March Rider Comments

Him: "You should do Uber at the border, you won't have to travel far.  You can call yourself, "Sunshine Coyote." (since my business name is Sunshine Man.)

Me: "What advice would you give me on how to get used to having a dog for the first time in my life?" Female dog sitter: "Remember that a dog thinks like a dog.  People take what dogs do too personally."

After I told the woman about the guy last month who said, "I haven't gone to sleep, I hope you're not a narc," the woman laughed and then snorted three times. She said, "Oh sorry, I snorted, but not like the guy did."

She: "A 16 year-old girl came into our dental office with a chipped tooth from basketball.  Her younger sister had super-glued it back on and since the glue is toxic, there was a lot of pain."

"I repair blinds and every year we go to different sororities and fix their blinds.  One year some of them were forced to sing to us and they had just woken up and were in underwear and what they slept in.  I always look forward to visiting there."

British guy: "When I got my visa I put down I was from the U.K., but they thought it said O.K. I told them I was from Oklahoma and I still go with that."

The baccalaureate from L.A. got in my car and said, "I'm going to an IV Spa, because I'm so hungover from last night and I have to feel better for tonight."

Only half joking, the male College of Charleston student said, "There are too many girls and a lot them are kind of slow."

She just married a professional baseball player: "I hate all sports, but I'll watch the luge.  I would never try it because I'd be afraid of getting my finger cut off." Me: "So gym wasn't your favorite subject in school?"  Her: "NOOOOOOO!"

She: "I'm in spine sales. If you need spine surgery I'm the one getting the physicians what they need and I'm in the operating room. I feel guilty liking my job this much."

Female limo driver: "My nephew is a limo driver and he was giving a wine tour in New York and all seven people gave him a $100 tip."

Woman in a bikini, "My sister is an ICU nurse and she just appeared in the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue."

Young woman: "I had a male Uber driver who spent the whole 25 minute trip telling me about his Beanie Baby collection.  It was painful.  I nearly jumped out of the car."

"I just came back from a ten day vacation in Egypt.  In Cairo there are white lines on the road, but no one pays any attention to them.  They drive all over the road and honk all the time."

She said, "laughter is better than Zantex."

She told me, "I was forced to walk the Ravenel Bridge.  I drive on it every day, why should I walk it?"

DJ: "In Jamaica all the stations play every kind of music so you get used to listening to great music."

She said, "We moved out of California when I was almost kidnapped at two years old. A woman grabbed me from my crib through an open window and was at the street when my Mom started yelling at her."

Former UFC fighter: "while trying out I walked up to the biggest guy and said, "If I beat you I'll make a name for myself.  He laughed, but I did."

The female event planner: "I had a big event for a rapper in  Atlanta and they held up paying me and the funding didn't come down until ten hours before the event.  I had to go on vacation after it was over."

Female engineer: "In college I had a wilder side.  I programmed my parents not to call me on the weekend and it worked.  Now, I party harder with them than anyone."

Me: "Have you ever gotten a gift from your Uber driver?" Her: "No, just the gift of transporting me."

Wearing an orange shirt I couldn't help but comment on the bright colors the 26 year old male was wearing. I said, "From what we're wearing, I could be your Dad."  He said, "If you want to, that's okay with me."

Male: "I named my daughter Kannon. I'm from Philly and we greet each other by saying, "hey cannon."

She: "I moved from one Chicago suburb to another two years ago, but it's not feeding my soul."

Complaining about the Uber driver who canceled him due to traffic, I said, "would you like a gift from your Uber driver?"  Him: "no, it's not necessary."  Later on he changed his mind and as I pulled away he was reading my list of favorite comments standing outside his front door."

After correctly guessing that the Ravenel Bridge looks like two sailboats, I told her that she was the first local to guess that.  The young, Geology major replied, "that's because I'm a smarty."

Me: "If you were stranded on a desert island and could listen to only three singers or groups, who would they be?"  Former DJ: "Bob Marley,  Biggie Small and The Temptations."

She: "I can't wait to read your list, I make a list of comments that I hear people say."

