Did I Tell You That Our Dog Is Being Neutered?

 

Very simply, a dog is not a human being. We tell children not to talk to strangers, yet it seems that for some dogs, strangers are a dogs' best friend.  At least with puppies, I see our puppy regularly chasing down strangers. He doesn't just go up to them, he licks them and jumps on them.

It's not just what the dog does, it' s what we do.  We talk to the dogs in an odd sounding voice and we believe that they really understand everything we're saying.  We'll even spell out words so they don't hear us say, "cheese." 

Some things go a little too far. For a couple weeks we,(mostly my wife), has been telling everyone that our dog is getting neutered. I don't know why, but I feel uncomfortable every time I hear it. We were at the Publix checking out and the cashier said, "do you have anything special planned for the holiday weekend?" My wife told her that we were just going to take it easy, because, "our dog was getting neutered."  This led of course to a picture and soon the couple behind us was looking at the picture of our puppy also.

I don't know much about this neutering thing so I looked it up and found out that it, "prevents testicular cancer and reduces the risk of other problems, such as prostate disease. It might also have less desire to roam. May help with certain behavior issues."

He was neutered and he has recovered fine, thanks for asking.  He was acting a little different though and of course slept a lot due to the medication he was taking.  Most pet owners are very comfortable talking to anyone about anything having to do with their pet.  Me-it's a work in progress, I did blog about it.  I just haven't told any strangers, "hey, just to let you know, my dog got neutered." 

In case you're wondering, his eyes are fine-you just can't see them at times.

The Monsters are Gone on Maple Street

 Almost exactly two years ago I wrote about the famous "Twilight Zone" episode, "The Monsters Are On Maple Street" and I asked what if something like that happened in your neighborhood.  This is part of my blog at the time:

"There are 2,000 people every month who move into the Myrtle Beach vicinity and of course tens of thousand of people in the country monthly move into a new neighborhood.  What would happen if a new neighbor was "weird?"  What if the house is mainly just inhabited by teenagers who smoke pot and drive new trucks that are noisy at all hours of the day and night?  What if they regularly have friends over and cars are parked all over the street although there's no parking allowed on the street? Questions could arise like, are they selling drugs, do they have a gun, and what is going on inside the house? Suddenly, people don't feel safe on their own block.  What if trash was being left on the property and suddenly a quiet neighborhood had completely changed?"

This was the beginning of what we experienced in our neighborhood and it is finally over.  It turned out to be worse than we imagined with late night parties, vandalism, dogs locked up and attacking neighbors, a drunk ex-husband driving through the neighborhood and actually having a shooting range facing the whole development and causing minor injuries, yet he was arrested for assaulting a young teacher. I actually complained in person to the HOA one day saying, "we don't know what is going to happen from one day to the next." I came home to find two cops searching the Mom's car!

They finally moved out a month or so ago, but they did it in their own special way. They planned a garage sale and put up signs and then the day came and people came, but they did not show up for their own garage sale. The mother, probably in her mid 30's acted as a teenager throughout the two years, taking no responsibility for her kid's actions. During the last week or so, her next door neighbor saw her in the backyard and waved.  This was the same neighbor who had his wife and son attacked by her dogs and took one of them to the hospital to be treated and sued her for minor injuries.  Instead of waving, the mother gave him the finger and stuck her tongue out at him. The son though, who terrorized the neighborhood with his loud truck, he decided to throw eggs at the same neighbor's house and he was caught on film. It was quite an exit they made.

The son has friends in the neighborhood and does drive through our street, but it's a whole different neighborhood now. It is a relief to so many of us and they immediately made the neighborhood better by leaving.  They may not have been the monsters on Maple Street in "The Twilight Zone," but they made many people on our street miserable and they will never be forgotten.

June Rider Comments

"In 2016 I bought a treadmill for $300 for my wife.  Last year a guy offered me $1,000 for it and I said, "No, one day my wife is going to use it."

Woman: "My grandmother used to say that red lipstick was for whores."

After she laughed when I told her about the guy who said to me, "I hope you're not a narc," the woman told me, "I'm going home to smoke weed and I smoke like a chimney." 

The female professor: "When you go to Hall's Chophouse they hug you and kiss you and it's the most action I get all month."

Young woman: "I think some people get their driver's license out of gumball machines."

Male chef: "when I was in prison years ago I did 10,000 push-ups a day for several months. I carry around a kettle bell that weighs 30 pounds so I can keep exercising."

During the ride I mentioned $10,000 and the five-year old girl said, " $10,000? I don't have any money." When the ride ended the five year-old gave me a $5 tip.  Me: "I thought you didn't have any money?"

