My Favorite Riders in April

I MET HOMER SIMPSON! Well, not exactly.  When he tells people that he inspects nuclear power plants, people usually say he's like Homer Simpson.(The Simpson character works in a nuclear power plant) He's been doing it for 17 years and travels around the country mostly, but has gone to a few foreign countries.  He also gets the summer off, because the plants can't be inspected then.  He told me, "There are 93 nuclear power plants in our country." Although he travels a lot, he does get extra vacation time and enjoys what he's doing.

THE INSPIRATIONAL REALTOR: As impressive as she is today, she had to be pretty awesome when she was 18.  As a successful realtor today in Maryland, she has a couple degrees and 18 rental properties in Myrtle Beach and 8 more in Maryland.  Over a span of a couple years a cousin who owned a lot of properties taught her what to do when she was in her teens.  "I bought my first house when I was 18, I saved my money." It was a great way to start my day listening to this no-nonsense woman explain how she got started and how she operates her business today.

ENJOYING MY CAR: Rarely do I get a reaction as positive and enthusiastic immediately as someone steps into my car.  The woman said, "I've never seen anything like this." When I started to tell her about all the foreign currency hanging in my car, she stopped me and said she wanted to film it. She introduced me on the video and said, "He's going to explain his Rider Museum, " and then she filmed me for the next few minutes as I went around the world with her.  She said, "This is a great idea." She liked the fact that I was showing people places in the world that they may want to travel to in the future. From Maryland, she does a lot of traveling around the country planning conferences for the American Dental Education Association. She really didn't want to get out of the car and unfortunately it was a short ride.

ENDING HER ROUGH WEEK ON THE SUNNY SIDE: I had trouble finding my passenger, because she was at a junk yard which was way back from the main road.  She had just dropped off her paperwork for her car of 27 years.  The engine just died on her, and left her in a somewhat dangerous situation on the road, although she was helped by another driver and a cop who stayed with her. When she left the car she tapped the steering wheel and said to it, "You done good." It had over 100,000 miles on it, but she hadn't been driving it much for a lot of years. She told me, "My children will be happy I'm not driving anymore, but I'm not going to tell them for awhile." We both enjoy reading a lot and although she liked being an accountant, she said, "I like retirement a lot more." I had a very nice conversation with her and made her difficult moment a lot more interesting and manageable.

TALKING HOCKEY: Hockey is my fourth favorite sport, but I did get to speak with a former professional hockey player.  He played forward for The San Jose Sharks for a year and played in the minors and overseas for many years. He grew up in Canada, but he rooted for the Boston Bruins and his favorite hockey player was the great Bobby Orr. He misses the interaction with his teammates, but he doesn't miss playing the game. I'm sure he enjoyed talking about being a professional athlete and I did too.

TALENTED MUSICIAN: If I drove him the week before, our ride would have been very different.  He was having a very difficult day and the sign hanging in my car did mean a lot to him. The sign says, "If You Can't Find the Sunshine, Be The Sunshine.  His girlfriend of six years just broke up with him that day, so I had to be encouraging, but more low key than normal.  He's a good musician and lives locally.  I checked out a few of his songs which I liked and I sent him a message on his Facebook site.  Before he got out of my car, he gave me a very nice compliment, "You don't just get a person to their destination, you take care of them." He has a lot of talent and he'll be able to overcome his situation and hopefully his music will be a good outlet for him.

A POLITICAL JOURNALIST: Most of the time when I have the pleasure of having someone involved in politics in my car, it is a very short ride.  This ride was only a few minutes, but I would have loved to talk with her for a half hour.  She writes about politics for a British newspaper and she lives in Washington D.C. She worked one year for The New York Post, but I ran out of time and could not ask her about that experience.  I told her that I went to a Nikki Haley rally in Myrtle Beach and she said she covered her opening announcement in Charleston.  I told her that I thought Haley would be the first female President, but I wasn't sure it would be this coming election.  She agreed completely with me on that as she shut the door and then she was gone.

PINBALL ANYONE?

