My Tissues Are Angry!

WHAT? You probably just said the same thing I did.  They do say you learn something new every day and today was one of those days.  I was lucky because I got to go to the dentist after my appointment  was canceled once, twice, three times, or I can't remember how many times.  When they scheduled today's appointment months ago I did ask, "we're talking about 2020 right?"

My dental hygienist I'll call TY.  It's not her real name, but those letters are in her name.  We had the kind of conversations that I have with riders in my car and we were laughing way too much to be in a dental office. I told her at the beginning that I don't remember exactly why I'm here, but I'm pretty sure it has to do with my teeth. It was a scheduled cleaning.

She was checking each of my teeth and calling out numbers to check on how they looked between 1 and 5, with 5 being possible problems.  I only got a couple 5's, but the constant calling out of numbers made me want to add them all up in my head.  She promised next time she would just do a cleaning and I said I wanted that in writing.  Fifteen minutes later she told me that she was going to check all the teeth again next time and I said, "just a short time ago someone promised they would only do a cleaning next time."  She also told me that in the nine years she's been in the south she's never said, y'all. I doubt it, but she said her fiancee would back her up on that.

She told me that my tissues in my mouth were angry, or had some inflaming? When I asked exactly where, she said, "in general, nowhere in particular." I was told that an electronic toothbrush was much better for my teeth and I should look into getting one, maybe someone would get one for me for Christmas. Why does it sound expensive?

She put on the below glasses and I said that, "green wasn't my color." She told me that it looked good and my wife would like it.  I told her, "my wife wouldn't go anywhere with me if I were them."  Then, she suggested I take a selfie for my blog.  I told her she gave me the perfect title for the blog.  Notice TY in the background, it's not the best picture of her.

TY gave me a choice of several flavors of toothpaste and said that "more of  my patients choose mint," so I went with that.  I told her it smelled like Girl Scout Thin Mint Cookies and she replied, "that sounds good."  She's getting married in April and my next appointment is a few weeks before that.  I told her she was going to have to wait for this blog post until then and I'd give it to her for her first wedding gift.  I'm thinking one sleeve of thin mints would be perfect too!

Congratulations on your wedding TY!

What I Didn't Eat Eat For My 60th Birthday

This would be a very long blog, but obviously I didn't eat most foods. (although at times it seemed I was eating everything)  I know how fascinated you must be about the eight items I didn't eat, so here they are:

1. Chocolate Eclair (Ice Cream): Not to be confused with a pastry eclair and below is a picture so you know how good this is.  I finally found them today and I just ate one, okay I ate two.  I ate one for my 60th birthday and one for today. I rarely eat these and they are not very popular here in the South apparently.

2. Thin Mints(Girl Scout cookies) Unfortunately, I did not save some when we did have them in the fall or winter.  Put them in the freezer and pour the milk and they are as good as it gets. It's not that you can't eat one, it's tough not to eat five or six very quickly in between slurps of milk.

3. Carvel Flying Saucer: It's actually called a cookie, but they really don't have them at all around here.  When I get to New Jersey I'm getting one for sure.  No surprise, but it can come wiht chocolate ice cream in the middle, which is my favorite. They come from the freezer and they are bigger than an eclair but smaller that a pint of Haagen-Dazs coffee ice cream.

4. Triple Decker or Club Sandwich: They do have them here, but I just couldn't get one in time.  When I go to a diner I have to eat one, roast beef or turkey, both great.  They are big and fun to eat and surprisingly there is no chocolate in this food.

5. Block of Salami: In New Jersey you can pick up a salami in a supermarket and I love cutting pieces and eating them without bread, although some thick slices on rye with mustard is a great sandwich too.  I can see myself leaving New Jersey with one in a cooler, why not?

6. Turkey: I'm not talking about sliced turkey, I mean a real turkey that we eat for Thanksgiving.  I did eat Turkey legs which I could have counted as "Turkey", but I think turkey is the most underrated food.  You've got slices and bones and if it's so good for Thanksgiving, how can we not eat more of it during the year?  I think once a month would be perfect!

7.Cranberry Bread: I've raved about this before. My mom's cranberry bread was unbelievable and my wife's is just as good. I can eat this anytime of the day or night and never get tired of it.  Can't wait to have it again.

8. Gefilte Fish: It smells, but I really like eating this. You usually only see it around Passover and who knows if I'll see it down here.

I can't promise I won't blog about food again, but if you read all these food blogs you probably gained a pound or two!

Loki The Dog, Visits Myrtle Beach

 Not being an animal lover I have said this many times, "I have nothing against animals as long they are someone else's or they are not real." (I'm fine with fish though) For the most part I have not lived with a pet, although I did have a roommate in college that had a cat in the room for a short time and it was an awful experience.  My wife and I had a cat in our first house for a really, really short time. The cat was kept inside a closed hallway near the front door and I didn't come in contact with it much at all.  Legend has it that I left the door open and the cat ran for it's life and never came back-it was very sad.

