FINAL 2021 FAVORITE RIDER COMMENTS LIST

Two years ago, after my first full year of driving for Uber and Lyft I wanted to do something for my riders for the holidays.  I had been entertaining them with stories and comments from other riders and so I made a list of my favorite comments of the year and gave it out around the holidays into January. The positive reaction I got made me write up a new list for 2020 and I gave it out to many riders the whole year long.

The below comments have been entertaining me and my riders throughout 2021 and this list will be given to hundreds of riders over the next year.  Some of the comments are extremely funny, some are extremely strange and some are both.  None of these comments below were made under the influence of alcohol. I rarely drive at night and only occasionally have a rider who has had too much.     

Thank you to all my riders who made this a great year, especially the riders who made this list.

                                MY FAVORITE RIDER COMMENTS OF 2021

"Older man, "I've been married 51 years, my wife says she's been married 61 years because I've made it seem ten years longer."                                 

She said, "Paula Dean has killed more people with her recipes than anyone."

She said, "I'm a terrible driver, but I'm very good at parallel parking.  My Dad says I should stay parallel parked."

The middle aged woman got in my car and less than a minute later I said, "What do you do for a living?" Her: "I'm a whore.... and a message therapist."(joking)

Truck driver from Dallas, Texas: "I tell people that my marriage has lasted 12 years for three reasons: 1. I married my best friend. 2. I know that she's really trying to kill me slowly and I'm not going to make it easy for her.  3. She can leave anytime she wants, but I'm going to go with her."

"My friend knew of a woman who spelled her name Kmnop. She pronounced her name, "Noel", because in the spelling of her name there is no "L".

I told her about my male rider who said at 6 am, "I haven't gone to sleep, I hope you're not a narc." The woman laughed, snorted three times and said, "Sorry, I'm so embarrassed I snorted, but not like the guy did in your story."

Young woman: "I had a male Uber driver who spent the whole 25 minute trip telling me about his Beanie Baby collection.  It was painful.  I nearly jumped out of the car."

Young woman: "I sell shots in a strip club." Me: "Do you get a lot of tips?"  Her: "Oh yeah, I get tipped up the ass." 

Female sales rep: "I was speaking with three sisters from N.Y. and a male colleague was teasing me, one sister leaned over and whispered, "if you need him to be taken care of, I know someone."

He bought me a Gatorade because, "it's important to hydrate." Me: "After I drop you off I'm going to de-hydrate at a gas station." Him: Well, I live on a dirt road and you can de-hydrate all you want there."

Me: "How are you managing the 70-30% ratio of girls to guys at The College Of Charleston?" Him: "It's the best thing in life.  The girls are making us smarter."

"In Minnesota you're nice to your neighbors because if you're not, they'll freeze and die and you might be the next one to go."                                  

Woman: "My grandmother used to say that red lipstick was for whores."

Woman in her late 20's: "I've lived in 63 cities in my life." (military family)

Me: "When the Ravenel bridge was built in Charleston, what was it supposed to look like?" (the answer is two sailboats) The woman in the boating business was not drinking, looked at the bridge and said, "a bra?" 

Female: "I first saw my husband when his picture was in my company newsletter. I told my parents and friends I was going to marry him. When we were dating for two months I said to him, "I don't know what you're doing the rest of your life, but I'm going to marry you." He said, "I'm going to marry you."

Female professor: "When you go to Hall's Chophouse they hug and kiss you-it's the most action I get all month."

Young woman: "I like corny jokes so I got a tattoo, that says "corn" and it's just above my knee." Me: "It says corn?" Her: "Let me show you." Me: "I'm driving, wait till I stop." She does have "CORN" above her knee.(corn-knee)

Him: "You should do Uber at the border, you won't have to travel far.  You can call yourself, "Sunshine Coyote." ( my business name is The Sunshine Man.)

"If you promise not to mug me, I can show you something," She is an employee of The Kansas City Chiefs and showed me her Super Bowl Ring and let me to take a picture of it on my finger. The ring is worth $70,000 now.

Woman in her 20's: "The COVID vaccine is the only vaccine I've ever had. My boyfriend convinced me to get it due to my health. When I was a child my Mom didn't believe in vaccines and she worked in a doctor's office and forged all the paperwork for vaccines."

I picked up an older woman at Outback Steakhouse who looked like Mrs. Doubtfire and she had a large bag of leftovers.  Me: "Don't tell me about your great dinner, I have another hour before I go home to eat." Her: "That's too bad I have a lot of extra delicious ribs that I could share and I love to lick my fingers." Me: "Thanks for not telling me about your delicious meal." Her: "I do have a mean streak."

If I Have To Bribe Ford to Build My Car, How Much Would It Take?

My conversation a week ago with my sales rep at Ford was not a fun conversation.  Eight months ago I gave them $1,000 to build my car.  It's the first time I've ever ordered a car.  The computer chip shortage has delayed my car and after eight months I don't know when they are going to build it.  I told the sales rep that I have no faith that Ford will be able to build it, despite the fact they are building my same vehicle and sending them to dealerships that do not have a buyer yet.

This car is not a fancy car, but it is obviously orange.(a tribute to my Dad who I lost early in the year.  It was his favorite color)  My sales rep told me there is nothing they can do, but wait until they are ready to make it.  I told him that if I needed to bribe someone I will and he laughed.  When the conversation ended, I reminded him to let someone know I am willing to bribe them to build the car and I was serious.

The question is: how much would I be willing to bribe or give someone some incentive? My Ford Transit is approaching 250,000 miles and I use it only on the weekends for Ubering. Would I pay $500? Yes, I would? $1,000? I think I would, but I'm not sure I would go higher than that.

This past weekend I decided I was tired of waiting and I would find a silver Ford Transit and have it painted.  Would it cost a lot more? Yes, but eight months is too long.  Monday morning I was looking online to find dealerships with the car and my sales rep called me.  They have a serial number for my orange car and they are starting to make it January 12th!

When they finish making it they will have an estimated delivery date which will probably be March or April.  I need my current car to last about 10,000 more miles, can it make it to 260,000 miles? We'll see, but the big news is: ORANGE CAR COMING!

Odin's First Christmas

 

When you have kids you notice right away that they not only look like you, but they have certain characteristics that you or your spouse have.  When our first child was born my first comment I believe was, "she has your nose." Over the years and still today we can look at our kids and see ourselves in how they act, what they do, and of course in how they look.

It's harder to explain how a dog can pick up characteristics from their owner.  Below is a picture of Odin sitting and waiting for food next to my wife's chair at the dinner table.  He looks a lot like me in the next picture when I am doing the same thing waiting to be fed.

Christmas was pretty quiet for us.  My wife made a big roast and I got the one drumstick.  The drumstick was being eyed-by my wife that is and I had to cut off a piece for her. What surprised me even more on Christmas was when Odin came to me and told me that he wrote some "songs." I've been writing songs since college and obviously his attempt to write is not as good as mine.  He actually wrote two verses from two different songs.  It's not bad, but I had to explain to him that he has to actually write one whole song and that one verse is not a song.  Who knows, maybe he'll be writing songs about being a dog on a regular basis?

"Santa Claus Is Coming To Town"

He sees you when you're eating, 

He knows when you get more,

He's circling around your chair,

And he's licking up the floor.

"Here Comes Santa Claus"

Here comes Odin, Here come Odin,

Right down Accord Lane.

He's looking for people, looking for dogs,

To him it's just the same.

Odin's First Birthday

Sometimes I feel like I'm writing a dog blog, but it's difficult to pass up on our dog's first birthday.  For anyone new, we got Odin from a breeder and he is a cockapoo, a mixture of cocker spaniel and poodle. Today, he is one year old, but I really have a problem with how birthdays are counted.

It's his first birthday, but what happened a year ago? It was his birth day, but not his birthday? How can we celebrate his first birthday, when he really had one last year which was a lot more important?  I'm 61 years old and I've been around 62 days that were August 19th.  I'm probably the only one with this hang-up.