"The chef training me said that I have to find my own style."

She said, "We couldn't go on our honeymoon last year to Greece, so we went to Montana instead and had a great time."

Him: "I don't drink coffee or liquor. Some people have asked me, "what is your vice?" I tell them candy, I love candy."

"I hate baseball. As a big kid I was put at first base although I never had put on a glove.  The first batter hit it to the shortstop and he threw at me and hit me in the arm and it was bruised for a long time."

Military guy just back from a tour in Syria, "Good old Syria, just like Michigan."

Male Red Sox fan: "When I was eight years old I went to Yankee Stadium wearing all this Red Sox stuff.  I was standing there eating peanuts and this older man walked up to me and gave me two middle fingers and said, "Red Sox suck."

Very outgoing and personable young male: "Most Uber drivers don't talk so I just sit there looking out the window."

Male in commercial real estate: "I've lived in New York City for ten years, but I don't no how much longer my wallet can take it."

"There needs to be more Uber drivers like you."

Him: "I wrote an Urban novel about living in Charleston and I've sold 500 copies mostly out of my store."

Female: "Thank you for that laugh early in the morning."

Me: "How much am I going to make you laugh?"  Her: "A lot."

She: "There are some mouthy southerners, including my daughter."

 Me: "What do you do for work?"  18-year old male: "I micro-manage a store."

Male: "I was sick and tired of the snow and cold in Montana, so I moved to South Carolina."

"St. Patrick's Day is like Mardi Gras in Savannah."

After telling my passenger the best baseball story about his beloved Red Sox, he got out of the car saying, "what a great ride."

March Rider Stories

 THE BUS RIDE: How is an Uber ride about a bus ride? The young, black guy got in my car and he was upset.  He was trying to get to work and he was now an hour late. He was on a bus with about six people about an hour and a half ago.  One woman sitting in front of him pulled down her mask to take a drink and the bus driver yelled at her that she has to keep her mask on. The passengers on the bus defended the woman, yelling back at the bus driver, who stopped the bus and called the cops.  The police had everyone get off the bus.  My rider was upset he was late for work and he's been trying to save money and he lost $2 on the bus.  They said he could get it back if he called the bus terminal, but he wasn't looking forward to calling them.  He said, "what are they going to do, send me a $2 check?"

I said to him, "you've had a rough morning, take a look at my sign."  He looked up and it said, "If you can't find the sunshine, be the sunshine."  I said, "don't worry about the $2, you're even." I handed him $2 and he smiled and said thank you. I said, "one day you'll get to do something totally unexpected for someone and you'll remember today. I finally had a chance to tip a rider and I did-it was a great morning.

THE NEW BRIDE: It was going to be a pretty long ride so I knew it would be good, I just didn't realize how interesting it would be.  The young woman maybe mid to late 20's got in the car from being on a boat all day and she was dressed in a bikini with something over it, so I really didn't notice she had a bikini on. For the first 5-10 minutes she made several calls and then I found out she had just married a professional baseball player who was about to retire. She was friendly with Mike Trout, who is recognized as the best player in the game also.  She hates all sports and when she has been at games that her husband is in she is bored to death.  She said, "I get his credit card and go to the refreshment stand.  I like to go to the beach, do shopping and go to the spa." The only sport she would watch is luge.  Due to the virus and not being able to have a ceremony, only their immediate families know they are married now.  Her husband is going to be in the construction business and we talked about how much he's going to miss playing a professional sport.  She also told me that her sister is an ICU nurse and she just appeared in Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition.

AN EGYPTIAN VACATION: My first ride of the day was a guy who had to take a vacation and since we can't go to Europe these days, he went to Egypt.  He enjoyed all the tourist attractions like the Pyramids and The Sphinx, but what amazed me was the highways there.  He said, "there are lines on the highway, but no one pays attention to them  It's a mess and they are always honking at each other."  He continued, "people complain about  following rules and laws, but if there are none, it's awful."  He did have a good time and fortunately he was not driving. The driving didn't scare him that much since he raced cars illegally when he was younger. He also said he met some good people there, but clearly they do not like Americans.

