Thursday, January 31, 2019

My Riders: Occupations and Memorable Comments

It's a new year and another month has gone by. It's time to review some of the fun conversations I've had in my car this month.  I've decided to change things up some and briefly tell you about some of my riders jobs and some of the funny/unusual things that were said in my car this month:

"MAY YOUR DAY BE EVER PAINFUL" After a fun conversation with a server in his 20's, as he left my car he said the above line.  I said, "what?" He repeated it again and on the third time I worked my way through the southern accent and heard him say, "may your day be ever pingful."  I know that "pingfull" isn't a word, but he was wishing me to get a lot of rides.  When we get a ride the app goes ping so it was his friendly way of saying goodbye.

"THE WEATHER HERE IS BI-POLAR"  The woman, who works the front desk at a hotel, had the perfect way to describe the weather here in Myrtle Beach.  It is like Florida's weather, very unpredictable.  When she told me the weather was "bi-polar",  I told her that from time to time her ears would ring because I would be using her line.

"I CAN'T UNDERSTAND WHY PEOPLE HATE _ _ _ _  JEWS"  It was New Year's Eve, so it was almost January, but this ride was unforgettable.  I picked up a guy at dinner time who was going to a chinese restaurant only a couple miles away.  He was holding a guitar and was not drunk.  I asked him if he had any plans for New Year's Eve and he said, "I'm going to play some rock n' roll.  Do you know anywhere I can play."  It was tough to focus on what he was saying since he was rambling.  He asked where I was from and after I told him he asked if I was Jewish.  I said I was and that's when he said the above quote about Jews and then he said, "I love Jews."  He then told me this joke about Hitler: "the more I read about him, the less I like him."  He probably didn't like that I didn't laugh at that, because he rated me a 1 out of 5, which is as low as you can rate.  He seemed friendly, but I think he was just a little bit different.

"THE WATERMELON PEOPLE"  The convention in Charleston was for anyone involved in anything to do with watermelon.  There were people who grew it and sold it and my rider built containers that held watermelon.  They didn't mention watermelon eaters, but I'm sure there were a few of those too.

AMUSEMENT RIDE BUILDERS: The two guys from New York had just built a ride here in Myrtle Beach and were heading home.  The build rides all over the country.  The older guy told me the thing that bothers him most about New York is, "there's always someone in your way."

"I'VE CLIMBED 300 FEET HIGH"  My last ride of the night was a guy who said he was Russian and he lived in Chicago, but for the past year he has lived in Myrtle Beach.  He worked for AT&T as a POLE CLIMBER.  I asked him how high he's climbed and when he told me I said, "better you than me."

"I LIKE TO TELL PEOPLE WHAT TO DO" I asked a woman what she liked best about being the news director for the local television station and she made me laugh with her answer.  I think I made her laugh when I told her I didn't have a TV.

"I HIT THE JACKPOT"  Those were my words when I asked a couple what they did and the man replied that he was a Professor of Political Science at the University of Minnesota.  I told him I was a political junkie and although I try not to talk politics with my riders, I would have to make an exception for him.  Unfortunately, his ride was very short, but his wife did laugh when I was so thrilled to talk with her husband.

"THE HONEY BEE"  The Sheraton had a "bee" convention and I got to drive several "bee people" to the airport.  One woman, who was a vice-president of a company that sold honey, was very proud that she was known as "the honey bee."  Another rider, a BEE INSPECTOR, told me that he had thirty bee hives and wanted to add another twenty since they are worth $180 each. I said it wasn't a hobby I'd be interested in.  I learned all about the bee shortage and how they are sent out to California to pollinate the walnut trees so we can have walnuts.  It was more info on bees than I really wanted, but it was interesting.

"I LIKE THE WAY YOU THINK" He was a CONSTRUCTION MANGER, supervising projects around the country.  He was very humble and grateful for his success and told me a lot of personal stuff and answered many of my questions.  Several times he said he liked the way I thought, but the truth was that he did most of the talking and I liked the way he thought.