How is a dog's birthday different than a child's birthday? We didn't have any decorations up and it's one of the only birthday's I've been to that I didn't have a piece of cake or two or three.  Below are two pictures of Odin and you can see the cake on the floor, which I think a lot of children would like to do with their cake.  Also, take note that he is wearing a birthday scarf(my wife said it was) and a pin that says, "birthday boy." (I'm not sure I buy that one either)

Did he get to pick his favorite meal? No, not happening. My wife made my favorite meal, a big chicken roaster.  Odin did get a big plate of it, but I got all the bones and that's the way it's always going to be. 

Finally, Odin got his haircut at the groomer, he got a lot of hair cut.  She took a birthday picture that she staged and he looks like something you would see in the window of a store.  I don't think he looks real in this picture.  But the cake, I think that was real. I wonder what it would taste like?

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ODIN!

 

"Angels Go To Heaven and Devils Go To Hell" (not religious)

 I know you're disappointed. What could be more perfect than a religious blog the week of Christmas? Sorry, you'll have to look elsewhere. I attempt to be funny and comment on unusual things that I experience or learn here in the South.  This comment though is not a "southern thing," but it may be helpful to someone in the future.

My wife knows an incredible amount of stuff that I have never heard of.  Frequently, it sounds like she made it up, but she hasn't. I've been hobbling around this weekend with a bad knee and I told her taking the step into the porch is even a little difficult.  Her response was, "Angels Go To Heaven and Devils Go To Hell." 

I had to ask her two different times to explain this, but she learned this in physical therapy. If you're stepping down you use the bad foot first, but if you're stepping up you use the good foot first.  Bad foot (down towards hell) and good foot (up towards heaven). You probably understood that immediately, but it took me a little longer to get it. 

I've tried it out a few times and I think it's a little better, but now I have another problem.  Every time I go to step down into my porch, I think of hell. What do I do now?

A Weekend Off At Home

I don't take too many weekends off from "Ubering" and when I do, we either have company or we're traveling. Last month, I decided to take this weekend off to give my car a rest.  I'm still trying to preserve my "Uber vehicle" a little bit longer so Ford can get my car to me.

I had no plans and since I am nursing a sore knee, I was literally going nowhere.  Picture this: I am sitting on my screened porch reading a book with my water bottle by my side.  I'm looking out at a pond and blue sky with clouds and the temperature is 72 degrees on December 18th. I am wearing one white compression sock and one black one and I'm icing my knee.  Below is the view I had all afternoon.

After spending most of the afternoon reading and icing in this position, my wife asks the magic question: "Do you want to go out to dinner?" I wanted to say, "do I look like the kind of guy who wants to go out to eat tonight?" I held my tongue and threw a better question back to her, "where would you like to go?"  The answer of course was "nowhere."  We have this routine where she wants me to pick the place, but she almost always doesn't want to go there.  After I pick twice, I say, "where would you like to go?" And, typically that's the place we go.

This time I had an advantage since I was icing my knee.  I asked if she wanted to get something to bring in and she said yes and my first suggestion was: pizza.  It's not one of my favorite foods, but she said okay and we had pizza at our own table.

Why can't it be that easy all the time?

Clothes Is NOT My Thing

 My last blog about latex stockings has turned into something funnier than by blog.  I had several riders this weekend ask for my blog address and I can't imagine what they were thinking when they saw the title, "I've Often Wanted to Wear Latex."  To top it off, I had at least one or two family members who were confused about the blog.

However, I am the one who is most confused, because, clothes are really not my thing. Below is a picture of the nylon stocking which has latex on the top inside of the stocking and LACE on the top outside of the stocking.  I didn't know one from the other until my wife pointed it out to me.

The woman in the pharmacy was asking if the lace would bother me, since I guess men don't wear lace. Just to clear this up, I am wearing a stocking that has lace and latex and I couldn't care less about either one. The big question is, will the stockings help my legs?

I've Often Wanted To Wear Latex

 Not really, just looking for an easy laugh. Truthfully, I've never wanted to wear latex and I wasn't even sure what latex looked like. However, this blog will not have any pictures, because I am actually wearing some latex as I write this.

I've been having some trouble with my legs and my doctor believes that wearing long compression socks will solve my problem.  After contacting a few medical supply places without success, I found one I could get them at.  My wife and I went there and they measured me and brought the socks to the register.

That's where the latex comes in.  The cashier noticed that the only pair they had in stock had some latex at the very top of it.  I said it was fine, because no one was going to see me wearing them, certainly not the very top of my legs.

Arriving home I struggled, but managed to put on these very thin compression socks. The latex part wasn't a problem, but on the second day I actually put one of them on inside out, which explains why they kept sliding down under my sweatpants. 

I don't know how long I'm going to be wearing latex, but don't tell anyone-it's just between you and me.

Why Are Toilets So Short?

 After blogging about eating a lot of turkey it seemed very natural to write about toilets.  It's something you probably don't think a lot about, but I have asked this question many times, "why are toilets so short?" When you walk into a hotel room and go to use the bathroom, it seems to me that you really need to bend down a long way. (if you're sitting down) I know that you start shrinking as you get older, but, do the toilets shrink too?

Most toilets are 15-17" high and comfort toilets are 17-19" high.  The second picture is one that is 23 inches high.  You can see the difference, but why aren't there more 23 inch high toilets?  Some people say it's because the larger ones cost more. (close to $300) Others say it's more to clean, which is true, but it sounds ridiculous. Could a small child get on the second one? I'm not sure, but I know there are a lot of people who would prefer not be so close to the ground.  It's easier to sit down and to get up with a taller toilet.

Why are toilets so short? It has been said that we used to be shorter many years ago and there are countries where people are shorter than they are here. If you can make a tall toilet that is inexpensive, you may have a great business opportunity and make a lot of people very happy.  If not, just knowing that a tall toilet is available may make a lot of difference to you, or, you might just find the whole subject amusing. What do you get someone for the holidays who has everything? Why not a tall toilet?

"comfort height" or "right height" toilets feature bowls that are 17 to 19 inches high,

only a tall person or one with difficulty sitting considers a toilet low. A child on the other hand would not think it is low at all. Toilets designed for handicap use are slightly taller. If they were made much taller, think of how much more you would have to clean.

omfort height” toilet that is 17 to 19 inches in height or elevated toilet seats.Apr 21, 2017

Toilet height is measured from the floor to the top of the seat. Heights vary enough to be noticeable. Most often, they fall somewhere between 15” and 19”, with standard toilets coming in under 17”. However, chair height toilets, what Kohler refers to as Comfort Height® toilets, measure 17” or more.

"Not A Sanitary Experience"

I have to give credit to my oldest daughter who came up with this title over the holidays. I'd give her full credit by saying her name, but she says that I shouldn't use anyone's real name on my blog, so her name is not Karen.

If you haven't had enough of turkey, I have one final post about eating at Thanksgiving.  I don't think I can ever have too much turkey and I did have more than my fair share. Some people like white meat and some people like dark meat or they like to make turkey sandwiches with the leftovers or even turkey salad.  

Of course I'm a little different and I love to eat the carcass after I've finished all the bones.  If you haven't tried this, you don't know what you're missing: First the bones: in the below picture the plate to the left is a little deceiving. You can't see the second large drumstick, but I assure you it was just as good as the first drumstick.

The carcass is usually the day after meal.  When you look at this next picture you can not tell how much meat is still on that carcass, but it was a full meal.  First, I had to pull it apart into about 4 pieces.  This is when it is "not a sanitary experience." (but, it's a delicious one)  There was some turkey flying and I'm not sure if I got it all.  Fortunately, there were three dogs in the house, so you know it was cleaned up.

Finally, the gnawing begins. It goes on and on and on. My goal is to get every last piece, because every bite is a good one.  I absolutely loved eating this and the big dog in the house was watching me for a few minutes and I know he was jealous.

So next year at Thanksgiving, be different and eat a carcass. (I did not eat the actual bones)

Odin's Second Vacation: What I Learned (Part 2)

 LEAVES ARE LIKE PEOPLE TOO

Odin always runs towards people, but you should have seen him go after the leaves. Walking out of the hotel one morning, we walked over to the grass area and he got excited.  The wind was blowing a lot of leaves all over and Odin started chasing them every possible direction. Of course, I was chasing them too, as he dragged me around. At least people don't run away from him as the leaves do.

