February's Most Memorable Comments

Woman: "I spent the first two weeks of my life in Siberia, Russia and then lived in many European countries. I waited until I was 21 to come to America so I could drink legally."

As the young woman got out last I said, "make sure you have everything, if you leave food I'll be eating it in five minutes." She replied, "what if I poisoned it?"

Male cook: "My friend gave me mushrooms to try when we were working and I had a bad trip. I sat outside for 30 minutes talking to myself and then I had to go home."

Him: "As a Organ Transplant Surgeon and Psychiatric Specialist I worked in the Navy and Marines traveling the world and helping our servicemen and some enemies. I also did interrogations and if I told you anymore I'd have to kill you."

I asked the couple from Ohio why they were in town and the husband replied, "we're thinking of moving here." The wife said, "thinking?", we're going to meet our builder." Laughing I said, "does your builder know that you're just thinking about it?"

Looking at the picture of my rider's Kansas City Super Bowl ring hanging in my car, he said, "where did you get that ring? I have the same one. My family built Arrowhead Stadium and Kauffman Stadium."(KC Royals)

Driving two older, retired women in the mid 60's or 70's, I said, "I have a surprise for you." One woman said, "Are you going to let us drive?"

He said, "Why would a roofer risk his life going up on a roof when Chick-fil-A is offering a $1,000 starting bonus and paying $20 an hour?"

When I told the woman that I've had a few women who could see that the Ravenel bridge looked like a bra, she said, "I've never had a bra like that, they must not have any boobies."

Taking him to work on his second day to a fancy restaurant in Downtown Charleston, he said, "I work with a lot of beautiful women and they are not wearing much either."

Me to pregnant woman: "Is this your first child?" Her: "No, it's my last one." (has one)

I told him he had a great sense of humor and he replied, "I don't need anyone to tell me how great I am, I do that every day." (joking)

Woman visiting Charleston: "If I lived here I would eat, drink and paint my way through Charleston." (an artist)

The woman from West Africa said, "It's always been a dream of mine to live in The United States." Me: How did you end up living in Charleston?" Her: "I googled it. It's not too hot and not too cold here."

Female physical trainer: "After my husband was killed in the war in Afghanistan I was in a funk. I decided to do something, "bad ass," so I climbed Mt. Kilimanjaro in Tanzania.  I've done it twice now."

She: "The first time I saw my husband I was working on a cruise. I told the person next to me, "he's so hot, I'm going to marry him."(married six years)

She: "I was managing a sub shop and doing deliveries at the same time. I worked 20 hours a day, six days a week and when I asked for $1 per hour raise, the owner said no, so I left."

The Washington Redskins' fan (now the Commanders) was okay with them changing the name, but he said, "Sometimes it just seems like something white people want to complain about." (he is white)

Him: "When I drink they tell me I beat up the neighbors, so I stopped drinking."

Male: "I'm usually out at night, I'm glad you got to see me."

Male: "I was in rodeo for ten years and did not get hurt, but I was on a sled with my young daughter and I broke two bones in my back and was laid up for six months."

Communicating with a Spanish woman: Me: "No  Inglese?" Her: "Si."  Me: "Comprendez" Her: "Venezuela"

My sister was visiting down here from New York and all the salespeople were talking to me.  She got angry and said, "stop talking to them and making friends, I don't want to talk to them."

Thirty year old woman looked at a picture of my wife and said, "she's beautiful, what did she find in you?" (she did concede I was cute, eventually)

She: "I was funnier before I got married and had a child."

The professor said that students today are more, "entitled. I told them that I would not accept late work and one student said, "you can't do that." I told him I could."

Me: "Why did you come here from New Hampshire?" Her: "We went from -9 degrees to 60 degrees."

She: "I hate coffee, especially the smell. I just got off work six hours ago and I have to go back in.  I just had a big glass of wine and I'm good."

He said, "Texas is the best country in the world."

Me: "Do you like living in the Charleston area?" Him: "I didn't when I was young, but as you get older you appreciate it more." (he's 21)

Hairstylist: "I hear all kinds of things, I'm just a big ear."

The French male model from Los Angeles, "The modeling pays the bills, but acting is my real passion.  I've been in some television shows like "Westworld" and "Magnum PI."

Him: "My ten-year old daughter loves to shoot deer. She's 8 for 8 shooting and we eat the meat."

Male: "One of my retired friends told me that a retired cop was stabbed to death by his wife, because they were spending too much time together."

Former resident of California: "I could talk to you for twenty hours about how California is a shithole."

Woman who had a long and successful career, "You don't sell yourself in an interview, you sell yourself every day that you work."

She: "I was President of my sorority. I went through a lot of shit, but I'm a better person for it."

"I got tired of the weather in San Diego, it was always the same."

Me: "What does the Ravenel bridge look like?" She: "A whale, the scales on the side of the whale." She showed me a picture on her phone and she's right.