One of the fun things I did in Florida is visit a the Retro Pub & Arcade in Delray Beach.  Pinball machines, video games, skee ball, and a number of other games which added up to 200 some things you could play on an hourly basis.  Pictured below is the front of the building and it was painted with bright and loud colors on all sides.  Also pictured below (Not from the arcade) is some skee ball lanes which is like bowling without pins.  My brother and I played a few games rolling a small bowling ball into the holes at the end to score points. Our three games ended in a draw, but it was a challenge.

While my brother played video games, I found two pinball games that were very similar to the two I played in college-40 plus years ago.  One of them was being repaired, but I enjoyed playing the other one and winning some games very quickly.  It was pretty amazing to see the variety of games, some that were way outdated and others that were extremely sophisticated.  I played one of the "newer" games and it had 3-4 balls going at the same time, which was fun.  However, some of these machines were pretty dark and hard to see.  We had a good time and I took some pictures of a bunch of machines so you could see the names of the machines and what they looked like a long, long time ago.

 

I Did Not Go To The Book Fair or The Bookstore Sleep-In

My wife and I had a terrific 4-5 day vacation in Florida,  The wedding was beautiful, we ate some incredible food and the twenty hours driving round trip was easy with no delays.  However, I did miss my favorite book fair in Hunterdon County, New Jersey for the fifth time in the six years since coming to South Carolina. (Two were canceled due to COVID) 

Between 2001 and 2017, I bought books there 16 of 17 years and I bought and read 25-40 books a year.  The last year I lived there I donated back about 500 books. My oldest daughter was there this weekend  and sent me the below picture which only shows a small part of the tens of thousands of books they had.  It happens each April and I'm definitely going next year.

During the weekend I read about another "Book" event. In downtown L.A. is a the largest new and used bookstore in California and it's called, "Last Bookstore."  It's 22,000-square-foot-space has a very unique decor which is why they opened it up to have sleepovers in April.  Some of their customers, about two dozen, have paid around $200 to spend the night in the bookstore.

Inside the bookstore they have a horror vault, classics vault and a book tunnel pictured below.  Customers brought an air mattress, tent, and blankets for their big night.  Although some had a restless night of sleeping, they got in a lot of reading. I think it's a pretty interesting idea and people had a good time.

I wonder if the people who run the book fair would do that? How much would I pay to spend the night at the book fair? 

What I Learned on My Florida Vacation

At the age of 62, I am still learning things and some of them I probably should know and other things that may be meaningless or unimportant.  Returning from a family wedding in Florida, here are five things I learned along the trip:

1. WRIST CUSHION: I was explaining to my wife that I have been typing so much that my wrist was red from rubbing against the pull-out thing that holds the keyboard.(I don't know what to call it, little table?) She said that you can get something like this below, but I probably wouldn't like it.  I had never heard of it, but I'm going to give it a shot, whether it looks like this or not.

2.  THE USA TODAY: It almost seems like a different lifetime ago, but for about ten years I worked for THE USA TODAY from about 1992 until late 2001.  I started as a fanatical reader of the paper, then a driver delivering at 3 am, and ended up working a number of years as a district manager and circulation manager.  I absolutely loved reading the paper, but it has changed dramatically in the past twenty years. It used to cost fifty cents and I was shocked to find out this weekend it now cost $3 for one paper.  The newspaper is paper thin and it was disappointing to read it in less than five minutes because there is nothing there to read.  It was a great paper...twenty years ago.

Below is a picture of one of their best front pages, the day of Princess Diana's funeral.  The actual paper sells for $13.50 to $20, I still have some of them from Sept. 5th 1997.  It was an amazing front page.

3. BRAHMIN LUGGAGE: My wife had been collecting and using these luxury handbags and they are incredibly colorful and well made.  I had no idea how big they can get until my wife got a piece of Brahmin luggage. We stopped at an outlet store in West Palm Beach and pictured below is what she walked out with.  I told her it looked big enough to be the bag that Mary Poppins had when she pulled out a bunch of stuff including a large lamp.  Here is the latest member of our family. Fortunately it doesn't eat anything. (Although it looks like it may have just eaten something)

4.  PACK PODS: You can call them "Pack Cubes" or pods, but I've never heard about them until this weekend. It looks to neat to me.  Maybe not watching commercials on TV is a bad thing?