She has a very outgoing personality: "I do cancer research, but I miss interacting with people." Me: "You should be an Uber driver for a few hours a week and donate the money to cancer research." Laughing, she said, "you're right, that would be fun."

When I told the older drummer that I once wrote a song about the life of a cigarette butt that I saw in the men's room, he said, "that's genius."

Guy planning a toga party: "You can come if you have a toga."

Male: "Your voice is just like a famous actor who does commercials." Moments later he added, "No, you sound just like my friend who plays the trumpet in the Church band."

"My friend called and he showed me a picture of him taking a blow while he was driving a semi-truck, it was crazy."

Telling the woman I've been married for 37 years and I met my wife at Burger King, she said, "It's nice to hear that your love blossomed at Burger King."

Retired male: "If I wrote a final letter it would be a letter of gratitude and Thanksgiving for all the blessings I've had in my life."

She loves this quote since her nickname is "sunshine:" "Those who bring sunshine into the lives of others cannot keep it from themselves!"

"My boyfriend and I have been dating for a year and he thinks our relationship is new. I told him that if I can take my wig off in front of him, our relationship is not new anymore."

"I'm a Marine Scientist and when he proposed at Niagara Falls I was very nervous because he was holding the box with the ring upside down near the falls."

Older male vet: "yesterday there was a begger standing right there next to that sign that said, "help wanted." How can you beg for food when there's a job available? I guess I don't know the circumstances."

The male rider apologized for him and his wife on very little sleep: "we're usually a lot more fun, I swear."

After he heard that I write down my favorite rider comments, he said, "I'm feeling a lot of pressure to say something clever." Me: "you just did."

The male Spanish researcher with a thick accent said, "I understand about 90% English." Unfortunately, I was thinking, "I only understand 50% of what he's saying."

Male bartender's past real pick-up line for his wife: "You're out of here, you've had too much to drink. Okay, you can stay, but you have to give me your number."

Male: "When I start to drive I get very sleepy, I never got over a car putting me to sleep when I was a child."

Black male: "When I was a child I was in Exorcist 3 and I still get residuals from the 1989 movie."

"I asked my boyfriend for some trip money and he said, "is that what I'm for, money and sex?" I said, yes, and I'm going to get it as long as I can."

Male from New York on southern accents: "I don't have an accent, we talk right."

Male truck driver who hauls cars: "I just drove 4,700 miles in five days so I could get home to see my daughter's competition."

Female in her mid 20's: "My Mom told my Dad that they had to name me something unique.  My Dad said, "that's it, that's her name." She added, "so I'm Unique and my brother's name is Wulf."

Young man from New York who  details cars: "I have to slow down some here working with people from the south, I don't want to stand out too much."

"I just got a bad, 3 inch cut on my finger from juggling knives. When I was in the military I didn't want any job killing anyone.  I don't know how my soul would take that."

Female server: "My customer ordered takeout and when I gave him the bag he said he changed his mind and wanted it put on a plate to eat here.  I told him I wasn't going to take the food out now and he got angry.  He called a manager and insisted on a refund.  When he got the refund he gave it back to the manager as a tip right in front of me."

"I did not know that the Ravenel bridge was built to look like two sailboats and I give charters every week there."

"The intersection of Lockwood Circle is horrifically laid out."

Male golfer: "Last night was the first time in 16 years coming here my toes have touched the sand."

Nurse in Assisted Living place: "I feel obligated to continue wearing a mask so I don't infect others."

Young woman said she was "going through some things." "I haven't slept in four days."

Young woman from a small town in Wisconsin: "Why do people honk their horn so much here?"

"I met my boyfriend on a podcast.  He's a professional soccer player."

He tells his wife this frequently: "It must be hard for you to be the prettiest girl in the room."

Male Assistant Principal and part-time security cop: "My friends call me Andy Griffith without a gun."

Woman: "He was my neighbor and one day we met after a long period of time and I told him my husband left me.  He told me that I was a smart, beautiful and strong woman and I would be fine and that's how we're together now."

"When the Cavs won their championship, I was five minutes away from my brother.  We put the four kids in the car and drove over there and when we walked in he thought we were a jinx for coming.  My wife has a great picture of the two of us and my two brother in laws on our knees cheering the moment they won it all."

Male: "I'm from Texas and I don't like the Cowboys."

Woman: "I work with a bunch of underaged children."(really adults)

She: "I was supposed to be named Erica, but when I wasn't born on my grandmother's birthday, my parents let her name me Montana. I don't know why she named me Montana."