At the end of a very good ride I told the 31 year-old woman, "about 98% of the people who get in my car have not been drinking." She replied, "to be honest with you, I've had three drinks. Does that make a difference?" (yes, you made my list)

"We were watching the movie, "He's Not Really Into You," and he thought I reminded him of the character who really wanted to get married.  I told him, "I am not desperate to get married and he said, "would you marry me?" I said, yes, and we've been married six years. "He was the sixth man who I was engaged to." (by age 25)

Me: "Have you gotten used to how friendly people are here?" Woman here from New York for two years, works full-time with two small children, "I'm not there yet. The other day the cashier at Publix asked me what I was making for dinner? Do I tell her I haven't cooked a meal in ten years? When we moved in one of our neighbors left a pie on the porch and I told my husband, "Don't you even think about eating it, it may be poisoned."

Female cook: "I don't eat any sweets, no cookies, candy, or cake. I never have. I don't like how they taste." Me: "Did you get a birthday cake when you were a child?" She: "Yes, but it was for everyone else, these days I just get fruit." Me: "Has not eating any sweets your whole life made your teeth good?" Her: "HELL NO!"

He said, "when I was 21, I went to a party at midnight.  I drove into a large neighborhood with only one gate you can get in and out of. I couldn't find the party and didn't have a phone number, but I couldn't get out of the neighborhood.  It took me six hours to find the gate, I almost ran out of gas."

                                                            UBER/LYFT RELATED

Older woman who had her car in shop for weeks, "I feel very blessed to have met so many wonderful and unique Uber drivers.  I think God puts people in your life for a reason."

The angry woman who didn't want to wear a mask, got out of my car and said, "I hope you don't die with it on. It gave me pneumonia. I usually tip extra, but not when you do something like this."

Male: "I spend $4,000 per month on Uber.  The drivers have been great, I've only had three drunk drivers.  One of them was driving on the grass, I had to get out."

Former Uber Driver: "I could never understand why people would wait 40 minutes at the airport for an Uber when there are taxis lined up right behind them."

"When my husband was practicing law in Florida, he was involved in an accident case with a Lyft driver.  There were very large medical bills for the passenger, but the problem was that the Lyft driver let someone else drive his car who was not a Lyft driver."

He said, "I've had a very good experience with Uber drivers except one who was high."

"My Uber driver told me that he's been married for 54 years."

I picked him up at a Wal-Mart. He said, "Where did my other driver go? It said he was here and then he canceled." (The new driver with a month experience apparently started the ride and canceled two minutes later. Uber corrected the charge immediately.)

I went to pick him up from work and he said, "There was another driver here, but she left. She wouldn't take me since the ride had my wife's name on it.  I showed her the phone, but she canceled the ride."

The rider said, "Uber shouldn't get any of the cancelation fee."

Rider said, "I hate it when other riders don't put in a stop, it's not fair to you."

Woman who bikes people in Downtown Charleston, "Shouldn't there be a premium on long rides for you guys?" (great idea)

Guy in his early 20's, "I love it when drivers are willing to have a conversation."

"A guy I work with was going to retire and said that he might Uber. I don't see how he could do it since he's grumpy and not friendly."

                                                                    MORE COMMENTS

Photographer: "Photography was just a hobby, until Vogue called me out of the blue after seeing some things of mine on social media."

The Canadian told me that his family has vacationed in Cape Cod for many summers.  Before I could ask him if he knew Old Silver Beach,(where I vacationed almost 50 years ago) he said, "we always go to Old Silver Beach."

She explained, "the difference between a graveyard and a cemetery is that the graveyard is with a church and a cemetery is a plot of land."

Woman: "I think people who are in "IT" have trouble relating to regular people."

Red Sox fan, "Every time my friends and I went to Fenway Park we would go into the bathroom and hide and yell, "Fuck the Red Sox, go Yankees." (exactly opposite what the fans would chant)

Married couple from Ohio, one an Emergency Room doctor and the other a general practice doctor: "Sometimes we get to see the same patients."

She: "I try to be nice to everyone-you don't know what they've been through."

Me: "Have you gotten used to how friendly people are here?" Young man from PA.: "Not really, I'm a pretty private person."

Marisa: "My name means star of the sea."

The couple is getting ready to sell their townhouse and expect to make over $100,000 since buying it three years ago.

The Navy Seal captain said, "about 20% or less complete the six month (Seal) program."

The retired airline mechanic said, "There's a lot of confusion in this country about needs and wants."

Young man: "They've taken the enjoyment out of sports for me."

Male: "When I was in high school I worked in The Washington Redskin's football stadium selling programs and making $10 an hour. Eventually, I was in charge of it all." Me: "What do you think of the recent name change." Him: "I'll always be a Washington Redskin fan."

Navy guy: "Australia is one my favorite places to live, just a beautiful country."

Customer service male in Publix, "when people go off I just thing they are crazy."

"My husband doesn't enjoy law, but he loves bartending."

Woman: "Years ago I won $60 on the lottery and I just said, "I'm done, I'm good."

The man visiting from Jamaica said, "Every day in Jamaica is a sunny day."

The Cowboy fan said, "Tony Romo is a much quarterback than Eli Manning."

Tax consultant: "You always have to look for opportunities."

