December Rider Comments

(married yesterday-Age 27) Him: "I knew I was going to marry her when I was 13. I tried to date her younger sister so I could see her."  Her: "For our second date he drove six hours one way to take me to dinner."

Female: "I think we(Jewish people) are genetically coded that we enjoy humor on an entirely different level."

As he got in the car the real estate lawyer said to me. "You can take the mask off, it doesn't matter to me I had it in June."

Male: "My Dad taught me how to fly when I was 9 years old and I was sitting on a telephone book in the cockpit. I got my pilot's license when I was 15, before my driver's license."

Female: "I first saw his picture in a company newsletter and I told my parents and friends I was going to marry him. When we were dating for two months I said to him, "I don't know what you're doing the rest of your life, but I'm going to marry you." He said, "I'm going to marry you."

(Woman in her 20's) "All girls are crazy, but you just need to find YOUR OWN crazy."

Architect: "The Ravenel Bridge in Charleston was made to look like two sailboats from the distance. There are 128  cables on it."

When I asked the two couples what they thought the two structures on the Ravenel bridge looked like, the woman who had not been drinking said, "boobs."(really sailboats)

Server: "I don't know how people dress in the morning.  The other day a man sat down on our bench in front of the restaurant and he was "butt naked." He may have come from the beach.  He wanted water, but we got him a cop.  Some of the girls took pictures."

"I was recently traveling in Mexico as a special guest and I wore a mask, I didn't want to pee in someone's cornflakes."

"You can't shovel sunshine. My friends up north don't like me saying that."

Male: "I work a 24 hour shift as a fireman, go home and work out for an hour, and then go to my part-time job. I sleep about 5 hours when I get home."

Running late coming out to my car, he said, "you know what it's like, women always want one extra kiss."

Me: "I'm supposed to pick up 'Outlaw', is that your real name? Her: "No it's my e-mail address."

Female: "I had been in South Carolina only a couple months and could not go home for Thanksgiving.  I was at a bar and started talking with a couple on Thanksgiving and they invited me back to their house for their Thanksgiving Dinner and I had a great time."

"I had a choice of going to UCLA or Coastal Carolina and I chose Coastal Carolina because a friend was going here. I think I made the wrong choice, because we're no longer friends."

Female(early 20's) about her friend sitting next to her: "There was a guy going to get a ride in a Uber and he said to her, 'come into my Uber with me.' I said, what are you thinking, she's my 21 year-old daughter." His reply was, "she can think for herself."

"All the nice people in the south are from New Jersey."

Me: "What was the best thing about growing up in California?" Woman: " The first time I got high was with her and her sister." The other woman said, " My Mom, my Dad, and my grandmother all grew weed on their own."

Male barber to me: "You earned your hair loss by living a long time."

We had a sorority event in Charlottesville bar and we got into an Uber that had flowers and butterflies taped to the ceiling of the car.  The driver said, 'did you know that bar is the most popular gay bar in town-I get all my boyfriends there."

"My favorite quote is, 'A closed mouth does not get fed'. It means that you have to go out and get what you want."

"Our Great Dane is only four months old, but when he pees, it like a lake."

Female: "I started eating uncooked pasta as a kid and I still eat it now, sometimes I just snack on it."

Male: "I've eaten uncooked noodles, but they'll kill you when they come out."

Male: "I lost my job in March and I was pretty down for a few months, but I was hired by Google and it's a better paying job in Austin, Texas."

She: "Do you have any favorite rider stories?" Me: "We don't have that much time."

Female agreeing with me: "I would eat barbecue now."(7 am)

Me: "What's the best part of living on a boat for six years?" Him: "The front yard view of the water, but I do miss trimming my shrubs."

(15 year old male) "You don't look 60, I thought you were 40."  Saying goodbye he said, "enjoy being 40."

Me: "How did you handle the 70-30% ratio of girls to guys at the College of Charleston?" Guy: "I'd like to think I handled it with grace and aplomb."

Her name, "Sabra" has two meanings- 'a native of Israel' and 'red cactus plant.'

Male: "I know a Vietnamese family that eats uncooked ramen like a candy bar."

