How Close Am I To Being A Southerner?

If you consider that we are on the planet earth and somewhere out there exists extra-terrestrials, the distance between us and them is further than I am from "being a southerner."  I still have a long way to go in this journey that is now officially one year old since we arrived December 27th of last year.

A friend in Highland Park, NJ., (I only have one there), commented that my blogs are more about daily life than "becoming a southerner."  It was an interesting point which inspired me to write this. (yes, it's his fault)

I think having a daily life in a different part of the country really is a significant part of "becoming a southerner".  Adjusting to the beautiful weather and occasional hurricane, "suffering" with the low gas prices, ($1.84), putting up with all the friendly people, and trying to adjust to a slower pace of daily life, are all things that we have dealt with this past year.

Living in the south and in South Carolina, another significant aspect is the lower pay.  Although having a part-time job is not unusual in other parts of the country, I think it is more common here.  There may be more retired people here than most places, but many people are trying to piece together an income they are happy with. In a tourist area like Myrtle Beach there are also less full-time jobs and many of them are in service areas.

I still have not eaten Southern grits, I have not said, "y'all" to anyone, and I do not have a southern accent.  If any of those things happen in 2019 you'll be the first to know and I will have taken one giant step towards being a "real southerner."

It Was A Christmas Miracle!

Last week I wrote about how I was not going to watch "The Muppet Christmas Carol" movie on Christmas Eve for the first time in 15-20 years.  We haven't bought a television yet, so all we had was the DVD of the movie.  Since all of our kids would not be with us, they were going to watch it where they were.

I was all prepared and ready to just listen to the soundtrack, but our youngest daughter surprised me.  She bought the movie online and we watched it on the computer.  It was great as usual, but there was another surprise towards the end.  With about ten minutes left in the movie, I fell asleep.  I was tired and had a long day, but I missed the best part in the movie!

Tiny Tim did not die as you probably already know.  I would have liked to see Scrooge turn around and be generous and I would have liked to see Ms. Piggy's face when he tells her that he's going to pay off the mortgage to Bob Cratchet's house. 

I guess I'll have to wait another year to see that, but the whole family enjoyed the movie once again. Isn't it about time you saw the movie?

Milking A Laugh To The Very Last Drop

I know I'm guilty of this, but when something is funny I feel we should keep laughing about it as long as possible.  This year I have written three blogs about Ms. D, a customer that I deliver boxes too.  She's the big New England Patriot fan who told me earlier in the year that the Patriots lost the Super Bowl because, "they ate two much greasy food that day."

I promise this will be the last blog I will write about her, but I just had to do one more.  A couple weeks ago the Patriots had a heartbreaking loss on a miraculous play at the end of the game that will be watched for decades to come. My New York Giants won a big game the same week.  Last week the Patriots lost on the last play of the game again. 

Although  my Giants lost, I knew Ms. D would be very upset to say the least.  I thought this would be the perfect time to get her to switch teams and start rooting for the Giants.  A couple days later I resisted running into her office when I delivered nearby, but the next day I couldn't stop myself. 

I grabbed my winter NY Giants hat and burst into her office. Fortunately there were no patients waiting, because they wouldn't have known what was going on.  As soon as she saw me, Ms. D had a big grin on her face and said, "Get out, get out of here."  Laughing I told her that I knew how upset she was about the Patriots last two weeks and this would be a great time to start rooting for the Giants and I told her I would give her my hat.(I knew there was no chance of her taking me up on it, so my hat was not at risk)

"I'll throw that in the garbage," she said.  I was finally able to stop laughing and we talked a few minutes about the games and then I left.  But, I needed to add one more thing and I thought it was perfect. She was going on vacation for two weeks and with Christmas coming, I thought I'd get her a little gift for all the laughs she's given me this year.

I printed up my three blogs about her and put it in an envelope that said, "Merry Christmas from your favorite NY Giant fan."  Friday I went in to give it to her, but she was already on vacation. When she gets back I know she will be laughing.

Just to be sure she'll be laughing I'm printing this one up too.  This should be "good to the last drop" as the old coffee commercial used to say.

I Wore A Quilt

The title is not a misprint.  I did not mean that I wore a kilt, that would be ridiculous to see.  I decided this morning to wear shorts despite it being 37 degrees at 6 am.  I was going to spend most of the day driving in my car and by 9 am it would be in the 50's.

I wanted to be comfortable, but yesterday my feet were cold wearing shorts.  I took the colorful quilt our oldest daughter made and carried it into the car.  Who knows, maybe I wouldn't have a ride until it warmed up?

When I put the quilt on, my feet were immediately warm.  The problem was that I got a ride right away and a guy sat in the front seat.  Would he see me wearing a quilt? No, fortunately he had a lot to drink last night and he didn't have much sleep either.  I wonder what he would have said if he saw it?

This may be a new trend for driving-wear a quilt to stay warm.

I'm Not Going to See It Snow on Christmas

I've never seen a  poll done on who likes snow and who doesn't, but it's safe to say that I'm one of the few people who really loves snow.  I enjoy driving in snow, shoveling snow and watching the snow fall.  That one sentence would convince many people that I'm out of my mind.  If that wasn't enough, I really did bring a snow shovel to Myrtle Beach, South Carolina, just in case I may need it sometime in the future.

I mentioned in another blog that when I was a kid I used to sit in front of a large window where our television was and I would watch the snow fall instead of watching the television.  It was peaceful, beautiful and every flake seemed to be different and the wind would blow the flakes all different directions.  It was fun to see the snow pile up on our patio.

Every year growing up a few days before Christmas I would check the forecast to see if there was a chance of snow.  I remember watching endless television shows and movies where it snowed on Christmas, but I don't recall ever seeing that happen in New Jersey.  I remember rain and some warmer Christmas's, but I don't recall ever seeing snow on Christmas.

I did just check the forecast for Myrtle Beach on Tuesday.  The low will be 36 degrees and the high will be 53 degrees.  It's going to be sunny hear with zero chance of rain.  It's not going to snow here on Tuesday.

To paraphrase a song, "It's going to snow somewhere on Tuesday."  December 25, 2019-maybe it will snow here next year.  I'll be waiting and I'll let you know.

Did I Tell You About The Gas Prices Here?

I have no idea if I did or not.  Three weeks ago I wrote a blog that the gas prices dropped under $2.00 per gallon.  I was thrilled and shocked that they had continued to drop past the $2.17 I paid when I first arrived here just after Christmas last year.  I had been telling visitors here how happy I was to pay so little for gas.

Three weeks ago I saved a draft of that blog, but apparently did not post it according to the records on my blog.  It still shows it has a draft.  However, my youngest daughter said that she read it.  I have no clue based on my incredible technological skills.(yes, that is funny)

However, I am paying $1.87 now and that isn't funny, it's ridiculous.  Within the past two weeks a lawyer in Florida(who will go nameless) posted something on Facebook about the low gas prices in "red" states(Republican) versus "blue" states(Democratic).  He asked if there was a "conspiracy."  I did not reply on Facebook, but here's the obvious answer:

For the most part, "red" states have less taxes and "blue" states have more taxes.  That's primarily how Republicans and Democrats like it.  There are some exceptions to that and not too long ago Republican Governor Chris Christie raised gas taxes in "blue" New Jersey.  This is one of the main philosophical differences between Republicans and Democrats, less taxes versus more taxes.

I'm now paying thirty cents less per gallon from when I got here.  If I fill up three times a week(which I have) that's 40 gallons or saving $12.00 a week in gas or $48 a month or almost $600 this next year if they stayed this low.  Do you know what that $48 extra a month can buy?

We can get two rotisserie chickens for free each week? I'm hungry just thinking about it.

We can go to the movies twice a week and buy popcorn and a soda and have money left over.

We can go out to dinner twice a week and just get a main course.

You get the picture. I'm very happy paying $1.87 for gas.  Got to run and get some gas.

"The Muppet Christmas Carol"

Last year, 2017, was the 25th anniversary of the making of a very special movie,  "The Muppet Christmas Carol", which was directed by Brian Henson. He is the son of the Muppet creator, Jim Henson, who had recently passed away.  

During the past 15-20 years this movie has been a part of the Hoenig "Christmas Eve" festivities.(I do realize I've just said a mouthful to the rest of my Jewish family) We have watched this movie religiously every year and we've enjoyed it every year.(yes, some more than others)

This year, since we all won't be together, we won't be watching the movie. We will have our youngest daughter with us and we may just listen to the soundtrack of the songs which were written by the legendary Paul Williams.(it seems he has written songs for almost every movie)  It will be unusual not to watch the movie this year, but let me tell you why:

THE STORY: The Charles Dickens story was first published in 1843, which makes it 175 years old!  It is one of the classics and of course is known by almost every one. The character of Scrooge is iconic, an individual you can never forget

THE MUSIC: I've always loved the music and I think I have at least five of the songs on my iPod which I listen to all the time.  The songs are brilliant and are a joy to listen to.

THE ACTING: Micheal Caine plays Scrooge and although he's had a long and successful career, I find it hard to believe he's done a better acting job in another film.

HUMOR: The two narrators are Muppets, as are many of the characters.  Gonzo the Muppet narrates as Charles Dickens with the assistance of Rizzo the Rat.  Do I really have to explain more how this is funny.  Miss Piggy and Kermit the Frog are married and they are hilarious together.  There are many lines in the movie that our family has repeated over the years from this movie which won't mean anything to you, but some of them are:

"Heat Wave"

"The British Way"

"I Loved it"

"Belinda!"