Male: "I don't believe in Jesus, but I think he was a great salesman."

Him: "I loved visiting Greenland, it's looks like a whole different world."

Him: "Nova Scotia has great food prices, fresh food and beautiful scenery."

The Navy Seal Captain said, "I enjoy training the new generation of seals."

Hibachi chef: "I don't like to cook much when I'm not working."

Woman: "I loved living in Morocco for five years.  I loved the culture and people. Moving back here gave my so the best opportunity."

After saying a few of the only French words I know, the Canadian got out of the car saying, "Thanks, that was an amazing, amazing ride."

"I wish there were more drivers like you."

"Thank you for the positivity."

"So you're a positive person?"

Female college freshmen with her parents: "That's the most entertaining Uber ride I've ever had." 

She said, "You're an intriguing individual."

She: "You're the best."

On the phone she said, "So sorry I can't talk to you, you seem like you're a very interesting person.

My First Dog Dream

It was bound to happen sooner or later.  We've had a dog now for over a year, but I just woke up from my first dog dream. Our dog wasn't in it and it's not his fault.  It was the dog park we went to yesterday. I've been to a couple before, but this was a big one.  It wasn't mobbed, but there was a lot of open space for small dogs and a big, open space for big dogs-two separate areas. One big dog had a frisbee in his mouth and he was not giving it up, despite the owner trying to pull it out of his mouth. Small dogs were charging towards me and running past, white, black, brown, one even from New Hampshire.

Keep in mind-that was not the dream or nightmare. As most dreams go, they don't make a lot of sense.  Here is goes: I was going door to door in some neighborhood raising money for a children's charity.  There was some young woman in charge and a large black "lab." The goal was to get people to put a tall brown bag on their front lawn which had some kind of insignia on it.  It was similar to a bag you put leaves in, but it was not as wide on top. Here's the best part-this couple agreed to have it on their lawn and we emptied change into the large bag.  I guess this was supposed to hold the bag in place, since wind does not exist in dreams? 

The young woman called in and said, "we got one," and we got in the car to leave.  I was not driving, but sitting in the back. The dog was in the front seat and probably very comfortable. That's when I woke up from my first dog dream. What does this dream mean? It means that it could have been a lot worse-I could have been in dog park with a lot of dogs.

February's Best Rider Stories

HOW MANY TIMES WAS SHE ENGAGED?

Over the years there have been some rides that I wished I had a camera so I could watch the ride and enjoy it again.  My rider this month said so many funny and unusual things, I'd want to watch this ride again just to write down all the things she said.  Unfortunately, some of those things I did not get.  She is in her early thirties and runs a maintenance business.  She's been married for six years and has one child, but indicated she wasn't really a big fan of marriage or having kids.  As we pulled out of the parking lot, she had trouble putting on her belt since she's pregnant.  I said, "Is this your first child," and she replied, "no, it's my last." She said, "I was funnier before I got married." (I can't imagine that.) She was engaged five times before she was 25, because when someone asked her, she said, "sure." Her first two weeks of her life she lived in Siberia, Russia and then in many European countries. She said, "I waited until I was 21 to come to The United States, so I could drink legally." She met her husband when she worked on a cruise ship. "I told the person next to me, "he's so hot, I'm going to marry him." They pretended to be engaged so he could cruise with her while she worked. She explained her real engagement, ""We were watching the movie, "He's Not Really Into You," and he thought I reminded him of the character who really wanted to get married.  I told him, "I am not desperate to get married and he said, "would you marry me?" She did say yes, and I think she's happy about it.  She was unique and fun to talk to and I'd love to do it again in the future.

A TRAGIC AND INSPIRING STORY

She is soon to graduate college majoring in Psychology and Pre-law.  She is going to law school, because a relative of hers inspired her, but unlike anyway you've ever heard someone be inspired. The relative wanted to be a lawyer and was working to improve his test scores to get into a law school.  One night he had too much to drink and drove into an oncoming car on a bridge. Two family members were killed in the car he hit and another person was badly hurt.  At his trial, the family that was suffering an incredible loss, pleaded with the judge that the young man(who had no prior problems),  be given a lenient sentence.  The judge agreed and my passenger's relative served only one year in prison and agreed to serve as a public defendant for two years.  He helped other drunk drivers through his own experience.  He is an attorney today, but is still suffering the guilt from what he did. My passenger is determined to succeed as an attorney and help other people who are in need and I'm certain she will.

THE VERY ANGRY WOMAN

I've given around 4,000 rides wearing a mask since May 2020. This woman was only the second person to be unreasonably angry about it. Pulling up to the woman in her late 50's/60's, she was on her driveway on my side. Seeing my mask she said, "You're not going to make me wear a mask, are you? " I calmly said, "It's Uber's rules." Visibly angry she replied, " They don't work. I'll wear it, but you're the first driver to make me wear it." As she got in I said calmly, "when you agreed to the ride, you agreed to wear it, when I start driving in the morning, I agree to wear it and when I drop you off, Uber asks me if you were wearing it."  She said abruptly, "if you don't mind, I don't want to talk. I'm going to the BMW dealership." I was silent for 12 minutes and as I went to drop her off I said nicely, "Have a nice night." Her reply was unforgettable: "I hope you don't die with that on, it gave me pneumonia. I usually tip extra, but not when you do something like this." She walked away believing that she had made me angry and that she had won. Her words clearly say more about her and her problems. 

