Thursday, September 27, 2018

Questions While My Wife Is Away

My wife is visiting her brother in California for eight days and I do miss her a lot.  I've had a lot of questions running around in my head so I figured I'd share my top twelve questions with you:

1. If you're eating dinner by yourself every night, do you eat at the same time or whenever you feel like it? Do you sit in the same seat each night or do you move around the table to experience your meal differently? Lights on high, dim, or almost dark, like a restaurant so you have that special ambiance?

2. When you're going to the bathroom do you shut the door when no one else is going to be in the house for eight days?

3. Can you put your wet bath towel anywhere or only where it's supposed to be?

4.  If you leave your toothbrush out on the counter and there's no one to see it there, is it in the wrong place?

5. How many times can you use the same fork without washing it?  Can you leave a plate, cup, and silverware just out on the counter or should you really put it away?

6.  Can you go eight days without taking out the garbage? Five?

7.  If the laundry hamper is getting full and you haven't done a load of laundry since Reagan's first term, should you give the new washer and dryer a whirl?  How difficult could it be?

8. If your wife's "frog" garden decoration accidentally gets crushed, do you make it disappear, bury it in the backyard, or tell her the truth that some kids must have done it and that's how you found it?

9. Now that you can watch any TV channel you want, does it bother you that haven't had a TV for nine months?

10. What do I eat for dinner?

11.  If my wife bought me Oreos so I wouldn't lose weight when she was gone, is it bad to eat them all in the first two days or should I eat two for each meal for the next eight days?  Which way would you gain the most weight? How much extra milk am I going to need?

12.  Lastly, if your wife's new car accidentally got a scratch on it, is it better to tell her when she gets home or hope she never notices?

Obviously, these are just hypothetical questions and are not base on anything that really happened, pretty much.

Whatever Happened to Common Sense?

I've thought about this a few times in the past few weeks and I'm sure it's something that has come to your mind occasionally also.  Something happens or something is said and you ask yourself, "isn't that just common sense?"  Maybe it's not and common sense isn't really that common?

Today a driver told me he was waiting for his skid of boxes to arrive and it did with a couple other skids for drivers who had already left because it was late.  He asked the worker if he could have his skid now so he could get going, but the worker insisted on spending time on the other two skids that were not going anywhere. Then, he said, he would give the driver what he needed.  Common sense should have told him to give the waiting driver what he needed immediately.

Here's another example: it's pick on Uber day.  My wife and I both enjoy driving for Uber and a lot of people across the world enjoy getting rides through Uber.  However, we both have noticed in our short experience with Uber that they seem to lack common sense when it comes to administrative issues.  This was our third issue with them:

My wife bought a new car and turned in her leased car so she could drive more for Uber.  She got a temporary registration, but Uber would not accept it.  They use another company, Checker, to handle their screening of drivers and Checker said they needed the official registration before she could drive again.  Of course the temporary one is okay with the police, but not for Checker and Uber.  Lyft, is another company like Uber, and they accepted the temporary registration immediately.

About a week or so later we got the official registration, but they then decided to do another background check on my wife which they had done in November.  In doing this, they don't allow people to drive and it takes about 7-10 days.  Why you would keep an existing driver off the road to run a background check does not make any sense, but they did it.

Finally, they determined that my wife could not drive for Uber because her driving license had expired.  Can you buy a new car with an expired license? I don't think so, wouldn't that be common sense that it's not possible to do that?  Of course they were looking at her NEW JERSEY LICENSE! Why would they be looking at a license in another state when they had her South Carolina license on file? Why would a New Jersey license matter in South Carolina? Isn't that common sense.

It took another week or so in talking with Checker and Uber trying to get them to understand that they made a silly or stupid mistake.  They decided to run another background check and what a surprise, she passed.  Meanwhile my wife has been unable to drive for Uber for four weeks.  Who loses? It's a loss for everyone, because they just lacked some common sense.

Maybe we should appreciate common sense more when we see it?


Wednesday, September 19, 2018

Random Thoughts on Hurricane Florence

LUCKY/UNLUCKY: Sometimes the difference between the two can be very small.  We were lucky.  Florence landed about 30 some miles northeast of where we live.  We had no flooding and no damage to the house with the exception of one small leak from our attic into our pantry.  We did not lose electricity either.  People living near the ocean just over the North Carolina border are having an awful time and some areas 15-30 miles west of us are experiencing flooding with some rivers nearby about to overflow.

MYRTLE BEACH MAP:  When you see a map of Myrtle Beach it is a little deceiving.  It's a good 20 miles or so long with North Myrtle Beach between Myrtle Beach and the border of North Carolina.  We live near the southwest border of Myrtle Beach and the next town Murrells Inlet.

SOME GOOD THINGS ABOUT THE HURRICANE:  It all started with chicken parmesan; doesn't it always? We had a number of pieces in the freezer that I was going to eat next week when my wife was away.  If we lost power during the storm we'd have to throw the chicken parmesan out and there's no way that was going to happen.  Just before we left we had it for dinner and I had to eat two extra pieces so none of it went to waste.  Sometimes you really have to bite the bullet.  In this case it really tasted good.