I often thought over the years, how could people miss out on a movie that is this good? If you've never seen this movie you can buy it at Target for $9.99, which is a steal.  Some other people have described this movie like this:

"Heartwarming"

"Charming"

"Incredibly moving"
"Best treasure ever"

"Does the word brilliant mean anything"

This is one of my top ten favorite movies of all-time, it's really that good.

TWO BEERS IN FIVE DAYS!

My drinking problem began in high school and I'm pretty sure my Dad is partly to blame.  If I stopped writing now you would completely have the wrong idea.  I never did have an alcoholic drink in high school, but I did think about it and that was the problem.

At some point in high school my Dad said to me as he pointed to the bar in our TV room, "If you ever want a drink let me know."  I think I lost all interest at that moment.  When most people are excited about something, I usually have little interest.  The lottery-never played, smoking a cigarette-never lit up, drinking coffee in the morning-never tried it, can't wait to drink alcohol-never cared about it.  Even getting a driver's license-I was not in a hurry and I waited for four months after my birthday to take the test.

Why? I don't know, I guess I'm just a rebel.  When I read the poem in high school, "The Road Not Taken" by Robert Frost, it meant a lot to me.  The poem ends with this:

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

Back to drinking: it was February 19th 1979, which was my 18th birthday and a half and we had a major snowstorm.  Fairleigh Dickinson University, where I went to school, was closed. My roommate and I went to the campus pub and I had my first beer.  My reaction was, "eh".  I wasn't impressed.  Maybe twice in my life I drank a beer and thought something other than, "eh."  I think they were hot days and the beer tasted good.  Over the years there have been many, many years that I had one beer or less.  In college one night I had four beers at a party and there's a picture of me and I look like I had four beers.  I didn't enjoy the beer that night either.  When we go out to eat now I usually order two waters and I tell the server, "I'm a big drinker."

However, two weeks ago on December 1, my wife and I were invited to a small party to celebrate a friend's 72nd birthday at his house.  He offered me a beer and I took one.  We ate pizza(which is a food I usually say, "eh" too also, and I drank the whole beer and it was, "eh."  Five days later my roommate from college and the best man at our wedding, came to Myrtle Beach to visit.  We hadn't seen him in 15 years and we went out to dinner.  This was the same roommate that almost 40 years ago I had my first beer with.  I ordered a beer to celebrate all the beers I haven't enjoyed in my life.

This Saturday, we will be going out to eat to celebrate my daughter graduating from GEORGIA TECH.  Do I dare have THREE beers in two weeks? I wouldn't count on it. I haven't had three beers in one month since college, why break that record?

The End is Near

I'm an optimist, so the title of this post is far too negative, or is it?  "The End is Near" is not about what's happening in Washington D.C.(you really don't want to know what I think)  It is about what's happening in Atlanta, Georgia this Saturday, December 15th.

Our youngest child, Marisa,(I hope it's okay to use "real" names if they are your own flesh and blood), is graduating from Georgia Tech University.  She is our third child to graduate from college and she has excelled at least as much as our first two children, Jess and Sean.  WE ARE VERY PROUD OF ALL THREE OF THEM!

Recently I saw some pictures of the three of them when they were young on the first school day of the year and it really brought back memories.  The report cards, the home work, the teacher nights and asking them the question that they loved to hear-what did you do in school today? Frequently they would say nothing, but I'm pretty sure they were doing a lot more than that.

We were fortunate that all three of our kids were self-motivated and wanted to do well in school.  I guess my wife and I should get some credit for some encouragement along the way and I guess the genes came from us too.  But, Saturday is really the last day of school for our family.(although Sean is taking grad school classes)  It's the end of a long, successful journey and it's the beginning of another journey called life, for Marisa.

Marisa is a joy.  Her enthusiasm and energy has inspired many of her fellow students and we are looking forward to enjoying a fun weekend in Atlanta with her celebrating her outstanding college career.  And if you ask me next week, how was your weekend? I'm going to be grinning from ear to ear and I'll tell you how wonderful it was.

How To Eat and Drive

I know Dad, I can hear you from 650 miles away.  "You shouldn't be eating while you drive, it's dangerous."  I've never been to confession since I'm Jewish, but I'm going to have to confess-I've been eating and driving for forty years.  Don't worry, I do take breaks, but I've eaten a lot of food and I've driven a lot of miles.  I figured I would give you some tips on how to eat and drive and also my views on particular foods in the car.

DRIVING ON DARK, WINDING ROADS: Don't eat, starve yourself.  This really can be dangerous.

IN TRAFFIC JAMS: This is one of the best times to eat since you're not moving and it will help you pass the time quicker.  It will also make the people in the cars next to you jealous and hungry.

EATING A HOAGIE OR SUB: Go light on the lettuce.  You'd be surprised how much lettuce you can drop and you may not find some of it for a month or two.  This is not the time to go heavy on mayo either-think light.

CHICKEN OR RIBS: I've only had ribs once while I was driving and it was not a pretty sight.  You think watching me devour a chicken or turkey carcass is disgusting to watch? Trying to drive while licking sauce off your fingers is even worse.  But, I was hungry and the ribs were incredible as I drove on the highway-safely. And my car smelled so good for weeks!

A CHICKEN OR TURKEY CARCASS: No way I would get in a car with one, just can't do it justice while driving.  It may also be dangerous and very messy in a car.

SAUCE:  Just like the mayo, go light.

COTTAGE CHEESE: This can be tricky.  You have to have the cottage cheese inside a lunchbox tightly so when you scoop it up with a spoon, the container doesn't move.  It does work well if you do that.  Cottage cheese can be messy if you drop it on yourself or your can.

BANANA: It you think the banana smells, you've got to get the peel out of your car, because it really stinks.  Peeling a banana can be tricky too.

SANDWICH: I've eaten thousands in my car.  Your hands may be dirty so keep the sandwich in the sandwich bag and just take small bites as the sandwich slips out a little bit from the bag.  Once in a while you might taste plastic, but it's probably harmless.

CHEERIOS(without milk)  Grabbing a handful of those little things is easy, but getting them all in your mouth is the challenging part.  Those tiny bits of food can sit on your floor for a long, long time until you find them.

THE FIVE SECOND RULE: You all know the old saying that if you drop something on the floor you need to pick it up in five seconds or less and it won't harm you.  In a car, when you're driving, it's more like a full minute.  How dirty can the mat be where you put your feet?  Keep your eyes on the road while your arm stretches down.  Remember, if  you dropped cranberry bread-you have to get it back!

FAST FOOD CHICKEN: If you put a couple pieces under your font seat wrapped up, don't be like my friend John and forget to take it with you.  After a few months under your seat the chicken will not be something you never want to smell or eat.(I know)

A PINT OF ICE CREAM:  Between the cold of the container, the frozen ice cream and the size of the container, this is not going to work.  Pull over somewhere safe and enjoy it, as long as you have a spoon.  If you don't have a spoon find anything else you can use before you have a pint of soup.

PLANNING: If you are planning on a road trip you want to have a realistic idea of what you are going to eat.  It is not necessary to have many bags of chips, pretzels, and candy like some people have done traveling from Atlanta.  Be prepared and throw in a napkin or two in case you're enjoying ribs.

More People In My Car

The month of November was definitely slower in terms of driving for Uber, so I started driving for Lyft also to get a few extra rides each week.  Uber is more popular in this area, but 90 miles south of here in Charleston, South Carolina, I've been told that Lyft is more popular.

These are my favorite stories from my riders for the month of November:

THE COLLEGE STUDENT
At 23 years old, she is about to graduate and she wants to be a marine biologist.  Her goal is to work in Hawaii and she has some friends and contacts there.  What surprised me was that she was planning her fourth trip to Hawaii.  This is one place I've always wanted to go, but at 23 she's been there three times already!  Through some unfortunate circumstances and saving some money with her sister, she was able to make multiple visits to Hawaii despite the expensive trips.  She really believes she will be able to get a job there and is looking forward to living there next year.  It's expensive to live there, but it has to be cheaper than traveling back and forth.  She was very confident and I believe she'll be able achieve her goal.

THE ENTERTAINER
It was 6:30 am on a Sunday when I got the ride from the Hampton Inn.  I was sitting in a parking lot across the street and I was at hotel in less than two minutes.  A young woman in her mid 20's walked out and she was dressed in a fancy, black ensemble.(I have no clue if it was a dress or skirt, since it was still dark out, but it was sleeveless)  She was very enthusiastic for early Sunday morning and when I started to pull away she said, "I'm going to entertain you-with a funny story."  She had my attention and told me she was at a wedding last night and had too much too drink.  She got a ride to her hotel, but could not find her key and they told her that she didn't have a room there.  She was confused and not thinking clearly, so the person who drove her let her sleep for the night in their room.  This morning the hotel told her that she was staying at the Hampton Inn six miles north of here.

As I drove towards the other hotel, I could not understand where it was and why they would have the same hotel in two locations so close to each other.(neither one was near the water)  My rider was wide awake and she gave me perfect instructions to the hotel which was hidden behind a mall and a bank.  There was no sign on the main road for the hotel either.  No wonder she couldn't find it the night before! I've been passing this intersection for the last eleven months.  It's only a few miles from our house and I never knew the hotel was there, and I was always sober.