SHE DOESN'T LIKE THE TASTE OF ANYTHING SWEET? I was taking the cook to work and she really surprised me. She was called in on her day off and only had a couple hours of sleep. I asked her what keeps her awake on a day like this and she told me, "wine." She had just had a big glass(around 10:30 am) and she was ready to go.  The woman was in her 30's-40's (?) and she gave me one of the biggest laughs I ever had in my car. She told me that she doesn't eat any sweets, but it's not a health thing. She explained, "I don't eat any sweets, no cookies, candy, or cake. I never have. I don't like how they taste." Me: "Did you get a birthday cake when you were a child?" She: "Yes, but it was for everyone else, these days I just get fruit." Me: "Has not eating any sweets your whole life made your teeth good?" Her: "HELL NO!" I am glad I wasn't drinking anything when she yelled, "hell no" at me. Her brother and her daughter don't eat sweets also.  It's a very unusual thing, but she was just a delightful woman who I hope to drive again.

ONE GREAT CAREER

The man is in his seventies and said he will never retire.  He has 60 published articles in journals and some books in his life. He's an Organ Transplant Surgeon and Psychiatric Specialist.  He told me, "I can take care of you from your head to your waist." He was put into the Navy and Marines and he was sent hundreds of thousands of miles in his career to help our military personnel.  "I also was involved in interrogations, but if I told you anymore I'd have to kill you." Obviously he is a very well educated man who spent his career helping others in a way very different than almost anyone.

TWO BROTHERS

I picked up two brothers who were from Connecticut and are now living together in the Charleston area. They are in there early twenties they were extremely personable and enthusiastic. They are just starting their careers and not sure where it will lead, however, I could tell they have a terrific future ahead of them.  I told them some inspiring stories and they loved them and loved my book idea and also my title. It almost seemed I could say anything and they would have been enjoying it and interested in it.  They wrote down a couple book suggestions I gave them and the name of the greatest car salesman who ever lived, since one of them was in sales. I think I could drive with them every day and never be bored. When I dropped them off, it did cross my mind, could they have been putting me on? When they tipped me $10 for the ride, I knew they were not only genuine, but also generous. I'm sure their parents are proud.

THE BICYCLE WOMAN

For three years this woman has been working in Downtown Charleston giving rides to people on a bicycle which is hooked up to a small carriage for people to sit in. It's good exercise for sure and she's one of the few females who are doing it. She's an independent contractor like myself, who rents the bike from a company and pays them 30% on what she collects.  She enjoys doing it and it does not cost the rider much, $7 for the first ten minutes and more afterwards.  She told me that most of her riders tip and was very interested that most Uber riders don't tip. I asked her if she thought being a woman increased her tips and she said it was possible. (a study did once show that happens to female Uber drivers) She also gave the suggestion that on very long Uber rides there should be a premium put on the ride. My last ride of the day was interesting and fun to talk to and you have to give her a lot of credit for what she does.

When You're Full Of "It", What Does "It" Weigh?

We all know the expression, "you're full of it," although sometimes it comes out, "you're full of _ _ it." Being a number's guy is a blessing and a curse.  I'm always thinking in terms of numbers which leads me back to last week. The day before a colonoscopy you get to drink and drink a bunch of stuff that just empties you out. It was natural for me to wonder, how much less will I weigh after being cleaned out?

I typically weigh myself first thing Monday morning, so I knew last Monday that my weight that day was really what I have been weighing.  Tuesday morning, I got on the scale and weighed in and found out I was three pounds less. I think it makes sense and I wasn't surprised with the results.

But, that gave me something else to think about. I had lunch on Tuesday and dinner and it was nothing special, just normal eating. Would I weigh the same Wednesday morning or would I weigh less than I did Monday morning before being cleaned out? The answer was, I gained two pounds back, which is close enough to three to be insignificant.

What did I learn from this experience? Not a whole lot, but I did think of something else. I'm not doing this again for five more years. When I'm five years older, will I have the same weight results? Does the results vary depending on a person's weight or age?

Aren't you glad you're not a number's person? I wonder how many people are?

Costco's Finest

With apologies to my reader in Denver, Colorado, it's time to talk chicken-Costco Chicken. I have eaten it a few times now and it is really good.  It is also larger than most rotisserie chickens.  But, the real story behind this chicken is the cost- only $4.99.  You really can't find a rotisserie chicken for that price anymore and for a very good reason.

Costco has not changed its price since 2009, thirteen years ago. By keeping the price low, it draws more people into the store which of course makes them money.  But to make money, sometimes you have to lose money.  According to my research (imagine that, I'm doing chicken research), Costco loses between $30-$40 million dollars a year on their rotisserie chicken.  Pictured below is the last one I had, before it was devoured.

