November Rider Comments

"To save money during the pandemic my girlfriend had the idea to buy a cow. We bought a large freezer and we've been eating the meat for six months."

She: "I'm having a bad day, I spent the night in jail after I was maced. She should have maced me before we fought."

"I told my daughter growing up that the South was winning the Civil War but when they went up North in the winter they wanted no part of the cold weather so they gave up the war.  I got a call from her middle school teacher. That's my story and I'm sticking with it."

(talking on the phone to the airline) He said, "if they don't let me check in when I get there, I'm going to flip over the counter and then call you back." Hanging up politely he said to me, "I have been escorted out of an airport on a golf cart."

"I'm going to be two hours late for my sister's wedding brunch, do you think I can get a police escort, just this one time?"  Me: "No."

"Don't get rid of your old lady, it's expensive."

"My dog is just larger than a hampster; she's barely a dog."

After the New Yorker cursed twice in the same sentence, I said, "You know, down here they don't talk like that much." Laughing he replied, "I get your F'N point."

"My cousin in Georgia is painfully nice, you just can't seem to get it out of her."

"Montana is as cold as "shikees."  (She didn't want to say shit.)

"Texas is so hot that you look outside and start sweating."

(Southern girl in her twenties) "I don't have a southern accent because all my family are English teachers. I can't even try to talk southern."

Quoting comedian Rodney Dangerfield he said, "what's the difference between an oral and an anal thermometer? They taste different."

Me: "Can I give you an early Christmas present?(my list of favorite rider comments) She said, "A puppy?"

Working at Trader Joe's a women with a thick southern accent asked my rider, "where is the ass cream?" She was puzzled by the question and said, "we don't sell preparation H here." The customer suddenly saw what she needed, "There's the ice cream."

Pulling up to her first stop a liquor store she said to me, "can I get you anything?"

She said, "you're awesome, you made my day." I replied, "No, you made my day."

Fireman: "When I work a 24 hour shift I come home and work out for an hour and then go to my part-time job for eight hours."

On a beer run with a manager of a store) She said, "five beers was not enough.  I wish you could take me on my beer runs all the time."

"I lost my job in March, but was hired for one or two days by the restaurant that is right in front of my apartment.  I was a regular customer and now I'm a manager there and I love it."

Former Uber driver: "My most memorable ride was down in Charleston when I picked up two girls who were having a rough night, one of them was crying. I asked her what her favorite song was and I played it and we sang it together.  They were strippers and invited me back to their place and they danced for me and I saw one of them for a couple months."

My rider who is in the Army working for the Defense Department to prevent another 9-11, told me a story I had never about 9-11.  When there was one plane missing and heading towards Washington DC, two fighter pilots jumped in their plane without arming it.  They had one goal, fly into the plane and make sure it goes down before it gets to Washington D.C. Shortly after getting in the air, the remaining plane crashed in Pennsylvania.

"Those golfers really no how to party.  My wife doesn't want me hanging out with them anymore."

"I think the riots in the cities are hijacking people's goodwill."

"We need a bigger backyard for our six pets and so we can get more pets."

Me: "What was it like being in the Army and living in Italy?" Him: "The beer was better and the girls were better too."

Pulling up to her first stop a liquor store she said to me, "can I get you anything?"

(South African couple living in Washington D. C. right now: "Next time you have a British rider, tell them we are really sorry about beating them in Rugby."

My riders said, "We're both lawyers." I replied, "that's terrific."  They said, "some days it is."

Male rider: "Uber changed my life and the way I do everything."

"My sister gave me my first cigarette when I was 9, but she still denies that today."

Two women in their 20's- "The best part of our trip here was to see the alligators at Alligator Adventure."

Emergency room doctor: "When I work a 24 hour shift I go home in the morning and stay up all day and go to sleep at night so I don't mess up my sleeping schedule."

(Arriving at the airport to head home to NJ) "There's nothing better than getting out of an Uber in 75 degrees."

"Due to the pandemic we're going to be able to expand from two to four coffee shops.  We've been able to improve our operation this year."

"My business(building surfboards) is up 300% over last year since our country has stopped all shipping with Taiwan and China."

"On my bucket list is that I want to visit all the best zoo's in the world.  I love animals.  I want to build a a very large animal shelter like a hotel, without rooms."

Me: "What do you do in Massachusetts?" Male: "I do as little as possible and I'm planning on doing more of it."

"Any time I fly into Philadelphia airport, I always put on all my Dallas Cowboy attire."

(Flight paramedic) "During the pandemic we're actually less sick, because people are constantly washing their hands and staying clean. Suicides are up though 300% especially between the ages of 35-55." 

"I made an impulse buy(a condo) in Barefoot Landing at the beginning of the year which probably wasn't a good idea until mid-March when we jumped in my truck and spent eleven straight weeks here to avoid the pandemic in New Jersey."

Me: "I heard there's only 8 people living in Montana." Her: "Yes it's true. We actually only hit 1 million people a few years ago."

"The people in Tucsan, Arizona were rude. I was there five years, it was 4 years and 11 months too long."

"I'm a foodie, I loved walking around Denver."

"The best thing about living in Thailand was how friendly the people were."

"I knew a guy in school whose real name was, "Gary Jumping Eagle."

"Uber saved my ass the last couple days with my car broken."

"There are going to be riots in the inner cities when the election is overturned. The National Guard is already on alert."

Me: "Are you visiting or do you live here." Her: "We're supposed to say no because we should be self-quarantining."     

When I told her about the rider who said she had "a magical evening ride," my passenger said, "that's really cute, like you rode up on a horse with a carriage."

"I lived in Myrtle Beach and was asked by my contractor to take an assessment for Boeing in Charleston to test my skills and knowledge.  They paid me to do it and then Boeing offered me a job. I spent six years working in Charleston and going back to Myrtle Beach on the weekends to be with my family until we bought something in Charleston."

"The Melting Pot is my favorite restaurant anywhere."

"We didn't go on the safari here because it cost $350 each."

"I learned to drink beer in the Army."

"I never met a nice New Yorker."

"We need a bigger backyard for our six pets and so we can get more pets."

"Blueberry's Grill has around 1,200 people on busy Saturday's and Sunday's:

"I may be the only one to say that Newark Airport is great, it's empty these days."

 (20 year resident of LA) "L.A. is like a socialist environment, trying to solve all the world's problems."

"L.A. has the world's fifth largest economy."

Me: "Where do you live?" "Massachusetts, unfortunately."

"People are way nicer in the south."

"Liberals are more about the optics, how things look and conservatives are more about how things are."

I said to the hair stylist, "I've never had my hair braided, what does it cost?" She said, "the biggest jobs are $200-$300 and take 12 hours to do."

"I was named after a Mexican Goddess."

"If you take drivers from South Carolina and put them in Ohio in the snow, I'm pretty sure they would be bad drivers too."

"Keep on smiling Mr. Sunshine."

"Ohio drivers are bad, but not like a New Yorker."

"I moved from Hawaii because I was working two jobs just to pay the rent."

"I like the food in New Jersey and that's it."

"My wife's son lives here, so I try to get lost on the golf course when I visit."

"Packer fans are sick and tired of Aaron Rodgers. You can't get a lot of help when you have that big salary."

"Philadelphia Eagle fans are not smart."