"YOU'RE KILLING MY VIBE"  I picked this guy up around 6:30 am Sunday morning on Ocean Boulevard.  He was in his twenties and told me he had only had one hour of sleep that night.  I'm not sure what he was doing, but he told me he was going to a "hook-up." (for the ninety and above crowd that means he was meeting someone and they weren't going to watch TV)  He is a salesman for a major hotel chain and told me he was 6th in his office.  Since we were joking around I replied, "there aren't just ten of you, are there?" That's when I was accused of "killing his vibe," which made me laugh more when he said it.  I may have laughed more on this ride than any other I've had. As I dropped him off for his "hook-up" he said TO ME, "MAKE GOOD CHOICES."  If he had turned around as he walked away, he would have seen me leaning over the steering wheel laughing.

"MY WIFE IS USED TO HANDLING A WHOPPER"  I picked up a couple from Texas and immediately saw that their destination was literally around the corner.  In the couple minutes though, they made sure I would never forget them.  When you get in the back of my van you have to close the door by grabbing the door handle which is a little behind you.  For some reason it really takes two hands to do it and only once in awhile does someone do it with one hand.  The wife went to close the door and I told her she would need two hands, but somehow she did it with one hand.  I said, "wow, you must be pretty strong."  The husband, who had know me for all of thirty seconds, left me speechless with his "whopper" of a quote.  I thought of telling him some stories of when I worked at Burger King(which is famous for the whopper}, however, it unfortunately was a very short ride.

Monday, January 28, 2019

Famous "Baloney"(Balogna) Sandwiches

There are certain words that I don't believe should be put together.  Some people will say that "cold and  hot dog" are three words that are ridiculous together, however, hot dogs are really good cold.  I want to nominate "famous baloney sandwiches", as three words that should never be put together and I'm going to tell you why.

Some people say "baloney" and some people say "balogna". The term "baloney" is slang for balogna and originated with the former Governor of New York, Al Smith.  He used to call the federal bureaucracy, "baloney" back in the 1930's. (you could say that, "some things never change" which ARE four words that fit well together)

I was listening to the radio in the car one day while I was working and I heard an ad for a lunch place and they said, "stop in and have one of our famous baloney sandwiches".  I eat a lot of baloney sandwiches.  I don't eat them every day like some people might have a turkey or a cheese sandwich, but I do eat several each week. They are pretty good, but how good does a baloney sandwich have to be for it to be called, "famous"?  And, what could possibly be on that baloney sandwich to make it famous?  Are there other baloney sandwiches that are famous and we just don't know about them?

I'm sure you've seen an ad on television or heard one on the radio that you just had to laugh at, because it was so ridiculous.  This is one thing that is not different in the north, south, or east or west in our country.  Advertising can be misleading or just absurd and the ad I heard is probably both.

When you come and visit us in Myrtle Beach, I know you're going to want to see all the sites: the beach, Broadway at the Beach, The Marshwalk, the great restaurants, and many other things that make Myrtle Beach special. I also know you are not going to want to have "a famous baloney sandwich", or do you?

Sunday, January 27, 2019

What's It Really Like to Drive For Uber/Lyft?

You already know how much fun I'm having doing this and I am also making some money too.  However, I wanted to put you in the front seat of your car(unless you're 92 and don't have a car) and have you experience what it's really like being an Uber or Lyft driver.

This is not a job, but you can call it work. (it's the easiest work I've ever done)  You have no days or hours you need to work. You can work only mornings, or only afternoons, or just in the evenings, or only the weekends, or a different time every day or week.  You can take three straight days off or thirty or sixty days off or you can work every day.  You have no one to report too. You can earn $5 a day or $200 in a day.  As a Lyft driver you can work in any city or any state, with Uber you can work in any city in the state you're approved for.

So, get in your car right now if you want.  You can actually sit in your house and turn on the app and wait to be notified of a ride. Where do you go? Turn right or left when you pull out of your street or the main road near where you live.  The direction you choose will lead to your first ride.  Every day is different, because your destination when you get a ride is determined by where your rider wants to go.  When you drop the rider off, you pick a direction. (unless you immediately get another ride) You can plan your day the way you want it. How do you find your ride? Just the directions on the app, it will tell you exactly where to go.