In 2020, Costco sold 101 million chickens which translates of course to half a billion dollars worth of chicken. Just so you know, I just ate a big dinner and I figured I could write this blog without getting hungry. The chickens are injected with a special saline solution to add flavor, but it has been recognized as some of the healthiest processed food you can eat.

Many businesses get criticized for their prices, but Costco should be recognized for this amazing product that is still one of the best buys you can make.  There is even a Costco Fan Page on Facebook that has 18,000 followers on it.  I'm going to have to check that out.  I am certain that my reader in Denver, Colorado will not be on that page, since she hates rotisserie chicken.  My daughter has watched me eat way too many rotisserie chickens to be able to eat one. I admit it, it's my fault. However, I loved every bite of it.

There Is Humor In Almost Everything

Some things are really too private to blog about, but there are some things that are way too funny not to blog about.  To blog or not to blog? If I didn't have this story in writing I think I would regret it the rest of my life and at the same time, I know my kids maybe decades from now will be able to say, "do you remember the time he blogged about his colonoscopy?" Just knowing that one day they will say that means that I have to do it.

There really is humor in almost everything and I'm going to prove it, whether you like it or not. Monday morning I woke up with a sore neck.  I slept funny for a couple hours in a chair, but it wasn't giving me a lot of discomfort.  The day before old men get colonoscopies is prep day where they just starve you and empty you completely out.  I did this the last time on a Super Bowl Sunday which is not the best day to starve yourself.

Tuesday morning, I woke up and my neck hurt, but I couldn't take anything for the pain.  I went to the hospital tired, weak, and in pain. I told the nurse about my neck pain and she adjusted the top part of the bed.  She put it up and down and then said, "which is better?" I replied, "either one is better than going up and down." My wife and my nurse traded their health histories as if they were on a game show to see who has had more health problems in their life. Unfortunately, it was probably a draw.  I said to the nurse at that point, "I'm not sure I'm mentally prepared for this now. Are they going to knock me out soon?" My wife and nurse were really bonding. The nurse said my doctor would never be doing her colonoscopy, because, "he's like a brother and he's too cute and young to see my butt." My wife, who had this doctor before, told her, "that's no problem for me."

They did knock me out and I woke up to find that my visit went from amusing to hilarious. (results were pretty good with only one polyp) The nurse said to me, "you'll be all ready to go when we're sure your colon is working. You just have to let all the gas out." My wife and I started laughing and she explained to the nurse that, "he doesn't fart in front of people." This has been a running joke in our family for maybe 20 years and the nurse said, "I'll get out of here."

My wife started texting our three kids and this is how it went:

Wife: "the nurses are telling him he needs to fart, "and Dad says, "we may be here for awhile."

First child to reply-Child 1: "Did they tell him how?? He might need instructions." 

Child 2: "Oh my gosh. He doesn't understand how." (probably true)

Wife: "It's too funny. Like he can't leave until he farts." 

Child 1: "Oh my god. Can't wait for the blog post." Several emoji's had big smiles and tears which were similar to what was on my face and my wife's face.

Child 2: "This is too funny and doesn't seem real." (It was real, but not spectacular)

Wife: Comment from me: "I feel a blog coming on, but not a fart." (The phrase, "I feel a blog coming is common in our family)  

Child 3: "This definitely makes my day. Dad, please don't blog about this." (not sorry)

Wife: "I'm crying, he hasn't done it." 

Child 3: "He doesn't even know what a fart feels like." (not true)

Child 1: "Y'all be there all day." (she's not southern)

Child 2: "If it's on the toilet it doesn't count." (it would have in this case)

Child 1: "Wish I could lend him one.  I've been farting all morning!" (way too much info)

Child 3: "This conversation is everything. Do the nurses think it's unusual that he can't," (Don't tell me what I can't do!) 

Wife: "Dad said it's not happening." 

Child  2: "I'll throw one his way." (thoughtful) 

They did allow me to go home shortly after that. My text in the car was, "You can't teach an old dog new tricks. Going home to practice and eat."  While I was eating, I ran into the bathroom to take the below picture. Who would ever think a colonoscopy could be so much fun? Did I succeed in my mission? It's really too private a subject to talk about.

The Cocoa Krispies Exercise Routine

 Another Cocoa Krispies blog? I haven't written one all year, so I am due.  Let's face it, Cocoa Krispies is not the healthiest cereal around.  However, it is my favorite and as I've told you-boxes of this cereal are scarce here in the South. I  have just opened my last box and I think I can make it last until the first week of March before I run out.

However, I have figured out a way to use this to my advantage and to get exercise.