Female Urologist: "I learned how to fly when I was a kid and got my pilot's license before my driver's license.  It was expected since both my parents were pilots."

"My family is all creative, we're a very right-brained family."

Male: "I was a New England Patriot fan until they started kneeling during the National Anthem.  I haven't watched a game this year."

Me: "What's the best thing about being on the road all the time driving a tractor trailer?" Him: "Nothing, there's no upside.  The only motivation is the money."

(Older woman asking me) "Do you put in the tip?" Me: "Yes, it's usually $55." (I wish I had said that)

"Earlier in the year we flew in a private plane and it was so easy so I bought a plane and finally got my pilot's license."

"Our third child is out golden child, he just has this twinkle in his eyes like his Dad."

Recovering alcoholic: "If you have enough pain, you can overcome anything. A bottle is not worth prison."

Male: "Our two and four year old's are handfuls, but they are so freaking cute."

Helicopter pilot: "When you see an orange sky in the morning it means that a storm is coming."

"Our truck repair business is up 35% this year and we don't know why."

"Our first date was at a Mexican Restaurant and we spent six hours there talking. The staff wasn't too happy with us."

Female about their boyfriends, "They met us at a stripper joint." (not)

"We're going to Isle of Palms to get our car. Uh oh, I think the keys are locked in the car."

"All you need at work is a little caring."

Getting in my car she said, "Where are we going? Just kidding, I know where I live."

Hospital Pharmacist: "I have two good friends who are nurses and they only wear a mask when they have too. I don't understand it."

(Grew up in Anchorage, Alaska) "Alaska is beautiful and a great place to visit, but not to live."

(Just retired) "I don't miss the daily stress, but I do miss the people."

Female: "When I wear the right clothes, I look good."

Female bartender: "We once had a guy go crazy, just running around the bar.  It must have been drugs because he had only two drinks. We had to call the cops."

"Our kids are grown, they don't want anything to do with us."

"I've had two doctors tell me that masks were not effective."

"No one wants to be told what to F'N do."

"The best thing about doing nails is seeing the before and after."

"The best thing about living in South Dakota is you can go 80 mph on the highway and everyone knows you."

Favorite December Rider Stories

THE LUCKY RIDE: After sitting(napping) in a parking lot for an hour in Myrtle Beach I decided to leave and immediately got a short ride from the private airport.  Two doctors, also pilots, had flown in and were getting some lunch at a pizzeria.  The ride was .6 miles long until they told me their story. They had left North Myrtle in their plane in bad weather to fly to Wilmington, N.C. which is only 60 miles north.  They could not land due to the weather so they came back here and were going to Uber home after lunch. I was happy to drive them. They are the ultimate "power couple," and were interesting to speak with. The wife was a Urologist and learned to fly when she was a kid since her parents were both pilots. She said, "it was expected of me." She was extremely knowledgeable about flying and made some professional calls on the way home while also checking with the babysitter for their two young children. The husband, a Pain Management doctor, said "the kids are a handful, but they are so freaking cute." He also converted to Judiasm and being a Red Sox fan he got a kick out of my story about the guy who converted to Judiasm so he could raise his kids as Red Sox fans. It was a great ride in bad weather.

THE HELICOPTER PILOT:  I had the privilege of driving a 20-year helicopter pilot for the Navy.  He said, "I've spent most of my life helping fight other people's wars." He told me about fighting off pirates near Africa, the Gulf War, and also tours in Iraq. His career began when he was accepted by MIT after being turned down by Clemson, which he still laughs about since MIT is a much more prestigious school. He did get an engineering degree and is currently working as an engineer for a hotel here. We happened to see an orange sky just after sunrise and he told me that, "it means that a storm is coming."  He's very proud of his two daughters, one was speaks five languages fluently since she grew up in the Philippines. Both daughters will be following him into the Navy in different capacities. I thanked him for his service and suggested he probably doesn't get thanked much anymore, but he said he does in the South.