Typically, you pick up different people every day.  They can be visiting the area or they could have lived there for forty years.  What do they do? Some people are retired, or in school, or they are working part-time.  Their full-time occupation could be something you've heard of or something completely knew to you.  The ride could be one mile long or one hundred miles long.  Most riders are friendly, but sometimes someone doesn't want to say more than two or three words.  You can earn a minimum of $3 for a ride or $100 plus depending on where you take your rider.  How many tips will you get, that depends on your service and your rider's generosity.

Obviously, this kind of work isn't for everyone since no occupation is.  Would it be something you would like to do? You never know, but now you know a little bit more about it.

Since I put you in your front seat, now I want to put you in my passenger seat to experience what a Sunday morning is like for me when I drive.  I wrote this song a couple months ago to original music as far as I know. I actually sing this song when I start my day and fortunately for you, you can't hear me singing it.


                         “Ubering On A Sunday Morn”
                      

It’s an early morning Sunday
As I drive with my windows down.
I’m searching for my first ride
Somewhere in this town.

The breeze is blowing quickly
Through my head of hair.
The sun is rising slowly
I can smell the ocean air.

It’s an early morning Sunday
As the joggers make their run.
So many people still sleeping,
Not me, I’m having fun.

Who needs to go to the airport
And leave this peaceful town?
Me, I’m driving in circles
Round and round and round.

The people that I talk to
They come from everywhere.
I learn a lot about life
From each and every fare.

The Egyptian priest from Indiana
And the small town mayor from PA.
I won’t forget the words,
I heard both of them say.

It’s an early morning Sunday.
And it’s another beautiful day,
I love driving for Uber

In Myrtle Beach today.

Thursday, January 24, 2019

Perfection?

I remember clearly the day that my boss at THE USA TODAY said that I was a perfectionist.  I laughed as some of you are laughing right now.  After giving it too much thought I came to the conclusion that I agreed with her, but only with things I felt were really important. (such as work)  To me, most things aren't that important and many of them can be done in a lot of different ways with decent results.

None of us are perfect, but some of us are exceptional at doing certain things.  For instance, two nights ago history was made in the sports world.  Mariano Rivera, the retired New York Yankee reliever, was elected into The Baseball Hall of Fame.  It was an incredible achievement, but the history part of it was this: he became the first player elected unanimously on 100% of all the ballots. 

It's not important to explain how they vote for The Hall of Fame, only that it was the first time someone was elected on every single ballot.  Babe Ruth, Ty Cobb, Lou Gherig, and Ted Williams, none of them were elected unanimously.  It had never happened in all of the 82 years of The Baseball Hall of Fame.  Not only was Rivera's performance on the field great, but he has always been an ideal role model and exceptional human being.

Was he perfect? He was not.  He gave up an opposite field home run late in a 1997 playoff game, committed a throwing error that lost the seventh game of the 2001 World Series, and he could not hold leads against the Boston Red Sox in the 2004 Championship Series which led to the Red Sox winning The World Series.

He was honored the other night not for his flaws or failures, but for his achievements.  He led the Yankees to five World Championships and was clearly the best pitcher coming out of the bullpen ever.  He did not have to be perfect to be the greatest at what he did.

Sometimes we spend too much time focusing on our flaws and not on our achievements.  We don't have to be perfect in anything we do, but if we focus on being the best, great results will eventually come.  We will never be elected to a Hall of Fame, but by pursuing excellence we will have the satisfaction of knowing we succeeded in doing something extremely well.


Wednesday, January 23, 2019

Mr, Jeffrey and Ms. Monika

There are a number of things like the weather that have been pretty easy getting used to down here in "The South."  However, being called "Mr. Jeffrey" is not one of them.  Up in New Jersey, I would regularly hear someone call me "Mr. Hoenig" and I would immediately think about my Dad and never really considered myself to be "Mr. Hoenig", although I clearly am that person.

But, here in "The South" kids are taught at a very early age to be very respectful and the "Mr." and "Miss" are two things that are carried on throughout their life.  Of course, not everyone picks up that habit, but it is extremely common.  Sometimes I hear a "Mr. Jeff", but that doesn't make it sound any more comfortable to me.

It's certainly not a bad thing, because it does show respect, but it's going to take quite awhile to get used to.  Our neighbor across the street kept referring to "Mr. Jeffrey" and "Ms. Monika" the other night to her eighteen month old daughter and I recently had several college students who I was driving that kept calling me "mister."  I did have the urge to tell them, "just call me Jeff," but I didn't say anything.