THE EVENT PLANNER: Twenty years ago, Jennifer Lopez played the part of a wedding planner in a movie with the same name. I thought of the movie as I drove my rider to the airport.  She is married to a retired professional basketball player, but I could tell she was very successful with her business. She has four offices which include Los Angeles and New York and teams of workers who make big events happen.  She had just held a major anniversary event for a female rapper and she was worn out. The original budget was $100,000 and after everything was ready to go, the budget was cut in half.  She could not get paid until ten hours before the event and although the event was a major success, her staff celebrated pulling it off for a difficult client. This past year she had to improvise and adjust due to the virus, but there's not doubt she has many more successful years ahead of her.

My Tissues Aren't Angry Anymore, But My Hygenist Is!

 Six months ago my visit to the dentist was hysterical due mainly to my hygienist who I nicknamed "TY", since they are letters in her name.  I promised her when I came back this month that I would bring her the blog I wrote as a wedding present since she was about to get married.  As soon as she saw me today, she mentioned the gift and I completely forgot about it.  She wasn't mad, but I felt badly so I have made it up to her.

She is very funny and we immediately started laughing.  She asked about any changes in my health and I told her I did get a tooth pulled and if I get another ten pulled it's going to be easy to lose weight. She gave me a very good report on my teeth and told me my tissues/gums are no longer angry or irritated. The best part of the visit was when she told me, "during this whole wedding thing what I really learned was that stamps are expensive!" I said, "that's what you learned?" Mailing out the invitations was very expensive, except that she found ten, forever stamps from 2014? I started laughing picturing her digging through her drawer for every last stamp. She said stamps had gone up and were now $.70 each.  I refused to believe it and then she looked it up when the dentist was talking to me.  They are only $.55 each, but they proposed that they go up to $.75.  She was thinking about buying a bunch now before they go up more.  I suggested, "why not sell stamps here in your room? Are there any rules against it? You can be the stamp hygienist."

 I then asked the dentist if it was okay and he said there are no rules against selling stamps in her room.  He did say that "TY" is his favorite since she's the only one who was tough enough to stay with him these four years. He said, "she's really a worker." His advice was, "you can date a pretty girl, but you should marry a worker."

"TY" explained that some patients ask her to sing and I asked if she takes requests. (I was going to request "Stairway to Heaven" to see how good she was) She said, "you wouldn't want to hear me sing, but I'm not so sure.

"TY" walked me to the front so I could pay for my entertainment.  The girl behind the counter asked how everything went and I told her I laughed the whole time.  When I got home I told my wife that my stomach actually hurt from laughing.  Who goes to the dentist and comes out with stomach pains? I know whose fault it is.

I told "TY" that I was going to write another blog about my visit today and she liked this title.  To make up for forgetting her gift, I am also giving her, a sleeve of thin mints, (with instructions to brush before and after), a copy of the first blog and this one and it will be in a notebook which is pictured below.  She can keep it for her patients to looks at while they wait or just take it out when I come in.

Finally, I have my next appointment and I will bring a little notebook and while "TY" is working on my teeth, I'll be writing with my arms outstretched into the blinding light in front of me.  I can't imagine what she's going to say next time.

The Fork In The Road

 New York Yankee great, Yogi Berra, was also famous for some of the very funny things he said.  His most famous line was, "it's not over until it's over."  Another of his well known lines was, "when you come to a fork in the road, take it."  This was actually directions to his home in Montclair, NJ, because there is a fork in the road near his house and when you take either road it brings you to his house.

However, many people think of his comment as being funny, because you really can't take a fork in the road when you come to it, you have to take one or the other other or neither.  I's almost impossible to take a fork in the road, right? Well, I can honestly say I did it, I took the fork in the road and it wasn't a good thing.  A couple weeks ago I was driving in downtown Charleston and something sounded funny.  I pulled into a very nice, but large alley way and took a look at my tire to make sure it was okay.

