JULY'S MOST MEMORABLE COMMENTS

FOR SOME REASON, COMMENTS AND TOPICS THIS MONTH WERE MORE EXPLICIT THAN NORMAL.

 She: "My friend flies to Africa to get her hair braided, because it costs only $5 there. It's a few hundred dollars here, but her flight cost $1,600."

Him: "I'm a Defense Contractor and I'm looking for ISIS and al-Qaeda in Africa now."

The young woman who I drove two months ago who said she was a part-time traveler and a future chef, told me on this trip, "My cook book should be coming out next year and it's called, "One Hundred Ways to Make Your Mouth Climax."

Just arriving from Ohio, he asked, "Do you have a funny bone here?" (Asking about comedy places)

Married for 54 years, I asked the couple from Long Island, New York, "What is the secret to a successful marriage?" I watched the wife who was grinning, she said because she was afraid of what her husband would say. He said, "Fight every day, because it doesn't matter anymore."

Me to the woman: "You have a great laugh." Her: "I do?" Me: "Don't tell me no one has told you that before." Her: "They usually tell me to shut the fuck up."

Woman from the South, "When I come into work I say, "Good morning" to everyone.  If they don't say anything to me, I say, "Is your mouth broken?"

Celebrating 21 years of marriage I asked them how they met. She: "He was my Chemistry tutor in college." He: "I got her grade up from an F to an A and then we went out to celebrate it and then I scored." She: "We did not do that!" (He misspoke)

The husband asked, "Why are there so many trucks that are raised up driving around?" His wife, a middle school teacher answered immediately, "Small penis syndrome."

Talking about the picture of the Super Bowl ring hanging in my car, he said, "Athletes don't know how to manage their money, some of those rings probably wind up in a porn shop." His wife corrected him, "He means pawn shop." He said, For some athletes it could be the same."

Him: "Did you know in Japan they have Kit Kats that are seaweed flavored and salt flavored?"

Couple from Las Vegas: "We loved the thunder and heavy rain here. We only get 2-3 inches of rain each year."

I started telling a story: "I had three women from Iowa yesterday," and the guy interrupted and said, "You lucky dog." Me: "There is more to that sentence."

Explaining to the Michigan couple that Derek Jeter mostly grew up in Kalamazoo, Michigan, the woman said, "I met Derek Jeter. He has long hair and plays for Boston, right?" (no)

The woman whose husband is an introvert said after the hour ride, "You've said more words on this trip than my husband has in 17 years."

The guy said, "I'm a scare actor and I work in The Zombie House. I love scaring the crap out of people."

Young woman: "I know it sounds bad and I hate to say this, but I really appreciate COVID, it helped me work remotely and travel more."

The male Dentist: "It was a pleasure driving with you, you should charge extra for psychological counseling."

He: "When I was in Zimbabwe they were switching over to our currency and you could buy their old money. I paid $25 for a ten trillion dollar bill."

Woman: "We don't have a Super Bowl ring to show you, but my lack of knowledge is probably enough."

I told her that I work a 12 hour day driving and she said, "When do you take a nap?"

Woman: "I was toilet trained when I was 1 by my older brother. Now I have to toilet train my child." Me: "Have your brother come over and do it."

Him: "I was on "The Voice" eight years ago and sang "Yesterday" and got to go to California."

She explained she wasn't good in math, "I don't math well, that's why I went to law school."

He explained why he went to law school one year after she did, "We like to make bad choices together."

She: "My real name is Beatrice, but when I was one I decided I would only answer to "Tata" and my family still calls me that name today." (in her 40's?)

Picking the couple up from an amazing house, he said, "We don't use Uber much when we go out for dinner, but we're trying not to be assholes."

The female teacher explained that one day a six year old boy approached her with a closed hand and she thought he said, "I have a small penis for you. I asked him to repeat it and he opened his hand and he had peanuts for me."

Robotics consultant: "The most important thing today is to be passionate about what you do and have people be able to see it."