5.  TV REFRESHER COURSE: I'm sure I'm not the only one who needs this, but I really don't know how to use a television remote anymore.  The New York Rangers hockey team was playing a playoff game and they were in overtime and I was standing in front of our hotel television set. The remote was in my hand and I was helpless. The television would go on and I would change the channels and I could not get to the channel until my wife came to the rescue. (The game was over)  Maybe there are refresher courses that exist and I don't know about them? One day, when I get a television set in our house I'll sign up for that course. I would have taken a selfie of myself, but I was holding a remote and a cell phone- I'm not that coordinated.

This Week in History: The Titanic and Yankee Stadium

On Tuesday, The New York Yankees celebrated the 100th anniversary of the opening of Yankee Stadium.  Below are two pictures that were provided by the Library of Congress, but they did not provide it to me.  The stadium is known as "The House That Ruth Built," and below is Babe Ruth shaking hands with President Warren G. Harding, the 29th President of the United States.  Babe Ruth is known as the greatest baseball player of all time and he had a better career than President Harding, so it would be more accurate to say President Harding was shaking Babe Ruth's hand.  The second picture was taken about two weeks before the stadium opened.  The third picture is the current Yankee Stadium.

The Yankees on opening day one hundred years ago, beat the Boston Red Sox 4-1 with Babe Ruth hitting the first home run in the new stadium.  The first hit in the stadium was by Boston's first baseman, George Burns. (Not George Burns the comedian)  John Phillip Sousa provided the music to open the game and the first ball was thrown out by New York Governor, Al Smith. The game started at 3:30 in the afternoon. The stadium was built in only 284 days and although there were seats for 58,000 fans, the opening day attendance was listed as 74,200.  There were a lot of people standing. The game was completed in two hours and five minutes.  

My dad took me to many games at Yankee Stadium growing up and I have a lot of wonderful memories with him and watching games at Yankee Stadium.  Happy birthday, Yankee Stadium.

Saturday, April 15th, marked the 111th anniversary of the tragic maiden voyage of The Titanic pictured below.  I read a few interesting things about it this week and I thought I'd share them:

1. It was built in Ireland at a cost of $7.5 million.

2. A life size replica of it is being built in China since 2014 and people someday will be able to get on board The Titanic, although it will not be sailing anywhere.

3. The Titanic, in addition to the 1,500 lost lives, had 12 dogs on board and only 3 of them survived the trip.  Since it was being used to deliver mail also, it is estimated that between 6-9 million pieces of mail were lost. (Yes, million)

4. All 26 of the Titanic's engineers stayed at their post until the very end which saved some lives, but none of the engineers survived.

5. The Titanic was finally found in 1985, 73 years after it was sunk. It was found 12,400 feet below the ocean.

Finally, five days after the Titanic sunk, Boston opened up a new baseball stadium, Fenway Park. After three consecutive rainouts, baseball took the tragedy of the Titanic off everyone's minds for a few hours. I'd tell you more about Fenway Park, but it's not Yankee Stadium.

Can You Teach a New Dog New Tricks?

Of course you can, but I'm not sure we know how to do it.  Our dog, Odin, is just over two years old and we got him a couple new things this week.  The first thing was two steps so he can jump up onto our bed at night.  The bed is up higher than normal and it will be a lot easier for us when he can just run up the steps.  He can can also use it to walk onto the couch, which he still isn't jumping onto.  Below is the picture of the steps in our living room.

As you can see, Mr. Snoopy has climbed up on top and it looks like he is going to jump off and do some flying before he hits the ground.  Odin, so far, has not gone near the steps and has no clue what it is for.  However, this is just a little thing compared to what's below:

Some of you may recognize "Mr. Bill" from "Saturday Night Live" fame. Mr. Bill was a clay figure that was sent in as a home movie for the show in 1974.  He was featured in a number of dangerous or painful situations and the squeaky voice we heard at home was, "Oh No, Mr. Bill." (At least that's what I remember)

This is the 2023 version as he stands on the inside of our new doggie door. Odin is just as surprised as Mr. Bill is.  Odin has gone in and out of the door, but he hasn't picked up on that he should be opening the door and not us. I'd take a picture of me opening the door for him, but it's not a pretty site bending that far over so he can walk through.