Usually when you look at your tire for a leak you can't see anything, but I could see it clearly.  There was something stuck in my tire and with a little difficulty I pulled it out. Below is what I found:

I took the fork in the road in my tire and although I had just bought an air pump, it was useless.  The air came out of the tire and I had to wait almost two hours for a guy to come with a new tire and put it on in ten minutes.  He said it was a salad fork that was stuck in my tire.

My friend who drives a tractor trailer across the country sent me the below cartoon.  They guy's nose and ass are much bigger than mine, but I'm pretty sure my fork was bigger than his.

Three Dogs and Chicken Parm (Dog Tails)

 I was looking forward to our son visiting this weekend for several reasons.  First of all, he is our only son and it's always good to see him and have him give me suggestions on what I should be doing. (just kidding, he never does that) Secondly, it would be the first time we would get a chance to meet his girlfriend. Thirdly, on the first night we were having chicken parmesan, which is my favorite meal that my wife cooks.

My son and his girlfriend were both bringing their dog and along with our dog, three dogs in the same house is enough to get me a bit anxious. Watching the three dogs circle around and around the kitchen playing with toys, drinking water, kissing and licking each other and us, there was a lot of activity.  I didn't sit down for awhile, because I'm not used to having dogs on me and the large dog did start climbing a few times.  It's difficult to keep track of all the vocabulary to use also, down, enough, sit, and others. I have to review that this morning and I'm home all weekend to learn more!

During dinner the two oldest dogs were playing, which means they were fighting over a toy, but playfully.  They were barking and gnawing at each other and jumping from one chair to the couch and on to the floor and chasing each other.  The two older dogs are used to circling around the table I assume waiting for something to fall on the floor.  I said, "they don't have to look here, nothing is falling off my plate." Don't sharks circle around before coming in for the kill? They are good dogs though and the phrase, "good boy" could be heard over and over and over and over. I was starting to feel that I was a good boy too!

The chicken parmesan was terrific and if needed I was willing to sit there all night until it was done. This was a very active meal.  There were only four of us and three dogs and every few minutes people and dogs were heading outside to pee and poop and then discuss inside what was going on outside in the backyard.  As the playful fighting got fierce between the two older dogs, I felt I was at Medieval Times with horses and knights fighting around the dinner table.  We had this great dinner sitting right next to the bulls running in Spain.  The idea of having a great meal while bulls were running next to us was pretty funny.  I looked it up to see if I could get a picture of someone eating there and they didn't have one, just a guy taking a selfie, before he was eaten.

You would think taking the garbage out would be easy, but the big dog kept watching me touch the garbage can so I hid behind the counter.  My son said I had to get the garbage with my back to the dog, but I couldn't reach over my head to get the bag.  I pulled the can behind the counter so I could get the bag out, but wouldn't he see the bag? I got it over the cardboard barricade that keeps the dogs away from the other part of the house and then I made my escape to get the garbage out of the house.  It was easy.  

The dogs wore themselves out and below is a picture of them before we all passed out. (Rugger is the 44 pound big dog, Loki, is looking right at us and Odin, is our baby dog on the right) Were they more tired or were we? I thought about that chicken parmesan all day and not about three dogs that were going to be in our house at the same time.  I loved that chicken parmesan, but what am I going to think about today? I think there's leftover chicken!

My Dad

 (Two Sunday's ago my Dad's heart gave out, he was 94. It would be a lot easier to not write this, but if you can't write about losing your Dad, there really aren't many things you should be writing about.)

Over three years ago my wife and I had to make the decision to downsize and move to Myrtle Beach, South Carolina.  One of the most difficult things was moving away from my Dad who was 90 years old and living in Tinton Falls, New Jersey.  To keep in touch with him I decided to call him almost every night(usually six nights) and also I would write a blog so he and the rest of my family could keep track of our adventures.(Becoming A Southerner)

He was one of my most loyal readers and I would from time to time reference him with comments about people 90 and over.  I know he enjoyed many of my posts and I did make him laugh from to time.  He wouldn't enjoy this one, because he never liked people talking about him.  Modesty was something he definitely majored in.