DOG POOP SMELLS BAD ALL THE TIME

There's just no good time to do it, but the worst time has to be early in the morning.  I haven't eaten anything, no orange juice, and I'm getting my first breath of fresh air. It's not fresh for long. Fortunately, I don't do this very often early in the morning.  I think I have to start taking a deep breath first until I've put the bag away.

YOU DON'T NEED A BELT ON THANKSGIVING WEEK

There was one thing I forgot to bring on the trip, but fortunately, I ate enough that it wasn't necessary. I also had a nice pair of sweatpants which came in handy. Below is some of the Turkey I ate.

TWO ROOMS ARE BETTER THAN ONE

When we arrived at our hotel my wife didn't like the room for a few reasons. We got another room which was much better and it was right next door. While I was moving everything into the second room, my wife realized that there wasn't enough toilet paper or tissues in the second room and we still had access to the first room.  Maybe starting with two rooms at the beginning is the way to go?

DRIVING NEAR WASHINGTON DC

Do they intentionally set-up accidents in the area just to slow down some of the cars? There are always accidents or slowdowns around 50 miles in either direction of Washington and we had them both ways on this trip. Is there a more dangerous stretch of road in the country? 

"THE TRAFFIC IS GETTING WORSE"

I've been following a GPS or Google map directions for a very long time and most of the time they are very good. On a long trip on Rt. 95 the directions will adjust when some of those accidents happen and they give you a choice of what direction to take.  On the way to Pennsylvania, after many slowdowns, suddenly the voice said, "the traffic is getting worse."  I have never heard those words before.  Ironically, that is when the traffic finally cleared up.  I wonder if I'll ever hear that again.

Odin's Second Vacation: What I Learned (Part 1)

Our dog's second vacation took him back to the Hershey, Pennsylvania area and we made three stops in New Jersey to visit family over eight days.  Some observations I made and things I learned on the trip:

DOGS CAN REALLY SLEEP: We learned on the first trip to send him day care the day before we leave and it worked perfectly. He probably slept 15-18 hours in a 24 hour time period and once the car engine started, he was fading away just like a baby does in the car. He was a great traveling dog and slept most of the time on the journey home which was longer with the stops in New Jersey. Maybe it's just the car that knocks him out?

DOGS LIKE SINGING JUST LIKE BABIES DO: Odin definitely loves to have his belly rubbed and I sing him a short, little, song that he definitely recognizes.  It goes like this: "Odin loves his belly rubbed, his belly rubbed, his belly rubbed. Odin loves his belly rubbed-rub, rub, rub." I don't know why other people think it's funny, maybe it's just cute. I do have another one that I sing on the days he sees me in the morning. (Monday-Thursday) "Good morning, good morning, and how are you today. Good morning, good morning, it's gonna be a great day." I don't think I made that one up, but I sing it. What if all the songs I've written were just so I could sing to Odin? 

DOGS ARE LIKE FIRE ENGINE SIRENS: I don't know about you, but when I hear a fire engine coming while I'm driving, I definitely have anxiety. I don't know where it's coming from, but that awful experience is now worse. On the way home, two fire engines passed us and Odin started howling-in my ear of course. That will cause anyone a lot of anxiety. When a dog does that, they actually think it's another dog in the area and they are signaling them that they are here. How big does the dog have to be to sound that loud? I'm thinking "Jurassic Park" type dog? The dog doing the howling is also having anxiety, but I had more of it-in my ear.

DOGS CAN REALLY PEE: I had this thought on the trip, who pees more? My wife, my dog, or me?  I know when I take a trip with my wife, we are going to be hitting some rests stops on a regular basis. I've also noticed sometimes in the men's room, there are guys who are peeing from the time I step into the rest room until the time I leave. I always wonder, when was the last time they peed, or how big is their bladder? Odin, pees a lot differently.  He goes and then stops and then restarts it a few minutes later. Then, he stops it and a few minutes later, he does it again. I'm pretty sure my wife and I can't do that, so I think Odin wins the peeing contest, but I'm just guessing. I have not measured anything.

IF YOU LET A DOG PULL YOU, YOU CAN SAVE ON GAS: With gas prices as high as they are, there are a lot of ways to save money.  I have yet to hear anyone suggest using your dog. When Odin sees a person anywhere, he starts pulling me on the leash towards that person.  At one rest stop there was an older woman with a walker heading toward the building.  I managed to turn Odin in a different direction, but I really wonder, how many miles down the road could he have taken me?

Below is a picture of Odin with his girlfriends in the neighborhood. When he sees them, he starts towards them and usually winds up hopping like a rabbit.  The girls start yelling his name and then roll on the ground with him. (maybe they think he's famous?)

NOVEMBER RIDER COMMENTS

Woman: "My name is Y'Keshia.  I was named after my father's mistress."

Woman in her 20's: "The COVID vaccine is the only vaccine I've ever had. My boyfriend convinced me to get it due to my health. When I was a child my Mom didn't believe in vaccines and she worked in a doctor's office and forged all the paperwork for my vaccines."

Woman: "My mom said that I'm the nicest bitch she's ever met."

 "When I was 26, I made $250,000 in a year selling time share. It was great because I carried $500 in cash all the time and I could buy my girlfriend Coach purses and watches. My boss told me that if I went to Myrtle Beach I would make twice that and I did it."

Woman in her late 20's: "I've lived in 63 cities in my life." (military family)

I went to pick up Tiffany and a rather large black man walked to my car wearing a mask.  Me: "You're not going to tell me that your name is Tiffany, are you?" Him: "No, I'm not until I put on my makeup."(I did not react until he laughed)

Him: "Being a freshman at the Citadel was more fun that I never want to have again. A graduate explained it this way- imagine a pyramid of shit and seniors on the top have it best and freshman are on the bottom."

Me: "How long have you been married?" Male: "Thirty years, it's time for parole."

From New Jersey like me, he said, "people in New Jersey are born with a silver spoon in their mouth." Me: "next time I pick you up, I'll have a spoon in my mouth."  Him: "Will it be silver?"

Him: "I believe that you(everyone) have to shine your light on the world."

She is in cybersecurity and he's in emergency management. Her: "We're dark humor people, if we weren't, we'd be alcoholics."

Male in the Coast Guard: "The best McDonalds in the world is in Guantanamo Bay. When you're out to sea for a month and you come back, the food is great."

The man in his 50's had a very thick Alabama accent. He said, "my accent helped me get my job at Boeing. There were 500 applicants then they cut it down to 6 and then 2. The interviewer was from Seattle, but he loved my accent."

"My parents gave me the nickname, Tripp, (which I go by), when I was born since I was the third child. I think they gave it to me so if the cops come to my door, I can show them by real ID and say I don't know who Tripp is."

She works for the city of Kansas City: "If there is an apocalypse, there's a plan for dignitaries to go the caves in Missouri and they'll have everything there, strip clubs and everything."

Me: "I've been married for 38 years." Young woman: "No F'N shit, that's my dream."

Nurse in her mid twenties: "My parents pay me $500 to watch their dogs over the weekend, it's a good gig."

"We tell tourists that it rains all the time in Seattle, but most of the time it's a very light rain and you don't need a raincoat."

27 year old woman: "I'm an old soul, I love reading the newspaper in the morning, holding it and the smell of it."

When I told the Russian woman about the my former rider from Russia who had Putin's picture on the back of her phone, she said, "It's the idol of stupidity. It's funny that someone likes him."

"I'm not for a mandated vaccine, but I got it for the placebo affect,(mentally having it), and out of respect for others who have suffered."

Me: "What are you going to do when you get back in the job market?" Young black woman: "I want to promote how important it is to breast feed." (we then talked about breast feeding)

Woman: "If I told you what I do, I'd have to kill you." (works for the city of Kansas City)

Male: "I work for the federal government with propaganda for foreign governments."

He said, "New York City uses your vehicle for cabs." (Ford Transit passenger van)

Asking the female College of Charleston freshman, how she is handling the 70-30% ration of woman to men, she said simply, "it's annoying."