 "Cocoa Krispies Exercise Routine":

1. Drive into a supermarket lot.

2. Park a good distance from the door.

3. Walk at a very fast pace to the front door.

4. Walk quickly without bumping into anyone.

5. Find the cereal aisle.

6. Check what they have twice before realizing they have none.

7. Walk quickly to the door you came in and avoid bumping into anyone.

8. After you reach the door, accelerate in the parking lot and find your car.

9. Proceed to the next store and repeat all the steps.

Ubering in Myrtle Beach in the winter is extremely slow.  On Saturday's, I've been reading and taking a nap and just taking it easy with an occasional walk.  This past Saturday, I started my "Cocoa Krispies Exercise Routine." I'll admit I did not speed walk in the parking lot or in the store, but I still walk faster than most people. I was in 8-10 stores and predictably had no success in finding my cereal.  This Saturday, being Super Bowl and Valentine's Day Weekend, it should be a little busier, but I'll make a few stops to get my exercise.

My back-up plan is simple: on Friday, March 25th, I'm going to be food shopping in Orlando, Florida.  If I have to export Cocoa Krispies from Florida to South Carolina, I'm going to do it.

How Much Money Can You Make BUYING Beer?

The title is not a misprint, as ridiculous as it might sound.  For anyone to buy beer and make money it's odd, but for me to do it, it's completely ridiculous. I'm not much of a beer drinker, it's never done anything for me. Some years I've had one beer in the whole year and I'm sure since college there have been many years I never had a beer. I do remember one year I had four beers, one on four occasions.  

In college, well that was a different story.  I had my first beer on February 19, 1979. I was 18 1/2 years old and we had a big snowstorm and my college was closed.  My roommate took me to the pub and treated me to my first beer. I wasn't impressed with the beer. However, there was one day in college I had four beers.  I have no idea why, it really makes no sense.  Although I'm not sure drinking four beers is supposed to make sense. (especially when I don't believe in "supposed to.")

This past Friday night I picked up a guy in his early thirties for my last ride of the night. He had a rough day.  His wallet was stolen at work and he asked me if I would do him a big favor. He had no identification to do it, but would I buy a small case of beer for him (four bottles) and he would pay me $20 to do it? He had a rough day and I figured I'd help him out, but I told him I'd only accept $10 from him. He agreed and I told him my lack of interest in drinking and I've never gone into a place to buy a beer.

When I walked in, it really did feel strange. I went to pay for the beer and they checked my identification, because they are required to check every one who buys alcohol. When I got in the car, my rider handed me two twenty dollar bills and said, "I want you to have it, I really appreciate what you did." The beer cost $17 and he gave me $40, so I made $23 buying beer.

This may be the only time in my life that I walk into a place and buy beer and I have $23 to show for it!

I'm Going To Vegas?

If you told me at the beginning of the year that I was going to go to Vegas this year, I would have laughed and said, "the odds of that are slim and none and slim has no chance."  I've never been to Vegas, but I've always thought it would be a nice place to see and eat a great buffet. I don't really gamble either, so there really wasn't a fascination with Vegas.

I'm not used to traveling much and my wife and I already have several plans for this year, Orlando, Florida, New Jersey, and Pennsylvania for a family wedding.  My brother has been to Vegas and saw a terrific show-Cirque Du Soleil, (the Beatle show) I have always wanted to see the show, but we have other travel places on our list after those three, including Denver, California, and Hawaii. (hopefully in 2023)

My brother asked if I wanted to see the show with him.  Since I'm working only three days a week, on the weekend, I could easily fly out there for a few days. I know it will be fun, but I'm not much of a flier, having made a total of five round trip flights in my life and only one in the last twenty years. 

What really happens in Vegas? You can count on that I won't really find that out. However, in May, I'll let you know the few things that I experienced and what I liked and disliked. And, if I'm not in an Uber or Lyft in Orlando, my first rideshare ride will be from the Las Vegas airport.  I can promise you that will be entertaining for me, for you, and the unsuspecting driver.

January's Most Memorable Comments

Woman visiting from Washington, D.C.: "The people down here are very friendly, it's kind of creepy, but a good creepy."

"Sesame Street" and "The Electric Company" are responsible for me having a perfect mid-western accent," he said. 

Him: "The women down here are thirsty, that's not what I'm looking for."

Woman: "I met Chipper Jones (Hall of Fame Baseball player, Atlanta Braves) and I would have his babies."

Woman from New York living here three years. Me: "Have you gotten used to how friendly people are here?" Her: "Yes, and I don't like it. I prefer rude people where I can give more right back to them."

Personal Injury attorney: "I was driving over the Ravenel bridge today and my car started shaking.  As I headed off the bridge I saw my tire roll down in front of me."

Him: "When I first arrived here from the west coast, I saw a 7 foot gator on the golf course. I picked it up from its tail and it started hissing." Me: "What did you do then?" Him: "I put it down and ran."

I told the guys with young kids that your greatest accomplishment will be seeing your kids when they are in their twenties as young adults. He said, "I can already see my two year-old in pinstripes (playing for the Yankees) and paying for my private island."

Male in his early 30's: "I lost over 100 pounds. I got a stomach virus working in a school cafeteria and then a cold and then I was dehydrated and got pneumonia. I was sick for two months and have never gotten my old appetite back. I can go four days without eating."

Man in his early 50's: "I only eat one meal a day, for dinner. When my body starts feeling sluggish each month, I fast for four straight days only drinking water."