She: "After being a dental hygienist for 30 years, I went to flight attendant school and was one of only 19 out of 40 who graduated."

Bragging about his wife's success he said, "She's a three-time Emmy award wining TV producer. Her biggest one was for "The Doctors," but she's produced for Dr. Phil, Montel Williams, and other talk shows."

Young man: "Three different times I've seen vehicles explode.  A couple during Sandy and also a garbage truck." Me: "I'm going to feel safer after I drop you off."

Talking about all the yes sirs and mams in the south, the guy from New Jersey said, "The only time we hear sir in Jersey is when the cop says, "License and registration sir."

She: "You've never seen a dolphin and you've been here four years?."

I asked the couple, "When did you get married?" The guy answered, "Nine months ago, it's been the best nine months of my life."

I told him that one middle aged man said that he likes going to Wal-Mart to pick-up women, the middle aged man said, "It's better in the frozen food section at Publix."

She: "I'm a Zoo Supervisor with a Masters in Psychology and I'm doing some work with National Geographic."

"If you're drinking and riding a bicycle in The Isle of Palms you can be pulled over for a DUI, I know people who were."

The couple had just come out of the two hour time-share seminar and said, "They were good at their job. They even said that we needed to buy the time share so we could get away and help our marriage so we wouldn't wind up divorced."

He was from New York: "I was genuinely struck with how friendly people were in the South my first day.  I left my wallet on the counter of a store and a guy came running out after me.  In New York, that would have been gone."

"I'm an Aluminum Excruder, at times the temperature is 1,000 degrees."

He used to be chef and now he works on the road as a truck driver.  I asked, "Do you like being on the road? He replied, "Hell no."

GMC truck salesman: "I have several sold cars thirteen minutes from out dealership, but we can't get them because they are short truck drivers and we have to wait to have it delivered."

He works for Caterpillar Inc. and told me, "We have 200 engines that cost $250 million each, just sitting around the factory waiting for parts."

As the CEO of a large health care system, he said we had 200 out of 7,000 employees about the vaccine mandate. I told everyone we can't have patients getting sick from us.  About 90% of the 200 were people who were always complaining about something."

I asked the couple how their experiences were with Uber drivers on this trip and he said, "Is this Undercover Boss?"

She: "I've been in a lot of Ubers, three times I was in a minor accident and twice a driver was pulled over." Me: "I need to get you to your destination quickly."

"We sat at Wal-Mart for two hours last night and could not get a ride." (Saturday 8 pm in Charleston area)

She said, "In Miami, Uber drivers never help with your luggage."

I asked the woman who has been married for 45 years, "What is the secret to a successful marriage?" She: "Hard work and patience."

She: "In Wisconsin, the drivers don't talk to you."

Woman: "When I heard his nickname was "Carlos Danger," I was intrigued "I walked into a party of mutual friends and walked up to him and said, "You must be Carlos Danger." (His real name is not Carlos but they've been dating 2 1/2 years.)

Him: "We fell in love during a billion dollar wedding we were working at. I was playing guitar and she was playing the violin and we were smiling at each other while we were playing. The wedding was for a well-known Chinese guy and it was in the Indian Ocean."

The two guys had a lot of luggage. One said, "Take us to a hotel at Broadway at the Beach, we need to check our luggage for a couple hours. Me: "Sure, I don't know if they'll take it." Him: "We're good negotiators, we're in town to negotiate the price for a plane." (He did it)

Telling the young couple about the guy from Minnesota who wasn't big on mini-golf, but "thought his whole life about stripper mini-golf," they got into it.  The guy said that you could, "have a stripper driving around to each hole on a golf cart." His girlfriend added, "there should be a stripper for every hole."

The woman in her late 20's(?) told me, "I don't have a family or kids and when I'm on vacation I like to wear a bikini, but I felt a little uncomfortable around a bunch of kids, do you know what I mean?" Me: "I've never had that exact experience, but I understand." She: "I like to curse too and I had to tone it down."

