Our House Adventures-Week Two

WHAT IS THIS?

 A TOY AIRPLANE? No, it's a strawberry huller, really.  My wife got this because it's supposedly easier to take the top off the strawberry and she doesn't like how I cut strawberries.  I used it to cut a few strawberries and then I put it away.  Here's one strawberry below that I "hulled."  It was not easier.

BUILD- A- BED: In 1997, Build-A-Bear Workshop Inc. was founded in St. Louis, Missouri. If you have a child or grandchild you probably know that a child can make their own bear through an interactive process. The company did almost $500 million dollars in business last year.

My wife and I bought a Saatva  mattress which is made for you when you order it.  They are doing over $400 million dollars in business and was started in 2010.  Unfortunately, they do not put a bed together that you put their mattress on. My wife and I spent somewhere between 6-10 hours building a bed. 

These are the panels we had to put in-I spent a lot of time in the bed tightening screws before we put the mattress on. It was such a good feeling putting that mattress on the bed and it's pretty good sleeping on it too.

           

      

WHEN IS A LAWNMOWER NOT A LAWNMOWER? The answer is: when you're missing a piece of the lawnmower and you can't charge the battery, because you can't find the batteries despite having the charger. It took days, but we finally found it and I mowed the front lawn which was growing quickly.

DO YOU APPRECIATE YOUR WATER PRESSURE? They say it's important to appreciate the little things in life and good water pressure is one of them.  Our county has water restrictions and we noticed immediately that the water pressure was lacking.  The builder told me, "It takes a little while to get used to living in the desert." (That word never looks right with one "s") We know there's farm land, but we live in a desert?

MODERN DISHWASHER: It doesn't talk but this is the top panel. If you touch it anywhere it gets ready to clean the dishes and you have to press a cancel button for three seconds. It's more than three seconds, don't let it fool you.  I've done this about ten times already.

A SWING IN MY CLOSET?  I asked my wife, "Why is there a swing in our closet?" It's not a swing.  It's to hang more hangers on a lower level while hanging them also up on top.  When I look at the number of hangers we have, I'm pretty sure we're going to need more swings.

Finding Mr. or Ms. Right

Can you write about something you've never done? On a few occasions I've been asked by younger women for advice on how to find a husband or the right guy. (I was driving them in my Uber, they don't come up to me on the street)  Since I've been "Mr. Right" for many years and I've been married for almost 42 years I do give some advice.

On a successful marriage, I share three things:

1. It's not about finding the right person, it's about being the right person for your spouse.

2. Your partner is going to be better than you on some things. (In my case it's a lot of things) Let your spouse do those things, let them win.  On every team there are people who excel in certain areas and you're not going to be the best for everything.

3. Your partner will not agree on every subject with you.  They have their own experiences and thoughts and have not lived your exact life.  There is nothing wrong with disagreeing on how to eat cereal or the best time to eat dinner.

On finding the right person: 

1. Always look the best you can look.

2. Don't pretend to be someone else, be who you are.

3. Don't take yourself too seriously. Be proud of who you are, but if you are almost bald you can make hair jokes about yourself. People respond well to self-deprecating humor.

I recently read an article by Lile van der Weijden on finding "Mr. Right" and here are five quotes which are on target for finding Mr. or Ms. Right:

1. "You're going to attract someone who reflects where you are in life."

2. "Before you focus on finding your dream partner, focus on creating your dream life."

3. "The real work is not finding them, it's about building a wonderful life for yourself and becoming the type of person they'd naturally be drawn to."

4. "It's about being yourself in every single space, at any given time."

5. "When you're whole, you attract relationships that are rooted in balance, mutual respect, and love."

She did not learn those things in my Uber.

A Father's Day Story

 

Happy Father's Day.  I've had a lot of great Uber rides in my car, but this one ride was very special. In March 2022, I drove my orange Ford Transit Passenger Van for the very first time doing rideshare.  The car was orange because it was my dad's favorite color and we lost him the year before.  He never would have bought an orange car, but he would have enjoyed seeing it.

That morning I had to pick up a passenger who had just gotten off a cruise ship.  As I approached the dock in downtown Charleston, South Carolina, I looked to the left and on the cruise ship it said, "Sunshine." My business name is, "The Sunshine Man," and when I turned to my right I saw my passengers.

The short man was a farmer in northern Maine and his son was five years old.  Standing next to them was a very large suitcase and it was orange.  I told him that his suitcase fit perfectly with my van.  He was spending some quality time with his son and they were having a great time.

