your rating."

The Lyft driver said, "I'm in my second month and I've figured out the system and I'm making $1,500-$2,000 a week."

She is an overworked accountant who got advice from her last Uber driver; "Don't set yourself on fire to keep someone else warm."

Him: "I don't understand how people aren't always outside waiting for you to pick up-it's on the app when you're coming."

"I was an Uber driver in San Diego and one young, attractive woman made it very clear what she needed and I turned her down. There seems to be a lot of young women hitting on older men."

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She: "I work for the Justice Department, making sure the government is spending money correctly."

She was the number one account rep last quarter in the country for her company. Me: "What is your secret to your success?" "Whatever the challenge I have, I figure out how to get it done for my customers."

Young guy about his large tattoo he just got. It says, "Realize Everyone Ain't Loyal."

"The ratio of male students to female students in the computer field is about 14-1."

Young man: "When it's time for business, I like to get it done."

"I met my husband when he interviewed me for a summer job. I'm not sure if I got the job because he was interested in me, but it might have been the season tickets for The Boston Bruins that I had."

Couple who used to live in Charleston: "We think Charleston is the best city in the country."

Canadian Male: "I work as a minor, two weeks on and two weeks off. I couldn't go back to working Monday-Friday 9-5."

Him: "When I turned 30, I did not care what other people think."

I told the woman to be careful getting out of the car, she said, "If I fall I'll sue. I'm just playing with you." Me: "No you're not."

Male: "Don't sweat the small shit. It's all small shit." Me: "Have you ever heard of the book, "Don't Sweat The Small Stuff?" Him: "No."

She: "The transition to the South from New York was easy, I fit right in here."

Him: "Small things go to a giant."

The scientist from Boston with a PHD in Immunization, "I've followed COVID closely and although I'm not involved, I think what we've learned will help us in the future with other illnesses."

Me: "How was Savannah?" Tourists: "Fine, okay. After a few days we were looking to do more every day things. Our desires did not fit with the expensive restaurants and things downtown."

She: "I'm going to the Citadel for golf." (student athlete) We have a women's team, but no men's team, since they have a men's tennis team, but no women's tennis team-it evens out."

When the woman at the front desk of the hotel suggested that she would help him charge his room with his card, he thought, "they are very oddly friendly down here."

Me: "What's Chicago like these days?" Chicago resident: "It's cold and dangerous."

Him: "I once met George C. Scott (actor) and we sat and drank together for an hour and a half."

When I told her about my list she said, "That's fabulous."

She said, "We call Wal-Mart, Wally World." Me: "Do you know where that comes from?  Chevy Chase's Family Vacation Movie."

She: "Right now my store is just bleeding the staff dry, due to the hiring problems."

"My Aunt is a CEO and she refused to get vaccinated, she believes COVID is made up."

She: "There's too much humidity in Mississippi."

She: "When the shake machine at McDonalds is not working, it's usually because it has to be cleaned and only one or two people in the store know how to do it."

The owner of the dog boarding school said, "A dog usually takes about 24 hours to fit into the environment, but if familiar with the place, you have no worries."

Yankee fan: "We're not going to have anything in common with a Red Sox fan."

Him: "Stay positive. I'm so happy you have a great rating."

She: "Your book will be very interesting."