Me: "What do you do for a living?" Her: "I'm a whore.... and a message therapist."
(woman selling time share) "I was speaking with three sisters and one leaned over to me and whispered, "if you need a hit man, I know a good one."
She: "This is the best cab ride I ever had." Me(laughing and sounding like Iron Man): "I am... an Uber driver." She: "Oh, I'm so sorry."
Female bartender at 8 am: "if I don't have a Mountain Dew today I'm going to die."(she got one)
Me at 6:15 am: "Are you awake yet?" Male from New York: "I never went to sleep. I hope you're not a narc."
After I apologized to the couple from Minnesota about the bad weather on Valentine's Day Weekend, they said, "this is like spring break, we just left -17 degrees."
She said, "As a kid I went by the name, "Tinkerbell," but now my friends call me, "Tink."
She said, "What's wrong with men? They are always listening to their little head instead of their big head."
He said, "This Uber car is perfect. I'm a big guy, but if I grew eight inches I'd still be comfortable."
When I told the woman(with her boyfriend) that my wife who is in her 50's has been hit on by guys in their 20's and 30's, I showed her a picture and she said, "I'd hit on her too."
Male coffee shop owner: "I understand the manager mentality that you have to have workers coming in. It's like if they call in and say they had their leg amputated, you ask, "what time are you coming in, we'll set up a chair for you to work."
Me: "When the Ravenel bridge was built, what was it supposed to look like?" (the answer is two sailboats) The woman who is in the boating business and was not drinking, looked at the bridge in front of us and said, "a bra?" Me: "You see a bra on that bridge?"
"We got married twice on back to back days last summer due to the indoor restrictions. The second day was outside with all our friends, but the ceremony was interrupted by sirens due to a tornado coming. We all wound up in the basement of the church."
He said, "Five years ago I dated a really hot girl who loved to go with me and my friends to strip clubs. She would always be asked to go up on stage and dance, but I was uncomfortable with that. I can't believe I used to date someone so shallow that they wanted to show off in front of everyone."
After the GPS said to turn left when it was clearly right, my female rider said, "that bitch makes my life miserable every single day." (her townhouse is difficult to find)
Him: "My dog,(a boxer), doesn't know he's a dog. We were getting our motor home ready to leave and left the door open and could not find him. After looking for awhile we found him, sitting in my driver's seat ready to go."
The British guy insisted on hearing my British accent (while telling my British race car driver story) and he laughed and tipped me for the short ride. He said, "Americans trying to sound British either do "Hoity Toity English" like you, or "Posh English."
Him: "Having one girlfriend is a lot of work."
Before she got in my car at the Marriott, she said, "I have to take my medicine. I'll give you a few bucks. I'm going to walk over there to smoke my medical marijuana. I have a card for it." (after getting $10 I think all riders should do it)
She: "I was working in New York City on 9-11. I walked six hours to get out. I was in heels, but fortunately a shoe store was giving away sneakers and I took a pair."
I said to a female passenger going to work on Valentine's Day: "No woman should work on Valentine's Day, you should tell your boss that." Her: "I already did, he didn't go for it."
Driving through downtown Charleston and seeing all the women in town, one guy said, "it looks like they are coming out of the sidewalk."
She said on the phone, "my Mom is weird, she does weird stuff." My rider had almost all blue hair.
Me: "How long did it take you to get used to your Telsa driving you?" He said, "five minutes. You're supposed to have your hands on the wheel, but I hooked up a weight so my hands can be free."
Me: "What is your favorite sport?" Him: "Day drinking."
"I've told my wife all my awful stories when I was younger and she still hates me."
Picking up an older woman from Outback Steakhouse (she looked like Mrs. Doubtfire) she had a large bag of leftovers. Me: "Don't tell me about your great dinner, I have another hour before I go home to eat." Her: "That's too bad I have a lot of extra I could share of the ribs which were delicious. I love to lick my fingers." Me: "Thanks for not sharing the details of your delicious meal." Her: "I do have a mean streak."
She told me, "my Dad has a furniture refurbishing business and he had a chance to do work for Paula Dean. He was invited to her house and after waiting awhile he was told that she wanted to see him in her bathroom. When he walked in she was working on a painting of a pig in her bathroom. He made a formal presentation in the bathroom.
Red Sox fan: "My brother and I were drunk and celebrating in 2013 when they won another World Series title. My dad had never seen them win one and this was the third one for us in ten years. My brother said, "should we dig Dad up?" I said, "no, why don't we go to the cemetery." Since it was Halloween, I grabbed a pumpkin and we all went and toasted the Red Sox with my Dad that night."
She: "When I moved to the South from the North it was a big change. I was in a bar and a guy accidentally hit my arm and spilled my entire drink. Just on reflex, I cursed at him and he apologized completely. He said he'd get me another drink, but I was surprised when he came back with it. Then, he asked me if I wanted to dance. I said to myself, "what is going on here?"
She: "Our last Uber driver told us he recently had two girls in his car who had had a lot to drink. One of them was kind of mean and then very nice. She asked me to give her my hand and then she put it in her mouth and invited me inside to her place. When I declined, she said I was the first Uber driver to turn her down." (PS: Me: honey, I never gave her a ride)
She: "I had a very strange driver. He showed up in an odd looking van and he wore a mesh tank top with driving gloves that his fingers were sticking out. It was early morning so I was happy to see him, but I was a little scared. I said hello, but he didn't reply. At every red light he turned up this creepy music and flicked on his cigarette lighter and waved it in the air as if he was at a concert. When I got out he said nicely, "you have a nice day mam."