Male in his late 20's/early 30's in sales: "I speak to a lot of important people for work.  We have a stupidity problem in this country. I told my wife that I have to make enough money to support the next seven generations in our family."

He said, "They say you want to be sure you marry the right person. We thought dating ten years was the right timing. (getting married in June)

Him: "If you ask any more questions about my job, we're going to have to kill you."

Him: "I crashed my car when I had a seizure." His girlfriend, "I was there and it was terrifying." Him: "it wasn't terrifying for me, I was having a seizure."

He said that as you get older, "you have to get your bones working, if you need to put WD40 on them, do it."

Man in his early 30's: "I'm scared shitless of the ocean.  There are things in there that are bigger, faster, and stronger than I am."

She: "My uncle named me "Sexyblack" when I was a child and I still have some friends who call me that."

32 year-old male: "I don't have a lot of friends here, but my buddy from work and I get together sometimes to play cards, smoke cigars, and pretend to be old men, do you want to join us sometime?" Me: "I don't smoke cigars, but I got the old man thing down." (contact me and I will!!!)

The woman said, "I'm friends with Daniel Jones. (The Giant's quarterback) Actually, we dated for two years in middle school. He's a great guy. He liked me when I had braces."

"In school I had a boy in my class whose name was, "21."

Man married six years: "My wife finds me truly riveting." (wife not in the car)

Him: "I used to live in Georgia, it hasn't gotten any better."

"My boyfriend rooms with Dwight Clark's (retired football player) son and I've been able to try on his Super Bowl rings."

Approaching the gate to his complex which was open I said, "the gates open, just the way I like it." He said, "that's what she said."

"A friend told me they knew someone with a first name of "Shark." His last named rhymed with Shark and his parents were hippies."

"I'm a jack and bore specialist (sewer construction). I work 12-14 hours a days for 21 straight days and then I get two days off. I tell people I'm a certified laborer."

The 21 year-old girl was celebrating her birthday and I showed her the picture of my orange car that Ford has finally started building.  I laughed when she said, "good for you bro."

 Ocean Lakes Campground sells $1 million a year in Blue Bell ice cream."

Woman: "When I win the lottery I'm going to fund my cell phone invention and one day be on the cover of Forbes magazine."

Asking a Publix manager how their staffing was going, he said, "horrible, just horrible, but I'm getting a lot of overtime."

My uncle wasn't working and spent a lot of time hanging out next to a fence. He had to go to court and the judge asked, "what do you do for a living?" He said, "I'm just holding and leaning."(on the fence)

Talking about her boyfriend who is shorter than she is, "I do love that little man." (dating 5 months)

Girl: "I met Mathew Stafford(football player) and Clayton Kershaw. (baseball player) Kershaw gave me my first beer when I was 14."

18 year-old male: "I found out that life is expensive."

Male: "Cleaning the walls in the showers at work I think my arms grew three inches."

Me: "Have you gotten used to how friendly people are here?" Woman: "ugh, I was so put off by it."

The male chef said, "when you gave me your list of comments a few weeks ago, I hung it near my bed and each morning I read one to get my day off to a good start."

She is a Molecular Scientist who has been in the field for 15 years. She: "I've been working the past two years on the PCR testing(nasal swab) for COVID and travel all over training people."

The former military guy was going to the Veterans Administration to get help for his drinking. "I need to stop drinking for my wife and kids. Last night I got snookered and walked into a wall and I have to get my bad eye checked out too."

His mom, Sylvia, ordered the ride and I told him that Sylvia was my Mom's middle name. He said, "Sylvia is my mom's maiden name." Me: "her name is Sylvia, Sylvia?" Him: "No, I mean it's her first name." (My wife later told me that my Mom did not have a middle name, and my sister told me she didn't, but my Dad wanted her to and he made her middle name Sylvia)

Woman: "We heard there was 3 feet of snow in the mountains of North Carolina so we rented a cabin there. It was literally up a mountain and the roads were really bad. We were driving a Cadillac Escalade and he had the the kids and I walk up the road because it was so dangerous.  All the neighbors were watching him and they wanted to hook our car up in case he fell, but he made it."

ABOUT UBER RIDES SPECIFICALLY NOT JUST MINE

IT salesman and frequent flier: "I've had a few drivers start my ride early and then call me asking my location. I tell them I know what you're doing and I'm going to report you.  I cancel the ride and report them."

Male: "In Switzerland a lot of the Uber drivers act like they don't want you around."

She: "My Uber driver said that she can make $1,200 a week driving."

She: "I know it's going to be a fun night when I'm in an Uber."

Me: "Have you ever gotten a gift from an Uber driver?" Her: "Yes, my ex-boyfriend was an Uber driver and he gave me gifts." 

Him: "You have 6,000 rides and a 5.0 rating-I've never seen that! Me: "I'm the only one."(I really told him there are others)

My first ride of the year at 5:30 am New Year's morning I took a young couple to the airport. We arrived 15 minutes before the flight was leaving. They explained, "we had three drivers cancel on us, one was a mile away." The ride paid well, they tipped, but the next flight was five hours later.