I thought he said, "I'm a surgeon," but then he said, "I'm a surfer," and finally I heard him clearly through the mask, "I'm a server."

Looking at an entire field of dead cows after a severe hale storm, his co-worker said, "these are definitely hale damaged cows."

Her first name has thirteen letters and it's something like, "L'ezonthale." It's a French name that her grandmother gave her, but no one knows what it means. She: I tried to look it up, but I didn't find anything. It may be a flower." I said, "okay, I'll just call you flower."

He said, "I thought I needed someone to validate my existence.  I learned that I wanted someone and that's a very different thing."

Him: "I used to have a $68,000 truck, but I had cut it loose after the DUI."

"In the south it's a more respectful society."

"We've been dating only seven months and his is our 7th wedding we've attended since May."

Him: "No one stays in New Jersey." Me: "My parents had a house there for fifty years." Him: "So their the one."

Male: "I had just had a fight with my wife and then went to a bar. A guy in his eighties gave me advice. He said to sincerely apologize and told me a whole list of things to say. I went home and said to my wife, "I'm sorry I was stupid." She interrupted and said, "you're right, you were a stupid ass." That was the end of the argument."

Me: "Since this is your first trip to Charleston, what's been the best part of your trip?" Him: "The Uber drivers."

When I signed up for the Uber app I was drunk and my name came out Josb instead of Josh.  It's fun to hear drivers try to pronounce it, so I haven't changed it."

Him: "I found a purse in an Uber and gave it to the driver. He said he was going to hold it until someone contacted him and he wouldn't open it.  When I got out of the car I saw him go through the purse."

Male: "I wouldn't expect you would have much Uber business in this neighborhood, we have old people and families."

"I stopped taking yellow cabs when I was in one that went off the embankment with me in it." For five years I had only 2 bad Uber drivers, one of them said I could tip him and then he opened his glove compartment and showed me his weed." This past year has been different, one guy was driving 65 on East Bay St. and wouldn't slow down. Another, had 15 inch speakers in the trunk and the whole car vibrated. My girlfriend and I and kids were picked up by my old girlfriend who made me sit up front and she was constantly touching me."

She said, "I have 6 children, 18 grandchildren, and 7 great grandchildren. I came here to get some peace."

"If you don't like downhill skiing or walking in the rain, Seattle is not for you."

"San Diego has the best weather in the country, but Denver has the best weather if you want four seasons."

Him: "This Boeing thing has worked out well."

Him: "I've had harder jobs that paid less."

"I like the vibe here in Myrtle Beach better than Miami."

"The best thing about living in Washington DC is the museums."

Me: "Why did you move out of New Jersey." Young man: "Because Murphy(Governor) is an idiot."

Woman from San Diego: "Charleston is the only other place in the country I would live. I'm a real foodie."

"The weather in Washington state is amazing."

Two young women going out to dinner: "We're amazing, you should put our picture up in your car next to the picture of the Super Bowl ring."

"I came here from Russia speaking no English.  I learned it watching TV and movies.  My favorite movie was "Home Alone."

"My  Great Grandmother was a big Red Sox fan and she was alive in 1918 and finally saw them win again in 2004.  She lived to be102."

The male realtor said, "Market Commons is adorable."

Kansas City Chief fan: "I can't wait to get into work and tell my boss I saw a close up picture of the Super Bowl ring when we beat his 49ers."

"The difference between here and LA is that no one is in a rush here."

Woman from Florida: "I feel more southern here than in Florida."

Male: "We were living below are means, so we bought a nicer vacation home."

"I went to a Red Sox playoff game and would not sit down. I told the guy behind me, I paid $500 and traveled 2,200 miles to be here, I'm not sitting down."

"I put windows into expensive houses like Bill Gates's house in Florida.  I met Tiger Woods on one job."

As a NY Giant fan, I teased the Patriot fan as he got out of the car, "I won't even mention the two Super Bowl games." He replied, "I won't mention the six Super Bowl wins."

"There are 1,400 micro chips in most new cars, that's why you're having trouble getting your car built."

She said, "I love chicken, but only fried chicken.  I don't eat any other chicken."

She said, "I don't really like chicken, but yesterday I was craving it."

Looking at the picture of the Super Bowl ring in my car, she said, "Did someone lose a Super Bowl ring?"

She said, "Sometimes the GPS pronounces my name "Ollie" and sometimes it says "Alley." (Her name is spelled Ali).

"I'm working 80 hours a week in a restaurant here.  I can't say know because the owners are so nice to me."

When I told them I was giving my list of favorite comments, he said, "That's so cool."

She said to me, "you are a blessing and a gift."

Him: "I work on anything you can plug in."

She said, "Your kindness is what the world needs more of."

Couple: "We thought that Corpus Christi in Texas was the best place we've visited on our trip."

"The most important thing I learned in the Army was resourcefulness, making due with what you have."

He said, "This is the most perfect vehicle for what you do."

Speaking to a friend as she got out of my car, she said, "he was awesome."

Him: "you made my day."

November Rider Stories

THE PROFESSIONAL SOCCER PLAYER: I picked him up in the Charleston area and found out that he plays for the Charleston team which just ended their season without making the playoffs.  He was about ready to start his off season workouts.  He had two older brothers who were not as good a player as he was, but it certainly helped him in his career.  He's 28 years old and is a midfielder who has played with a number of teams. He once lived in Iceland for 18 months and played a game in below zero weather.  I told him I couldn't imagine how a leg would feel kicking a ball in those temperatures and he calmly said, "the body adjusts".  I don't think mine would.  I got his autograph and I looked Robbie up online to check his career. He's from Scotland and we talked about his country.  One of my favorite Paul McCartney songs is, "Mull of Kintyre", which is about a place in Scotland.  I asked him if he had ever been there and he hadn't.  It was a lot of fun talking with him and when I dropped him off I turned on my iPod and one song later was, "Mull of Kintyre." 

THE DESIRE TO SERVE: Each year thousands of young people sign up to go into the military.  Many of them have had members of their family who served and many of them are looking for a better opportunity with the training and the financial rewards.  My passenger signed up for six years and has four more years to go.  For several years after high school he needed to help his family through a difficult financial situation and he did it as a plumber, making $40 an hour. His reason for joining the Navy? He said, "I felt that I could help protect my family and my country, it was something I could do and it was important." When he gets out of the Navy, he plans to go back to work as a plumber where he knows it's a needed skill and he'll be able to make more money to raise his own family.  I was impressed with his sincerity, his maturity and his commitment to do something good for our country.  He has a great future in front of him and he believes that the Navy is making him better prepared for it.

THE PROFESSIONAL SINGER: She was performing locally in a show and told me she had worked in 70 countries over the past few years.  Due to the traveling, she said, "it's a hard life." She told me that her favorite music was opera. I told her I once asked as opera student to sing a line for me, but I didn't ask her to do it. She joked that she was, "forced" into the career since her parents were both musicians.  She was happy to have a nice off day and was going to spend some time on the beach.

TALKING MORE CHICKEN: I picked up the woman to go the local supermarket and she told me that she was getting a rotisserie chicken and that's all I needed to here.  I told her some of my "chicken" stories and she was amused.  I also told her that if she couldn't finish it and didn't want to deal with the carcass, she should give me a call and I'd pick it up for free.  I didn't think that was going to happen.  The very next day, I picked up the same woman and she was feeling a little guilty.  She said, "I really don't like chicken, but I was craving it yesterday." She didn't want me to have the wrong impression. Apparently, her mom used to make a lot of chicken and so that's why she doesn't really like it. And that of course led to me explaining to her how I feel about pizza. At least I enjoyed talking chicken.

Eating Breakfast in Edison, New Jersey

There is nothing special about eating breakfast in Edison, NJ, unless of course you are 600 miles away living in South Carolina.  Having grown up in Edison, I've had more breakfasts there than anywhere, but what I ate for breakfast as a kid is kind of blurry at this point.

I finally arranged to get together with my old supervisor (4 years older), who I worked with as a courier up until the end of June.  The first time I met him, I knew we could be friends.  He's from North Jersey, is a big Yankee fan, likes to joke around and he has a work ethic very much like mine. If we get together with our wives I think both of them will find if amusing how similar the two of us are.