THE FATHER AND THE 4-YEAR OLD
This could be a Disney script, it was that good.  When I pulled up to my rider I saw a man with very, very long hair and a little boy. They were going to the airport and the father had a car seat and seemed very organized.  He told me he worked in hospital in San Francisco and was headed home. Immediately, I made the connection of the long hair and San Francisco, but I was surprised when he told me he was a doctor in the emergency room.

He was trying to keep his son awake so he would sleep on the plane.  I asked if he could count to ten and the father didn't think so.  I asked the boy, "how many fingers do I have as I put one up."  He replied, "one" and I put up two fingers and he said, "two."  It didn't take long for him to count to ten that way and we made a big deal about it.  I told the father to take out the pirate brochure behind my seat and maybe he would like that, which he did.  There was one picture where the pirates were fighting and there was a fire and the father said, "if you were in that picture, what would you do?"  The four year old said, "I would help them with the fire.  I want to be a fireman."

I'm pretty sure we don't have to worry about this little boy.  He stayed awake and I'm pretty sure he's going to have a bright future.  And the Dad? He was doing a great job and seemed unfazed in handling his little boy.

The Roll of Toilet Paper

On the internet we can read just about anything, but it doesn't mean we want to read everything.  I am sure somewhere, someone, for some odd reason has written something about a roll of toilet paper.  I am also pretty sure you have never read or wanted to read about a roll of toilet paper.  There's also a good chance you will forget what you are about to read.

As a courier I deliver packages, supplies to offices, stores, and some homes.  A couple weeks ago I delivered a bunch of boxes to an eye doctor's office.  One of the boxes was a very large box of toilet paper.  When I got home that day I found that one wrapped roll of toilet paper was sitting underneath my seat.  I figured out pretty quickly that it had come out of the box for the eye doctor's office.

Since I was going to drive for Uber I cleaned out my car and put the roll of paper next to my work things so I could put it back in my car and then deliver it back to the eye doctor's office(Uber does suggest you could have water or gum available for passengers but they probably don't support having a roll of toilet paper in the car)

My wife saw the roll of toilet paper and was going to bring it inside, but instead moved it from where my work stuff was and therefore I forgot all about it.  Days later I saw it sitting in the garage and I was going to put it back under my car seat, but I forgot about it again.  About a week later, the toilet paper roll was sitting in our kitchen and I finally threw it back into my car.

Yesterday, I stopped into the eye doctor's office and walked in holding one roll of toilet paper.  Imagine how odd I must have looked!  A couple women in the office noticed immediately and when I started explaining several more turned to look at me.  I said, "this roll of toilet paper jumped out of the box I delivered to you two weeks ago so I wanted you to get it back.  All the paper is still here."  There was laughter and one woman said, "how do we know it's all there?"  I said, "I can't wrap it up that neatly."

I left the office grinning as were a number of women in the office and possibly a few patients who overheard the conversation.  Maybe the next time you read about a roll of toilet paper it will be better than this, maybe not.

A Thanksgiving Without a Carcass

If you did a survey to find out what is America's favorite holiday, it's possible that Thanksgiving could come in first.  There are many reasons for that, but the one dominating aspect of Thanksgiving is of course the food.  What is your favorite Thanksgiving dish? It could be the stuffing or mashed potatoes, or THE CRANBERRY BREAD, the beans or carrots, the cranberry sauce, or any of a number of dishes.

My favorite dish is definitely turkey.  I think it is a very underrated food. What kind of turkey? Is it the dark meat, the white meat, or the bones?  I really like them all, but I'm a little different if you haven't noticed.  My all-time favorite dish at Thanksgiving is something I don't eat on Thanksgiving.

I love eating the carcass the next day as a meal.  No, I don't actually eat the bones, just the meat off the bones.  No matter how much you cut off the carcass for Thanksgiving, there is always plenty left on the carcass. And, it tastes just as good on Black Friday.

Watching me tear apart the bones and gnaw on them with some food flying here and there, is something I am sure my three children did not enjoy watching.  It would not surprise if they've had a nightmare or two about it.

We had a great Thanksgiving this year and our daughter and son-in-law did the cooking and we enjoyed it all.  But the next day there was no carcass for me to eat.  My wife bought a rotisserie chicken a few days later and I ate the carcass.  I eat one of those a week, it's a little weekly holiday that I enjoy.

On Thanksgiving, Give Thanks To Sarah Josepha Hale

I love reading about successful people, where they came from and how they accomplished what made them famous.  One of my favorite success stories and one of the least known is Sarah Josepha Hale.  She lived from 1788 to 1879 and was America's first woman editor of a magazine.. As a writer she published over fifty volumes of work in her life and was one of the earliest campaigners for women's education. She was the first person to start day nurseries for working women and also the first to suggest public playgrounds..

Her career took off when she suddenly became a widow when she was pregnant with her fifth child.  With five children under eight to support she published her first book of poems.  In her second book, she wrote the famous nursery rhyme, "Mary Had A Little Lamb."

That was the beginning of her long and distinguished career as a writer and editor, but it wasn't her most extraordinary accomplishment.  She is known as "The Mother of Thanksgiving."  During her life Thanksgiving was celebrated in different states at different times. She believed that Thanksgiving should be a National Holiday that everyone in America would celebrate together in November and it would bring the country together.  She wrote columns and editorials and many letters to Presidents of The United States.  Her campaign spanned 40 years until Abraham Lincoln declared Thanksgiving a national holiday in 1863.  It took seventy-nine more years for Congress to officially make the fourth Thursday of November the national holiday.

One person can make a difference  So this Thursday, give thanks for your family, health, and our country and also for "The Mother of Thanksgiving."

Happy Thanksgiving.

Torture By Cranberry Bread

Forgive me, I do know that it's not right to joke about torture, which is a serious subject.  However, after I explain, I think you'll understand.  Next Wednesday my wife and I are heading north for Thanksgiving and we were talking about what we were going to put in my van for the trip.  I suggested I bring the snow shovel, but she nixed that.  She told me that she was bringing cranberry bread that she's making for Thanksgiving.

"I'm going to drive in the car for ten hours with cranberry bread in the car?" I'm hungry now just writing this.  I would smell it in the car, how would I concentrate?  Cranberry bread is one of my top fifty foods, probably in the top fifteen.  I am not talking about a fruit loaf, this is unbelievably good.
My wife got the recipe from my Mom who made it for many years and she got it from my Aunt Libby who I think got it directly from the Creator.

I am talking about something that is so good that you can eat it for breakfast, at lunch, at dinner and for an afternoon or late night snack.  What's in it?  Cooking/baking is not my specialty, but I know there are cranberries in it and it goes in the oven and it's magnificent.  I like it better when it's a little chilled, but it's always good.

But back to my wife and our conversation.  She said that she was going to make a couple smaller ones so I could eat some in the car! What a relief and what a treat too! Just think, next Wednesday afternoon and during the day Thursday when you're thinking about the turkey(also in my top 50) and the big meal, I'm going to be munching away on cranberry bread while I'm driving to New Jersey.  I can have some late Wednesday afternoon when we start driving, after dinner for a dessert, for breakfast on Thursday and for a light lunch before the big meal.

And, you thought I was going to be tortured by cranberry bread! You're going to be thinking about me eating it, like you are right this minute.

A Day Off

This Saturday I'm taking a day off.  Our youngest daughter and her boyfriend are coming to visit and I'm not doing any work on Saturday.  Taking a day off is usually a pretty normal thing, but this day off is a little different.  My last day off was Monday, September 17th when we returned from Florida after being away for six days due to the hurricane.  Tomorrow, Friday, November 9th, will be the 53rd straight day I've worked.

I know how ridiculous that sounds, but it's not really that bad.  There are two things to remember when someone presents you with a number or a group of numbers. First, most people don't like numbers and secondly, most people are not good with numbers.  The big question is this: when you are given a number, is the number real? Does it mean what it really says or can you view it from a different perspective?

Working fifty-three straight days is a lot, until you consider the work.  As a courier, I frequently work 5-7 hours a day.  There have been many days that I was home by 1 or 2 pm.  For me, some of those days were really half days.  Occasionally, I did go out and "work" as an Uber driver for a few hours, but a number of those days were really easy days.

On the weekends I've been "working" as an Uber driver and it doesn't seem like work.  I'm just driving, picking up people and having great conversations with a lot of them.  I find it relaxing.  It's very common for me to be waiting in a hotel or airport parking lot for my next ride.  I've taken short naps, ate lunch, read the Sunday paper, called my Dad and read a book in addition to sometimes talking with other drivers and my wife. Frequently hat time adds up to two hours or more in my "work" day.

So the next time you hear or read about a number, pretend that I'm whispering in your ear: is it real? Does that number mean what it's supposed to mean? You may be surprised if you take a closer look.(if you hear we whispering in your ear when you're not thinking about a number, you've read too many of my blogs-take a day off!)

"Make Your Own Kind of Music"

Driving in the car today I heard a song that brought back some fun memories.  For the two or three of you out there who were fans of the television show "Lost", you know that this song was one of those unusual moments in the show.  We watched the character Desmond get up in the morning and go about a normal routine like everyone else does in the morning while he played the record, "Make Your Own Kind of Music".  The only difference was that he was underground inside a hatch on a mysterious island that moved.  If you're confused I won't explain the time travel or the polar bears on the hot island.

However, it made me think about how unique we all are and how important it is that we be our own person.  Some of us have some of the same genes, but we're still very different.  I may like cold hot dogs and blueberries in my sour cream and you might love peanut butter.(yuck)  When you eat your cereal you may may drown all of your cereal and I might like to just put enough milk in(not orange juice), so I have a little well that I can dip my cereal in and get it wet before I eat it.