The son stole the show when the only thing he said on the ride was, "My dad is getting old and fat and my sister and I beat him up all the time." His dad may have been thirty and he didn't have an ounce of fat on him.

His dad had an incredible work ethic. He said, "When the weather is good you work twenty-hour days. If you want to survive there you work eight days a week." He got his work ethic from his dad who never paid him for doing any shoveling to help his snow removal business.  I told him that his dad owed him money.  This farmer had nine W-2's for all the jobs he had in high school.

This ride was the only one I remember that day.  Having him and his son in my car made me feel like my dad was driving with us.  He would have loved my orange car.

Seven Things on Week One In a New House

 There are a lot of things that happen when you move into a new house-these are the most interesting:

1. WALKING IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD: One of our first walks around the neighborhood gave us several views of the mountains including this picture at sunset.  The mountains do not look real.  Breathtaking is the only word to describe this. About half the neighborhood is still being built so we are around a lot of construction, but those mountains!

2. SPRINKLER SYSTEM: We have never had one and so I was amazed at how it worked.  I didn't really know how it worked, but I saw the water come on and completely cover the front lawn.  It's not a big lawn, but there may be 13 little sprinklers.  I started to count them, but I was getting wet.  On our second full day in the house it went on about 5 pm and it didn't shut off 25 minutes later, or two hours later.  We couldn't shut it off. The next morning my wife found a water shut off valve on the side of the house. Meanwhile the front lawn was soaked. This is in an area where they have water restrictions.  Here is the exciting action below:

3. LIGHT SWITCHES: I noticed this the first time we were in the house. THERE ARE A LOT OF LIGHT SWITCHES! In the kitchen, living room, and hallway there are 13 switches.  I'm going to have to be trained to learn which ones turn on what.  I've already gone to one group of switches and turned on the wrong lights, but this may take months.

4. MY OFFICE: My room is at the front of the house and looking out the window I can see several houses being built, but I was very surprised to see mountains in the distance. They will probably disappear when the houses are finished, but I have a mountain view right now.

5. OUR FRONT DOOR: Yes, it is orange on the outside, but even more unusual is the inside of the door.  Several times I looked at the picture below and I finally figured out what was bothering me.  There are no windows on the side and nothing above the door.  I can't see if the light is on or if it's light or dark.  I don't think we've ever had a door that blocked everything out.  I have to look at the switch on the wall to see if I turned on the light outside. Luckily, there's only two switches near the door.

6. MY BATHROOM: We have two bathrooms and since I'm always getting up early in the morning I have regularly used the second bathroom and let my wife have almost all the space in the main bathroom. I don't need a lot of space and usually my things are squeezed into a corner as you can see below.  However, the main bathroom has two sinks and the second bathroom doesn't, but it has a lot of extra space that my wife doesn't have.  I'm going to shower in the second bathroom and give her the entire bathroom, but how how am I going to use all the extra space?  I have some ideas for another blog.

7. POD DELIVERY: If you have never seen one of these things delivered, it's worth watching.  The pod comes on a big truck and an area inside the truck comes off with the the pod and it's manually/electronically moved from the street to your driveway by the driver.  Below are some pictures of how they do it, it's really impressive.

CARD ONLY, BUT I GET CASH

For several years I have struggled to spend cash at many different places.  I walk into a convenience store to buy a soda and I'm holding my money and they tell me, "You're good, " and I get a free drink.  This happened ten to twenty times over the seven years I lived in South Carolina, including on my last weekend of driving six weeks ago.

The most shocking experience was going to pay for parking at a hockey game in Pennsylvania.  I was holding a twenty dollar bill which was what it cost and I went to hand it to the woman at the gate.  She told me she had an extra parking pass from a season ticket holder and we were good to go.

My first experience with this problem in Colorado happened in my first week and it was at the post office.  This is not the post office I went to, but this is the smallest post office in the USA and it's in Ochopee, Florida.

I had to mail our license plates back to South Carolina and when I walked into the post office I immediately saw the sign on each register: "CARD ONLY." I was going to pay cash and I just stood there in line shaking my head. 

There was one line open and it was a short line in front of me, but the lady who was two ahead of me was having problems.  She spoke English well, but she had difficulty understanding what the guy behind the counter was saying.  It took awhile and the line started to grow, but finally she was going to complete her transaction.

She only had cash.  When she heard she could not use cash, she explained that she didn't have a credit card.  I watched this scene for a minute or two and figured I would just pay for her package to be sent.  I asked the guy behind the counter if he could charge me and he was thrilled.  It was only $5 and change and she was just as happy.