A few quick stories:

THE CHAMPIONSHIP GAME: My Dad always took me to baseball games from an early age.  I used to love picking out double headers because we would spend the entire day at the ballpark.  However, it was a football game that I gave him a great memory.  It was January 11, 1987,  one of the best days of my life.  It was a bizarre set of circumstances that led me to call a referee on Saturday, January 10th. I had to give him a check I owed him for refereeing a basketball game that I coached before a Net game the night before.  As I was talking to him, he told me he bought tickets on Friday night to the Giant-Redskin Championship Game Sunday and then found out that he could not go.

I bought the tickets and then surprised my Dad who had been a football Giants fan for his whole life.  He and my Mom were at a wedding I think and I went to the house and left an envelope on his pillow.  I think we had to replace a Hannukah present and so I wrote Happy Hannukah on the envelope and put one ticket inside with a note, "will call you around 9 to go to the game." He came home and picked up the envelope and opened it and stood there completely speechless.  My Mom told me how stunned he was.  The next day was amazing.  The Giants won 17-0 and went on to win the Super Bowl.  We loved the game and with the wind blowing confetti and the crowd chanting all game it could not have been any better and I got to enjoy it with my Dad.

COFFEE ICE CREAM: My family used to go to Friendly's and most of us would order some kind of coffee ice cream.  Frequently the kids would get a coffee fribble and I would get a Jim Dandy Sundae with coffee ice cream.  We used to joke that the love of coffee ice cream went back generations and it may have.  My Dad loved it and so did his Mom.  Haagen-Dazs coffee ice cream is the best by far and from time to time my Dad would have some, but he regularly had coffee ice cream in his freezer and he got some from the cafeteria also.  When I got the call from my brother last Sunday that my Dad was gone, I was sitting in a parking lot taking an Uber break. I was finishing a pint of Haagen-Dazs coffee ice cream.  I looked at the remaining scoops and knew what my Dad would do-I ate them, but they didn't go down easily.  When I got to his apartment I found a half gallon of coffee ice cream with ice in it and I left that to be thrown out.  But from the cafeteria he had a few small cups of coffee ice cream and I ate all of them.  He would have wanted me to.

$2 BILLS: My Dad worked for The Federal Reserve Bank in New York and loved giving out $2 bills.  In 1976, the government re-designed the $2 bill and re-printed them and there are approximately 2 billion $2 bills in circulation today.  My Dad gave them out as tips for decades and he would get them from the bank to distribute them.  When he gave them as tips, sometimes people would think they were fake and sometimes they had never seen one.  I'm sure there are a few still in his apartment.

THE FLAG: About six years ago, our youngest child was graduating from high school and she helped put together a special program for veterans of all wars who were living in the area up in New Jersey.  We took my Dad who was in the Army towards the end of World War 11. My Dad enjoyed it and at the end of the event they gave each veteran an American flag.  I took my Dad's flag and eventually decided to put it in my car window to the far right so I could see it and remember the event and my Dad. It might have been a year later that my Dad got into my van and was looking straight at the flag.  He said, "what does that stand for?" Without any hesitation I said, "The United States of America." We both had a good laugh and I had to remind him where it came from.  I've given close to 5,000 Uber and Lyft rides, but it was last Saturday night that a passenger asked me why I had the flag in the window. I told him the story and the next day my Dad was gone.  The flag will always be in my car window because it represents our country, but it also stands for my Dad who was always a great example of what an American is.(hats of his two favorite teams are below also)

WHAT WAS HIDDEN IN THE BASEMENT: Working at The Federal Reserve Bank in New York my Dad gave many tours of the gold vault, including to my sister and I when we were kids.  Eight years ago when we were cleaning out our house in Edison to move my parents to Tinton Falls, I was amazed at the amount of wood in the house.  He had a workshop in the basement, but the wood was there and all over the garage.  I asked my Dad, "how did all the wood get in the house?" He didn't know. I asked, "Did they build the house around the wood?" He said, "no," but I even asked him if he made puppets out of wood like Pinocchio. He said no to that also. 