We can have very different opinions or views about every possible subject.  Sometimes people hold back on what they like instead of accentuating who they really are and what they really like.  On my iPod I have country songs, rock songs, ballads, Disney songs, show tunes and a bunch of Christmas songs I listen to all year long.  No one has a collection of songs like me and I'm good with that.

So, as we go into the holiday season it's a good reminder to be your own person and make your own kind of music.  The song below was sung by The Mamas and Pappas in the 1960's and although their aren't many words, they are meaningful.

  Make Your Own Kind Of Music

Nobody can tell ya;
There's only one song worth singin',
They may try and sell ya,
'Cause it hangs them up to see someone like you.
But you've gotta make your own music
Sing your own special song,
Make your own kind of music even if nobody else sings along.
You're gonna be knowing
The loneliest kind of lonely,
It may be rough goin',
Just to do your thing's the hardest thing to do.
But you've gotta make your own music
Sing your own special song,
Make your…

It's Never Too Early For Christmas!

I may have written about this story before. A number of years ago one November, I listened all day to a radio station playing Christmas music as I drove around working.  I had a great time and came home and told my family how much fun I had and my youngest daughter said, "It's too early for Christmas."  I immediately replied, "it's never too early for Christmas."  That comment inspired me to write a song by that title and I thought about that day today.

It's November 1 and the temperature here hit 80 degrees.  It was a warm day here until late afternoon when we had some rain.  One of my last deliveries this afternoon was a large outlet mall.  As I turned towards the front on the mall, I had to smile.  There it was, a very large Christmas tree!  That's when I realized that Christmas was just around the corner, literally.

Christmas this year will be very different in South Carolina.  Since our youngest daughter is graduating college the week before in Atlanta, we don't have any plans on going anywhere for Christmas.  We no longer have a tree, but I think we still have some decorations for the holiday.
And, there's no chance of snow on Christmas, I'm pretty certain of that.

We have some time to figure out what we're going to do on December 25th, but I just wanted y'all to know that it's November 1 and there's a little bit of Christmas spirit here in Myrtle Beach, South Carolina.

A Southern Halloween

Over the years from time to time we have had warmer Halloween's, but typically on Halloween when we would sit out on our driveway and give out candy, it would be cold.  A few years ago they postponed Halloween when we were hit with an early snowstorm.

A snowstorm on Halloween is something that will never happen in South Carolina.  Yesterday was in the 70's and we sat out on our driveway in our new development and waited and waited and waited.  We did have a dozen or two dozen kids come by and we let them take 5 or 6 small pieces of candy, but there weren't a lot of kids that we saw.

Eventually, we'll have close to 200 houses here and Halloween will be busy like it was in New Jersey.  The highlight of the day had to be my wife dancing to the "Monster Mash" on our driveway which was blaring from the neighbors across the street.(and I have a short video too)  It was odd seeing so many neighbors at the same time on our quiet street.

The biggest issue we have from Halloween is, what do we do with the 150 leftover pieces of candy? I think we'll just put it away and use it next year, why not?

More People In My Car

It's that time of the month again to write about my favorite Uber riders in October.  It was a very busy month despite the fact that we have definitely started to see that there are less people visiting us.

BEST COMEBACK BY A RIDER: It was the second time I drove these two young women who were probably between 25-30 years old.  Picking them up from their hotel to go to the airport, I helped them with their luggage.  One of them had a regular suitcase, but the other woman had a suitcase about twice the size and three times the weight.  After picking it up and putting it in the back of my van I said to her, "what's in that? Did you take some furniture from the room?" She smiled and said, "No, it's a body."  I didn't ask any more details, but it did make her friend and I laugh.

THE MOST UNUSUAL COMMENT: I picked up this couple in their twenties who were going to a wedding and they were all dressed up and looked like a very professional couple.  We were just talking about random things and the guy said to me, "I took her to her first strip club last night." My witty response was, "oh."  He continued and told me they were practically kicked out, because they were dancing too much with each other. He said, "they don't like when you do that."  I said, "I'll have to make a note of that."  Now that I noted it, I hope that info is helpful to you in the future.

THE POSITIVE GUY: I like to think I'm pretty positive, but my last ride last night gave me something to think about.  If you're having a rough past week, consider this:  I picked up "D"(not his real name), at his hotel.  The ride was set-up by a woman since he had only two quarters in his pocket.  He was at a wedding the night before and lost his wallet with everything in it including $300 in cash.  He knows he had it there, because he tipped the bartender and didn't have it when he left the wedding.  They have not found the wallet yet, but he wasn't worried.  He told me there was nothing he could do about it, so there was no reason to be upset.  He spent the day at the pool relaxing.  In the morning he has to put in a report to the police, otherwise he can't get on a plane to go home without showing the police report.  He told me, "if I have to spend another two days here, so be it. I love it here."  To top things off, in January he was in a motorcycle accident.  A car hit him and another car ran over his ankle. They told him he was going to lose his leg, but they were able to save it and he has a plate in it.  He somehow works in construction on Long Island and he got his positive attitude from his Dad, although none of his other brothers are positive like him.

THE WOMAN FROM ALASKA: She was in her mid twenties and she accepted a "temporary" job as a physical therapist in Fairbanks, Alaska.  Although her 7-10 month job is going to end soon they are trying to keep her from leaving.  She's been enjoying doing a lot of the outdoor things in Alaska and of course the scenery has been amazing.  She did have a tough time adjusting to the daylight hours which at one point is 22 hours in the day.  She told me that it was sundown and then it was sunrise and somehow the people who live there have adjusted to this.  At some point after she leaves there will be a period where there is only a few hours of daylight, completely opposite of what she experienced.  She loved Alaska.

THE FUNNY MOM FROM PENNSYLVANIA: She was taking her two girls to Medieval Times for their show and dinner when I picked them up.  I asked her what brought her to Myrtle Beach and she said, "My girls (8 and 10) were here for dancing, for The Future Strippers of America." She said it so seriously I had to clarify that she was kidding.  When I told her about the special game that I used to play with my three kid,(the silent game), she told me about her game.  I line the three of them up(a 4 year old too) and I tape three dollar bills to the wall. They have to put their nose on the bill and the last one to move away from the wall gets to keep the $3. She said one game lasted forty minutes!  She's very serious about her kids being taught to do chores, because she said, "I have things to do, I'm not a maid."  I told her it sounded like a great title for an article or a song-you never know.  Finally, our conversations went like this after she was looking around my car:
She said, "Where's the camera?"
 I said, "What kind of camera?"
 She said, "So you can see what your passengers are doing."
 I said, "Why would I want to see what they are doing, I'm driving?"
She said, "What if two girls pass out in the back and then accuse you of doing something you didn't do?  I thanked her for her positive story and told her I would always remember our conversation.

THE FUDRUCKER'S GUY: Have you ever had an idea for a great commercial? Maybe it's just me, but I've had a few ideas before and I think this is a very good one.  One Saturday night I picked up a couple in their 50's or 60's at a Fudruckers restaurant.(It's not a Burger King, but it's a burger place that's a step up from that) I was taking them only a few miles to a private airport. When I asked how long they had been in North Myrtle Beach, the husband said, "we just came in to have dinner." I said, "really", but I was confused.  The wife told me that her husband loves Fudruckers, but they don't have one near them in North Carolina so they came here.  They flew 35 minutes in their plane to eat at Fudruckers and it wasn't the first time.  I did ask him where they were going for dessert and he told me "nowhere, but we're going to the mountains tomorrow for dinner."  I was afraid to ask him what mountains and when I told the story to another rider they said, "I wonder if he actually flew the plane or had a pilot fly the plane."  I didn't think of that, but can you see the commercial?  They are at the airport, with the leftovers he had in his hand from Fudruckers, telling everyone he just flew in for dinner! Every time I see a Fudruckers I now think of "The Fudrucker's guy," and now you will too!

The Winning Ticket is Here!!!

When I say here, I don't mean in my hands.  The Mega Millions winning lottery ticket was purchased here in South Carolina.  When I woke up this morning and read that news I can't tell you how excited I was.  I really couldn't care less.  When a woman recently told me she was hoping to win, I  proudly told her that I had never lost.  She figured it out pretty quickly-I've never played the lottery.

I know that millions of dollars goes to education and charities and that is a good cause, but it's just not for me.  The chances of winning anything are extremely low and I can't see throwing out all that money, week after week and month after month.  It's not worth it to me and it doesn't look fun at all either.

Years ago when I worked at THE USA TODAY they were collecting for the office every week to play the lottery.  When I told someone I wasn't interested, she said, "what if we win and you're the only one who didn't play?"  I told her that I'd drive them in a bus to collect their money and I would have no regrets and I'd have a lot of fun driving the bus.  She didn't understand my comment, but I've never played, so there was no chance of me winning.

A couple years in a row when I worked at THE USA TODAY, one of the people who reported to me gave me some scratch offs which was very nice of him to do.  I gave them to my wife who enjoyed playing once in awhile and one year she won $40 or something like that.  I'll never forget going into a convenience store in Staten Island and handing in the card and walking out with money.  I felt like I robbed the place.  I wasn't excited about it at all.

But, that's just me.  There's really nothing wrong with playing the lottery.  Just wanted to let y'all know that the winner is here and it's not me and I won't lose any sleep over it tonight either.