I'm sure there are other places in the country, (maybe the mid-west) where this is common, but I think in "The South" it's the most common.  Will I ever speak to someone with a "Mr." or "Ms." in front of their first name? Probably not, but if it ever does happen, y'all be the first to know. (I haven't used the y'all yet either, but that's more of a possibility I think)

Tuesday, January 15, 2019

"Give FruitCake A Chance"

It was fifty years ago in 1969 that John Lennon  released the song, "Give Peace A Chance" and I'm pretty certain that his words were better than mine which you are about to read.  I have thought about writing a song, "Give FruitCake A Chance" to his music, but fortunately for you I have not done so yet.

However, I do want to talk about fruitcake, a subject that most normal people never talk about.  Let's face it, fruitcake does not have a very good reputation and is usually made fun of in movies and on television.  On The Tonight Show, Johnny Carson, used to joke that there was really only one fruitcake and it was passed on from family to family.

In this country fruitcakes are usually made and given as gifts around the Christmas holidays.  In some other countries fruitcakes are eaten throughout the year. In the Bahamas, fruitcakes are soaked in rum and they have a better reputation, which is not a surprise.  Fruitcakes are known to stay fresh for many years and Jay Leno on The Tonight Show once tasted a fruitcake that had been preserved for 125 years! (how appetizing does that sound?)

This holiday season, my daughter was given a fruitcake and it made it's way to Myrtle Beach.  I have probably tasted fruitcake before, but it's been a very long time.  I looked at the box and I figured it was bread and fruit, how bad could it be? 

The name of the fruitcake is Panettone and it says it's a "specialty cake."  I didn't expect to see the word fruitcake anywhere, but it did say "moist and fresh."  This particular recipe is 65 years old and one Panettone takes 52 hours to make.  It had to be pretty good if it takes all that time to make, right?

It was in an unusual square box and wrapped in a large plastic bag and it looked like a very large muffin.  I couldn't resist and I cut off a piece and took a bite.  It tasted like a combination of challah and cranberry bread.  It was good, very good.  It wasn't as good as challah or cranberry bread, but it was good.

I've been nibbling on this fruitcake now for a week and it's almost gone.  I just wanted to let you know that what you thought fruitcake was, may not be what it really is.  So, when the holiday season comes around in 10-11 months, all I am saying is-give fruitcake a chance.

Sunday, January 6, 2019

Have You Ever Washed Your Car In The Dark?

Probably, not, but have you washed your car in the rain?  I was faced with both of these issues in the last two days and this is what happened:

After several days of rain this week and driving through several puddles, the outside of my car looked terrible.  On my way home Friday I had to get my car ready to driver for Uber/Lyft and I had to clean it up.  The rain had eased up some, but by the time I got home it was coming down heavy again.

Do I wash the car in the rain?   Can I wash it in my garage? I really considered both options, before I put it in my garage and tried to wipe off some of the dirt.  It worked some, but I figured the rain might wash off the rest of it.  That did not work very well, but it got me through Friday.

What about Saturday? I planned on a very early airport run for a rider before it was light out, when could I wash the car?  Once again I wiped off some dirt and made the airport run and then stopped at one of the self-cleaning car washes.  It only cost $1 for a couple minutes of soap and rinsing and once I finished, I was off driving again with a mostly clean car.

But what about Sunday?  Driving home from Charleston I arrived home around 8 pm and it was already dark of course.  I was leaving Sunday morning before it got light out, so I washed the car in my driveway.  We don't have much light on our street and there was no light coming from our neighbor's house, only some from our house.  I got the car washed in a short period of time.

The big question is, how did the car look when I was done?  I have no idea, I couldn't see anything.  I'll let you know about 7 am at daybreak.

Thursday, January 3, 2019

How Many Brands of Cheerios Are There?

At first I thought it was a southern thing and then I thought, could it be that I'm just getting older and have no idea what's going on? Nah, certainly not the second one.

Yesterday I took my mother-in-law shopping at Wal-Mart.  While I was there I figured I would get some cereal since I was running low.  How difficult could that be?  Most of it was easy, until I went to get the Cheerios.  I couldn't find the bright yellow box of Cheerios.  Instead, it seemed like there were many, many, many, other kinds of Cheerios.