We managed to evacuate and drive back home without getting into any traffic.  Maybe we just got lucky?

We took a six day vacation to Florida.  Since we live a lot closer than when we lived in New Jersey(we're now about half the distance), we went to visit relatives and a friend we haven't seen in a many, many years and we had a great time.  We were fortunate that we were able to stay in our cousin's beautiful condo on the beach for four of the days.  We ate, slept, and went to the beach and pool in Daytona Beach and near Coral Springs mostly.

FLORIDA DRIVERS: They drive like they are all New Yorkers.  South Carolina drivers are slow, but Forida drivers seem always to be late for dinner.

FACEBOOK: Facebook really came in handy while we were in Florida and when we were driving home.  Many people who had stayed during the storm or who were heading home, kept posting info on what was going on.  It was very helpful and much more targeted than the news.

DOGS: I've been trying to get used to the idea that someday soon we will get a puppy.  Having never had a pet, it's been a difficult idea to get used to.  Our last night in Florida we stayed with friends that had 3 dogs and one of them was over 100 pounds.  We will not be getting a dog that size, no chance. How many days will it take until I forget the feeling of dogs licking my legs?

FASTING: If you ever take a surprise six day vacation, the best time to take it is two days before Yom Kippur, the Jewish Holiday.  Since I ate poorly and ate too much when we were away, what could be better timing than fasting all day today?

WINDSHIELD: If you ever wanted to know how to get your car windshield extremely dirty, it's very simple.  Get in your car and hop on 95 south and go to Florida.  You will drive into every bug or fly or whatever gets your windshield dirty.  Florida is a great place to visit, but how long will it take to wash it off of my car?




Tuesday, September 11, 2018

Flying

Some people enjoy flying and fly a lot. Some people hate to fly and avoid it.  I don't fit in any of those categories, I just rarely fly.  I did fly this weekend up to New Jersey and I could not remember the last time I flew in a plane.  I think it was only the 6th time I've flown back forth on a trip.

It was pretty much what I expected.  I walked into the airport in the evening and no one was there, or hardly anyone.  My flight was delayed two hours.  When I went through the scanning process there was no one in line in front of me and there were 14 security people watching me.  It was easy and quick, I think everyone has had that experience.  I walked around a bit and saw parts of the airport that were completely empty.  I had a whole bathroom to myself which was nice.

On the plane it was packed and I needed lots of air to breathe, but it was a quick flight.  I missed the stewardesses instructions since I had already dozed off.  The best part was when I got off the plane in Atlantic City and it was 12:30 am.  All of a sudden, I was in a horse race.  Everyone was walking fast, I mean really fast.  I love walking fast, but it was totally unexpected.  I could hear the call at the Kentucky Derby-"It's Hoenig on the far left in the Giants hat, just inside is a twenty something girl who suddenly puts on a burst of speed, almost collides with Hoenig and passes him."  She must have been hungry, because she really raced past me.  I guess they had people waiting for them or they wanted to make sure they got a rental car?  I had no idea where I was going so I just followed them.

My return trip was not as exciting.  There were crowds in the airport, people in line to be checked and I had to through some bubble like machine and raise my hands up in the air while holding on to my shorts since they took my belt.  Then, I had to sit down and get dressed again, in public.  I'm not used to that kind of attention.  It was another quick flight and I had a few short naps on the way.  I had two sets of air blowing on me which made it feel like I was outside.  I arrived on time and completed my 6th flying adventure in 58 years.

I did make a couple mistakes though.  I had my small carry on and I put it on top which was only for big carry on bags.  I heard them say that after I was seated, so on the way back I made sure to put it under the seat, my seat.  I didn't realize it had to go in front of me until they said it and I had already jammed it under my seat.  When I returned the rental car I didn't see the box on the side of the desk to put the key in.  I sat there waiting for someone to come in and then I saw someone do something on the side.  These are two reasons I need to have a wonderful wife like I do, she knows these kinds of things.  Next time I won't make those mistakes-I'll find other ones I'm sure.

Uber Rider Profiles

They say that everyone has a story and as a part-time Uber driver I've been able to hear some interesting stories and meet some very unique people.  These are some of my riders and our conversations during the past month:(spoiler alert-I have saved the best for last)

THE WEDDING PARTY: I picked two guys up who were in town from Indianapolis for a wedding and one of them was going to be the best man.  The wedding was in two hours and they got in my car having already starting the wedding celebration. They were wearing matching cowboy hats and told me that they picked me because I was "a great conversationalist."(drivers can indicate this about their driver as a compliment on the app)  I asked if I could get a matching cowboy hat and they said they could get me one. Since one of them was going to be giving the toast I shared with him some tips on public speaking that I've learned in the past and he said, "You are a great conversationalist!" I took this tongue in cheek, since I knew they were not completely coherent.  As one of the them left he said, I'll tip you on the app, which usually means he won't.  However, they were coherent enough to remember and a day later I got a tip for a short ride.  Two minutes after I dropped them off I came up with a great toast, which I'll have to save for another time.

