I showed the guy who had not been drinking my Queen Elizabeth bill and he said, "Did you ever drive her when she was alive?" I replied seriously, "No I didn't." He said, "I guess she probably wouldn't have ordered an Uber." I answered, "No, probably not."
The couple told me, "The best Uber ride we ever had was a woman in North Carolina who was incredible. On my 50th birthday she gave us Kazoo's and we played them in the car. She called herself KazUber!"
He: "Do you have anything against shooting deer? I shoot them while I sit on my toilet (Going to the bathroom) with a bow and arrow. I've only killed one so far."
Talking about finding a good bathroom on the road, she said, "I can't take dirty bathrooms, I'd pee on myself first and I have a couple times."
He: "I'm a category five screw-up. I decided to change my life by walking for four days to Charleston, South Carolina from Georgia." (He passed out on the second day, but he did change his life)
I picked up "Q". Me: "What is your first name?" She: "Johnson." Me: "Your first name is Johnson?" She: "No, it's (A long name starting with Q), but I go by "Q"-I've been smoking a lot of weed today." She is a part-owner of a pizza place and I dropped her off there and the sign said, "STONERS PIZZA JOINT."
Grandmother of three: "They can do anything they want as long as they don't burn down my house."
"Our Uber driver yesterday had a special Cadillac that he said he put hydrogen in and a full tank would take him 1,200 miles." (?)
The morning after the 60th Anniversary of the legendary performance of The Beatles on The Ed Sullivan TV show my rider said, "The Kinks were way better than the Beatles. The Beatles had a few good songs. Their management was better."
She: "I've been a realtor for about five years. "He, (her boyfriend) was my second client and he's bought a bunch of houses from me."
Her friend said, "People in New York are kind, but not nice and people in the South are nice, but not kind."
"My aunt had a client who named all her children Italian ice flavors."
"I work for a company that has people in HR who are called "The People Team", but they have no people skills."
Moving to the South she was told, "You're going to have to take valium to learn how to dial it down here."
"My friend was a passenger in a car that was hit by a train in Charleston. He was okay but the driver died instantly."
"The woman from Brazil gave me one of the best compliments I've ever had, "Thank you for making a difference in so many lives." Me: "You're a cancer researcher, you're the one who is making a difference in people's lives." She: "I hope so."
MORE COMMENTS
Young man under a lot of stress: "I live with three people who are "bat-crazy." They have mental health issues and we have 30 pets in the house."
I asked the woman who meeting five friends and driving to Disney World, "What do you like best about Disney?" She replied, "I like everything about it."
Me: "How many grandchildren do you have?" Her: "I think I have 14 and 12 great grandchildren with two on the way." Me: "No wonder I don't have any, you have them all."
Grandmother: "The two year old talks me to death. When she goes to sleep I can finally rest."
"My grandchildren call me OG which stands for, "Original grannie."
She: "I was a fireman in San Francisco for three years and then I got a woman's job as a nurse."
The barber said to me, "I've been cutting hair since I was 13. A robot can't do what I can do."
I told the guy who had just arrived from Italy, "You understand English well." He said, "It depends on how early in the morning it is."
The young realtor after his first house sale, "I sat in the house for an hour and a half, just taking it in."
He: "Comfort is where change first happens."
She: "I call tourists in Minnesota, "Tourons."
The barber said, "You have a King Fisher cut." Me: "I thought I was just bald."
The college student from California was blown away by South Carolina, "They seem to have more appreciation for life here."
She: "It's great to be young and in Charleston."
"I watched a movie where the President of Delta Airlines said, "There are 10,000 things that could go wrong on a flight, but it takes only one thing for a passenger to be disgruntled."
The proud mother of two college graduates (engineer and lawyer) said, "I believe in education first."
"My dad played against Kevin Garnett and he never stops talking about it."
He: "I think France gets a bum rap about not liking Americans."
From New York: "In the offseason I used to play basketball with Patrick Ewing, John Starks and Anthony Mason when I was a junior in high school."
The woman from Iran loved New York and said, "It's perfect."
"Myrtle Beach looks like a big fair."
Getting off of work and into my car with food from a chicken place at 5 pm., I said, "You don't have chicken in there do you?" Him: "No, it's a burger and fries, but I'd go back in and make you some."
ABOUT LILY MY MANNEQUIN:
"She has great hair."
Getting in my car and going to shut the door, I told him to, "Push it hard," and at the same time I started telling him about my mannequin Lily. Suddenly, he pushed Lily right in the face and I started to laugh. He said, "I thought if I pushed it something would happen."
ABOUT ME AND MY CAR:
21 year-old male: "Like I said before, 100%, this is a once in a lifetime Uber ride."
She: "That was the most interesting ride I've ever had."
The British Tik-Tokers said, "We're in the coolest Uber ever!"
She: "I love your decor."
The Philly sports fan said a minute after admiring by money museum, "I have a Saddam Hussein bill at home that I'll send you if you give me your information."
The Uber driver said, "That's the best Uber ride I've ever had."
"This was a fun Uber ride."
"This is super-duper cool."
"Orange is your color."
"Thank you for talking to me."
"I wish I had something funny to say to get on your blog. You could go around the block."
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