She handed me cash and thanked me several times.  I went back in the line and waited, charged my package and walked out of the post office charging more on a credit card and having more cash in my  wallet. 

Some things never change; I'm going to have to figure out ways to spend cash.

ONE MORE THING: If you think my difficulty in spending cash is not real consider this:

Last week I went to my bank to send a wire transfer of a large amount of cash to purchase our house.  Everything went perfectly and we double checked all the numbers and I thanked him and headed back to where I was staying.  Five minutes after getting there, the bank called.  Somehow when they sent the transfer it disappeared.  I had to go back to the bank to sign off on the exact same information.  The second time my money went through without a problem.

It's not easy paying cash.

 

Six Wedding Moments

I think all weddings have funny and unique moments and our daughter and son-in-laws wedding Memorial Weekend had a bunch and these are my six favorite moments:

WEATHER: When you have an outdoor service(5-5:30), you have to be concerned about the weather.  The venue in the mountains of Colorado had spectacular views such as the the two below. The forecast for several days before the wedding called for rain most of the day, but it showed a window between 5-6:00 pm. that it wouldn't be raining. 

On the way to the venue, my wife and I were in separate cars driving up a mountain when we hit some rain, sleet, hail, and snow.  For about a mile the road had snow and salt on it and I was driving exactly where the last cars drove and it was very tense even for an experienced driver.

About ten to fifteen minutes before the ceremony started, the rain stopped, the clouds cleared and there was sunshine for about half the service until clouds started to move in.  All the pictures were taken outside and during the inside reception it rained again.  And, what a ceremony! This picture was how the weather looked an hour or so before the ceremony and you can see to the left all the chairs out for the ceremony.

THE CEREMONY: Are there really wedding ceremonies that are not beautiful and special? I don't think so, but this one really did take the cake.(that's coming later).

 I am biased since it was a family wedding, but this was a unique ceremony which included:

The bride and groom watered a very small pine tree that had dirt from New Jersey and Michigan (where they are from) as a remembrance of their wedding.

Two of the groomsmen carried the small tree and another one directed them and waved them forward while the audience laughed.

The bride and groom actually played rock, scissors, and paper to determine who would give their vows first.

One of my favorite moments was the groom reading from a small notebook and saying, "These pages don't have anything on them."

The finale was after the officiant, doing her first ceremony said, "You may now kiss the groom." (Intentionally)

And then it happened:

THE BABY: Our first grandchild was almost ten months old and she was a little bit fussy during the ceremony and our daughter-in-law moved her towards the back.  One thing our grandchild has learned is that when she does something we clap and she says, "I did it." As the audience applauded after the bride and groom kissed, it was quiet and you heard our grandchild say, "I did it." Some people thought she said, "You did it" or "We did it," but she doesn't know that.  It was hilarious and hopefully someone recorded it.

"THE TWIRL" The bride dancing with her dad is always a special moment, but I've never been confused with Fred Astaire.  As I danced with my daughter and we managed not to break out laughing, "She asked me, "Would you like to twirl me?" I said "No, not really.  Do you want to twirl me?" She laughed and said yes and "SHE DID IT, " pictured below.  It was much better with her twirling me.

THE WEDDING CAKE: The food was terrific, but having wedding cake is almost always a very enjoyable moment at the reception.  Some of the three-tier cake was put on a table off on the side at the same time the real dancing began on the dance floor.  There was no announcement, but I spotted it from across the room and I got a piece of vanilla cake.  It was very good, but after the wedding I heard there was chocolate cake. WHAT? I could not believe it!

It appears that many people did not see any cake, but the day after and two days after the wedding, I volunteered to help eat the chocolate cake at their house.  It was delicious.

THE HEATER: The wedding was ending around 11 pm and there was no way we were driving down a mountain at that hour.  We stayed in a small cottage on the property. Walking into the cottage after 3 pm, it was cold because the heater pictured below was not on.  Our new-in-laws room was adjacent to our and their heater did not work at all.  Our heater definitely worked and when we left for the ceremony it was comfortable in the room.

About seven hours later I opened the cabin door and it was like opening the door to a sauna.  It was 95 degrees in the room, but nothing had melted.  We opened a couple windows, shut the heater off, and left the door open hoping a bear would not walk in.  When I fell asleep the temperature in the room was 86 degrees.  The heater was directly in front of the bed-I think the heat knocked me out.