Young guy: "Pennsylvania is usually dark and gloomy."

As I tried to hand the woman her two bags are hands got tangled and she had one handle of each bag and my hand too.  She said, "I'm holding your hand too, don't tell your wife."

"I started filming and taking pictures of recreational sports and it's turned into a business, because it's something people want.  There was a kid who was being raised by an Aunt and they had him play football.  He was the worst player on the team, but I took a few pictures of him that made it seem like he was catching the ball and they loved it."

Male lawyer from New Mexico: "During the pandemic I was driving into work and there was no one on the road.  The twenty minute trip took me only five minutes."

Woman: "I live in a small town in Virginia where there is no Uber."

Male: "The thing I like best about driving a truck is the freedom and no boss."

Woman: "When I was going to retire my son sent me a questionnaire to find out my interests for what to do when I was retired and he ran them through a computer program, but I don't even remember what the results were."

"To me it seems the economy is always better when Democrats are in power."

"We just drove 900 miles from Indiana over two days on a motorcycle."

Woman who loves the cold: "I'm allergic to warm weather."

"The toughest part of being a property manager is getting skilled help."

 Me: "What's been the best part of your trip here?" Him:(dating for 7 years)  "The beach and her." Me: "Not in that order?" Him: "Right".

Male baseball fan: "That was the most entertaining Uber ride I've ever had."

My Last Day Working Full-Time

 It was thirty eight years and seven months ago that I started my first full-time job at Pace University in New York City working in the Student Activities Office as an Activities Coordinator.  The first couple full-time jobs I wasn't in for very long, but it was a start to my career.

About two months ago, I decided that I wasn't going to continue working full-time as a courier and on Friday I left the job as an independent contractor after close to 3 1/2 years.  The company had gotten into delivering to more homes recently and I had enough of driving on dirt roads and walking up flights of stairs and looking for houses with no numbers on them.  It was taking me an extra hour or two or sometimes three hours and the compensation was not nearly enough.

Financially, there have been a number of things that have happened this year to help, including an inheritance when I lost my Dad a few months ago.  With the demand for Uber rides at a very high level and there being a shortage of drivers, it makes sense to Uber another day or two in addition to the weekend.  With my supervisor retiring in the middle of June, I gave four weeks notice so I could help with the transition. Transitions almost never go smoothly and as I expected, this one did not either.

Friday was my final day and I arrived at work at around 4:40 am. Ironically, I chose to deliver food to about 35 houses which I knew would take most of the day. (the main reason I was leaving) The week would end with me delivering less pieces than I have in about three years, but I was literally counting the pieces as they left my van.  My last three deliveries happened to be very close to each other in the same neighborhood, which hardly ever happened.

I finished up and stopped back at the warehouse and after closing the gate I took a picture and sent it to my family.  The picture below looked like I had just gotten out of prison, but then I got a text from my wife wanting to know what happened to my tooth.  I had no idea and could not see that my tooth seemed crooked. The smile on my face was real and I headed home to begin being semi-retired.

And now, I can catch up on a few blogs that I haven't had any time to write for you.

JUNE RIDER STORIES

 "UNIQUE": For some parents picking a name for a child is a very difficult and long process, but for others it can be ridiculously simple.  The young woman in my car was using the name, "love," (on the Uber app), but her real name was even more interesting.  Her mom said to her dad, "we have to pick a unique name for her." His response was, "that's the name." Her unique name, is actually "Unique", and she wears it well, because it does describe her. She had been in nursing school and felt that experiencing the pain and illness that others had was wearing her down and affecting her personality, so she changed careers.  She lives and works in the northeast in real estate and definitely has the personality and verbal skills to do well in the field.  If you think her name is unique, one of her brother's name is: "Wulf."

THE KNIFE THROWER: I've had some "unique" riders in my car, but my first ride on a Saturday was from a hospital and he surprised me throughout the trip with his story.  He was okay it seemed except for the bandage on his hand which covered a very bad 3 inch cut.  He was juggling knives which relaxes him.  He's supposedly an expert of many years in handling knives, but made a mistake by briefly losing his concentration.  He was obviously very bright as he discussed many different topics with me and he thanked me for the conversation.  He received an honorable discharge from the Air Force after they discovered he had several medical issues that he still deals with daily. One interesting quote from him was, "I didn't want a job that I had to kill people, I don't know how my soul would take it." Right now he's on disability for a number of issues, but he wants to work and be productive and be a good example for his daughter.  I was impressed with him and I hope things work out for him, because he does have a lot of different talents, although he probably should spend less time juggling knives.