THE SERVER: I thought it was going to be a routine ride, picking up a server at a restaurant and taking her home.  She thought she was going to work, but she wasn't on the schedule.  It was a pretty good ride, but she seemed distracted and not that interested in talking, until she was able to reach her boyfriend..  For some reason she put the call on speaker and it was difficult not to listen, especially since she was crying.  It sounded like she cheated on him after drinking too much and he didn't come home the night before. She was begging him to come home so she could talk to him and he was saying he needed time to "reflect". The conversation ended with him saying he would be home when he was ready.

I had had a challenging morning and I knew I had to say something to her.  I completed the ride and shut my app off so I didn't get any calls. We talked about ten minutes and she said she did feel a little better and thanked me for being such a "good guy." I told her that she needed to give him time and he was obviously upset about whatever happened.  I said that I wouldn't expect him to be home for awhile, but when he did return she should let him talk and have his say. It was important for her to prepare herself mentally and to do some things the next few hours so she would be able to discuss what happened.  She hadn't eaten anything, so that was easy.  I told her to put on some music she liked, get some fresh air, take a bath, whatever things she can do to cheer herself up.  I also told her that after being married for 37 years it's important to understand that the other person in your relationship is not you. They don't necessarily think the way you do, due to their previous experiences and they handle thing differently and don't always agree with you and that's okay.

I think some of my message got through and I hope she was able to handle things later on in the day when his boyfriend returned.  She gave me a very generous $20 tip on a $25-$30 ride, hut I felt better the rest of the day after giving some reassuring words to her.

THE NEWLEYWEDS: They got married yesterday and instead of having 250 people at their reception they had a very small group celebrate with them.  How they got to be married is a pretty unusual story. He told me, "I knew I was going to marry her when I was 13."(he's 27 now) She is four years older and she was on his sister's baseball team.  He was pretty shy, but at one point tried to date her younger sister so he could be around his future wife. She travels a lot and  finally agreed to have dinner with him.  He said, "our first  four dates I had to travel out of state to see her." She was in LA for their second date and he said he'd be there and then drove six hours one way to make it.  He was persistent and after 14 years he did get the girl.

ANOTHER UNUSUAL WEDDING STORY: She was 21 years old from Eastern Kentucky with very little dating experience when she first saw him. Actually, she saw his picture in the company newsletter.  They were going to work together on a project, but they had never met.  She told her parents and college friends that she was going to marry him-before they met.  When they were dating two months she said to him, "I don't know what you're doing the rest of your life, but I'm going to marry you." His reply, "I'm going to marry you." Ten years later they have three children.  The youngest one is three months old and she calls him their "golden child," because of the sparkle in his eyes.(like his Dad) It sounds like she has a wonderful life and it all started with a picture in a newsletter.

THE YOUNG DYNAMO: I met another young person with a strong work ethic and a great attitude.  She is from the mid-west and she lives in the Charleston area.  Her Mom is a nurse who works in the homes of many older people.  My rider decided to be a "Nurse's Assistant", separate from her Mom's business.  She had taken care of her grandmother as she went through Alzheimer's disease.  Since most aide's for the elderly work in the morning and evening, she decided to focus on the middle part of the day and help people do things they have trouble doing. She usually spends 5-6 hours with them and tries to get them active and outside when possible.  I thought she had just graduated college, but she's only 19 and is putting off college for a little while.  I'm not sure she's going to make it there-she charges $50 an hour and is very busy and apparently somehow has a house. I think she has quite a future.

A Few Courier Tales

 As a courier during the week there are some amusing moments, but they are usually quick unlike some of my Uber stories.  Here are a few I've had this month.

'THE SNOWMAN" -It's my newest nickname from one of my customers.  The woman who had one of my favorite comments when I told her how much I wanted just five minutes of flurries.  She looked up and said, "Dear Lord, please give this man what he wants, but only over his house." Every time I go to deliver to her, we talk snow.  I walked in recently and said, "did you hear what Atlanta had this morning, snow?" She said immediately, "are you taking a flight?" Another day, I talked to her about the snowstorm up north in New Jersey. I said, "when do you get off work? We can grab a few things and I'll take you on a long car ride. I'll show you how much fun it is to drive in snow." Her eyes got big and she was shaking her head no, "I'll leave that for you to do." One of these days we'll get some flurries, can't wait to see her that day.