One day I was in the garage on my knees cleaning out an old cabinet and I found several large, old, fertilizer bags.  One of them had something in it and I opened it and I found....about ten bars of gold.  They were fake of course, but I asked him, "why are their fake bar golds hidden in your garage?" He belonged to The Financial Writers Association and each year they put on a dinner and a show to raise money for scholarships they gave out.  My Dad actually performed in some and helped with some writing and was in charge of props.  I asked him, "why did you keep all the bars of gold?" He had no answer.  I gave him one and I took one so I could prove that a guy who gave tours of the gold vault had fake bars of gold in his garage. Looking closely at the bars of gold, my wife recognized the gold wrapping paper as something my Mom had and we think she wrapped them.  Opening the bar of gold, we found they were made out of wood! There was more wood in the house-my Dad made gold out of wood! Last week I went to take his gold bar and found there were two gold bars! Did I really give him two or did he make a second one although there was no wood in the apartment?

AT THE CEMETERY: We had a short service and I read to my Dad the following poem which I gave him 15 years ago for Father's Day.  It was framed and decorated by my wife. It was on his bookshelf and it is now on my bookshelf.  I couldn't say anything better than these words: 

                            

FEBRUARY RIDER COMMENTS

Me: "What do you do for a living?" Her: "I'm a whore.... and a message therapist."

(woman selling time share) "I was speaking with three sisters and one leaned over to me and whispered, "if you need a hit man, I know a good one."

She: "This is the best cab ride I ever had." Me(laughing and sounding like Iron Man): "I am... an Uber driver." She: "Oh, I'm so sorry."

Female bartender at 8 am: "if I don't have a Mountain Dew today I'm going to die."(she got one)

Me at 6:15 am: "Are you awake yet?" Male from New York: "I never went to sleep. I hope you're not a narc."

After I apologized to the couple from Minnesota about the bad weather on Valentine's Day Weekend, they said, "this is like spring break, we just left -17 degrees."

She said, "As a kid I went by the name, "Tinkerbell," but now my friends call me, "Tink."

She said, "What's wrong with men? They are always listening to their little head instead of their big head."

He said, "This Uber car is perfect. I'm a big guy, but if I grew eight inches I'd still be comfortable."

When I told the woman(with her boyfriend) that my wife who is in her 50's has been hit on by guys in their 20's and 30's, I showed her a picture and she said, "I'd hit on her too."

Male coffee shop owner: "I understand the manager mentality that you have to have workers coming in.  It's like if they call in and say they had their leg amputated, you ask, "what time are you coming in, we'll set up a chair for you to work."

Me: "When the Ravenel bridge was built, what was it supposed to look like?" (the answer is two sailboats) The woman who is in the boating business and was not drinking, looked at the bridge in front of us and said, "a bra?" Me: "You see a bra on that bridge?"

"We got married twice on back to back days last summer due to the indoor restrictions. The second day was outside with all our friends, but the ceremony was interrupted by sirens due to a tornado coming.  We all wound up in the basement of the church."

He said, "Five years ago I dated a really hot girl who loved to go with me and my friends to strip clubs. She would always be asked to go up on stage and dance, but I was uncomfortable with that. I can't believe I used to date someone so shallow that they wanted to show off in front of everyone."

After the GPS said to turn left when it was clearly right, my female rider said, "that bitch makes my life miserable every single day." (her townhouse is difficult to find)

Him: "My dog,(a boxer), doesn't know he's a dog. We were getting our motor home ready to leave and left the door open and could not find him.  After looking for awhile we found him, sitting in my driver's seat ready to go."

The British guy insisted on hearing my British accent (while telling my British race car driver story) and he laughed and tipped me for the short ride. He said, "Americans trying to sound British either do "Hoity Toity English" like you, or "Posh English."

Him: "Having one girlfriend is a lot of work."

Before she got in my car at the Marriott, she said, "I have to take my medicine. I'll give you a few bucks. I'm going to walk over there to smoke my medical marijuana. I have a card for it." (after getting $10 I think all riders should do it)

She: "I was working in New York City on 9-11. I walked six hours to get out. I was in heels, but fortunately a shoe store was giving away sneakers and I took a pair."