My Retirement Job

I know that usually when the words "retirement" and "job" are in the same sentence it's about someone retiring from their job.  These days it's not that unusual for someone to retire and then get a part-time job.  I work with someone who retired from two jobs and has two pensions and now a part-time job.

I've always thought that when I retire I'll probably get some kind of route and deliver something.  However, one of my kids came up with the perfect retirement job for me-driving a bus at Disney World.  I would love that-it would be a lot of fun at the happiest place in the world.  Getting the kids on the bus excited about the day and consoling the parents in the evening after they made it through the day. I'd probably say something to the parents like, "you can do the same thing tomorrow that you did today!"

However, I may have found even a better job for me when I retire.  Recently I was driving four young guys around and one of them said something about shuffleboard.  I asked, "are you talking about shuffleboard in a bar or on a cruise? (there's table shuffleboard in a bar and there's shuffleboard on the ground)

He works at a resort in Myrtle Beach as the activities person and he referred to himself as a "shuffleboard referee."  He said he had to brush up on the shuffleboard rules and has to work hard to settle disputes between players.  I told him that my grandmother taught me how to play when I was a kid and we actually had shuffleboard in the backyard of the first house that I bought.  It was a lot of fun playing with my own equipment at my house.

I'm not ruling out Disney World, but being a shuffleboard referee in my retirement? What could be better than that?

Keep Your Eyes On The-Ground

The old saying is that people should keep their eyes on the stars, especially young people.  It's good advice to have big goals and dreams, but you can also make the case for keeping your eyes on the ground.  From a practical standpoint you don't want to trip over, or fall into, or bump into something. 

I've written before that if you're looking you can find a lot on the ground.  In the last 14 months in New Jersey I found over $90 on the ground.  In South Carolina I've picked up some change, but I've spotted some pennies and had no problem walking away without picking it up.  But you never know what you can find on the ground.

A few weeks ago I was picking a rider up from the airport.  Waiting for him to come out I went to the back of my van to open the door and looked down.  One inch from my foot was a cellphone.  Somehow I managed to avoid crushing it with my car and I didn't step on it.

Using my technical knowledge I pressed every button to see if it was still working.  Suddenly, it went on and the message said that "your Uber driver will be here in 3 minutes."  I knew that wasn't me, it had to be the last driver and the phone had to be the last passenger.

I called the driver and left a message and heard from him ten minutes later.  He dropped the passenger back at the airport and I dropped my passenger off and went back to return the phone.  An older couple was sitting on the bench and they were thrilled to see me and the phone.  The husband was recovering from a stroke and needed his wife's assistance and in helping him she dropped her phone.

The couple was from New Jersey of course and I got an extra airport ride, a nice tip, and possibly some future rides with them.  Keep in mind that opportunity isn't just a goal way in front of you, you might actually be almost stepping on it.

Hitting A Home Run Without Hitting a Ball

Since it is October and the World Series is just around the corner, I thought I would use this analogy and get all my sports related stories done at the same time.

Awhile back I wrote about making deliveries to Ms. D.(the "D" may stand for Davis, Davenport or Duck)  She was the big New England Patriot's fan who told me seriously that the Patriots lost the Super Bowl because they "ate too many fat foods" that day.  The first time I met her I could not make her even chuckle, but she was cracked me up.

I have taunted her with my New York Giant's shirt and hat and I wore my hat into her office last week. Right away, she was laughing at almost anything I said.  I tried to bring in a very large number of boxes on my hand truck and one of her patients was holding the door.  He said to me, "you're really multi-tasking."  I replied, "this is almost as difficult as trying to beat an undefeated football team in the Super Bowl."(which is what the Giants did to the Patriots a few years back)

I thought Ms. D was going to fall on the ground she was laughing so hard.  The patients in the waiting room had no clue what was going on, so I told them.  I addressed my audience- "the first time I came in here she wouldn't laugh at anything and now look at her."  That just got her laughing more and when I asked for her autograph to sign for the delivery, she burst out laughing again.

I felt like bowing as I left the stage, I mean the office.  I can't wait to go back there again.  It was just like hitting a home run.

Things Aren't As Bad As They Seem

In the sports world there is a saying that a team that is winning a lot is not as good as they look and a team that is losing a lot is not as bad as they look.  After watching my NY Giants football team lose again Thursday night and for the 18th time in the last 22 games, I was trying to focus on those words of wisdom.

But we really aren't a part of the sports world.  How does that translate to the real world of life?

FRIDAY:

As a courier during the week, Friday is almost always a busy day with Monday being the slowest day. Usually, the busier it is the more money I make, so I do prefer busy days.  However, Friday was very slow, even slower than Monday and I was annoyed that I couldn't finish the week off on a good note.  I decided there was no way I was going home making so little money. I was going to "Uber" for a few hours after work which I don't think I've done on a Friday.

Before I finished I had one stop of five boxes that should have been an easy,five minute delivery, but turned into about 40 minutes.  The address number was 505 and I found it easily.  No one answered the door, the phone number I had was wrong, and it didn't look like the right place either.  After I confirmed the address with a neighbor, got another phone number and left a message and left a note on the door, I circled around the street to make sure there wasn't a second 505 number.  If I didn't deliver the five boxes I would make 10% less that day and I'd have to unload the boxes and then load them again on Monday.

Frustrated, I headed south and pulled over and looked online for the name of the place.  It was listed under a real estate office and when I called they told me I had the address wrong and it was 1505.  I turned around and drove ten minutes back and finally found the right door.  It was on the second floor so I had to carry four large boxes up the stairs with one small box.

It was an older couple and the wife ran a business out of her home.  They had been in this rental place three weeks since their house was flooded in the hurricane.

FINAL SCORE: I felt a lot better knowing that I got the office equipment to them today and I was very grateful that I was going home to my own house.  And, I made as much money "Ubering" as I did as a courier on Friday.

SATURDAY/SUNDAY

My last ride early Saturday evening was three guys in their twenties going a short distance to a bar/restaurant.  I got home at 8 pm and just after 10 pm I got a call from one of the guys.  His friend may have left all his keys in my car.  I told him I'd run out and check and call him back.  I found the keys, but when I went to call him back I discovered it was an Uber number.  They had connected him with me without giving him my number.

I spent the next two hours trying to get Uber to contact him again and let him know I have the keys and I was willing to get them to him that night. Since their customer service is only permitted to do a limited amount of things, I got nowhere.  I lost a couple hours of sleep and finally on Sunday afternoon I was able to get the keys to its rightful owner.

It was a frustrating day and I actually went four hours without getting a ride which is unusual.  However, my last ride of the day turned out to be the best ride of the weekend.  I picked up a 17 year-old high school student near my house who needed to go 30 miles north for competitive cheerleading. Since she was graduating in June I started giving her advice on getting scholarships and telling her about the amazing job our youngest daughter, Marisa did and how she did it.  We talked about a number of things including how to overcome her nervousness at public speaking and I told her some of my public speaking stories in addition to how my kids and wife are very good at it too.

Since it was her first Uber ride I told her that she will be disappointed in the future since none of those future rides will be as informative and entertaining as this ride.  That of course got a laugh, but the ride suddenly changed when she told me she was all her Mom had.  When she was a baby, her Dad and brother both drowned.  She wanted to go to USC for fashion design and make her Mom proud. 

As I was dropping her off I wished her luck and told her, "I hope you get to USC."  She said to me, "Thanks so much for your advice, I'll never forget you."

FINAL SCORE:  My frustrations with the day really didn't seem very important  anymore.  This ride turned out to be most money I made on any ride for the weekend and I got a $5 tip on top of it.

LAST THOUGHT:  Despite some bumps in the road, it really was a very good weekend.  I think my Dad will want to know this: when will the Giants start winning football games since they are obviously not as bad as they look?

I'm Just Like SpongeBob!

I know how ridiculous that title sounds, but give me a couple minutes to explain:


EXPLANATION FOR THOSE READERS OVER 90 YEARS OLD: Who is SpongeBob? His full name is SpongeBob Squarepants and he is a fictional character in an animated TV show of the same name that was created in 1999 by a marine biologist for Nickleodeon, a cable TV network. It has won many awards over the years for it's creativity and humor.  SpongeBob lives in an underwater city called Bikini Bottom.(you know this is fictional and almost twenty years old, because you could never have a city named Bikini Bottom today)


Many years ago when my oldest children were watching the show regularly, we would have dinners all the time where they would go back and forth talking about their favorite SpongeBob episodes.  I had never watched an entire show, but I saw bits and pieces and I thought it was at least mildly amusing.  However, the constant talk about someone who looks and is a sponge finally got to me.  I decided to write a song about SpongeBob, but I didn't know much about the show.  My son helped me write the song by giving me information on the characters and events.(he will always deny he had anything to do with it)  I wrote the song to the music of "Somewhere Over the Rainbow" and my first lines were, "One day, SpongeBob will leave us and I"ll cheer."

He's 19 years old now and he's still putting out new episodes which means for the rest of my life I'm going to hear about these episodes. According to Wikipedia(yes, I am quoting them kids), SpongeBob has "generated 13 billion dollars in merchandise revenue" over the years and recently had it's own Broadway show.

How am I like SpongeBob? We certainly don't look alike, since he's a sponge and I'm not. It occurred to me that here I am writing this blog since the end of December and years from now my kids will be sitting around when they get together and talk about me- "remember when Dad wrote about going into the ladies room or pouring orange juice into his cereal?" And another one will say, "how about that silly song he wrote for a job interview or when he compared himself to SpongeBob?" Then they'll probably talk about SpongeBob episodes, again.