The young, professional couple told me, "We had two bad experiences with Uber, in Miami and here. Both times we went out together and the next day Uber notified us that we were charged extra money because we overloaded the vehicle and it was just us." (not large people)

She lives a short distance down on a gravel road. "I had two bad experiences with Uber Eats. The first one was the driver stopped down the block when the road was gravel and called me to come and get it.  I was just out of the shower and it was cold out and I didn't go and he just left." The second one was I saw the guy pull up in my driveway from my second floor window.  I walked down, open the door and he was driving away. He took a picture of my pizza, wings and soda on the porch and he left with them. He booked out of there."

As the couple got in my car I realized they were going to see the minor league baseball game. I said, "I have a rule in my car that if you're going to a baseball game and I'm driving, you have to sing, "Take Me Out To The Ballgame." Immediately, the female pharmacist broke into the first line of the song, "Take Me Out To the Ballgame," which started the ride with a lot of laughter."

The big Boston Red Sox fan from Boston had just moved here. When she saw my New York Yankee hat in the car, she said, "I'm going to have to get the fuck out of this car!" Later, when we arrived at her house I pulled into the wrong driveway and she said, "Just drive right over the grass."

She said, "He was known for dressing fashionably." He added, "How the mighty have fallen."

She asked an unusual question, "How come there are no high signs in Myrtle Beach?"

Him: "The first time I came to Myrtle Beach I was ten in 1954."

"To have a friend, you have to be a friend."

She: "I'm a house manager, I manage a couple's estate which has three properties in three different states."

He's from Kalamazoo, Michigan, where Derek Jeter grew up and he has met him several times. "I also played football in high school with Greg Jennings." (Played with the Packers)

Visiting the south she said, "I just want to get a no-salt salad."

Her name was Miluzka which comes from Peru and means, "The light of my eye."

Healthy woman in her late 20's: "When I had COVID recently I was so sick I could not walk into the next room for three days to test myself again."

Him: "My single is coming out next week, "Broken Heart" (Last name is Rouseau)

Young woman living here from Philly, "I still force myself sometimes to say hello to people."

Me: "What kind of work did you do used to do?" Him: "I was an X-ray Physicist."

Picking up the young realtor he said, "I'm embarrassed that I'm still out at 5:30 am."

"We have a landscaping problem at Chipotle and we have to close the store sometimes when it rains, because the water comes in the store."

Two young woman who were on the beach all night, "We can't wait to get into our bed."

I asked the two young woman with four large suitcases, "How long is the trip to Thailand?" She: "It's 26 hours."

He said, "I'm 31, but I'm really an old soul."

As a Domestic Abuser Counselor for eight years, she said, "I was working with the abusers, it wore me out."

My Dad was in the military and we lived in Japan for a few years. The day we arrived, I was completely out of it after the plane ride and the jet lag.  He was showing us around and I said, "Where are we?" It was complete culture shock. I tried to learn Japanese, but I couldn't do it."

I told him that he has an advantage working in the South since he's from the North.  He said, "I know, I walk faster."

She: "We live in paradise, Fort Lauderdale, Florida. Anywhere there's family is paradise."

The 25 year owner of a limo business looked around my car and said, "I like how you service your customers."

When I asked the guy with the nickname "Unbreakable," how he got his name, he said, "It's not a very good story." (Only the second rider who did not want to discuss their name)

When I told him that I was 61, he said, "I thought you were 41." When I told this to two women, one said, "I thought you were in your early 50's."

She: "I'm going to give you 10 stars." (there are only 5 to give)

"I've had good Uber drivers, but you're the best."

The woman who said she was a Diamond Uber Rider told me, "You're my best Uber rider ever."

She: "Thank you, you really changed my day."

As I pulled up to their destination, the young woman in the back yelled, "We don't want to get out."

"Your voice sounds like you've been a radio broadcaster."

After entertaining her with Red Sox stories on a very short ride, the woman said, "That was the best Uber ride I've ever had."