One day, Odin will be able to go in and out of the porch all by himself and we can't wait to see him do this new trick. Maybe that day day will be today? 

How Do You Eat Stew?

One day after I posted a blog on "How Do You Eat Soup?", I found myself sitting at the dinner table eating beef stew.  I was finishing up the delicious meal when it occurred to me that stew and soup are not only both four letter words, but you eat it the same way.(I think)  

I asked my wife of almost 40 years, "Do I eat stew loudly?' She said I did, but after so many years she doesn't hear it anymore.  I couldn't believe it, stew too! So, I tried several different ways and apparently it is the slight sound of a slurp that is noisy.

I have been getting up early in the morning when everyone is sleeping for years and I am always very quiet so I don't wake anyone up at 3 am, 4 am, 5 am, 6 am, etc.  I am convinced that if I ate soup just outside the bedroom door no one would hear me, yet, at the dinner table it's noisy?

When I asked Mr. Google can you eat stew quietly? The answer was, "What does stew quietly mean? Be in a huff, be silent or sullen."  That's not what I'm talking about!  Here are some instructions in case you need help on how to eat stew:

"Step 1: Take bowl of stew and keep it on a plate. Put the spoon on the plate. (I like to keep the spoon in my hand.)

"Step 2: Stir the stew to cool it gently. Don't ever blow on spoon to cool stew or blow trhe stew in the bowl. (I don't cool it off-I LIKE IT HOT-it is stew!)

"Step 3: Put spoon in the bowl and fill it. Move the spoon away so that the stew doesn't slosh on your lap.  Touch the spoon gently on bowl's rim to discard dripping before taking it to the mouth. (Takes too much time-shovel it in.)

"Step 4: Sip the stew quietly from side of the spoon." (How quiet?)

"Step 5: Tilt the bowl and scoop the remaining stew away from you when little is left. (I'm going to get it all.)

"Step 6: Place the spoon on the plate when done. Never let the spoon touch the table cloth after use." (We have a table cloth?)

 I can't wait to practice while I finish the stew tomorrow.

How Do You Eat Soup?

This should be the last of my New Jersey vacation posts. The most shocking thing I learned on my trip is this-I make too much noise eating soup. I perfectly understand if I'm eating chips and dip, the crunching sound and licking my lips sound, is annoying. There is no question when I am devouring a chicken carcass I make too much noise, but usually it's my stomach growling it's approval. But, eating soup?

What is the correct way to eat soup? I looked this up, because it had to be more complicated than I thought. Mr. Google said,  "Don't place the entire spoon in your mouth  Only fill your spoon 3/4 of the way to avoid spilling." I do put my whole spoon in my mouth, I don't want to lose any and I fill it up all the way. If I have less soup to sip, wouldn't that be more annoying for a longer period of time?"

Secondly, "Soup should be scooped from the side of the bowl furthest from you and sipped(never slurped) from the side of the spoon that faces you."  This is the second problem I have. I take the spoon and submerge it in the middle of the bowl. (I do not count down from 10 to 1, only five to 1.) The sound of the spoon plunging into the soup must be making a loud noise-I will stop this immediately.

Third, "Bring the spoon up to your mouth instead of leaning over the bowl while eating." I always lean, I must be moving the chair at the same time! I thought it works better when you're over the bowl so if you drip it goes back into the bowl and you lose nothing.

Fourth: "To eat the last bit of soup from the bottom of the bowl, tilt the bowl away from you slightly to scoop it up with your spoon." I tilt it towards me! I thought you have a better chance of getting every last drop when it's closer to you. Maybe my spoon is hitting the bottom repeatedly and making loud noises as I am struggling?

Below is a picture of me practicing eating soup.  I didn't make the soup for this picture, because the can opener makes too much noise.