This is only my 119th blog post and as of 2012 SpongeBob had 332 episodes and it's a lot more today.  I have a long way to go to catch up to him, but sooner or later, "SpongeBob will leave us and I"ll cheer."  That's when I'll really make my move.

People In My Car

Each month I'm going to share with you some of the interesting people I've given rides to as an Uber driver.  Here are some of my favorites this past month:

RAYMOND BARONE'S MOTHER

If you watched the television show "Everyone Loves Raymond" you know that Raymond's mother, Marie, stole many of the shows with her personality.  I did not really have her in my car, but I did pick up a retired couple from Queens and the wife reminded me of her.  Her first name was not Marie, but it did start with an "M". (My oldest daughter said I should not use real names so I'll just tell you that her first name was the same name as a famous Beatle's song)  She made me laugh many times on the short trip and I actually thought I should have paid her for the ride.  One example was when I told her that people here in Myrtle Beach complain about all the traffic during the  summer, because the roads are so busy, she said, "Busy, my sidewalk is busy in Queens! There are kids and bicycles and animals and everything going on."  I was hoping to get another ride with "M" while they were in town, because I think she could be a stand-up comedian in her retirement.

THE DRONE PILOT

My son was in North Dakota this weekend at the wedding of a close friend who is a drone pilot in the Air Force.  While he was there I picked up a drone pilot and gave him a ride in my vehicle. We'll call him Joe, but I have no idea what his real name was. He had just signed up for six years after his first two years and is planning on making a career of it.  I thanked him for his service and asked him how he became a drone pilot.  He actually thought he was going to work on fixing them, but instead had the opportunity to learn how to fly them.  He said that they've become more popular because, "if one crashes it's not a big deal since no one was hurt."  I found out that each one cost $20 million dollars, so I told him I thought it would still be a big deal and he laughed and agreed.  Another thing I thought was interesting was that he has to be careful on who he tells he's a drone pilot since there are many people who protest drones. Sometimes he just tells people he works on repairing them which I think is too bad.  Those people miss out on talking with someone doing something very unique and very challenging.  So, don't tell anyone what Joe does.

THE BEST FRIENDS

They flew in from two different cities and left their husbands at home to spend a few days together in Myrtle Beach. We'll call them Lucy and Ethel, because, you know who they are.  They were laughing as they got in the car so I knew this was going to be a fun ride.  They were best friends since grade school and you could tell they were very close. They had never used Uber so I told them I would make sure it was a great experience for them.  They wanted to take a picture of me to show their kids that they really did take an Uber.  I told them that my wife was an Uber driver too and they said that she could go shopping with them.  They even asked me if my wife likes to go shopping and I said, "what kind of question is that?" They told me there was a Shrimpfest coming up in Little River this weekend about 35 minutes north of us. They invited us to join them(and give them a ride up there) and they would treat us to dinner. We may hear from them and take them up on their offer too.  They were so thrilled with their first Uber ride they each gave me a $5 tip!

THE EGYPTIAN, CHRISTIAN PRIEST

By far the most interesting passenger in the past month was the guy I picked up at a church after he presided over a wedding.  You can call him Anwar, because it's the only Egyptian name I can think of.  I took him to the airport where he was flying back to Indiana where he now lives.  I think he laughed at everything I said, which is one reason I liked him.  I told him that I was Jewish and he was very enthusiastic about that.  He taught me two Egyptian words which I'm going to teach you now.    "Coptic" means Egyptian and when we say shalom in Hebrew for hello/goodbye, in Egyptian it sounds like "salem" to say the same thing.  He also told me that in Egypt there are more than ten million Christians in Egypt, but they are a large minority.  He said the biggest problem they have in Egypt is terrorism from the radical Muslims. He was very outgoing and full of life, which I think is very different than what you would expect a Priest to be. Then again, I don't think I know any priests.

Salem...

Food Shopping When You're Hungry

It's a no-it's a big no.  One of the last things you want to do when you're hungry is tempt yourself walking down food aisles.  However, there is but to this:

What if you're not into health food and let's imagine you're taking your mother-in-law to "The Fresh Market" which is like a mini Whole Foods store.  Imagine being hungry and walking past the kale and actual leaves and having to touch it too. Imagine this odd-smelling and odd-shaped forestry that you're putting in bags for your mother-in-law to eat.  It is guaranteed to reduce your appetite quickly.

Unfortunately, there is chicken and deli and somehow "healthy" ice cream in the store too.  Suddenly, your stomach is responding and starting to growl.  But, wait! Your mother-in-law is having so much fun in the store you wind up doing a photo shoot, taking pictures of her grinning from ear to ear with vegetables.  Then she poses with a large loaf of bread and you take the picture with her mouthing, "no", because she will not buy something like that.

Finally, it's the bran cereal that settles down your stomach as you walk down the aisle and cannot recognize anything that looks like cereal.  If I only had a box of Kashi or "Love Grown", it would really make my day.  Years ago when my kids were young we went into a Weiss Food Store in Hershey, PA and laughed at the ridiculous names on the cereal boxes.  My favorite was, "Best Friends."  Can you please pass the milk and the "Best Friends?"  I'm not sure "Love Grown" sounds anymore appetizing.

If you are hungry and have to go food shopping, I do have a solution for you.  I've been craving Chinese food all year.  My wife got sick the last time we had it in NJ and she's not ready to eat it yet. But there's this Chinese Buffet place nearby and it's been haunting me for weeks.  With my wife away one more night I drove over to the buffet place after dropping my mother-in-law off after shopping at "The Fresh Market."

I ate for one hour and got home in time to mow the lawn and walk it all off. It definitely was a yes-yes.

Yes, I Did It Again

Don't worry, I did not pour orange juice into my cereal a third time!  If you missed that riveting story, I poured milk into my cereal without turning the light on since it's usually around 5 am.  I did eat the cereal both times and I can assure you that Cocoa Krispies do not taste as good with a "tangy" taste.  I solved the problem I was having by opening my fridge in the morning and softly chanting, "milk, milk, milk," as I grab the milk.

This mistake I just made is a little more serious and embarrassing.(now you will definitely keep reading)  Last night I decided to run into Publix(our food store) and grab a few things before getting home for a late dinner.  I was hungry and a little tired after "Ubering" all day, but I didn't really "run" into the store.  To be fair, I did not do a "Southern stroll" on a beach as I grabbed a cart and entered the store either.

At that exact moment, nature called and I turned right to use the bathroom.  I placed my cart in front of the bathroom area and looked up and found that there were three doors in front of me, men, family restroom, and women.  I think it was easier when there were only two options.

I didn't hesitate and went into the bathroom.  I did notice there was no urinal, but I figured it was something I really didn't have to have..  As I stood there checking out the tiles on the wall I did recall that I have seen men's bathrooms without urinals from time to time, but one time really stood out in my mind.

Back around twenty years ago when I worked for THE USA TODAY, I was getting up at 2:30 am and frequently found myself exhausted on the ride home in the afternoon.  I knew when to stop and one day I stopped at a Wawa convenience store  in Flemington. I went into the bathroom and sat down on the toilet just to rest my eyes before I threw cold water on my face.  A minute or so later I heard the entrance door to the bathroom door open and I thought I heard a women's voice, but no one came in.  I thought it was odd and threw the water on my face and walked out of the bathroom to see that it was the women's bathroom.  I didn't see the woman who opened the door, but I did exit very quickly.

Back to last night: A thought flashed through my mind, what if this is the women's bathroom? I exited quickly and discovered, yes, I did it again.  Fortunately, it was 8 pm and the store was pretty empty so no one knew what I had just done.  From now on, when I go to use a public restroom I'm going to softly chant to myself, "men, men, men."

Questions While My Wife Is Away

My wife is visiting her brother in California for eight days and I do miss her a lot.  I've had a lot of questions running around in my head so I figured I'd share my top twelve questions with you:

1. If you're eating dinner by yourself every night, do you eat at the same time or whenever you feel like it? Do you sit in the same seat each night or do you move around the table to experience your meal differently? Lights on high, dim, or almost dark, like a restaurant so you have that special ambiance?

2. When you're going to the bathroom do you shut the door when no one else is going to be in the house for eight days?

3. Can you put your wet bath towel anywhere or only where it's supposed to be?

4.  If you leave your toothbrush out on the counter and there's no one to see it there, is it in the wrong place?

5. How many times can you use the same fork without washing it?  Can you leave a plate, cup, and silverware just out on the counter or should you really put it away?

6.  Can you go eight days without taking out the garbage? Five?

7.  If the laundry hamper is getting full and you haven't done a load of laundry since Reagan's first term, should you give the new washer and dryer a whirl?  How difficult could it be?

8. If your wife's "frog" garden decoration accidentally gets crushed, do you make it disappear, bury it in the backyard, or tell her the truth that some kids must have done it and that's how you found it?

9. Now that you can watch any TV channel you want, does it bother you that haven't had a TV for nine months?

10. What do I eat for dinner?

11.  If my wife bought me Oreos so I wouldn't lose weight when she was gone, is it bad to eat them all in the first two days or should I eat two for each meal for the next eight days?  Which way would you gain the most weight? How much extra milk am I going to need?

12.  Lastly, if your wife's new car accidentally got a scratch on it, is it better to tell her when she gets home or hope she never notices?

Obviously, these are just hypothetical questions and are not base on anything that really happened, pretty much.

Whatever Happened to Common Sense?