After handing me a $100 bill, I tried to refuse it, but he said, "You're the best Uber driver I've ever had. We were just hoping someone would pick us up." (Early morning after several drivers said no)

MORE COMMENTS

"I love Mount Pleasant, I think it will be my final destination."

From Ohio: "We come here for the southern hospitality."

Male pilot: "I enjoy driving in snow because it's a challenge."

Woman: "My three sisters and one brother, we all have first names that begin with "Z."

Male: "My name means God's gift in Arabic."

Female: "My name is Eastern European and it means, "born in July" or "curly", but I'm neither."

"I hope your next rider is as interesting as I was." (they weren't)

She said, "technology is where all the possibilities lie."

She: "Working with animals is so rewarding, I wouldn't give it up for anything."

"My friends call me Cream which they got from me playing a song a lot that my brother used to play."

Picking her up around 7 am Sunday morning she said, "I'm not going to be able to make my brunch at noon at Halls.  Me: "You can't not go to Halls for a Sunday brunch, I heard it was great." Her: "You're right, I'll go."  Getting out I said, "Eat something for me."

The second person that day said, "you sound like comedian Norm Macdonald." I'm not sure how to take it, he was funny, but a Canadian with a little accent, and a few months ago he passed away at the age of 61, my age. (my wife says it's not the sound of my voice, but how I talk)

Me: "What are you up to today?" She: "I'm going to clock in?" Me: "You're going clacking?"

Resident doctor from LA.: "Everyone I know is getting the virus."

Looking at my NY caps on my dashboard he said, "you just became my favorite Uber driver."

Male: "I can't sleep 8 hours and keep my body stationary-I need to keep moving.  I usually get 3-5 hours of sleep."

Telling the rider that my wife likes to sleep with a fan on and bundle up in blankets, he said, "I could never understand why people do that, she should just cuddle up with you."

She's in customer service and she said, "the rich and snooty live in Mt. Pleasant."

Another woman from New York: "People are not as nice up there."

When I gave the man formerly in the Coast Guard a mask to wear, he said, "thanks for being Semper Paratus." (in Latin means always ready)

She said, "I don't like negative energy."

One day when I was younger someone threw sand at me and it got in my eyes, part of the reason I wear glasses.  Many years later my sister told me that she threw the sand."

Him: "I moved down here for the free babysitting." (Mom and Dad)

After telling the rider that my blog is called, "Becoming a Southerner," she asked, "are you a southerner yet." I replied, "no, I'm probably not that close to it."

Male: "The best way to describe Charleston is-hot and flat."

Him: "It takes thirty days to get rid of a parasite. It's not fun."

I told the guy who stocks the shelves in a Lowes overnight that most people never think about how all the shelves get stocked.  He said, "it's not that they don't think about it, they don't care."

The woman remembered me, "weren't you the driver who told me that I could be your GPS for the ride?" I said, "yes, but I say funnier things than that." (she laughed)

"My Mom and I have a tradition of walking the Ravenel bridge early in the morning on my birthday.  The only problem is it's early in the morning and I'm not a morning person."

When I told the Navy Cadet that I keep track of my favorite rider comments, she said, "I do too. I walk around with a notebook and right down the witty things people say."

I told her that her comment just made my list of memorable comments for the month. She said, "I'm thoroughly honored."

Me: "Do you like sales?" Her: "It depends on the day."

Me: "Do you enjoy being a franchise owner?" Him: "Most of the time."

Attorney: "I help people, not insurance companies."

She: "I'm outspoken and I know what I know and I know what I don't know.  I like my job because I can be me."

She: "When I worked in a bank one of the board members of the Steelers gave us tickets twice.  Once, I got to see a Super Bowl ring up close."

She said, looking at my set-up in my car, "I like your schtick."

"I don't miss being a crane operator."

He said, "I'm a conservative by birth."

Woman: "I can't go back to Michigan and live with my in-laws again-it's not good for my mental health."

I told her about the parents who named their child "Kmnop" which is pronounced.  She said, "her parents set her up to be bullied."

"They weren't super-jacked about winter in New Jersey."

21 year-old female bartender from South Carolina: "I spent a year in Iowa-it was too liberal for me."

"You're the best Uber driver I've ever had."

After giving them my list of Favorite Comments for 2021, she said, "what a great way to start our vacation."

After telling him about by blog and list of favorite rider comments, he said, "that's fucking genius."

She: "You're going to be famous one day. You should make up buttons and give them out to your riders."

The 37 year-old man got out of the car thanking me and said, "you're an inspiration, you don't have to here."

The 21 year-old male said to me, "do you have any life advice?"

After giving them my list of Favorite Comments for 2021, she said, "what a great way to start our vacation."

I was taking her to the liquor store.  Her Dad called and she told him she was going to the gym. I told her when she got off, that this is some gym you're going to. She said, "I really am going to the gym, it's the second stop." When I gave her my list of comments, I wrote on the back, "she really did go to the gym."

"My friend was stuck in the snow on 95.  It took 12 hours to go 11 miles."

Showing her my wife's picture, the hair stylist said, "she's beautiful, I love her hair."