Questions While My Wife Is Away

My wife is visiting her brother in California for eight days and I do miss her a lot.  I've had a lot of questions running around in my head so I figured I'd share my top twelve questions with you:

1. If you're eating dinner by yourself every night, do you eat at the same time or whenever you feel like it? Do you sit in the same seat each night or do you move around the table to experience your meal differently? Lights on high, dim, or almost dark, like a restaurant so you have that special ambiance?

2. When you're going to the bathroom do you shut the door when no one else is going to be in the house for eight days?

3. Can you put your wet bath towel anywhere or only where it's supposed to be?

4.  If you leave your toothbrush out on the counter and there's no one to see it there, is it in the wrong place?

5. How many times can you use the same fork without washing it?  Can you leave a plate, cup, and silverware just out on the counter or should you really put it away?

6.  Can you go eight days without taking out the garbage? Five?

7.  If the laundry hamper is getting full and you haven't done a load of laundry since Reagan's first term, should you give the new washer and dryer a whirl?  How difficult could it be?

8. If your wife's "frog" garden decoration accidentally gets crushed, do you make it disappear, bury it in the backyard, or tell her the truth that some kids must have done it and that's how you found it?

9. Now that you can watch any TV channel you want, does it bother you that haven't had a TV for nine months?

10. What do I eat for dinner?

11.  If my wife bought me Oreos so I wouldn't lose weight when she was gone, is it bad to eat them all in the first two days or should I eat two for each meal for the next eight days?  Which way would you gain the most weight? How much extra milk am I going to need?

12.  Lastly, if your wife's new car accidentally got a scratch on it, is it better to tell her when she gets home or hope she never notices?

Obviously, these are just hypothetical questions and are not base on anything that really happened, pretty much.