THE BORDER AGENT: As the young girl(about 24) got in my car I never would have guessed what she did for a living.  She was headed back to Arizona where she had been working the past year as a border agent.  She told me that she wanted to get into law enforcement and that's where there were jobs available.  Some days it's as hot as 115 degrees and the biggest issue is keeping everyone hydrated.  I was really impressed with her dedication and her empathy for the people who were trying to get into our country.  She did make it clear that we have laws and she was trying to help implement them.  I thanked her for what she did and really enjoyed hearing her story and perspective.

THE SURGEON:  The Myrtle Beach resident is a Trauma Surgeon at the same hospital I deliver packages to as a surgeon.  I told him that I admire people who are able to work in such difficult circumstances and are able to stay calm and perform at such a high level.  He told me that it's difficult and that everyone doesn't always stay calm due to the emergency they are facing.  He has lived in many places around the country mostly as a military surgeon.  He wanted to know if with all the driving I do if I have learned anything from observing other drivers.  I told him it is very easy for me to notice drivers who are lost, tentative or just scared to drive based on watching the movements of their car.  It was interesting to hear his experiences, but I'm happy that I've never seen the things he's seen.

THE REALTOR: My last trip of the day one Sunday took me only a couple miles away from my house as I drove a realtor home from the airport.  She was very enthusiastic about the area and what she does for a living. She had just worked with her husband and their travel agency to get 130 people onto a cruise.  She told me there are 4,000 realtors in the area and I said to her, "you're competing with 4,000 other people?"  Her reply I thought was perfect, "no, I give excellent customer service."
She offered to send me her list of fun things to do in the area and her optimistic and enthusiastic personality was a great way to end the day.  Their travel agency is walking distance from our house in case we need one and they now have a couple Uber drivers who practically live in their neighborhood.

THE MAYOR: I am certain I will be using a couple of his lines for a very long time, they were that good.  He was visiting Myrtle Beach and although he had lived in several places he was currently the mayor of a small town of 350 people outside Harrisburg, PA.  He told me that he ran for mayor because he always heard people say, "someone should fix that" and he decided to be that person.  When I asked him if he was a Democrat or a Republican he said, "When people ask me that I always tell them, I'm an American."  I think it's one of the best non-political answers I've ever heard.  The mayor was funny and when I looked towards him and saw his profile he looked like comedian Tim Allen.  He laughed when I told him that and said it's been awhile since someone made that comparison.  What really cracked me up was when he told me he had spent three days on the beach and "it was nice, but I always feel like a rotisserie chicken on the beach."  I told him, " I'm not a "beach" person, but I love rotisserie chicken- I've just never put the two together." I wish I could have driven him longer, we really did hit it off and he did give me a very generous tip too.  I should have paid him for a couple of those lines!

Saturday, September 1, 2018

Do You Ever Notice?

If you know we well you know that I am not the most observant person.  There are many times that I just don't see things that are really obvious, such as my wife's new haircut, the new picture she hung up, or one of the most embarrassing things I never saw was a college friend who had only half a finger!

Yesterday I did notice something unusual and it is amusing.  I was about to shave and as I walked past the bathroom mirror I saw that my arms looked bigger. So I stood there in the mirror flexing my muscles and it really looked like my biceps are bigger!

I went over to wife and asked her and she said she thought they were bigger.  All these fifty pound boxes of paper I've been hurting my back picking up has actually been building my biceps! I guess if I put some pictures on here of meI could have some of you laughing out loud, but I wouldn't want that.

To top this story off, during the past month I've noticed a couple of my t-shirts were difficult to take off.  I thought my wife was shrinking some of my shirts in the laundry so I didn't mention it to her. Now I know that my job is to blame and those heavy boxes of paper.  I wonder if anyone will notice when I visit New Jersey next weekend?

Now There's Three of Us

No, we did not get a puppy-yet.  And, we did not adopt a child either.  Obviously, it's not what you might think I mean, but I think it's funny.

This past Monday was a beautiful morning, as Monday's usually are.  As I walked into a LabCorp facility to make a delivery of some boxes, I immediately saw a guy standing there with a big grin on his face.  I had never met him, but I immediately liked him.

I greeted him by saying, "how are you today?" and with that big grin he told me he was doing "great, since it's Monday."  I immediately jumped all over that and told him, "Monday is the best day of the week."  He laughed at that and gave me a positive response. 

I told him that my youngest daughter and I call today "Magnificent Monday" and he chuckled at that and said he "liked that."  Finally I told him, "now there's three of us," and he laughed more.

When I asked him his name he said, "Jerry," and then I laughed.  I told him, "no wonder we agree on this, your first name and my first name have the same letters.  He laughed again as I headed out the door.

It wasn't until I got home that my wife reminded me that many years ago I considered the name "Jerry" as my twin when I was getting mail addressed to Jerry Hoenig.  I can't wait to go back and see my new friend, because I know he's going to laugh at that too.