I've thought about this a few times in the past few weeks and I'm sure it's something that has come to your mind occasionally also.  Something happens or something is said and you ask yourself, "isn't that just common sense?"  Maybe it's not and common sense isn't really that common?

Today a driver told me he was waiting for his skid of boxes to arrive and it did with a couple other skids for drivers who had already left because it was late.  He asked the worker if he could have his skid now so he could get going, but the worker insisted on spending time on the other two skids that were not going anywhere. Then, he said, he would give the driver what he needed.  Common sense should have told him to give the waiting driver what he needed immediately.

Here's another example: it's pick on Uber day.  My wife and I both enjoy driving for Uber and a lot of people across the world enjoy getting rides through Uber.  However, we both have noticed in our short experience with Uber that they seem to lack common sense when it comes to administrative issues.  This was our third issue with them:

My wife bought a new car and turned in her leased car so she could drive more for Uber.  She got a temporary registration, but Uber would not accept it.  They use another company, Checker, to handle their screening of drivers and Checker said they needed the official registration before she could drive again.  Of course the temporary one is okay with the police, but not for Checker and Uber.  Lyft, is another company like Uber, and they accepted the temporary registration immediately.

About a week or so later we got the official registration, but they then decided to do another background check on my wife which they had done in November.  In doing this, they don't allow people to drive and it takes about 7-10 days.  Why you would keep an existing driver off the road to run a background check does not make any sense, but they did it.

Finally, they determined that my wife could not drive for Uber because her driving license had expired.  Can you buy a new car with an expired license? I don't think so, wouldn't that be common sense that it's not possible to do that?  Of course they were looking at her NEW JERSEY LICENSE! Why would they be looking at a license in another state when they had her South Carolina license on file? Why would a New Jersey license matter in South Carolina? Isn't that common sense.

It took another week or so in talking with Checker and Uber trying to get them to understand that they made a silly or stupid mistake.  They decided to run another background check and what a surprise, she passed.  Meanwhile my wife has been unable to drive for Uber for four weeks.  Who loses? It's a loss for everyone, because they just lacked some common sense.

Maybe we should appreciate common sense more when we see it?

Random Thoughts on Hurricane Florence

LUCKY/UNLUCKY: Sometimes the difference between the two can be very small.  We were lucky.  Florence landed about 30 some miles northeast of where we live.  We had no flooding and no damage to the house with the exception of one small leak from our attic into our pantry.  We did not lose electricity either.  People living near the ocean just over the North Carolina border are having an awful time and some areas 15-30 miles west of us are experiencing flooding with some rivers nearby about to overflow.

MYRTLE BEACH MAP:  When you see a map of Myrtle Beach it is a little deceiving.  It's a good 20 miles or so long with North Myrtle Beach between Myrtle Beach and the border of North Carolina.  We live near the southwest border of Myrtle Beach and the next town Murrells Inlet.

SOME GOOD THINGS ABOUT THE HURRICANE:  It all started with chicken parmesan; doesn't it always? We had a number of pieces in the freezer that I was going to eat next week when my wife was away.  If we lost power during the storm we'd have to throw the chicken parmesan out and there's no way that was going to happen.  Just before we left we had it for dinner and I had to eat two extra pieces so none of it went to waste.  Sometimes you really have to bite the bullet.  In this case it really tasted good.

We managed to evacuate and drive back home without getting into any traffic.  Maybe we just got lucky?

We took a six day vacation to Florida.  Since we live a lot closer than when we lived in New Jersey(we're now about half the distance), we went to visit relatives and a friend we haven't seen in a many, many years and we had a great time.  We were fortunate that we were able to stay in our cousin's beautiful condo on the beach for four of the days.  We ate, slept, and went to the beach and pool in Daytona Beach and near Coral Springs mostly.

FLORIDA DRIVERS: They drive like they are all New Yorkers.  South Carolina drivers are slow, but Forida drivers seem always to be late for dinner.

FACEBOOK: Facebook really came in handy while we were in Florida and when we were driving home.  Many people who had stayed during the storm or who were heading home, kept posting info on what was going on.  It was very helpful and much more targeted than the news.

DOGS: I've been trying to get used to the idea that someday soon we will get a puppy.  Having never had a pet, it's been a difficult idea to get used to.  Our last night in Florida we stayed with friends that had 3 dogs and one of them was over 100 pounds.  We will not be getting a dog that size, no chance. How many days will it take until I forget the feeling of dogs licking my legs?

FASTING: If you ever take a surprise six day vacation, the best time to take it is two days before Yom Kippur, the Jewish Holiday.  Since I ate poorly and ate too much when we were away, what could be better timing than fasting all day today?

WINDSHIELD: If you ever wanted to know how to get your car windshield extremely dirty, it's very simple.  Get in your car and hop on 95 south and go to Florida.  You will drive into every bug or fly or whatever gets your windshield dirty.  Florida is a great place to visit, but how long will it take to wash it off of my car?

Flying

Some people enjoy flying and fly a lot. Some people hate to fly and avoid it.  I don't fit in any of those categories, I just rarely fly.  I did fly this weekend up to New Jersey and I could not remember the last time I flew in a plane.  I think it was only the 6th time I've flown back forth on a trip.

It was pretty much what I expected.  I walked into the airport in the evening and no one was there, or hardly anyone.  My flight was delayed two hours.  When I went through the scanning process there was no one in line in front of me and there were 14 security people watching me.  It was easy and quick, I think everyone has had that experience.  I walked around a bit and saw parts of the airport that were completely empty.  I had a whole bathroom to myself which was nice.

On the plane it was packed and I needed lots of air to breathe, but it was a quick flight.  I missed the stewardesses instructions since I had already dozed off.  The best part was when I got off the plane in Atlantic City and it was 12:30 am.  All of a sudden, I was in a horse race.  Everyone was walking fast, I mean really fast.  I love walking fast, but it was totally unexpected.  I could hear the call at the Kentucky Derby-"It's Hoenig on the far left in the Giants hat, just inside is a twenty something girl who suddenly puts on a burst of speed, almost collides with Hoenig and passes him."  She must have been hungry, because she really raced past me.  I guess they had people waiting for them or they wanted to make sure they got a rental car?  I had no idea where I was going so I just followed them.

My return trip was not as exciting.  There were crowds in the airport, people in line to be checked and I had to through some bubble like machine and raise my hands up in the air while holding on to my shorts since they took my belt.  Then, I had to sit down and get dressed again, in public.  I'm not used to that kind of attention.  It was another quick flight and I had a few short naps on the way.  I had two sets of air blowing on me which made it feel like I was outside.  I arrived on time and completed my 6th flying adventure in 58 years.

I did make a couple mistakes though.  I had my small carry on and I put it on top which was only for big carry on bags.  I heard them say that after I was seated, so on the way back I made sure to put it under the seat, my seat.  I didn't realize it had to go in front of me until they said it and I had already jammed it under my seat.  When I returned the rental car I didn't see the box on the side of the desk to put the key in.  I sat there waiting for someone to come in and then I saw someone do something on the side.  These are two reasons I need to have a wonderful wife like I do, she knows these kinds of things.  Next time I won't make those mistakes-I'll find other ones I'm sure.

Uber Rider Profiles

They say that everyone has a story and as a part-time Uber driver I've been able to hear some interesting stories and meet some very unique people.  These are some of my riders and our conversations during the past month:(spoiler alert-I have saved the best for last)

THE WEDDING PARTY: I picked two guys up who were in town from Indianapolis for a wedding and one of them was going to be the best man.  The wedding was in two hours and they got in my car having already starting the wedding celebration. They were wearing matching cowboy hats and told me that they picked me because I was "a great conversationalist."(drivers can indicate this about their driver as a compliment on the app)  I asked if I could get a matching cowboy hat and they said they could get me one. Since one of them was going to be giving the toast I shared with him some tips on public speaking that I've learned in the past and he said, "You are a great conversationalist!" I took this tongue in cheek, since I knew they were not completely coherent.  As one of the them left he said, I'll tip you on the app, which usually means he won't.  However, they were coherent enough to remember and a day later I got a tip for a short ride.  Two minutes after I dropped them off I came up with a great toast, which I'll have to save for another time.

THE BORDER AGENT: As the young girl(about 24) got in my car I never would have guessed what she did for a living.  She was headed back to Arizona where she had been working the past year as a border agent.  She told me that she wanted to get into law enforcement and that's where there were jobs available.  Some days it's as hot as 115 degrees and the biggest issue is keeping everyone hydrated.  I was really impressed with her dedication and her empathy for the people who were trying to get into our country.  She did make it clear that we have laws and she was trying to help implement them.  I thanked her for what she did and really enjoyed hearing her story and perspective.

THE SURGEON:  The Myrtle Beach resident is a Trauma Surgeon at the same hospital I deliver packages to as a surgeon.  I told him that I admire people who are able to work in such difficult circumstances and are able to stay calm and perform at such a high level.  He told me that it's difficult and that everyone doesn't always stay calm due to the emergency they are facing.  He has lived in many places around the country mostly as a military surgeon.  He wanted to know if with all the driving I do if I have learned anything from observing other drivers.  I told him it is very easy for me to notice drivers who are lost, tentative or just scared to drive based on watching the movements of their car.  It was interesting to hear his experiences, but I'm happy that I've never seen the things he's seen.