I woke up in the middle of the night and moved to another bed due to the heat.  In the morning the temperature was down to 73 degrees and my wife had all the windows open.  I was cold from all the windows being open, but that heater was still going strong.

MY FAVORITE RIDER COMMENTS IN SOUTH CAROLINA 2018-2025

May was a very busy month moving and getting settled in Colorado and I only picked up Uber riders on one day.  Those comments from riders will be included with June's riders at the end of June when I post my favorite rider comments of the month.

This is the list of the very best rider comments in South Carolina over seven years and it was difficult to limit the list to only 22 comments.  All of my riders on my final two days received this special list.  I wish my riders who made these comments could see how much these comments were enjoyed by me and so many other riders-enjoy.

MY FAVORITE RIDERS COMMENTS IN SOUTH CAROLINA 2018-2025

Older man: “I’ve been married 51 years, my wife says she’s been married 61 years, because I’ve made it seem ten years longer.”

She: “My dad named me Marissa after a Playboy pin-up he liked. In my baby book are pictures of the Playboy bunny.”

Female professor: “When you go to Hall’s Chophouse they hug and kiss you-it’s the most action I get all month.”

Young woman: “I sell shots in a strip club.” Me: “Do you get a lot of tips?” Her: “Oh yeah, I get tipped up the ass.”

I picked up an older woman at Outback Steakhouse who looked like Mrs. Doubtfire. She had a large bag of leftovers. Me: “Don’t tell me about your great dinner, I have another hour before I go home to eat.” Her: “That’s too bad. I have a lot of extra delicious ribs I could share. I love to lick my fingers.” Me: “Thanks for not telling me about your delicious meal.” Getting out, she said, “I do have a mean streak.”

Manager for Kansas City Chiefs: “If you promise not to mug me, I can show you something.” She let me put her Super Bowl Ring on my finger.

His wife easily closed my side door, and I said she was strong. The big Texan with the cowboy hat said, “My wife is used to handling a whopper.”

 “We had a magical evening ride that lasted only a mile. When Jeff and his wife move to Charleston, we’re going to do a nightly stand-up routine.”

My rider showed me a picture of his wife and when I showed him a picture of my wife, he said with a thick British accent, “Our wives have something very much in common-they have abominably poor taste in men.”

The 12-year-old girl grew up in Hawaii. “My friends and I were convinced that snow was made up by mainlanders to make us look bad in Hawaii. When I was 9, I was in New York and it started snowing and I ran out of the house yelling, ‘It’s real, it’s real.’ I sent a message to my friends in Hawaii, but they thought I was lying.”

The four women from Savannah were all dressed up and perfumed up for dinner on a  Saturday night in Charleston. I said, “There’s a lot of perfume in this car.” The woman next to me said, “Do we smell good, or do we smell like a whorehouse?”

Physicist: “My wife had to kiss a lot of toads before she found her prince. I married the first girl I kissed-I didn’t think it would happen again.”

The young black guy nicknamed himself, “Trrrip,” because, “Sometimes I’m a trip.” He said, “You should have your own nickname, Jeffro-no-fro.”

The young woman goes to reptile conventions and rescues exotic animals. She: “I rescued three tarantulas and the first day the biggest one got loose, and my sister found it crawling up my back. I was screaming and gave them all to someone else that night.”

Proud mom: “My son was born on July 4th. He came in with a bang and out with a bang. He’s so handsome he can have any girl he wants.”

 

  Cleveland Browns fan said, "When I die I want six pallbearers who are Cleveland Browns players, so they can let me down one more time."

Lawyer: Paul McCartney was my first crush at age three-he’s the only 80-year-old man I would give up for my 60-year-old man.”

“In our old age home is a 108-year-old man. He drives his truck to church each Sunday. He just got a girlfriend in church.”

Me: “What sales do you do?” He: “I’m in death sales. I sell plots, caskets, mausoleums. I can get you 15% off on a casket. Sometimes people ask if they can get the discount later on, I tell them when it’s time, it’s too late for the discount.”

She said, “I hate driving. If I’m driving, you’re going to get hurt.” Saying goodbye, “I hope no one hits you.”

 I asked the mayor from PA, “Are you a Democrat or a Republican?” He: “When people ask me that question, I tell them-I’m an American.”

 He: “We met at McDonalds where she was working. She was in high school;I was in college. The first time I saw her she took my breath away, and it's the only time in my life everything slowed down like a movie. The first thing I said was, "I'm going to marry you." (Married 38 years)