"I just got a DUI. I've been driving 50 years drunk and they finally caught me."
"There are a lot of people here from Ohio. Do they have a program where we can send a bunch of our people to Ohio?"
"If I'm going to be sick and alone, I'd rather be sick and alone on the beach."
"I like to go back to my hometown until I actually get there."
"The largest manufacturer of tires in the world is Lego."
From New Year's Eve my female rider said, "you should hit one of those deer so I can skin it and have deer sandwiches."
Uber Driver- "I've made about ten friends who I've picked up that I now hang with."
"My husband was balling at our daughter's wedding." The husband joked, "I was balling because it cost me $40,000."
"When I lived in Indiana six years ago, we had a whole week of 40 degrees below zero. People were throwing hot water outside and it would freeze before it hit the ground."
"You can watch two small children by using a zone defense. The problem with watching three children is that there is always somebody going long."
"My Mom at 75 is the coolest chick ever."
"I hate driving. If I'm driving, you're going to get hurt." Saying goodbye to me she said, "I hope no one hits you."
"I was out of town and my husband was watching our two small girls. Our two year-old got cut badly near her private parts while taking a bath. My husband, a surgeon, was afraid to take her to the emergency room because they would ask questions. There was blood everywhere, but he sowed her up himself and kept her calm by giving her M&M's and turning on Mickey Mouse. He didn't tell me until I got home."
Do you miss living in the northeast now that you're in South Carolina? "Oh, hell no. I'll defend Charleston in the next Civil War."(?)
"Don't tell me I can't do something-I'm going to do it."
"In New Zealand there are 16 sheep for every person and the mountains have rings around them from the sheep climbing up the mountains in circles."
As I was raving about the magnificent neighborhood around the golf course in Daniel Island, the man next to me said, "it don't suck."
"I work hard every day of the week, I don't want to chase a little golf ball on the weekend."
"I can't wait until my two year-old can walk and talk."(believe me, you can)
"I'm going into academia because everyone's going to die in academia eventually."
Explaining my former rider's question, "Do we smell good or do we smell like a whorehouse," the female rider explained, "in a whorehouse there are a lot of different smells, some good and some not."(I did not ask how she knew that) She added that I should have said to my previous passengers who were wearing a lot of perfume, "there's a whole lot of smell in here."
"In Florida, we are our own special brand of humans."
"It's restaurant week-we get to eat like normal people."
"I went into the pharmacy field because I didn't want to touch anyone."
"People in Florida don't think they live in the South, because there are so many people from other places."
"I had to get out of my room. I couldn't sit there any longer watching "Keeping Up With The Kardashians."
"The have sweet tea here, we must be in the South."
"I'm not a friendly person."
"Selling real estate is the hardest thing I've ever done."
At the end of a very long road next to a highway- "I'd like to build a ramp up to the highway and start using it."
While eating Hamburger Helper in my car for breakfast, the rider said, "If it's in the fridge, I'm eating it."(amen)
"When you come down here you have to be "Southafied". If you expect someone to come over to do work, it could be this week, the next week, or the following one."
"We call cigarettes down here "lung darts."
"When I was 22 I taught myself how to drive by watching other people and asking questions."
""I'm sure you'd rather have a few long rides than have a bunch of short rides with "shitty" people."
"I work as a bartender seven months a year, but it's twelve months of income."
Navy Man: "I appreciate when people thank me for my service, but when I'm having a tough day it means a whole lot more."
The male College of Charleston student said of the 70-30% ratio of women to men at the school, "I'm not complaining about it."
The rider and Uber driver said, "my favorite ride was the one that the woman was wearing a big hoodie and asked if I like cats and I said I did. Suddenly, she pulled a cat out of her hood and said she was protecting it from her boyfriend."
"The real estate market in Charleston is over saturated with 6-7,000 realtors. The way you overcome that is by doing things others won't do and focusing on being the best you can be. Realtors are already complaining that January is slow, but I have 4 listings in the first five days."
"I found a folded up $100 bill in my store and I gave it to my manager who gave me a $25 gift certificate for turning it in."
"The guy on the corner with the large antique displays has about 20 Chewbacca's that he dresses up each day."
"When I was five years old I named the new baby Marissa, because I couldn't pronounce Melissa."(My daughter's first name is Marisa and her middle name is Ciara, the name of my rider)
"My new boss has regular staff meetings that last 6-10 minutes. It's very efficient."
"Who wouldn't be friendly if you lived down here?"
"I'm a weird chick."
"Our last Uber driver pulled up and when I put my hand on the door he drove away. We have no idea why."
"My phone was on the dashboard and my friend made a sharp turn in the car and the phone flew out the window into a wooded area. My friend has a photogenic memory and we went back and he told me exactly what rock and plant it was next to. He said he took a picture of it with his mind."
"People are too friendly here, especially at restaurants. Sometimes I'd like to go to restaurants that the people are rude."
"I'm certain that when you walk down the street in Washington D.C, there are some people who are thinking, "please don't talk to me."
Young female rider:"All my friends are guys. I can't deal with girls and all the drama."
"I'm upset today, because I fell asleep watching a series of shows that people play cards to save the world. Now I don't know where I left off.
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