THE REALTOR: My last trip of the day one Sunday took me only a couple miles away from my house as I drove a realtor home from the airport.  She was very enthusiastic about the area and what she does for a living. She had just worked with her husband and their travel agency to get 130 people onto a cruise.  She told me there are 4,000 realtors in the area and I said to her, "you're competing with 4,000 other people?"  Her reply I thought was perfect, "no, I give excellent customer service."
She offered to send me her list of fun things to do in the area and her optimistic and enthusiastic personality was a great way to end the day.  Their travel agency is walking distance from our house in case we need one and they now have a couple Uber drivers who practically live in their neighborhood.

THE MAYOR: I am certain I will be using a couple of his lines for a very long time, they were that good.  He was visiting Myrtle Beach and although he had lived in several places he was currently the mayor of a small town of 350 people outside Harrisburg, PA.  He told me that he ran for mayor because he always heard people say, "someone should fix that" and he decided to be that person.  When I asked him if he was a Democrat or a Republican he said, "When people ask me that I always tell them, I'm an American."  I think it's one of the best non-political answers I've ever heard.  The mayor was funny and when I looked towards him and saw his profile he looked like comedian Tim Allen.  He laughed when I told him that and said it's been awhile since someone made that comparison.  What really cracked me up was when he told me he had spent three days on the beach and "it was nice, but I always feel like a rotisserie chicken on the beach."  I told him, " I'm not a "beach" person, but I love rotisserie chicken- I've just never put the two together." I wish I could have driven him longer, we really did hit it off and he did give me a very generous tip too.  I should have paid him for a couple of those lines!

Do You Ever Notice?

If you know we well you know that I am not the most observant person.  There are many times that I just don't see things that are really obvious, such as my wife's new haircut, the new picture she hung up, or one of the most embarrassing things I never saw was a college friend who had only half a finger!

Yesterday I did notice something unusual and it is amusing.  I was about to shave and as I walked past the bathroom mirror I saw that my arms looked bigger. So I stood there in the mirror flexing my muscles and it really looked like my biceps are bigger!

I went over to wife and asked her and she said she thought they were bigger.  All these fifty pound boxes of paper I've been hurting my back picking up has actually been building my biceps! I guess if I put some pictures on here of meI could have some of you laughing out loud, but I wouldn't want that.

To top this story off, during the past month I've noticed a couple of my t-shirts were difficult to take off.  I thought my wife was shrinking some of my shirts in the laundry so I didn't mention it to her. Now I know that my job is to blame and those heavy boxes of paper.  I wonder if anyone will notice when I visit New Jersey next weekend?

Now There's Three of Us

No, we did not get a puppy-yet.  And, we did not adopt a child either.  Obviously, it's not what you might think I mean, but I think it's funny.

This past Monday was a beautiful morning, as Monday's usually are.  As I walked into a LabCorp facility to make a delivery of some boxes, I immediately saw a guy standing there with a big grin on his face.  I had never met him, but I immediately liked him.

I greeted him by saying, "how are you today?" and with that big grin he told me he was doing "great, since it's Monday."  I immediately jumped all over that and told him, "Monday is the best day of the week."  He laughed at that and gave me a positive response. 

I told him that my youngest daughter and I call today "Magnificent Monday" and he chuckled at that and said he "liked that."  Finally I told him, "now there's three of us," and he laughed more.

When I asked him his name he said, "Jerry," and then I laughed.  I told him, "no wonder we agree on this, your first name and my first name have the same letters.  He laughed again as I headed out the door.

It wasn't until I got home that my wife reminded me that many years ago I considered the name "Jerry" as my twin when I was getting mail addressed to Jerry Hoenig.  I can't wait to go back and see my new friend, because I know he's going to laugh at that too.

August 28, 1983

There have been a lot of wonderful days in my life, but only one best day.  The best day of my life was thirty-five years ago today when Monika Melcher agreed to marry me.  I can't imagine what my life would have been like without her.

We did meet three years earlier working at Burger King and I did trick her into giving me her phone number.  When I got up the nerve to call her, her Mom amusingly answered the phone by saying, "Melcher's Pizza."  I really did pull out the phone book and try to find where Melcher's Pizza was, not realizing that there are very few German pizzerias.  On our second date I asked her if I could kiss her and she really did say, "I'm engaged."(sort of engaged to someone she hadn't met)

It was an unusual beginning, but it's been a wonderful 35 years.  I am constantly amazed at how talented my wife is and all the things she knows that I don't have a clue about.  She's a terrific cook, she paints and decorates like a pro, she can fix just about anything, and she has a terrific sense of humor.  Those are only the first few things that come to mind at 5:30 am this morning.

We are fortunate to have three amazing children who clearly have many of her talents.  She continues to be a magnificent Mom and she's a lot more responsible for who they are than I am.

She makes me happy every day and I am very grateful to have spent these 35 years with her.  Every night when we go to sleep I look into her eyes and see a woman who is more beautiful today than she was on the day we got married, August 28, 1983.

Happy Anniversary Princess-I love you.

How Big Are Your Dragonflies?

I'm not a bug person, never have been and never will be.  When I was in junior high school or high school and it was time for dissection, I never had any interest in that.  I don't care what animals or snakes or bugs look like inside or out.  I know some of you feel the same way.(at least on the inside)

I have to admit though, I have been staring lately at the dragonflies here in Myrtle Beach.  They are H-U-U-G-E!  I've seen plenty of movies where bugs or animals become larger and I've watched movies or television showes where you see these large bees buzzing around and cutting into cars with people inside screaming.

But, this is real.  have sat in my van at a light or in a parking lot and watching a H-U-U-G-E dragonfly(yes I know I repeated myself) circling in front of my windshield and then following me as I drive.  I have sat in my car and made a fist and tried to figure out if the dragonfly is bigger than my fist.(probably not)

Why are they so big down here? Do we have too much water? Is the weather so nice they are attracted to our area?  What are they eating to get that big? Fish? Grits? Salamanders? I have no clue.

I just wanted you to know that when you visit Myrtle Beach or South Carolina, look for the nice weather, the beautiful beaches and the H-U-U-G-E dragonflies.  You really can't miss them.

"Seems Like Old Times"

This was a 1981 movie starring Chevy Chase, Goldie Hawn, and Charles Grodin. The comedy is one of my favorite movies due to the three stars who were in their prime and complimented each other perfectly.  If you ever get a chance to see the movie, it will make you laugh.

What does that have to do with anything? Well, one of the reasons we moved to South Carolina was for me to slow down some.  It is much slower paced down here and I have slowed down some from my 12,14,16 and even 19 hour work days running my business in New Jersey and Pennsylvania the past few years. 

Most of my days working as a courier are pretty short and I've been finishing work between 2-3 pm., which, in my book, is closer to half a day than a full day.  However, this week was different.  Being several drivers short, I had the opportunity on three days this week to work around 12 hours. I am a little sore and tired, but it really was fun.

Don't ever forget that when you work really hard at something and you know you did a great job, it's a very rewarding feeling.  I did make a lot more money and I lost a couple of pounds(probably just temporary), but it also gave me a lot of satisfaction knowing that I haven't lost a step.

There's nothing wrong sometimes in turning the clock back a little bit and enjoying doing something you used to do.  What can you do this week that would give you that great "Seems Like Old Times" feeling?

Happy Birthday To Me(The Seafood Buffet)

(Fair warning-if you are hungry or if you just ate, you are better off reading this later)

Why not wish myself a happy birthday, everyone else did. Well, not everyone, I haven't checked Facebook today.  Being here in South Carolina I have seen all kinds of restaurant buffets advertised and the one that gets the most praise is Captain Georges Seafood Buffet.  I decided that on my birthday my wife and I would go there for dinner and I was looking forward to it a lot more than she was.

GAME PLAN: Comedian Jim Gafigan has said that when you go to an all-you-can eat place the goal is to eat one more dollar than you spend for the meal.  I was thinking $33 the whole meal and about the food of course.

WHAT THEY DIDN'T HAVE: We didn't see any lobster(although it could have been there) and there was no pasta or chicken parmesan.  They had just about everything else including a ridiculous dessert area that I didn't get back to.

THE FIRST PLATE: It's a seafood place so I went with seafood first.  A bunch of scallops and shrimp were incredible and filled half my plate.  I squeezed in some salmon, flounder and some kind of fish combo, which was good too.  I had some mashed potatoes and a small piece of corn.  I tried to take my time, but this plate did not last and I said to my wife, "that was a good appetizer!" (I also had a taste of one of her crab legs which was okay)

THE SECOND PLATE: I went southern since I'm trying to be a southerner.  Spare ribs and steak were the first two things on my plate.  I passed the fried chicken and went for the healthier broiled chicken drumstick, but I circled back for a fried chicken drumstick too.(I haven't really had fried chicken here and I've been craving it)  I had a few small potatoes and some pork and I topped the plate off with another small corn on the cob.(just had to have one more)  After I finished this I said to my wife, "that was a good start!"

THE THIRD PLATE: Did I tell you that I've lost two pounds in the last couple weeks and now weigh less than I have in maybe 20 years? I went with surf and turf- two ribs, one fried chicken drumstick, some more shrimp and scallops, two small pieces of steak and another corn on the cob.  As I started eating the server brought over a large piece of chocolate cake since I told her we were here for my birthday.  I had to ask if I could bring it home, because I knew I could not eat it tonight.

You'll be "proud" of me when I tell you that I did not finish my third plate.  I left spare ribs on the plate and one piece of steak, I may never forget that.  I think I ate at least $50 worth of food and I enjoyed every minute of it.  And tomorrow night-some cold chocolate cake I will share with my wife.(if she wants some)

I'm going to get that tall glass of milk ready right now....