We planned on meeting for breakfast in Conway, South Carolina, not far from the warehouse we worked together.  He warned me that the portions were big, not knowing that it wouldn't bother me at all.  He told me the pancakes were huge and I looked it up online and he was telling the truth. He said he couldn't eat two of them, but I knew I could if I wanted to.  As it turned out, my wife and I had gone to IHOP the week before, so I wasn't really in a pancake mood.

I pulled up at the small restaurant and we talked outside while we waited for a table.  I told him I saw online the size of the pancakes and he said, "there's a place in Edison, New Jersey that everything is huge." I started laughing and told him it was Harold's, where I've eaten lunch/dinner many times.  He didn't know that I grew up in Edison.  I told him my favorite thing there was actually the cakes which are sitting on the left side as you walk in and they are stand so tall they don't look real. Take a look at this below without reaching for some milk-chocolate cake at Harold's in Edison. This is the real size.

We sat down and I did only order one pancake which is pictured below.  It was thick and I do think I could have eaten one more, but I'm saving that for another time.  On the wall behind the register at this place was pictures of customers who took the breakfast challenge.  In one sitting they ate 3 pancakes, 3 eggs, 3 pieces of bacon and I think it was 3 pieces of toast.  If I break a fast there for Yom Kippur I may be able to do it, except they are not open that late in the day.  Maybe, we'll stop at Harold's on our Thanksgiving trip and I'll just eat a big meal and call it breakfast.  I wish I had that cake right now!

The Costco Experience

My wife had a fun idea for today. In addition to going out to eat, we were going to stop by Costco and get a membership.  She had a discount for a membership and we used to belong to BJ's years ago, so we figured we would check it out and see if we liked it.

Since they didn't open until 10 am, we didn't show up until 10:20.  The two parking lots nearby were almost full and there had to 300-500 cars.  I told my wife there was no way all these people had just arrived, they had to have opened at 9:00 or earlier.  There were swarms of people going in and coming out and it really looked like they were giving stuff away.  An employee at the door told me they opened at 9:45 and people were lining up to get in at 9:15.

I thought I was at a football game. There were two lines of people leaving Costco and were being checked on the way out.  A number of people had only a few items in their cart, which seemed odd.  We got our picture taken for our cards and went in the membership door.  Immediately, my wife saw the televisions and pointed to an LG(the brand I used to sell part-time) and said, "I'd want one bigger than that." It was less than $600 which was a very good price, but I had to tell her, "it's 65 inches, that's a big TV."  Keep in mind, we have not owned a TV in four years.  Eyes get bigger in these stores and we had just walked in!

We got our steps in and walked through most of the store.  We did find a few good prices on salmon and most importantly a very good looking and large, rotisserie chicken.(I did eat a drumstick when I got home and it was very good) I also bought sweat pants, jeans, and two knee braces, which is a lot for me to buy in one day.

We managed to get out in an hour and a half and there were no long lines exiting the store.  They had a lot of stuff and it was the beginning of the holiday season, but they were crazy busy for a Wednesday morning.  You would think there were no Wal-Marts or supermarkets in the whole town.  We will go back, but there's no way we are going to be standing outside waiting for the store to open. Later in the day I tried to get my wife to go back for dinner at Costco because they had hot dogs and pizza, but she didn't go for it-something for us to do next time.
 

It's Potty Time!

Maybe I should just write dog columns? With so many dogs just in our neighborhood, I could spend a few hours with each dog and then write a nice little story for the owner and maybe put it in a little frame with the dog's picture or the dog and it's owner.  How much could I charge? $25? $50? To make what I make Uberring I'd have to write 4-5 stories a day, or a couple every day of the week.  With the love I have for dogs, that shouldn't be a problem.  Think of the gas I'll save! And, it's a great Christmas present for that person who has everything!

Back to our latest saga of "Me and my Dog." I think there is an oldies song that begins with a guy yelling out, "It's Party Time." Potty time isn't as much fun.  The routine is that Odin eats/devours dinner and maybe halfway through our dinner, he rings a bell and we know that he needs to go out.  My wife gets up and takes him out and he goes potty pretty quickly, frequently both kinds.

Our backyard yesterday was a little different and he noticed immediately. The fountain that shoots water out in the pond was off.  We've seen it happen a few times, but Odin has not. He was fascinated or annoyed that there was no water. (he did not say which one) He loves the water, either watching it or hearing it. (he has not said which one or both) Without the water in the pond, you can see the reflection on the houses in the water, but I don't know if that's what fascinated him. (no, he did not say)

After dinner which he cleaned a plate and a half so you could see yourself in the plate, Odin rang the bell and the adventure began. I walk out and put sandals or flip-flops on, hook up his leash,(so he doesn't eat dirt, plants or furniture), and we walk.  I did not provide a picture of this, but here is the description: older man, walking aimlessly in his backyard, with the dog leading him on their quest. The old man gives a motivational speech, "ok, go potty, find your spot, you can do it, it's your time-come on Odin!" (the right phrase I've been told is "go potty poops."

It may have been the water not being on, which I think helps the dog pee, but maybe it has a different effect on getting rid of other waste? How many times did Odin and I make our quest through the backyard in the dark? Just a ballpark figure, more than six and less than a dozen times over a couple hours.  He went to sleep without going and I'm wondering when he wakes up in an hour, how big a bag am I going to need?

But, here's the truth, do I really want him to go potty? Of course not, why would I want to pick up shit? (I would have used another word, but in this case....) Finally, the best part was this: after encouraging Odin to go potty for a couple hours, we were sleeping by 9:45.  Less than two hours later, I woke up-I had to go potty, really.

Me and my Dog

 I know, it should be my dog and I, but I'm still more important and it is age before beauty and I've got him on that too.  This is the first time I am taking care of our dog by myself and that should make all of us a little nervous. My wife is away for two days and I've got notes and a plan.  Last night was our first meal together and I know you're going to want to be a part of it.

My wife bought me a rotisserie chicken, which of course is one of my favorite foods.  Odin, our dog pictured below, he was scheduled to have some salmon, carrots, and broccoli cut up and of course have some of MY chicken.  He was hungry and I was hungrier, but I got his meal ready first.  He was definitely eyeing MY chicken as I heated up his meal.  

When I put down his meal, he went after it, much like I go after MY chicken. Moments later he was almost finished and I now had MY heated chicken in front of me.  I realized I forgot his broccoli.(no surprise there)  So, I improvised and cut up some broccoli and cut up some of MY chicken, heated it a little and then dumped it, or beautifully placed it on his plate with his leftover food.

As I started devouring MY chicken, Odin ate 85% of what was on his plate and then came over to me to wait for more of MY chicken. I realized that he is now the only one who can watch me eat a rotisserie chicken.  My kids and my wife block their view or look the other way from the spectacle.

Odin would not stop staring me down with an occasional bark or two.  Below you can see him waiting for more of MY chicken.  Here's how the conversation went between us:

Odin: I want more chicken.

Me: Odin, you've eaten a lot and eaten very quickly, rest for now.

Odin: I ate as quickly as you are, I don't see you resting.

Me: I just started and it's MY chicken.  Ok, here's a couple small pieces.

Odin: That was really good, Mom would give me more.

Me: Mom isn't here and it's not her chicken.  Ok, a couple more small pieces, but that's all-all gone.

Odin: That was good too, but I'm now standing on my legs and I still see a big chicken.

Me: Don't worry, I'm going to make it disappear once you stop interrupting me.  Okay, two more, but that's it.  Finish what's on your plate.

Odin: I like the chicken better, you finish what's on my plate.

Me: No more Odin, or I'll send you to your room.  All gone... no more after this piece.

Odin: Okay, but I'm going to lay down right next to the kitchen table and your foot if you change your mind.

It was a good meal and I saved some chicken for tonight's meal.  He's going to daycare today so I have the whole day to get ready for his next dinner. 

HOW MUCH OF MY CHICKEN WOULD YOU GIVE THIS DOG?