I had never heard of most of them. Did they change the name and the box of the regular kind? Who is eating all these different brands of Cheerios? Why? What's wrong with the original? For one, everyone is obviously eating the original, because they were sold out.

So, I looked it up and this list is two years old and does not include Maple Cheerios which is NEW!  And it doesn't include the yummy Peanut Butter Cheerios, which was really on the shelf.  (Is that different than the Multi Grain Cheerios Peanut Butter?) Below are fourteen kinds of Cheerios, but it's possible a couple do not exist anymore.

Cheerios
Honey Nut Cheerios
Honey Nut Cheerios Medley Crunch
Multi Grain Cheerios
Apple Cinnamon Cheerios
Banana Nut Cheerios
Cinnamon Burst Cheerios
Chocolate Cheerios
Dulce de Leche Cheerios
Multi Grain Cheerios Peanut Butter
Multi Grain Cheerios Dark Chocolate Crunch
Frosted Cheerios
Fruity Cheerios
Yogurt Burst Cheerios



To be honest I don't know what some of these even mean, but people are eating them apparently.  I would like to recommend a few new brands of Cheerios that General Mills should work on.

Chicken Cheerios: Each cheerio would have a very tiny bone with a little bit of chicken on it.  You can break the Cheerio open and just eat around the bone.

Chocolate Cake Cheerios: Inside each Cheerio will be a different flavored chocolate icing that you eat with the milk before you eat the Cheerio.

Cottage Cheese Cheerio: It could be 1% or 2%, just a little bit inside the Cheerio. What a combination that would be!

Cole Slaw Cheerios: Just one strand of cole slaw for each Cheerio.

I could come up with more "C" Cheerio ideas, but I think you get the picture.  I just want regular Cheerios, does your store have any?


Tuesday, January 1, 2019

My Favorite Riders of the Month

I was going to skip this regular monthly feature of my blog. (that sounds much too formal for me)  However, after the past two weeks I could not resist telling you about some more unique stories, some which will make you grin, chuckle, or LOL(laugh out loud for those of you over 90)

THE COUPLE WHO REALLY NEEDED SOME SUNSHINE

The sun had been fighting to get through the clouds when I picked up a young couple at a gas station for a short ride to the hotel where they were living.  When I asked them how they were doing, the man said, "you wouldn't believe me if I told you."  Of course, I encouraged him to share and he did, but only a little bit.  They were out the night before having a good time and allowed a friend to take them home.  He said that it was the last time he would do that, since they had spent the night at the police station which was only two blocks away.  They had a string of bad luck that week including their car breaking down and they were obviously a little down.

I told them they were lucky I picked them up since my business name is "The Sunshine Man" and I was going to give them some sunshine.  I told them a few of my funny rider stories and got them laughing and I gave them a little motivational talk and encouraged them to have a positive attitude.  The man said, "I've heard a good attitude and a smile will get you somewhere."  I quickly added, "like to Ocean Boulevard". (where they were living)  That comment really broke them up.  As I pulled up to their hotel, the sun broke through the clouds and I gave him my card and said, "if you need a ride sometime or just someone to cheer you up, give me a call."  The guy walked around the car, shook my hand and thanked me.  Who said I'm just driving people around?

THE REPORTER

I picked her up one night and could tell she was somewhat conflicted.  She worked as a reporter for the local paper and after two years, today was her last day.  She was on her way to meet some friends or co-workers to go out one last time here, before she headed home to Pittsburgh, PA. the next day to start her new job.  She was going to be a reporter for the local paper there and would have the opportunity to cover her hometown among other areas.  I spent most of the ride "interviewing" her which had to be amusing to her as well as it was to me.  She was very personable, bright, and articulate and if I wasn't driving I would have taken some notes.  She was going to be doing news and feature stories so I asked her which one she liked more.  To paraphrase what she said, " I know it's odd, but I prefer news stories, because I get meet people at some of their most trying times and I have to get them to trust me."

I told her about this blog and she liked the title of it.  I also told her that I write about my favorite riders, so it is possible that she looks this up to see if I wrote about her.  If she's reading this, this message is for you-you're going to do very well in your new job.  You make a great first impression, just keep your passion and enthusiasm and do your very best.  I wish you all the success you're willing to work for and believe in.