House Hunting

There's a good chance that over the last few years you have either looked to buy a house or you know someone has been house hunting. About a year or so ago, my wife was spending a lot of time on the computer looking for houses for two of our kids that were in two different states.  I had to remind her that she was not in real estate, but she was enjoying herself.

Since house hunting can be very difficult and frustrating, I thought I would go over some of the houses we saw up in New Jersey a few weeks ago and give you a few tips.

If you're just starting out and you want something small, you may consider a house like this one below.  It may look small, but the bathrooms are big and there's a big yard and you can see the road right in front of the house. And, there's plenty of shade from the big tree!

Have you always wanted the brightest house in the neighborhood? This fire engine red house will make it easy to give directions-"We're the bright red house!" It's bigger than it looks.

Maybe you have always wanted to be up on a hill and look down on your neighbors.  There is no traffic around this house and no neighbors to bother you. This one is going to go quickly. People love the blue shutters.

If you're the California type, this one is close to the waterfalls and it has that airy feel to it.  You may need to dress warmly at night, but you'll enjoy the cool, brisk air going right through this modern house.

You may be the kind of person who loves "The fixer upper." This is perfect, it needs work and there's already a New York Met baseball player who is available to work.  I'm not sure who he is, but this house you can get at a great price.

If you want to check out all these houses you can find them on The Columbia Trail, which begins in High Bridge, New Jersey.  It covers a span of 15 miles and has a beautiful forest and one trail that will give you plenty of exercise.  It was put together from a former railroad and it has been a recreational trail for all these houses since 2004. People are bidding on these houses as we speak, so good luck.

MY FAVORITE RIDER COMMENTS IN MARCH

"My wife had to kiss a lot of toads before she found her prince, I married the first person I kissed, I didn't think it was going to happen again."

She: "I once had to borrow my stepfather's hearse to go to work.  I stopped at a McDonalds and ordered two cheeseburgers at the drive thru.  The cashier asked, 'Is there anyone in the back?" I said, 'That's why I ordered two cheeseburgers.'"

The very busy executive now retired, he said, "I didn't watch TV for thirty years. I didn't even know what ABC and NBC were."

He: "My dad had hands like a dinner plate and fingers like sausages and he taught me about the laws of physics."

The Research Farmer who lives in Charleston said, "I own farms in South Carolina and Oregon. I've driven 2,8000 miles to Oregon seven times by myself."

The woman from Minnesota said, "I'm a lawyer and a Danish Knight. I'm an Honorary Counsel to Denmark and I'm going to be officially knighted in a ceremony soon."

Guy in his mid to late 20's: "I'm a compulsive liar: "When we go to Halls (Steak house in Charleston), we always celebrate an occasion to get a free bottle of champagne. The last time we were there, we celebrated my fifth promotion. (The same one)

Male: "My mom named me "One" because I was her first son. My middle name is Alexander, so I am 
'One Alexander.' If I have a son one day I want to call him, 'King Alexander.'"

My dad never told me about the four rings or marriage: the telephone ring, the engagement ring, the wedding ring, and the suffering." (Married 42 years)

The young woman said, "I keep having a recurring dream that I am eaten by a prehistoric animal."

At 62 he was married when he was 20 and he has two children around forty years old. "On our honeymoon, my wife's antibiotics messed up our family planning."

"My friend named his son, 'Sir James.' When he was in school and a teacher called him James, he would tell them his name was 'Sir', not 'James.'"

The young, female Zamboni driver, who had a couple drinks, jokingly said to me, "Don't F_ _ _ with me, I'm from Buffalo, New York."

She: "I was going to be a realtor or a brain surgeon." Her sister, "Our mom told her she was going to be a brain surgeon from the day she was born."

She knows a woman who is 106 and the woman said to her, "I didn't get to be 106 by accident. It was from eating well and being active."

I said to the young guy, "All the money you see came from my riders." He said, "You mean motorcycle riders?"

The two sisters said that they were the funnier one. I asked the older sister to tell me something funny and she said, "Can you see my sister's face in the rear-view mirror?" They both broke up laughing, but there was nothing funny about her sister's face-she could have been a model.