October Rider Comments

SINCE ON A NORMAL MONTH I AM GIVING CLOSE TO 300 RIDES, THE COMMENTS WILL CONTINUE TO BE MORE THAN IN THE PAST.  THE FIRST 30-40 ARE THE BEST OF THESE AND I WILL HAVE A SPACE THAT COMES AFTER THE BEST ONES AND A FEW LONGER QUOTES.

"I lived in New York for ten years and didn't drive.  I'm a terrible driver, but very good at parallel parking. My Dad says I should stay parallel parked."

Me: "I don't get too many riders from New Hampshire." Pilot: "It's a small state, it's really just the four of us.  We have to get back before someone declares squatter rites."

After telling them I was going to take a bathroom break, but decided to take one more ride, she said, "Your bladder is more important than us getting to the airport earlier, so you can stop if you need to." When I dropped her off, she ordered, "GO EMPTY YOUR BLADDER!"

My friend is a nurse and she asked the pregnant woman if she had decided on a name for her little girl. The woman said, " I'm going to call her famalia.(how it sounds)  I saw a woman with a bracelet and the spelling, F e m a l e."

"My sister called me and said she found my soul mate, but he's with someone else. Two years later I met him at her barbecue and it was love at first sight-we ignored everyone else that was there."

Retired police detective: "If I didn't have a lot of hobbies now, I'd be in jail."

He was flying back to New York because the sewer had overflown and destroyed the apartment he was renting out.  I wished him luck and he said, "well, it going to be shitty for awhile."

"I've seen a lot unusual things.  In Afghanistan, I saw a man "with" a goat." Me: "Was that when you were in the Army?" Him: "Well, I wasn't on vacation there."

"My husband and I are sailors.  We sold our house in Florida this summer and bought a sailboat.  We are going to home school are three kids, 4,3, and 1 on the boat as we make memories for them as we make a life sailing."

"I came from a working class family.  The first time I made $100,000 a year(in his late 20's) I showed my Dad and it's the only time I've seen him cry."

Male: "When I was 10, I was a bat boy for the Philadelphia Phillies and we won the World Series.  They gave me a World Series ring.  Mike Schmidt gave me his bat and Pete Rose was good friends with my grandfather and they used to eat dinner together regularly."

Young man: "When someone suggested I be a compliance officer for TV/movie studios in New York(COVID testing), I said, "okay I'll give it a shot." But when I found out that the pay for two days was equal to a week's pay, I said, "THIS IS A GREAT JOB!"

Former New Yorker, she said: "New York is like an ex-boyfriend-I miss it not being there, but when I'm there I realize why I broke up with it." 

Woman: "My younger sister is 5-3 and I'm 6 feet tall.  She's a lot like me though, but she's a little blonde chick who's a savage."

I asked the 21 year old male College of Charleston student, "how are you managing with the 70-30% ration of woman to men?" He replied, "I haven't had sex in a year and a half and I'm fine with that. It's not necessary to have sex 3-4 times a week with random women."

"My Uber driver said he had been offered a role in the movie "Black Panther" three times but he turned it down because he doesn't like the attention."

Talking with the older woman about how people have always died from the flu, she said, "My mom used to say, "that's how God weeds us out." I wish there was a better way, but I guess Detroit and Chicago figured it out-they are just killing themselves."

"My name is Deidre, but it's pronounced, "Daydre."  My boss couldn't say the name right and it came out Daisy, so I started using that as my name."

"My Uber driver was watching a U Tube video on stocks while he drove me."

My GPS did not say the rider's name, but instead spelled it out- B E A U.

He said, "the woman's name was My 'Queen A 'Miracle."  

The Kentucky alumni said, "CATS by 90" a common phrase in Kentucky college sports.  It means that when the team wins even by one point, fans like to think it was by 90.

Two of her favorite quotes: "Time is a commodity you can only spend once." "Die with a memory, not a dream."

Young male: "I'm the kind of person who craves chaos."

Young man, "I have 200 pairs of expensive sneakers and my Dad has 400 pairs.  They might be worth $500,000. My Dad has his own sneaker business also."

"I've given five talks to large groups and I charge $10,000 a speech for 45 minutes."

Me talking about one of my favorite riders: "That woman was the only one I've ever had to stop talking in my car."  Her: "You never met my Grandma, she doesn't even take a breath when she starts talking."

Seeing the picture of the Super Bowl ring hanging in my car, next to the $500 bill from the South Sudan from another rider, she said, "Here's a paint stick from Home Depot you can show it off too."

The female surgeon said, "I couldn't get an Uber to catch my flight, so I drove to the airport, but the parking lots were full. The lot was blocked off by cones so I just moved the cones and I made my own space. I didn't get a ticket."

"I was at the DMV yesterday and I failed the eye test 12 times, I couldn't get the last letter."

"I don't need Google, I have a wife."

"When I sold time share I imagined that I was talking to my grandma and I wouldn't want anything bad to happen to her."

"We sell time together, not time share."

Going to her 35th high school reunion, she said, "I just wanted to see what some of them look like."

Woman: "I don't do well with rebelling children."

Female: "I couldn't believe that we couldn't get a taxi-we're not dead yet!"

"My brother got married last night.  He's a big Red Sox fan so everyone at the reception had to sign a Red Sox jersey.  I'm a Yankee fan, so I signed it, "Go Yankees."

I asked the women who does accounting work, "Do you like numbers?" She said, "I like money."

"My husband and I wanted a new hobby during the pandemic.  We had two dogs and a cat already, so we got five quail."

She said, "On a job interview in college I was asked, "if you were an item on the McDonalds menu board, what would you be?" I was a vegetarian and I completely froze, I couldn't think of what was in a McDonalds, I hadn't been there since I was a child."

Male cleaning room in a hotel: "I think I cleaned a room today that was a murder scene. There was a lot of blood.  I mean it wasn't a lot, it was a lot, a lot."

"I was licensed to be a mortician 56 years ago."

Me: "What do you think the Ravenel Bridge in Charleston was built to look like?" Her: "A toaster?"

"People hardly drove during the pandemic and they forgot how to drive."

Passionate chef: "When I cook a meal at my restaurant I cook it as if I'm cooking for my family. Every table should be a VIP table."

Older woman, "Any day above the grave I'm doing good."

Young woman: "I thought people were crabby here.  Maybe they're not use to seeing an Asian woman."

Flight attendant from the south: "The first time I was up north I ordered sweet tea and I got regular tea.  I didn't know they don't have sweet tea up North."

"I had a number of things that I needed fixed around the house, nothing major.  I had someone come in and then they texted me an estimate of $30,000.  I texted back, "is that $30,000 or $3,000?" They said it was $30,000 but they could do it for $28,000.  I got someone else who did six days work for $6,000."

I told the guy from Buffalo my story of the woman from Buffalo who when I asked about the rough winters, she said, "Since the world is ending soon, we'll be okay in Buffalo," He assured me that was  a global warming statement. He said, "we think Buffalo is going to be the new Florida in the future."

She said, "I had an Uber who was a middle aged woman and the car was completely decked out as a Betty Boop car.(cartoon character) There were flowers and stickers and she had Betty Boop barrettes in her hair.  She even wore Betty Boop gloves.  She didn't say anything about it and I didn't either, but I took some video when she wasn't looking."

The "best responses to my "Super Bowl Ring" story: The young woman said, "so it's yours now?"
 A young man said, "you should have mugged her."  Looking at the picture of the ring hanging in my car which said, "Super Bowl ring" and "$70,000," she said, "Why are you selling your Super Bowl ring?"  He said, "that's sick."

"When I was 23 and about to graduate college I was selling cars and sold a $14,000 car to a 20 year old kid. He told me he was going to pay cash, but my boss didn't believe him and told me to go to the bank with him.  I asked him how he could afford to pay cash and he told me that he sold time shares(in the 80's) and he made $23,000 in two months.  I decided right then that when I graduated I would drive four hours away to California and get a job with that company.  I did and I've been with them 35 years."

"My girlfriend and I were in an Uber Maserati here, it was a weird ride. I've been in two Uber Tesla's in other places."

Flight attendant: "I had a female Uber in Savannah.  I was her first ride, but she didn't know how to start the ride. I would have canceled if it wasn't a woman, but she took me to my destination and I paid her cash."

