The Simple Steps On How To Kill A Fly

The flies may be bigger in the South, but you can still kill them the same way.  I've been killing flies for a long time, but this is the first time I've put these simple steps into writing. (If you're in California and are offended with the death penalty for flies, you may just want to lure the fly to an open window or door)

Step #1: Get the fly into a small room preferably the size of a bathroom. (a closet would be perfect but it may be too dark to see)

Step #2: Take your shirt off to convince yourself and the fly that you are serious. (women may pass on this step)

Step #3: Choose your weapon.  When I was younger I would always go for the fly swatter. The advantages are that it's made for killing flies and also it is very quiet when you take a swing at the fly.  I like grabbing something larger like a rolled up newspaper or magazine.  It's bigger so you feel more powerful and it gives you a bigger area to hit the fly.

Step #4: Identify what kind of fly it is-energetic or lazy. The energetic fly will go at crazy speeds right in front of you and go back and forth.  The lazy fly is either hungry or has given up after seeing your shirt come off.  It flies a little bit, but spends more time hiding from you.

Step #5: Watch your prey.  Where does it like to go? Does it have a favorite spot? That is the spot that you can kill it.

Step #6: Do not give the fly a way out.  Don't keep going in and out of a door, keep in contained in the room.

Step #7: If it's flying quickly in the middle of the room, take some wild swings.  It'll be fun and you'll get a lot of practice in.

Step #8: Most flies are killed when they are just sitting there, so wait for the right moment.  Keep your weapon at your side and bring it slowly to wear you can take a strategic strike.

Step #9: The end: Success is sweet and when it is hit and dead, it's time to take a picture and sing, "Ding Dong The Fly is Dead."

Step #10: Deposit the dead fly it in the toilet and flush.  Don't give it a chance to come back to life. 

Step #11: Put your shirt on, your mission is complete.

The large fly got into our house yesterday.  This afternoon I got the fly into my office and watched it bouncing all over the place.  I knew it was in it's last hours.  I saw it a couple times near my blinds, so I waited until it was behind the blinds and hit the blinds several times.  The blinds survived, but  the fly was dead-mission accomplished.