I told a nurse and her friend the story about how the Trauma nurse released the stress from her job. She would finish her shift and go into the parking garage and in her car take off her badge and her bra. Her friend said, "That's what I do when I get home from work." I laughed and said, "Thanks for sharing that," and she replied, "If you wore a jockstrap all day, you would take it off immediately too."

The woman staying here in the South temporarily after a big break-up, said, "I'm not a techie. I need to get a husband to do these kinds of things for me." I told her that my wife is my techie and I pointed to her picture on our business card and said, she does a lot of those things for me and we've been married almost forty years." She said very enthusiastically, "I could be a sister-wife!"

The woman from Texas said, "I have a sign in my bedroom that says, 'Even when it's cloudy I still believe in the sun.'"

Commenting on her size, the woman said, "I'm naturally insulated."

She: "If I could eat sushi all day, I would."

Describing how she looked, she usually explains, "I'm naturally insulated."

She: "As a bartender I've been able to network and I have gotten a doctor, lawyer, plumber, and mechanic."

Me: "I know not to ask a woman how old she is, how old were you last year?" She: "25, no, I'm 28 now."

I think he was joking about Kentucky when he said, "I thought it was odd to have grandparents who were first cousins, until it me that in Kentucky your choices are cows, corn, coal, and cousins."

Woman from Maryland: At the very beginning of the pandemic I was in a Dicks Sporting Goods store with my son and I got a call from the Department of Health.  My son's French teacher was exposed to the virus and they wanted to know where he was. I told them he was with me and they told me to get out of the store immediately."

She: "South Dakota is like heaven on earth, it's the most beautiful place in the country."

Me. "You majored in Finance and Psychology, how did you get to that combination?" Him: "I like money and I like people, people are weird."

She said, "I was really surprised when I got in a Uber and the single mom had her infant child in the back in her car seat sleeping. She said she couldn't get someone to watch her."

She: "Mom's always believe in you."

Two minutes into my first ride of the day early in the morning with three young guys, one guy on the phone with a friend, said the words, "Orgy" and "Gang bang" in the same sentence.  Another  guy said to me immediately, "How's your first ride going?" I said, "It's pretty exciting."

In the Philippines we have only two seasons, wet and dry."

Young woman missing living in New York, "I miss pizza the most and the chinese food."

The woman, who moved from London to Summerville, South Carolina, said, "I learned it's okay to take your time.

The young woman from Boston in Charleston for a baccalaureate party was surprised when another young woman in a restaurant actually yelled at them, "You have to be nice here, because you're in the South."

The retired Italian chef and food executive said, "I've lost 65 pounds in the four years I've been in South Carolina.  I don't like any of the food.  I used to be a big boy."

The woman from London said now that she's living in the South, "I miss the simple daily things I did in London and the food."

The retired guy from New York said, "Every woman deserves a gift."

From the north and living in the South, he said, "If someone doesn't like it here, they should go back to where they were."

I explained to the young guy that I accept all rides and he said, "It takes a special kind of person to take a chivalrous way of going about the business of picking people up."

She: "I can tell that you really enjoy what you do."

He: "You're the most entertaining driver I've ever had."

She: "You were delightful."

She: "This was the most wonderful Uber ride."

She: "Thanks for the museum"

The future doctor, she said: "You were amazing."

He: "This is the coolest Uber I've ever been in."

She: "I'm a fan of yours, you have the best attitude."

MY FAVORITE RIDERS IN MARCH

                                                

ONE

How unique is the name, "One?" I asked the young man how he got his name and he told me that, "My mom named me "One" because I was her first son." I asked him, "How many sons does she have?" He told me he was the only one and I said, "You're lucky you're named, "One," you could have been, "Only." His middle name is Alexander, so he is "One Alexander." I said, "Alexander the Great would have loved your name." He told me, "If I have a son, I'll call him, 'King Alexander.' "  He said that a friend of his named his son, "Sir James." When the kid was in school and the teacher called him James, he would politely say, "My name is Sir."  He was a fun guy to talk with.