"HOW ARE YOU?" Those three words are not what they really mean today.  Most people use it as a greeting, like, "good morning" or, "hi." If someone asks you that in passing you could say, "I hardly slept at all, my car hit a deer and I forgot my lunch and my wallet at home." They'll just smile and keep walking and never hear what you said.  The best answer to, "how are you?", I read about years ago when someone replied, "fantastic, but I'm improving." I have used it once or twice and it gets a lot attention.

Recently, I was delivering in a hospital and I saw someone I knew and I said, "how are you today?" She replied, "perfect." I've never heard anyone say that and I said, "perfect?" She said, "yes, today I feel perfect." The next day I saw her and she answered, "okay," but for at least one day she was feeling perfect.

THE DOG GUY: Frequently I'll make a delivery to a house and as soon as I ring the doorbell, the barking begins. Sometimes, it's two dogs and it sounds like there's a kennel inside.  It's not unusual that the person answering the door can't open the door as they try to keep the dog away from the door.  I think it was earlier this year I made a delivery and a guy came to the door, yelling at the dog to stay back. He barely got out of the screen door to take the package from me. He told me it was his wife's dog which she loves and he just bares it. He made comments that he never expected to be ready to retire and have to take care of a dog.  He went on a little bit and I sympathized with him.

As I pulled up to his house again this month,  I remembered the conversation, but not what he looked like.  He was standing in the street talking to neighbors and came over to me.  I reminded him of our conversation.  He said, "I paid a heavy price for that conversation. My wife heard the whole conversation from the monitor on the porch." I was laughing and he was amused too.  We weren't on the porch so we could laugh about it.

110 Days

 You may not remember 111 days ago, but I do.  It was Saturday, September 5th and it was a fun day.  Our son and his new dog were visiting and I did not work at all that day.  I only bring it up today, because that was the last day I did not work at all.  I didn't realize it until the other day, but today, Thursday, December 24th, is the 110th straight day I've worked.

There was a Sunday a couple months ago that I technically did not make any money.  I had gotten a long Uber ride to Atlanta on Saturday evening and dropped off my passenger at midnight. I drove home later in the morning and arrived around noon.  You would have to consider that part of the work ride on Saturday and I was paid very nicely for the ride.

How does someone work 110 days in a row? One day at a time and it was not a big deal. Many people can't wait for the weekend, because they've worked hard all week. It's true for me that driving Uber does not seem like work, but it is.  I'm very relaxed and having a good time and getting no physical exercise.  I am getting paid, so it really is work.

Tomorrow is Christmas and I'm not working and on Sunday I'm taking a second day off.  I think I probably earned it. Will I ever work so many consecutive days? Probably not, but because of the virus I had more days off this year than last year, yet I still worked 110 consecutive days. Last year I had about five weekends off and some holidays and this year I had at least 15 weekends off and some holidays.

Merry Christmas to some and Happy New Year to all. Two days off out of the next three days! I'm sure Monday I'll be raring to go.

I'm "URL-ing" It

 It was bound to happen, I have entered the modern age of computer technology. Okay, I'm exaggerating just a bit.  I admit that although a ran a business on my computer and have spent many, many hours over the years on a computer, I'm still a novice.  Today however, something important changed.  I learned something.

I send out a lot of articles to my Dad and occasionally to others.  I've always just copied the whole article and sent it.  I have realized that sometimes the article does not come out at all and it's my fault.  My daughter has showed me in the past how to copy the URL and that's it and send it, but it really went in one ear and out the other.

I've got it down now and have started "URL-ing" all over.  It is faster and more efficient and I have no idea what URL stands for and I don't care, because I won't remember it.  What a year it's been! I learned how to put a picture on a blog and how to "URL-ing" it.  What am I going to learn next year?

It's Just Not For Me

 Let's face it, we are all different.  We have our likes and dislikes and at the same time, someone can look at those and say, "how can you not like peanut butter?" (it seriously stinks) Or, "what do you mean you don't like cottage cheese?" (I've been told even dogs like it) 

I've always considered myself to be a little different and there are some pretty normal things that are really, "just not for me."  I made a short list for your amusement, or just mine.