I told the professor to pull down the chord on my seat to put her drink down.  She was confused and we agreed it wasn't a chord.  She said, "I would have called it a pulley thing."

Ron Jaworski, the former Eagle quarterback owns a bunch of golf courses.  He was talking to my Dad and he had is Super Bowl ring and let me put it on."

"A few years back I went to see the Tigers play the Yankees.  I was one of the first ones in the stadium in Detroit, but there was an older woman in my row who I was talking to and then she started yelling for Derek Jeter.  He came over and talked with her.  Every time he came to Detroit he left tickets for her since she was one of his grade school teachers.  She introduced me as her friend and when I shook hands with him, it's the first time I was speechless."

"We sold our Chrysler 300 to a young guy.  He was going to pick it up next week, but he offered us almost $1,000 extra to get it today so we don't have a car now."

"My friend is a DJ for the Miami Heat and he has three championship rings."

"I live by three principles-logic, fact, and sense."

"In Russia there are forever gloomy days."

Another chef claimed, "I run Myrtle Beach."

I asked the bartender, how long have you been bartending?" She: "A hundred years."  Me: "Is that a lot of double shifts?" She: "definitely."

"My twin daughters had just turned drinking age and they got an Uber and went out and got drunk.  My son went our hours later and the Uber driver asked, "do you have two sisters?" They puked in his car and did the same thing in another Uber."

Female recruiter: "Not a day goes by that I don't ask myself why I didn't go into the tech field."

He said, "the former President was a real butthole, but he did do some very good things for the country."

"I had to have a large pool table moved and a guy gave me an estimate of $2,500.  I offered him $1,000 and he took it and did a great job."

"Nobody can fix you, you have to fix yourself."

Male College of Charleston on the way to the airport to see his girlfriend, "In chemistry class there are four beautiful blondes all around me and I have to concentrate in that class."

"I think that 60-70% of the girls at the College of Charleston are blonde."

Looking at my NY sports hats he said, "my Dad roots for all those teams." I said, "tell him he has good taste." Him: "If I do, he's going to laugh."

The woman said she reserved a room at a hotel for her son and daughter-in-law because, "they need a break from their new baby." I said to her, "they should jump all over that, but if they don't, let me know." She said, "I will."

Male: "I became a truck driver because I want to contribute and do my part."

The older woman said, "the most discriminated person is the fat lady."

"I think everyone should go into the military, we would be better off."

"The bartender told us that sometimes it's hotter here than a doorknob to hell."

Heading to a timeshare sales pitch, she asked, "Can you walk out of one of those? Will they charge you?"

She: "We'll  read your list when we go into the restaurant." Me: "Remember, you're going to be in a public place, so if you laugh too much, everyone will want to read it." She: "Don't worry, it will be for our eyes only."

"West Virginia is one of only two states that has lost population in the last 20 years."

Young woman who wants to be a firefighter: "I want to help people and I enjoy the physical part of the work."

"In Pittsburgh you can buy wedding "terrible towels." (what Steeler fans wave at a game)

Woman working at Wendy's: "I'm working 80-90 hours a weeks because we're short people."

Male: "I have six children and only one grandchild-they're losers."

Young man: "I just won my first kick boxing tournament here last night."

Red Sox fan: "my son doesn't even know that the Yankees used to be a good team." Getting out of the car he wasn't done, "at least you still have the Giants and Jets."

"I have a beard and dark hair, I already look like a criminal."

Asking the pilot what's his favorite city to visit, he said, "Miami, that's when I know I'm home."

Man with apparently a permanent smile: "I've been through a lot of things in my life.  If I'm not smiling, they win."

When I asked his wife how has COVID changed the mental health office she works for, he said, "there are a lot more stupid people walking around."(referring to his work as an electrician)

"Our Uber driver said we were doing a bang-up job seeing everything we've seen here."

Buffalo Bill fan from Buffalo: "There's only one football team in New York and it's the Bills."

Me: "How has being a pilot the past year and a half been affected by the virus?" Him: "We have to wear these damn, stupid masks."

"The secret to being successful is passion and commitment."

He was trying to say that he didn't want to sound to positive or rah-rah, but instead he said, "I don't want to be too woo-woo."

She took a picture of the Super Bowl ring, "my cousin used to play for them, he'd love to see this."

The male educator opened my side door and said, "This is the most perfect Uber vehicle ever built."

Couple from Utah: "It's a beautiful state, but it's become overcrowded. We're going to move to Idaho, no one knows it's beautiful." Me: "I won't tell anyone."

"Ohio has the world's largest fresh water preserve."

"You don't want to be promising the world to someone when you don't have it."

"I was at a baseball game about 20-25 rows up with my son.  Luke Voit of the Yankees had thrown a ball the previous inning to a fan and I watched him coming off the field the next inning and he threw one to me. My Dad is a neighbor of his and he talked to him and autographed the baseball for my son."

"Our trauma cases this summer were up 30-40% here."

She: "You gave my weekend a great start."

"There was rack of people there yesterday."

"I've given five talks to large groups and I charge $10,000 a speech for 45 minutes."

Woman in town for Adult Kickball Tournament: "I'm here to make money, I'm here on business."

"Your list was hilarious, it was great dinner conversation."

The older man said to me, "that was very enjoyable, looking forward to your book."

"Thank you Mr. Sunshine."

"Your car is so cute."

"The world needs a little sunshine."

OOPS-I MESSED UP

 You probably received a blog that said, "2021 Favorite Comments," it was accidentally posted.  I was working on that list which is not done yet and I went to post the October Favorite Comments and I hit the wrong one.  The October list will be coming out one day after this one, but this gives me a chance to explain my 2020 Favorite Comment list and what has happened with it.

The third week of last December I started giving out my yearly list as I did the year before and the responses I've gotten have been incredible.  I can't tell you how many people have started laughing as I'm telling them about the list.  This started as a holiday gift or a thank you for the ride gift, but I 've given it out as a birthday gift, wedding gift, anniversary gift, and welcome to the area gift. One young woman was going to her brother's girlfriends birthday party and had no gift and she was thrilled to have my list in her hands. If you saw and heard how excited some women are to get this list, you would be laughing about it like I do.  I have to give it out as they are leaving my car, otherwise, they start reading it immediately.  And for some reason, women respond to the list a lot more than men.

When I tell them about it I say that some of the twenty comments are funny and some are strange and some are both.  I also say that only three of the comments were made under the influence of alcohol which always gets a laugh. I have given out hundreds of copies to riders and I know a number of them have shared it with others.  It's fun to give something to a rider that they can enjoy after their ride.

The 2021 list will probably only be 20 some comments and I'm going to have eliminate some comments. There may be a couple more I'll hear in the next five weeks also.  I will arrange them in a certain order, mixing up comments for singles and married people too. So, you have a little preview of the list and something to look forward to in time for Christmas. Consider this your first Christmas gift of the year!

October Rider Stories

 THE MOTIVATOR: I have given a lot of good rides, but this ride is definitely a Top 25 ride which will be impossible to forget.  My passenger was an executive with Wyndham Hotels, which I believe he said is the largest hotel chain in the world.(they own many other hotels) It was an 11 mile ride that turned out to be a 45 minute trip due to construction. He's in charge of training sales reps and other employees and has spent most of his life in the Las Vegas area and is moving to Myrtle Beach soon.  He told me he's given five outside speeches to groups and charged $10,000 for a 45 minute speech. I said to him, "I'm feeling a little guilty I haven't paid anything for your seminar today."  Having read a number of success oriented books over the years, he was amused that I actually finished a couple of his sentences.  His story is a great story on how he found his career. 

"When I was 23 and about to graduate college I was selling cars and sold a $14,000 car to a 20 year old kid. He told me he was going to pay cash, but my boss didn't believe him and told me to go to the bank with him.  I asked him how he could afford to pay cash and he told me that he sold time shares(in the 80's) and he made $23,000 in two months.  I decided right then that when I graduated I would drive four hours away to California and get a job with that company.  I did and I've been with them 35 years." Since he came from a working class background, his Dad cried when he saw his son first make $100,000 in a year in his 20's. He talked about how important passion and commitment are and that you become what you think about. I asked him if he ever thought about how different his life would have been if he hadn't asked that 20 year old what he did or if hadn't sold him the car.  He said, "I believe that somehow I would have found the right track because it was my destiny."  He gave me a $20 tip for my extra time and I went to pick up my next rider.  Her name was-Destiny and I was pretty fired up to talk with her.