I said to a female passenger going to work on Valentine's Day: "No woman should work on Valentine's Day, you should tell your boss that." Her: "I already did, he didn't go for it."

Driving through downtown Charleston and seeing all the women in town, one guy said, "it looks like they are coming out of the sidewalk."

She said on the phone, "my Mom is weird, she does weird stuff." My rider had almost all blue hair.

Me: "How long did it take you to get used to your Telsa driving you?" He said, "five minutes. You're supposed to have your hands on the wheel, but I hooked up a weight so my hands can be free."

Me: "What is your favorite sport?" Him: "Day drinking."

"I've told my wife all my awful stories when I was younger and she still hates me."

Picking up an older woman from Outback Steakhouse (she looked like Mrs. Doubtfire) she had a large bag of leftovers.  Me: "Don't tell me about your great dinner, I have another hour before I go home to eat." Her: "That's too bad I have a lot of extra I could share of the ribs which were delicious.  I love to lick my fingers." Me: "Thanks for not sharing the details of your delicious meal."  Her: "I do have a mean streak."

She told me, "my Dad has a furniture refurbishing business and he had a chance to do work for Paula Dean.  He was invited to her house and after waiting awhile he was told that she wanted to see him in her bathroom. When he walked in she was working on a painting of a pig in her bathroom.  He made a formal presentation in the bathroom.

Red Sox fan: "My brother and I were drunk and celebrating in 2013 when they won another World Series title.  My dad had never seen them win one and this was the third one for us in ten years.  My brother said, "should we dig Dad up?" I said, "no, why don't we go to the cemetery." Since it was Halloween, I grabbed a pumpkin and we all went and toasted the Red Sox with my Dad that night."

She: "When I moved to the South from the North it was a big change.  I was in a bar and a guy accidentally hit my arm and spilled my entire drink. Just on reflex, I cursed at him and he apologized completely.  He said he'd get me another drink, but I was surprised when he came back with it.  Then, he asked me if I wanted to dance. I said to myself, "what is going on here?"

She: "Our last Uber driver told us he recently had two girls in his car who had had a lot to drink.  One of them was kind of mean and then very nice.  She asked me to give her my hand and then she put it in her mouth and invited me inside to her place.  When I declined, she said I was the first Uber driver to turn her down." (PS: Me: honey, I never gave her a ride)

She: "I had a very strange driver.  He showed up in an odd looking van and he wore a mesh tank top with driving gloves that his fingers were sticking out.  It was early morning so I was happy to see him, but I was a little scared.  I said hello, but he didn't reply.  At every red light he turned up this creepy music and flicked on his cigarette lighter and waved it in the air as if he was at a concert.  When I got out he said nicely, "you have a nice day mam."

Him: "Look at that-an Uber driver with an empty trunk."

Male: "I work in the produce department and just made dozens of heart shaped rib-eyes for Valentine's Day." Me: " Do men buy them and give them to their spouse to make them?" Male: "I have no idea."

Her: "I was so excited at getting your list, I left my phone in your car."

I asked the former male student of the College of Charleston, "why do so many girls go to school there?" He said, "I think their mothers want them to go to Charleston so they(the mothers), can visit Charleston regularly."

When I told the guy that another rider's favorite food after working the night shift is eating pasta at 7 am., he said, "7 am, 6 am, 5 am, 4 am, anytime is good."

The flight attendant walked from the Sheraton on Oak street to the Target on Rt. 17 and then to the Wal-Mart on Seaboard St. She: "I walked 5.5 miles today to get some exercise, I don't like gyms."

Her: "I'm been visiting Charleston for the last month from Seattle.  I work for the Department of Agriculture and we've been investigating an evasive beetle."

Me: "what year are you in?"  She replied, "sadly we're seniors in college, we don't want to grow up."

She said, "my sister is moving to Denver, " and the guy next to her said, "my sister's moving there to for the weed."

 Two guys: "We flew in from Miami to buy a truck. After doing a lot of research, our best deal was in Charleston."