BAND AIDS- I know they come in handy and I use them, but they just don't stay on me. As a courier, I am constantly cutting myself a little here and a little there. Fingers, hands, and legs are the main places. As soon as I put them on, they start running away and falling off.  The worst places for me are on my fingers and when I put my hands in my pocket for my keys, a pen, my phone, forget it.  I have no idea how many band aids I've left somewhere, but they are just not for me.

CHEESECAKE: I absolutely love cheese, just cut some up and it's gone. (having some for a snack tomorrow) Give me a slab of cheese and I'll cut pieces off and I will love it. Cake, are you kidding? Make it chocolate and I'll finish it, no problem.  However, cheese and cake together to me sounds like applesauce on french fries.  I may have tasted cheesecake once, but I have no interest, it's not for me.

SUNGLASSES: I don't like things on my face.  I already have a nose and it's a good size and those things hanging on both sides of my head, they have to be there too.  But sunglasses, no way.  I tried it a few years ago for a few weeks and I hated it.  If it's light out, I want light not dark.  Does sun glare bother me, yes it does, but not as much as sunglasses on me. One rider of mine said, "so you don't like sunglasses, but you have no problem with your hand in front of your face." Yes, that is correct, I don't like driving with a hat on my head either, I like to be completely naked there and on my eyes too. Sunglasses? They are just not for me.

GLOVES: I like my hands naked too.  When I shovel snow, (wish I was now), the only thing I hate is wearing gloves and I will frequently take them off so my hands can breathe. When I was delivering newspapers or magazines, there is no way of wearing gloves because you can't count or separate anything with a glove on. Why would I want my hands to sweat? Gloves are just not for me.

APPS: These days I am told there are apps for everything to have on your phone. Is there an app to get rid of these apps that are unnecessary.  A few months back someone at work looked at my phone and said, "where are all your apps?" I told him that's it and I want to get rid of some of them.  K.I.S.S., is a famous acronym for "Keep It Simple Sweetheart." I want to be able find the app that I need immediately, I don't want to send out a search party to find something.  Other people like to have dozens and dozens and dozens of apps on their fancy phone, but it's not for me.

BARKING DOGS: Fortunately, there are some dogs that rarely bark, I even met one recently.  But, these dogs that don't stop barking, WHY? Are they barking for help, food, or do they need directions to get away from me. When I deliver to a house and the human being cannot open the door and the dog is barking as if I am taking his food, how do people live like that? Are they being paid to keep the dog? I believe that "silence is golden," especially when it comes to dogs.  Barking dogs? Are you kidding, they are not for me .

I know, there is probably some therapist somewhere out there, (maybe California), who is rubbing his chin and saying, "he has some real issues." Honestly, I couldn't care less, it's just not for me.

Rooting For The Tire

 We root for a lot of things, family, sports teams, sometimes the company we work for, and even presidential candidates.  I like to root for unusual things.  Recently, I was rooting every day for the State of New York to finally count the ballots from the election.  I think it was two days ago they finally managed to post 99% of the vote. For weeks they have been at 84-86%.  By the way, Biden won New York by 2 million votes.

So, how about rooting for a tire? Have you ever done that? I had a leak in my front right tire. Don't you hate it when that light comes on and you wonder, how serious is it? I did put air in it and waited to see how long before the dreaded light would come on again. Come on tire, you can do it! Well, I got through a couple hours to end the day and checked how it felt the next morning and it felt good.

A few hours later as I was leaving the warehouse with a full van full of boxes, I knew I needed air again. When I got to the nearest gas station my luck began to change.  A guy was putting air in his tire and stopped and handed me the hose and I used his air. It was free! We used to have a couple places that had free air, but now you have to pay for it.

I put in extra, extra air and checked the time.  It was 8:30 am and I needed to make it through until 6 pm when I would drop the car off to be checked. Maybe I'll only have to put air in one more time, that would be great. The first hour was nerve racking, I kept looking at the tire and giving it an occasional squeeze.  I was clapping too, encouraging the tire to hold on to that air.  Two hours in we are still looking good, maybe I have a real shot at getting through this?