HONORING HER SON

My rider didn't get a chance to tell me the story of her son, she explained she worked for the Jimmy Miller Foundation in California.  They have helped people with physical and mental illnesses for the past 18 years. Having read through their website it is truly a remarkable foundation that works with the ocean to help a wide variety of people young, old, and veterans. I found out that my rider had worked with Elton John on his Aids Foundation which led her to being the co-founder of this foundation. Her son was a surfer and had a surfing business.  He had suffered a bad shoulder injury and at the same time was going through a marriage break-up. Suddenly, an undiagnosed mental illness appeared and he tragically took his own life at the age of 35.  On the website is this message for this important organization, "We could not save Jimmy, but by sharing his life and his passion for surfing with the world, we've been able to save countless lives through ocean therapy. This is the legacy of Jimmy Miller and the foundation in his name." 

WHO KNEW THAT PHYSICS WAS FUNNY?

It was another great ride from the airport. My rider said he was in physics and he spent twenty years fixing nuclear cameras. What he does now is different, but since I didn't do well in Physics class forty years ago, I don't really know. I only have a few words to explain it: atomic particles and radioactive isotopes.  I don't know his job title, but I'm going to say he is a Comedic Physicist. (He may be the only one and I'm sure he'll love his new title.)

It was clear immediately that he was not just some intelligent scientist with no personality. His performance in my car should have been filmed.  He did tell me he's never performed in front of people, but explained, "When I drive in an Uber, I figure if I make them laugh, they won't hit me." His education was different, because his dad wanted two kids and he had five. "There was no money for me for college, so I borrowed $5,000 from a bank" and he had his uncle co-sign for it. He went to an electronics school for two years and said, "You can get a good education without going to college." Whatever his job is, he does make a six figure salary.

At the age of 62, he has two adult children around 40 years old. He said, "My wife kissed a lot of toads before she found her prince. I married the first girl I kissed-I didn't think it would happen again. On our honeymoon, my wife's antibiotics messed up our family planning." And to top it off-he's been married 42 years.

Here's a few more of his greatest bits: "My dad taught me all about physics in how he disciplined. His hands were as big as dinner plates and his fingers were like sausages." "I thought it was odd that my grandparents in Kentucky were first cousins also, until I realized that in Kentucky the only options you have are cows, corn, coal and cousins."  "My dad never told me about the four rings of marriage, the telephone ring, the engagement ring, the wedding ring, and the suffering."

I didn't want to end the ride and I'm sure he enjoyed me laughing at everything.  He said, "The ride is on a company account, so if you want to take a few left turns you can." I think he could talk about anything and make it funny, even physics.   

 

A REAL KNIGHT?

When the woman told me that she was from Minnesota, I quickly explained that it is one of my favorite states, because I've been able to driver so many incredible people from there. Her response was, "That's a lot of pressure you're putting on me." I laughed, but the laugh was on me, because now I have another terrific story from Minnesota. Unfortunately, it was a pretty short ride.  She was meeting her two sisters in Charleston and of of them was bringing a fake sword.  Yes, I did write, "Fake sword." 

I told the woman a few of my Minnesota stories and asked her what she did for work.  "I do a lot of things, I'm an attorney and a Danish Knight." As an attorney, she sues insurance companies and I'm sure she's very good at it, but she's a knight? She has been an honorary counsel for the country of  Denmark since 2014. In January, it was announced that she will be officially knighted at a ceremony in the near future. She is the first knight I have ever driven, which I think is as improbable as having a woman in my car with a Super Bowl ring. (And that happened too!) She really is a knight and one of her sister's for fun is going to knight her with her fake sword. She was delightful to talk with, I just wish I had asked her to send me a picture of her sister "knighting" her. 

SOUTH DAKOTA'S LOSS

The young woman made my day. I told her that I'm old enough to know better than to ask how old a woman is, so I asked, "How old were you last year?" She laughed, but was  confused. She said, "25, no, I'm 28." The ride went that way as she told me when she entered college in South Carolina she decided she needed to change her life.  She moved out to South Dakota to start her life over and one day got up and said, "I'm not drinking anymore." She told me that South Dakota, "Is the most beautiful place in the country and it's heaven on earth." Her family is in South Carolina, so after a few years, she came back to South Carolina and got a great job and she's doing wonderful. Her stepdad has a hearse and appears on the television show, "Street Outlaws." She said, "One day I had to borrow the hearse to go to work. I pulled into the drive-thru and ordered two cheeseburgers.  The cashier asked me, 'Is there anyone back there?' I said, 'That's why I ordered two cheeseburgers."  I know she's going to read this, so, "I'm wishing you a magnificent 2023 and keep on the same track you're on."