Him: "Look at that-an Uber driver with an empty trunk."
Male: "I work in the produce department and just made dozens of heart shaped rib-eyes for Valentine's Day." Me: " Do men buy them and give them to their spouse to make them?" Male: "I have no idea."
Her: "I was so excited at getting your list, I left my phone in your car."
I asked the former male student of the College of Charleston, "why do so many girls go to school there?" He said, "I think their mothers want them to go to Charleston so they(the mothers), can visit Charleston regularly."
When I told the guy that another rider's favorite food after working the night shift is eating pasta at 7 am., he said, "7 am, 6 am, 5 am, 4 am, anytime is good."
The flight attendant walked from the Sheraton on Oak street to the Target on Rt. 17 and then to the Wal-Mart on Seaboard St. She: "I walked 5.5 miles today to get some exercise, I don't like gyms."
Her: "I'm been visiting Charleston for the last month from Seattle. I work for the Department of Agriculture and we've been investigating an evasive beetle."
Me: "what year are you in?" She replied, "sadly we're seniors in college, we don't want to grow up."
She said, "my sister is moving to Denver, " and the guy next to her said, "my sister's moving there to for the weed."
Two guys: "We flew in from Miami to buy a truck. After doing a lot of research, our best deal was in Charleston."
My rider said, "I'm from Massachusetts." I said to him, "would you be more comfortable if I put on my Yankee hat or my Giant hat?" He answered, "Neither, they both give me nightmares."
"Snow just isn't our thing"
I asked the accountant, "do you like numbers?" She: (a very slow) "yes. As long as they are adding up in my account."
She: "The people in Denver are horrible, there are a lot of drugs there. They are not friendly."
"My aunts are really southern. Their names are Irma Jean, Peggy Jean, and Ruby Jean."
After giving her my list of favorite comments for 2020, she said, "that's the nicest thing that's happened to me all day."
Him: "I think the Ravenel Bridge looks like a fish." (two sailboats)
The outgoing and friendly southerner living in the mid west said, "I don't like people, they are cruel."
She: "The Uber driver told me that I have a five star rating, I did not know that."
Male Red Sox fan: "The play that Derek Jeter made diving into the stands is the most overrated play in baseball history." (It's still rated as one of the very best!)
Me: "you must have a great resume." Her: "I have a phenomenal resume, let me show you."(pulling out her phone)
When she asked Siri,(her phone Dad), to call someone, Siri said something like, "one moment." She replied to me and said, "Siri is late, just like me."
Me: "Sometimes families can be a challenge." Her: "Yes, yes, yes. They are all apples from the same tree."
Having not slept at all the guy said to me, "I met a delightful young woman last night."
Male rider: "I've been taking the "hair of the dog." It means if you have a hangover the next day have the same drink the next day and it will soothe your nerves and help your hangover.(???)
She was a starving dance contestant and she insisted, "I could eat a cow now."(I'm not sure she ever had a hamburger)
She: "Getting back to dating at age 36 I got some good advice from a friend. She said to go on 30 dates as quickly as possible and you'll know." He said, "We're celebrating our one week anniversary dating. This our fifth date this week." I said to him, "I think you're doing pretty well."
He said, "finance is not essential, money is."
"Being stuck in North Myrtle Beach for a month while we wait for our Visas, is not a bad place to get stuck."
He said, "after a very close call on a plane, I could not fly without knocking myself out first. Finally, one day six years later I just got on a plane and said, "if it goes down it goes down."
"They call me crazy because I speak my mind."
After giving her my list of favorite rider quotes as a "Valentine's Day gift, she said, "I wish I had something to give you." Me: "You did, you laughed at my stories and you're from New Jersey where I'm from, what could be better than that?"
He said, "you have to go to Dollar General once, it's part of southern living."
Young woman: "I consider myself one of the boys. I don't hang out with girls, they are too nasty and there's too much drama."
"I got an Uber ride here once in a Maserati."
The 36 year old Pittsburgh Steeler fan had never heard of the "Immaculate Reception," which is considered the greatest play in NFL history. The Steelers won a playoff game on the last play of the game on a deflected pass. My male rider watched the play in my car and said, "I'm kind of mad my Dad never told me about this."
Former male Uber driver: "I know it's not professional, but I met some girls driving that were definitely out of my league."
"I love selling time shares. I look out at the beach all day and talk about vacations."
Speaking to a hotel front desk guy I said, "you get to talk to all the happy customers." He replied, "I wish we had some."
"I dated my fiancee's best friend for two years a long time ago and we're still friends."
Male cashier: "I was checking out a women who had several items for her daughter's birthday party. When I touched the cake to scan it she got very upset. She said, "don't touch my cake." I tried to explain, but she refused to buy the cake after I touched the box it was in."
When I gave them my list of favorite rider comments from 2020, she said, "This is our favorite thing to do, we're in marketing."(?)
Male rider: "I'm a crane operator and I get to travel frequently to load and unload cargo on ships."
Him: "I moved from New York City to Los Angeles last year and I can't believe the amount of homelessness in LA."
After trying to give the woman some encouragement since her Mom passed away the night before, she got out of the car and said to me, "stay positive."
The college student from New Jersey, she said, "you're my favorite Uber driver."
Pilot: "We don't wear masks in the cockpit because it interferes with our instruments."
Him: "I've sold a lot more advertising this past year from people who know me."
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