It's now 12:30, four hours in and 5 1/2 hours to go and still the light is not on.  The problem I had was that every time you turn the car on, that light goes on with some others that mean something else.  I was breathing a sigh of relief each time when the light would shut off.

It's 2 pm, I think I'm going to make it! Come on tire, hold that air! Sometimes when you're striving for a goal you hit a bump in the road.  What if it's actually the curb? If you're going to bump the curb is there any chance it would be the other tire? No, no chance at all.  The tire seemed okay and it still had air.

At 4 pm, the light went on.  It had lasted 7 1/2 hours, but it still felt good.  Do I risk not putting air in now when there's only two more hours to go? It did last awhile the last time the light went on. I gambled unnecessarily and I won.  It was 6 pm and I parked the car at Meineke and congratulated my tire on a great job.

One question remained, was this the tire's last mile? Would it have to be replaced or could it be patched? THE TIRE LIVED-to ride more miles and miles with me. Encouragement works, even on a tire.

November Rider Comments

"To save money during the pandemic my girlfriend had the idea to buy a cow. We bought a large freezer and we've been eating the meat for six months."

She: "I'm having a bad day, I spent the night in jail after I was maced. She should have maced me before we fought."

"I told my daughter growing up that the South was winning the Civil War but when they went up North in the winter they wanted no part of the cold weather so they gave up the war.  I got a call from her middle school teacher. That's my story and I'm sticking with it."

(talking on the phone to the airline) He said, "if they don't let me check in when I get there, I'm going to flip over the counter and then call you back." Hanging up politely he said to me, "I have been escorted out of an airport on a golf cart."

"I'm going to be two hours late for my sister's wedding brunch, do you think I can get a police escort, just this one time?"  Me: "No."

"Don't get rid of your old lady, it's expensive."

"My dog is just larger than a hampster; she's barely a dog."

After the New Yorker cursed twice in the same sentence, I said, "You know, down here they don't talk like that much." Laughing he replied, "I get your F'N point."

"My cousin in Georgia is painfully nice, you just can't seem to get it out of her."

"Montana is as cold as "shikees."  (She didn't want to say shit.)

"Texas is so hot that you look outside and start sweating."

(Southern girl in her twenties) "I don't have a southern accent because all my family are English teachers. I can't even try to talk southern."

Quoting comedian Rodney Dangerfield he said, "what's the difference between an oral and an anal thermometer? They taste different."

Me: "Can I give you an early Christmas present?(my list of favorite rider comments) She said, "A puppy?"

Working at Trader Joe's a women with a thick southern accent asked my rider, "where is the ass cream?" She was puzzled by the question and said, "we don't sell preparation H here." The customer suddenly saw what she needed, "There's the ice cream."

Pulling up to her first stop a liquor store she said to me, "can I get you anything?"

She said, "you're awesome, you made my day." I replied, "No, you made my day."

Fireman: "When I work a 24 hour shift I come home and work out for an hour and then go to my part-time job for eight hours."

On a beer run with a manager of a store) She said, "five beers was not enough.  I wish you could take me on my beer runs all the time."

"I lost my job in March, but was hired for one or two days by the restaurant that is right in front of my apartment.  I was a regular customer and now I'm a manager there and I love it."

Former Uber driver: "My most memorable ride was down in Charleston when I picked up two girls who were having a rough night, one of them was crying. I asked her what her favorite song was and I played it and we sang it together.  They were strippers and invited me back to their place and they danced for me and I saw one of them for a couple months."

My rider who is in the Army working for the Defense Department to prevent another 9-11, told me a story I had never about 9-11.  When there was one plane missing and heading towards Washington DC, two fighter pilots jumped in their plane without arming it.  They had one goal, fly into the plane and make sure it goes down before it gets to Washington D.C. Shortly after getting in the air, the remaining plane crashed in Pennsylvania.

"Those golfers really no how to party.  My wife doesn't want me hanging out with them anymore."

"I think the riots in the cities are hijacking people's goodwill."

"We need a bigger backyard for our six pets and so we can get more pets."

Me: "What was it like being in the Army and living in Italy?" Him: "The beer was better and the girls were better too."

Pulling up to her first stop a liquor store she said to me, "can I get you anything?"

