In 2019, my first full year of driving, I wanted to give some of my passengers a gift around the end of the year for the holidays. I decided to put together a list of my favorite rider comments and people really enjoyed reading them. I learned quickly I could only give them out when they were getting out of my car. The list I created at the end of 2020 I gave out the entire 2021 for some of my riders.
Below is my list for 2023. Each year it has been difficult to narrow the best comments down to 20-24. These are 24 comments and some are strange and some are funny and some are both. None of these comments were made under the influence of alcohol, as far as I could tell. Hundreds of my riders will enjoy this list in 2024 and I will enjoy giving it to them.
She: "One of the 6 tattoos I have is an eye on the back of my head-my neck. I used to tell my three kids that I needed eyes on the back of my head, and I've had one for twenty years."
She: "A week before our honeymoon I told my husband he was too hairy, and I waxed off a lot of his hair on his chest. His nipples were bleeding, and he was crying."
The man said, "When that balloon from China was flying over our area, it had chemicals that came out of it, because people started sneezing a lot afterwards."
"My wife had to kiss a lot of toads before she found her prince, I married the first person I kissed, I didn't think it was going to happen again." (Married 42 years)
Me: "How did you two meet?" Him: "It's a funny story. She ran a stop sign and drove into me. We talked about the damage to my car for a couple weeks and I finally said, "How about I drop everything if you let me take you out to dinner." (Together 6 years, married one, from Wisconsin)
The woman from Minnesota said, "I'm a lawyer and a Danish Knight. I'm an Honorary Counsel to Denmark since 2014 and I'm going to be officially knighted in a ceremony soon."
The Cleveland Browns fan, "When they win the Super Bowl, they'll probably burn down the city. I may burn my house down."
She: "I once had to borrow my stepfather's hearse to go to work. I stopped at a McDonalds and ordered two cheeseburgers at the drive thru. The cashier asked, 'Is there anyone in the back?" I said, 'That's why I ordered two cheeseburgers.'"
Me: "My wife and I decided again not to buy a TV, after five years without one." He said, "It's un-American, even people in third world countries have TV's." Later, I said, "I like to stop driving and head home between 6-7 pm." He replied, "Why go home, you don't even have a F'N TV."
When the rotisserie chickens are ready at the Lowes supermarket, the woman said, "We yell out, "Yi-ha, come and get it and then we do a chicken dance to music."
Physicist: "My dad taught me all about physics in how he disciplined. His hands were as big as dinner plates and his fingers were like sausages."
I told them that a Trauma nurse said she relieved stress at the end of the day by going into her car in the parking garage and taking her badge and bra off. The woman said, "That's what I do when I get home from work. If you wore a jockstrap all day, you would take it off immediately too."
She: "My daughter was wearing a mask in kindergarten and when I cleaned the mask, I realized she had been wearing lipstick under it."
She: "My sister owns a dental lab. My kids thought they didn't have to brush or floss because Aunty would get them new teeth."
Married 29 years, I asked the couple from Minnesota, how did you two meet? Him: "We met going through a windshield together. We were in the front seat with a mutual friend driving and she hit a brick wall and we both went through the windshield and back inside the car. I was okay and went to Mexico and she broke her neck."
I asked the tall man, "How tall are you?" He said, "I'm 7 feet 8 inches tall. I once played against the Harlem Globetrotters."
He was a very busy executive, now retired: "I didn't watch TV for thirty years. I didn't even know what ABC and NBC were."
When he was younger he told a priest, "The most important things in a marriage are not going to church and having a lot of sex."
Married 29 years, I asked her, "What's the secret of a successful marriage?" She said, "7 words: please, thank you, I love you, and I'm sorry."
The intelligent and creative guy explained about a woman he used to date: "I fell in love with all the moons that circulated around her."
He got in the car in a good mood and told me he just took his name off the credit card that he shared with his wife of three years. "She bought a $9,500 Prada purse to get back at me, it's her responsibility now.
She: "My friend was a dentist for 37 years and then she became a lawyer, and she defends clients against dentists. Her hobby is hunting alligators, she skins them and makes things for her house."
A woman told me, "The best comment I ever heard in an Uber was when my male driver in Chicago asked me, 'Where is the closest Starbucks? I need to make a bowel movement."
Last year the young woman was going to a reptile convention; she helps rescue exotic animals. This year she said, "I rescued three tarantulas and the first day the biggest one got loose and my sister found it crawling up my back. I was screaming and gave them all to someone else that night."
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