THE MAN WITH THE GREAT LIFE

Without a doubt this was one of the most memorable rides I've given and it started very oddly. When I got the call for the ride on the app, I also got a message from an outside company explaining who I was picking up at the hospital.  The man would have a walker and might have difficult getting in my vehicle.  He was hard of hearing and might not understand everything I said.  They said that if I didn't want to pick him up that I would be paid for the ride anyway.

I love a challenge and I was prepared for a difficult ride, instead it truly was unforgettable.  The man had no walker and easily got into my van.  He had no problem communicating or hearing what I said. He was mesmerizing to listen to and I had difficulty driving when he told me he just found out his wife had lung cancer and was going to undergo radiation.  She was already fighting skin cancer and another form of cancer that I cannot recall.

He was in a good mood and kept talking.  He had been in the Army years ago and quit drinking cold turkey when he was told it was killing him and he didn't have long to live.  More than thirty years ago he was in a terrible motorcycle accident that almost killed him.  He had brain surgery and they put a plug or cork or something in his head. He still has not recovered some of his memory.  IT TOOK HIM 30 YEARS TO BE ABLE TO PHYSICALLY WORK AGAIN.  He works part-time at the Publix Supermarket doing cleaning in the evening, a job that he loves and was going to do that night.  He said, "I've had a great life."

He asked me if I liked  driving for Lyft and I told him that I did and that I write a blog where I write about my favorite drivers.  He started laughing and told me about his driver the night before.  The guy was a writer and had written a book about his favorite riders.  He couldn't get over the fact that on back to back nights he had drivers who wrote about their riders.

After I dropped him off I was exhausted from the experience and the wide range of emotions that he put me through.  It really makes you wonder what a wonderful life we have when you meet someone like him who has had such a "great life.".

MY PERSONALITY COMES THROUGH IN SPANISH

I picked up this older couple at a hotel. When the guy had trouble closing the sliding door, another man they had been standing with, came over and closed it and said something in Spanish.  I picked up on the Spanish (which I know only a few words) and I said, "gracias."  The man in my car laughed and said the same.  My app said they were going to the airport so I confirmed with them they were going to the airport.  The man said, "Si, airport, Orlando, Disney World."  I hadn't picked up on the fact that they spoke almost no English.

I told them that Disney World was one of my favorite places and asked, "can I come with you."  The wife pushed her phone or a translator towards me and I repeated my joke.  A few seconds later I heard some Spanish which I realized was what I said, and together they both yelled out, "yes."  It actually scared me when they yelled out, but I laughed.  It was a short ride and I didn't attempt any more conversation.  As they were getting out I said, "have a good trip, Happy New Year."  The wife pushed the device in front of me and I repeated it again and had to do it a third time.  She got the message and said, "Happy New Year."  I think they gave me a $5 tip so I could save some money to go to Disney World.

THE ANCHORWOMAN AND THE DOG

It does have the potential for a Disney script and it was unusual from the beginning.  I picked up this woman who was going to California with two suitcases and a little white poodle in a basket.  (which made me think of Dorothy's dog in "The Wizard of Oz")   I didn't find out immediately, but the woman is the anchorwoman for the local television station and she is very well known in the area.  I didn't tell her that I didn't know who she was, because I don't watch the news or have a television.  I would have loved to "interview" the woman about her job, but it's all her dog's fault.

I did start asking her about her dog since my wife wants to get one.  I think she said it was a "Papillon Puppy," although I could be mixing it up with the old movie, "Papillon."  She told me that the dog is her best friend and she takes her everywhere.  She said she has even taken her to a bar and sat out on a back deck with her, just the two of them.  And, they have done commercials together on her television station!

I have to admit the dog was cute and fortunately she didn't make a sound.  The woman explained to me that the dog is very smart and she's taught her many things, including how to wave.  As I glanced into my mirror I heard her saying to the dog, "wave, wave."  The dog started waving at me.  I never thought I would have a waving dog in my back seat.

As the ride ended, I told her I had to get a picture of her dog for my wife which I did.  I rushed taking the picture on the sidewalk, which came out fine, except for my finger in the picture.  The dog was not waving, she only waved in my backseat.