(South African couple living in Washington D. C. right now: "Next time you have a British rider, tell them we are really sorry about beating them in Rugby."

My riders said, "We're both lawyers." I replied, "that's terrific."  They said, "some days it is."

Male rider: "Uber changed my life and the way I do everything."

"My sister gave me my first cigarette when I was 9, but she still denies that today."

Two women in their 20's- "The best part of our trip here was to see the alligators at Alligator Adventure."

Emergency room doctor: "When I work a 24 hour shift I go home in the morning and stay up all day and go to sleep at night so I don't mess up my sleeping schedule."

(Arriving at the airport to head home to NJ) "There's nothing better than getting out of an Uber in 75 degrees."

"Due to the pandemic we're going to be able to expand from two to four coffee shops.  We've been able to improve our operation this year."

"My business(building surfboards) is up 300% over last year since our country has stopped all shipping with Taiwan and China."

"On my bucket list is that I want to visit all the best zoo's in the world.  I love animals.  I want to build a a very large animal shelter like a hotel, without rooms."

Me: "What do you do in Massachusetts?" Male: "I do as little as possible and I'm planning on doing more of it."

"Any time I fly into Philadelphia airport, I always put on all my Dallas Cowboy attire."

(Flight paramedic) "During the pandemic we're actually less sick, because people are constantly washing their hands and staying clean. Suicides are up though 300% especially between the ages of 35-55." 

"I made an impulse buy(a condo) in Barefoot Landing at the beginning of the year which probably wasn't a good idea until mid-March when we jumped in my truck and spent eleven straight weeks here to avoid the pandemic in New Jersey."

Me: "I heard there's only 8 people living in Montana." Her: "Yes it's true. We actually only hit 1 million people a few years ago."

"The people in Tucsan, Arizona were rude. I was there five years, it was 4 years and 11 months too long."

"I'm a foodie, I loved walking around Denver."

"The best thing about living in Thailand was how friendly the people were."

"I knew a guy in school whose real name was, "Gary Jumping Eagle."

"Uber saved my ass the last couple days with my car broken."

"There are going to be riots in the inner cities when the election is overturned. The National Guard is already on alert."

Me: "Are you visiting or do you live here." Her: "We're supposed to say no because we should be self-quarantining."     

When I told her about the rider who said she had "a magical evening ride," my passenger said, "that's really cute, like you rode up on a horse with a carriage."

"I lived in Myrtle Beach and was asked by my contractor to take an assessment for Boeing in Charleston to test my skills and knowledge.  They paid me to do it and then Boeing offered me a job. I spent six years working in Charleston and going back to Myrtle Beach on the weekends to be with my family until we bought something in Charleston."

"The Melting Pot is my favorite restaurant anywhere."

"We didn't go on the safari here because it cost $350 each."

"I learned to drink beer in the Army."

"I never met a nice New Yorker."

"We need a bigger backyard for our six pets and so we can get more pets."

"Blueberry's Grill has around 1,200 people on busy Saturday's and Sunday's:

"I may be the only one to say that Newark Airport is great, it's empty these days."

 (20 year resident of LA) "L.A. is like a socialist environment, trying to solve all the world's problems."

"L.A. has the world's fifth largest economy."

Me: "Where do you live?" "Massachusetts, unfortunately."

"People are way nicer in the south."

"Liberals are more about the optics, how things look and conservatives are more about how things are."

I said to the hair stylist, "I've never had my hair braided, what does it cost?" She said, "the biggest jobs are $200-$300 and take 12 hours to do."

"I was named after a Mexican Goddess."

"If you take drivers from South Carolina and put them in Ohio in the snow, I'm pretty sure they would be bad drivers too."

"Keep on smiling Mr. Sunshine."

"Ohio drivers are bad, but not like a New Yorker."

"I moved from Hawaii because I was working two jobs just to pay the rent."

"I like the food in New Jersey and that's it."

"My wife's son lives here, so I try to get lost on the golf course when I visit."

"Packer fans are sick and tired of Aaron Rodgers. You can't get a lot of help when you have that big salary."

"Philadelphia Eagle fans are not smart."