My rider said, "I'm from Massachusetts." I said to him, "would you be more comfortable if I put on my Yankee hat or my Giant hat?" He answered, "Neither, they both give me nightmares."

"Snow just isn't our thing"

I asked the accountant, "do you like numbers?" She: (a very slow) "yes. As long as they are adding up in my account."

She: "The people in Denver are horrible, there are a lot of drugs there. They are not friendly."

"My aunts are really southern. Their names are Irma Jean, Peggy Jean, and Ruby Jean."

After giving her my list of favorite comments for 2020, she said, "that's the nicest thing that's happened to me all day."

Him: "I think the Ravenel Bridge looks like a fish." (two sailboats)

The outgoing and friendly southerner living in the mid west said, "I don't like people, they are cruel."

She: "The Uber driver told me that I have a five star rating, I did not know that."

Male Red Sox fan: "The play that Derek Jeter made diving into the stands is the most overrated play in baseball history." (It's still rated as one of the very best!)

Me: "you must have a great resume." Her: "I have a phenomenal resume, let me show you."(pulling out her phone)

When she asked Siri,(her phone Dad), to call someone, Siri said something like, "one moment."  She replied to me and said, "Siri is late, just like me."

Me: "Sometimes families can be a challenge."  Her: "Yes, yes, yes. They are all apples from the same tree."

Having not slept at all the guy said to me, "I met a delightful young woman last night."

Male rider: "I've been taking the "hair of the dog." It means if you have a hangover the next day have the same drink the next day and it will soothe your nerves and help your hangover.(???)

She was a starving dance contestant and she insisted, "I could eat a cow now."(I'm not sure she ever had a hamburger)

She: "Getting back to dating at age 36 I got some good advice from a friend.  She said to go on 30 dates as quickly as possible and you'll know." He said, "We're celebrating our one week anniversary dating.  This our fifth date this week."  I said to him, "I think you're doing pretty well."

He said, "finance is not essential, money is."

"Being stuck in North Myrtle Beach for a month while we wait for our Visas, is not a bad place to get stuck."

He said, "after a very close call on a plane, I could not fly without knocking myself out first.  Finally, one day six years later I just got on a plane and said, "if it goes down it goes down."

"They call me crazy because I speak my mind."

After giving her my list of favorite rider quotes as a "Valentine's Day gift, she said, "I wish I had something to give you."  Me: "You did, you laughed at my stories and you're from New Jersey where I'm from, what could be better than that?"

He said, "you have to go to Dollar General once, it's part of southern living."

Young woman: "I consider myself one of the boys. I don't hang out with girls, they are too nasty and there's too much drama."

"I got an Uber ride here once in a Maserati."

The 36 year old Pittsburgh Steeler fan had never heard of the "Immaculate Reception," which is considered the greatest play in NFL history. The Steelers won a playoff game on the last play of the game on a deflected pass. My male rider watched the play in my car and said, "I'm kind of mad my Dad never told me about this."

Former male Uber driver: "I know it's not professional, but I met some girls driving that were definitely out of my league."

"I love selling time shares.  I look out at the beach all day and talk about vacations."

Speaking to a hotel front desk guy I said, "you get to talk to all the happy customers." He replied, "I wish we had some."

"I dated my fiancee's best friend for two years a long time ago and we're still friends." 

Male cashier: "I was checking out a women who had several items for her daughter's birthday party.  When I touched the cake to scan it she got very upset. She said, "don't touch my cake." I tried to explain, but she refused to buy the cake after I touched the box it was in."

When I gave them my list of favorite rider comments from 2020, she said, "This is our favorite thing to do, we're in marketing."(?)

Male rider: "I'm a crane operator and I get to travel frequently to load and unload cargo on ships."

Him: "I moved from New York City to Los Angeles last year and I can't believe the amount of homelessness in LA."

After trying to give the woman some encouragement since her Mom passed away the night before, she got out of the car and said to me, "stay positive."

The college student from New Jersey, she said, "you're my favorite Uber driver."

Pilot: "We don't wear masks in the cockpit because it interferes with our instruments."

Him: "I've sold a lot more advertising this past year from people who know me."