"I NEED A HUSBAND"

From the moment she got in my car, the woman from the Carribean was fun to be around.  It was a short ride, but she told me she was in town taking a break and getting a change of scenery. She just had a big break-up and she came back to where she went to college.

While she was changing her destination on her phone, she said, "I'm not a techie. I need a husband to do these kinds of things for me." I started laughing and told her that my wife was "The techie" in the family and she does a lot of those those things that I'm not very good at. When I pointed to the picture of my wife on our business card, the woman enthusiastically said, "I can be a sister-wife!" I told her I would tell my wife and of course she laughed when I did.

A short time later I was able to take the woman on another short ride and I gave her some career advice. I told her that she should go into sales or customer service because people instantly will like her.  She obviously liked people too. I hope she stays in town so I can driver her again and see what her progress is on getting a job and a husband.

Happy April Fools Day

I am active on two Uber/Lyft Facebook sites and drivers have very different opinions about things.  Below are seven comments made about me over the last couple years by drivers and then one negative comment about Uber/Lyft and one positive one.  I'll make some comments on each one:

1.  “Here’s another long-winded story to skip over. At least he’s not telling 850 people when and where to work this time.”  (Some people don't like when I post things, but I've never told anyone when and where to work, that is up to them)

2.  “Please stop the madness. This site is to inform people.  Go write a book so people can read it!”    (It's a very funny comment. Of course I am writing a book, but he's not really into reading)

3.   “You are an Uber worker bee.”  (Another funny comment from the same guy. Some people are not really into working either, but that's okay)

4.   Him: “You are my favorite human being on the planet.”  Me: “I’m pretty sure I am not in the top ten.”  Him: “You are one of my top ten people on the planet.”  (He got a little carried away with something I wrote and very quickly I went from number one to being in the top ten)

 5.  “Jeff Hoenig your ego is way too big. I don’t think your war and peace articles are comedic relief!!!”  (Same funny guy, this is probably the best one.  He thinks I post things for me on Facebook when they are really for everyone else.  The "war and peace" comment, I have no clue, but it's very funny)

6.  “Your comments make me seriously doubt you work ride-to-ride for pay. Someone pays you to shout down nay-sayers.  Do us all a favor and take a break from Facebook.  Get away from your desk and take some rides on the app.”  (This is a bright guy who thinks I just spend my time on Facebook, which is funny.  I give more rides than he does, but it doesn't matter) 

7. She: “Thank goodness for Jeff, the very example of optimism. Sometimes, I roll my eyes and others, I get it. You clearly are just an alright dude living a good life. I only wish to have some of this positivity as I continue to experience life, Cheers.  Also, you’re kind of weird, But, alas cheers.”  (Very nice comment in her own way she covers a number of topics. I can't help but laugh at the last line)

Two Uber and Lyft comments:

“Uber hates us. I cursed them out yesterday, but they don’t care. They’re stealing so much money from me it’s ridiculous. Uber is shit.  So is Lyft. One day I’ll create my own damn app and only keep enough to keep it going but my drivers will be VERY WELL PAID. And I’ll enforce tips because we work our asses off out here for a little bit of nothing.”    (This comments shows how angry and frustrated a driver can get, basically she's out of her mind.  Drivers have very different experiences, but it's not uncommon for drivers to be angry and frustrated and sometimes for good reasons)

“I love being my own boss, making more money than I ever did before, and having zero stress from not having to answer to anyone or have a schedule or time clock. I get to take vacation when I want and I am truly happy.”     (A full-time driver who is thrilled with what she does and she makes a lot of money. Only about 20% of drivers are full-time, but some of them do very, very well)