THE UNIQUE CHEF: Driving in two tourist areas, Myrtle Beach and Charleston, it is very common to pick up a chef and there are days I have several chefs in my car.  However, this was not just a chef.  He had take a job helping out in a kitchen for a friend and then it turned into being a full-time chef which he wasn't really planning on.  He typically works 7 days a week and occasionally takes a day off when he's reached his limit.  Originally from Ohio, he had spent some time in jail and decided to work on his physical strength.  For several months he did 10,000 pushups a day.  He told me he did several hundred an hour and a doctor discovered this kind of workout actually changed some of the bone structure in his upper body.  He is still dedicated to working out and he carries with him a kettle bell that weighs thirty pounds and it keeps his arms strong.  This is one chef you don't want to mess around with, but he was a very down to earth and nice guy and it was very interesting having him in my car.

THE HAWAIIAN: The woman has lived in Hawaii with her husband, who is in the air force, for the past seven years and they both love it there. They had asked to stay longer and will be there another two years.  Although she isn't a Hawaiian, you can tell that she has been very accepted by the natives and has been fascinated by the culture.  She is the first person I've had in my car who has said they really enjoyed living there.  The common refrain I've gotten in the past is that it is a great place to visit, but not to live and others have had trouble getting along with the natives.  She did say it was very expensive to live, but she enjoyed working with children and raising her two kids there.  It was was good to hear something different from Hawaii and I'm sure this woman will enjoy whatever her next destination will be.

Saying Goodbye to My Customers

 After 3 1/2 years of being a courier I recently started saying goodbye to some of the people I delivered to over the past couple years.  I wanted to do something different for some of my favorite people, so I put together a few of my favorite delivery stories and printed it up and for about 25 people and I gave them a little gift.  I enjoyed doing this and got some great reactions.

Four woman gave me a hug and one woman said, "I'm so sad." (about me leaving)  Another woman taped my stories on the wall right next to her desk so she could look at it in the future.  A number of women were very surprised and obviously "touched" that I would think of them.  I got plenty of laughs as they looked at the pictures and started to read the stories.  Pretty much all of them thanked me for doing a good job and many of them said they would miss me and of course I'll miss them.

One of my last customers who received my gift turned out to be one of my all-time favorites.  The Wal-Mart manager who always wanted an earlier delivery, he said to me, "thank you, you did an awesome job." It just so happened that two of the last three days I got to deliver to him by 9 am, which has never happened before. I made sure he knew that by saying, "I'm here at 9 am for my last delivery," and he laughed at that.

Finally, I told two women at Greg Norman's Australian Grille, that this was my final delivery.  Their office is outside the very fancy restaurant and I had just carried two heavy boxes of paper of the stairs.  A number of months ago I told them that I was the only person in the world who associated Greg Norman's restaurant with pain and I got a good laugh.  The one woman laughed again when I repeated it and gave me the manager's card and said, "come in some time have a free lunch on us."  It was very nice and almost on cue, the manager walked in and wished me a happy retirement.

Below is the gift I gave out and most of the stories which I have blogged about before.  The pictures on the bottom appeared on the gift I gave out all together in one line right in the middle.  However, my technical skills prevented me from duplicating that for this blog.

MY FAVORITE DELIVERY STORIES AS A COURIER

I’m from New Jersey and I told my customer that I really miss snow.  I could see the fear in her eyes and I said, “I did bring a snow shovel to South Carolina.  If I could only get ten minutes of flurries, I’d be happy.” She looked directly upwards and said, “Dear Lord, give this man what he wants, but only over his house.”  She then nicknamed me, “snowman” and we always talk about snow.

 I have a customer in the very next building and I told her the “snowman” story. I had joked with her that she should put a sign up right above where I place her delivery.  The next time I came in, she couldn’t wait to take me to the spot and there was the below sign, just for me, a picture of a snowman.

The woman sitting at the information desk at the hospital is one of the nicest people I’ve met in South Carolina.  She sits there each day and watches people walking by and she noticed how fast I walk past her pushing a hand truck. One day as I was approaching her, she said, “Do you have only one speed-fast?” Laughing and in a loud voice I said, “YES!”  She nicknamed me “Speedy.”

I delivered a small refrigerator to a department in a hospital.  The manager wasn’t in, but I told another person to tell the manager that when someone delivers a refrigerator, the next time they come in there needs to be a small piece of chocolate cake for them.  She laughed and two weeks later I saw the manager and I immediately saw she was smiling under her mask.  When I mentioned the chocolate cake she laughed and said, “there isn’t any, but I can offer you some cheese.” Recently, I checked with her, and she offered me yogurt. Below is a picture of a piece of chocolate cake I DID NOT GET from her.”