THE SAILORS: When the woman said that her and her husband were sailors, it caught me by surprise.  It's not a typical occupation, but her story was even more unusual. They had both worked in management for Trader Joes and decided to give up their jobs to spend more time with their family. "We sold our house in Florida this summer and bought a sailboat.  We are going to home school are three kids, 4,3, and 1 on the boat as we make memories for them as we make a life sailing." She was very excited about spending time with her family this way and had already sailed up the coast to South Carolina and was on the way back to Florida before heading out for some longer trips.  She told me that her two favorite quotes were: "Time is a commodity you can only spend once." "Die with a memory, not a dream."  Those quotes could be her motto since she is living what she believes in.

THE INDIVIDUAL: If I had to describe the 21 year old college student in two words I would say he is  unique and brilliant.  He has overcome a number of health issues and seems to be far more mature than his age. He seems very comfortable in his own skin. I told him some of my experiences being different than other people during my life and he said that me, "embracing being an individual helps me feel better about it." He used to ask people this question, "what makes you most happy?" I told him, "my wife does." I asked him my standard question for male students at the College of Charleston, "how are you managing with the 70-30% ratio of girls to guys?" His answer surprised me, "I haven't had sex in a year and a half and I'm fine with it.  I found that it wasn't important to have sex with random girls several times a week." I told him that I often say that I talk to riders about just about every topic, but that's one I haven't really discussed.  He wanted to make sure I wasn't uncomfortable and I told him I wasn't.  He said he found that a lot of women who come here try to fit in by dressing and being like people from the south, instead of being themselves.  "I'm the kind of person who craves chaos," which is why he enjoys being a chef.  He's interested in psychology and the sciences and I have no doubt he will be very successful. When I asked him about other Uber drivers he explained that, "they all have different personalities.  Sometimes a driver says almost nothing, but he's a good driver and gets me where I'm going and that's a good ride. Other times, I have someone that we talk so much that we hug at the end of the ride." We didn't hug, but we both enjoyed the conversation very much and I hope to see him again.

THE COMPLIANCE OFFICER:  The young man from New York was taking an EMT class when someone suggested a different kind of job, doing COVID testing for actors and actresses working for  production companies. "When someone suggested I be a compliance officer, I said, "okay I'll give it a shot." But when I found out that the pay for two days was equal to a week's pay, I said, "THIS IS A GREAT JOB!" The most famous person he's tested is actor Bradley Cooper. He wants to help people and is saving money now to go back to school to be a paramedic. His two brothers are both in jobs that serve the public and I have no doubt he will have a successful career.

THE POLITICAL SCIENCE MAJOR: It is rare for me to talk to be able to talk politics and I got lucky to have a long ride with someone who has spent some time in politics. He's not actively involved in politics now, but he shared some of his stories and thoughts on politics today. "When I was an intern working near the White House, President George W. Bush knew me by name and remembered what classes I was taking in school. He came across a lot differently in person than in his speeches."  He also worked with Congressman Jack Kemp who was Bob Dole's Vice President choice many years.  He said that Kemp was a very serious guy and was not into small talk. He wrote many articles for Congressman Kemp.  I asked him if he thought if President Trump knew that the election wasn't stolen from him and he said, "he's just playing a game."  We both agreed that we didn't think he would run again.  It was a very enjoyable ride and I would have loved to talk with him longer.

THE TALKER: A few years ago I picked up a woman in her 50's and for twenty minutes she told me her life story.  She was lonely, but she was hilarious and it's one of my favorite rides. It's the only time a rider has ever completely dominated the conversation, until the other day.  I picked up a woman, also in her 50's, and in the same town of Summerville, South Carolina.  She did not take a breath.  Fortunately, it was only a ten minute ride, but she covered so many different topics, it was amazing.  She talked about having three kids, two who pretend she doesn't exist.  I heard about the little lizard she was given and how much she hated going to court, which was where I was taken her.  Her daughter set up the ride and all she had to do was tip the driver, which she did not do.  When she told me she had three kids, I jumped into the monologue and said, "I do too." I really wonder if every Uber ride she takes is exactly the same.

BOND, JAMES BOND

 Is there a bigger fictional character than British secret agent James Bond? How big is he? Take a look at this picture below.  Either he is very big, or I am an old, shrinking man? (don't answer that question) This picture was taken last week when my wife and I went to the movies for the first time in about two years.  The latest Bond film, "No Time To Die," was close to three hours long and for eleven dollars in change for two people, it was great entertainment.  I'm the one with the popcorn below and he's holding a gun.

Novelist, Ian Fleming wrote the Bond stories beginning in 1953, which makes James Bond older than me and Haagen-Dazs ice cream.(both 61)  The first Bond movie, "Dr. No," came out in 1962. The latest movie is the 27th film, although only 25 are owned by the same company, with two others owned by another company.  Three times a Bond movie has featured a hit song that was nominated for an Academy Award, "Live and Let Die," "Nobody Does It Better," and "For Your Eyes Only."  Many of the movie titles are about living, dying or killing, which does make sense for movies about secret agents.

The actors who played James Bond are mostly well known, beginning with Sean Connery and Roger Moore and also Timothy Dalton, Pierce Brosnan, and Daniel Craig, who is in his final performance currently.  Two other lesser known Bonds are George Lazenby and David Niven who both only appeared one time.  David Niven starred in "Casino Royale" which came out in 1967, was a spy parody of James Bond and I believe it's the only Bond movie I have never seen. Some of the well known actors and actresses in that movie were Ursula Andrews, Woody Allen, Orson Welles, Peter O'Toole, Angelica Huston, William Holden and Deborah Kerr.  One oddity was the first appearance of someone named Perter Prowse, who later became the physical appearance of Darth Vader! How would James Bond defeat Darth Vader? I think I'm going to look that movie up and see a different James Bond.

For almost 60 years, James Bond has entertained the world and you can be sure that in a few years there will be one more Bond movie to see and his legend will be bigger than ever. (and I'll probably be a little smaller too)

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Eating 9 Meals A Day

 Don't be alarmed, I am not doing it.  It does sound like fun, doesn't it? I have often heard that it's healthy to eat five small meals a day.  I probably haven't done that exactly, but I've eaten five or six times in a day.  A few snacks in between meals is pretty normal for me and some of them are actually healthy! I usually have at least one big meal a day and I usually eat too much.

Would you believe there is someone eating 9 meals a day and he's healthy? NFL quarterback, Russell Wilson eats about 5,000 calories a day so he can lose weight! This sounds like a great plan to lose weight, until you read what he's eating. You also have to have 3-4 hours of intensive workouts.  He eats almonds three times a day which automatically disqualifies me, I can't stand the smell of nuts.  However, he does eat chicken three times a day(5 chicken breasts) and that would be great for me. He eats fruits and vegetables and steak or fish in addition to 6 whole eggs in the morning.  

I'm hungry just writing this down.  If I was eating nine meals a day, what would I eat?  Here's a sample menu:

5 am: Start the day off with one of my favorites-cranberry bread.  Below is a sample of my first meal and I would not eat the whole thing, just a healthy slice.

7 am: Get some dairy and chocolate with my favorite cereal-Cocoa Krispies and some orange juice.(in a glass not in the cereal of course)

9 am: A peach or apple, something healthy.

11 am: A big salad with chicken thrown on top.  And, one more piece of cranberry bread.

1 pm: A couple chicken drumsticks to start the afternoon off.

3 pm: One small pint of Haagen-Dazs coffee ice cream since I've been eating healthy all day.

5 pm:  One whole chicken with some corn and mashed potatoes.

7 pm:  Two fudgesicles or ice pops to start to wind down the day.

9 pm:  One more piece of cranberry bread to end the day.

That doesn't seem too crazy does it? It's 8 am, time for my second meal.  I think I'll have some cranberry bread, mmmm.