I delivered to the fourth floor of an apartment complex.  I called my customer to see if they had put in an elevator yet and she laughed.  I had to carry three, forty-four-pound boxes of paper and another heavy box up to her door.  She wasn’t home, but she told me on the phone she felt so guilty.  When I finished, I took the above picture and texted her, “Don’t feel guilty.”

When I met Ms. Wilson in physical therapy, I told her that she had a presidential name and that Woodrow Wilson’s wife, (Edith), was really the first woman President of our country because she did all the work when her husband recovered from a stroke. I started calling her, The First Lady of Physical Therapy and would always have her laughing with a big smile on her face. Shen never knew that I was laughing before I would open her door. Wishing you a speedy recovery Madam President!

I have laughed more with the die-hard New England Patriots fan than with any customer. She almost chased me out of her office the first time since I had on a NY hat. I teased her about the Giants beating her Patriots twice and she told me about the dance she does while watching games and that the Patriots lost to the Eagles in the Super Bowl since they ate “too many starchy foods.” My best visit was when she was about to take blood from a guy wearing a New York Giants shirt. I said to him, “Did she tell you that she’s a New England Patriot’s fan and she hates the Giants? I’m sure she’ll be careful with that needle.” We laughed a lot that day.

My customers really care a lot about me. One manager of a Wal-Mart pharmacy always wants an early delivery, but I’m usually later than he likes.  One day I was very early and he wanted to buy me a slice of pizza, but they weren’t open, so he gave me a lollipop. Recently, I was very late and I apologized.  He said, “We were about to send the bloodhounds out for you!” He was so worried he was going to send a search party out for me-that’s how much my customers cared about me. THANK YOU TO ALL!

When Do You Feel Old?

I think the first time I felt "old" was about 1986 when I was 26 years old.  I worked for a business school and shared an office with Gary, who is a long-time friend. (Hi Gary) There was an extra phone in the room and the admissions department had a high school student working part-time calling potential leads to see if they were interested in visiting our school.  Gary had his radio on and when a great song ended, the "young" girl said something like, "that was a good song, what's the name of it?" It was "Hey Jude", by the Beatles, still one of the greatest songs ever put out.

Recently I felt old when I found out that my three kids were discussing what I should do when I'm semi-retired at the end of the month.  My son told me, "we have a plan."  My oldest daughter said that when her and her sister visit in a couple weeks we can talk about some possible hobbies for me.

I am amused and also curious as to what these three very bright kids have in mind. My wife and I joke that we don't know who the real parents are, but they must have been very smart.  I'm trying to figure out how I'm going to find the time to do all the things I want to do, but I will listen to their advice.  Below are a few of hobby suggestions they may have:

1. Weightlifter: Over the past three years I have gotten stronger from lifting boxes of paper and other packages. Below is a picture of four boxes, each that weighed 80 pounds.  I picked each of them up, (two hands) and put them on a dock that was shoulder high and then stacked them on top of each other.  Maybe lifting a lot of weights would be more fun than I had today lifting those boxes?

2. Sumo Wrestler: From what I know, you have to have a big stomach and knowledge about wrestling.  My mother-in-law recently told me I had a belly and boy, was I surprised! When I was in Junior High, my friend Larry and I were in the same weight class for wrestling. (about 85 pounds) I don't remember who used to win our matches, but I can beat him now-we are no longer in the same weight class. Maybe pushing around another overweight man in his underwear would be fun?

3. Car Waxer: Not too long ago I was making a delivery and I saw a guy waxing his black car.  It looked really good so I bought some spray on wax and I used it on my 2018 car with over 200,000 miles on it.  It looked better, but I really don't know a lot about waxing.  How often do you do it? Do you dry it off a certain way? When I get my new car, can you wax a new car? Should you? There's so much to learn about this, it might be a good hobby.

4. Master Chef: A hobby is supposed to be something you can spend a lot of time on and this would demand a lot of time. Since I'd be starting at "ground zero," I might need ten hours a week for the rest of my life. I used to cook pasta, but I have no recollection on how long you cook it for.  I think you just pull a piece of pasta out and if it's still hard, you're not there yet. I love to eat, so this might be the right hobby.

5. Philanthropist: How much money do you have to have to be a philanthropist? I wouldn't say I have a lot, but can you give $20 to a bunch of people or charities? Giving away a little bit might be fun, but I don't think I know enough about this yet, but I'll have some time soon to find out.

I think you can see that I really don't need any help, because these are just a few possibilities for my new hobbies.

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