My son visited for a week with his four month old puppy and stayed at our house this past week. The puppy was a good dog.  Matter of fact, I kept hearing the words, "good dog" over and over among other words. I was going to title this post, "It's all about the poop," which it really was.  I think I woke up in the middle of the night and heard voices saying, "do you have to go, do you have to go?" And yes, I did have to go. Sometimes during the day I would hear the same question and I would think to myself, "well I could go, do I have to?"

My favorite phrase I heard was when my son was trying to teach the dog not to bite. "No biting, no biting" he would say, but to me I kept hearing, "NO BIDEN, NO BIDEN." Those words always brought a smile to my face.   I almost stepped on Loki once, which I thought was a pretty good accomplishment. (coming close only once)  Towards the end of the week my son asked me, "are you ready to hold him?" I needed another day to prepare, but there is a picture of me holding Loki.  We did wait until he was almost asleep which was perfect.

He didn't bark much and he was pretty calm I thought.  My son kept telling him to relax when it was nap time and I could almost feel my eyes closing when he said, "relax."  The best news is that Loki is coming back around Christmas, so you can look for the sequel blog at the end of the year- "The Return of Loki."

Finishing Up Eating at 60

 How many of my favorite foods could I eat over five weeks? It has been a lot of fun and due to the warm weather I have not gained any weight which is hard to believe.  I finished up with these items off my list and ate 52 of my favorite 60 items.  I will post about the eight items that I did not get to eat. I'm sure you can't wait for that!

1. Chocolate cake: My youngest daughter made me this cake from scratch and it was incredible.  We finished it in two sittings, but she also made two small little pieces I could take to work which I've also eaten and loved.  Below is the picture of the cake.

2. Matzah: We finally did find a box that I could eat in a supermarket since it's really not that time of year.  Sometimes I like to have a little extra after dinner and Matzah with cream cheese on it is a perfect way to end the meal.

3. Chips and onion dip: A great appetizer before a meal or during a game.  You can't really eat one and I didn't.  I also lost a few in the dish, but who hasn't?

4. Swedish Meatballs: Hot meatballs in sauce are a perfect appetizer unless you have Uncle Larry's Schlumpia, which are just as amazing.  We had the meatballs combined with the next two items for a meal and it was fun eating them.

5. Little Hot Dogs: A classic appetizer you dip into some mustard and they hit the spot.  They should sell these at baseball games, but they'd probably be $2 for each little dog.

6. Macaroni & Cheese: I cheated a little bit here since I put on my list Jim & Nick's mac & cheese.  This barbecue place  is in Charleston and they have the best mac & cheese, but we decided not to drive the 80 miles for them.  I settled for regular mac & cheese and I used the sauce from the meatball for even more flavor.  This was some meal!

August Rider Quotes

"When I get my license back and get a car, I want to be an Uber driver."

"I'm an Uber driver to my grandchildren.  I take them wherever they want to go."

"I'm a nocturnal creature.  I like things gloomy and dark."

Rider: "I have to get gifts for my five kids." Friend of rider: "He never learned when to pull out."  Me: "I'm not touching that line." Rider: I was really stupid, I have five kids with four women."  Me: "I'm not touching that line either."

"We met on a dating site and our first date was going to be in Disneyland. The day before we went we talked on the phone for 12 hours."

"My 99 year-old grandmother is so stubborn. I said to her, "you must have been an awful teenager."

(6 am Sunday morning) "I can't sleep, I have to get something to eat. I got married last night."  Me: "Did you get any sleep last night? Oops, I shouldn't have asked you that."

"Uber saved the day. Our taxi driver from the airport spoke no English and could not use his phone or GPS.  His boss put the destination into his phone and we had to direct him to drop us off 3/4th of the way there before calling Uber." (I picked them up walking through the trees between the Marriott and Grand Dunes.)

"I was ripped like Jesus. Did you ever notice he always had a six pack-he even looked good on the cross."(not a religious comment)

"My grandmother is a "gamer." She used to buy and play all these games years ago and still in her 80's she burns out a tablet every year."

"I tell new workers that after six months of doing this heavy lifting, if you squeeze yourself hard, you'll turn purple."

"I didn't know there were Uber drivers sitting at the airport, there was no sign so I got a taxi."

"Me: "How long have you been dating?"  Female: "Three years."  Male: "Three going on 30." Me: "You better be nice to her or she'll start hitting you."

(Uber driver from Arizona) "We get riders good and drunk and then we take all their money.  No, we don't do that."(??)

"How am I supposed to film a commercial for suicide prevention for veterans when the two people in the commercial have to be six feet apart and I have two pandemic inspectors watching?"

As a bartender along the beach here I saved all my quarters a couple years ago and rolled them each night.  When the summer ended and three days before I went to Disney World, I brought all the rolls of quarters into the bank.  The $1,000 paid for my trip."

"I was with a girlfriend in Conway and we were drunk.  She said, "Do you want to go to the graveyard?" I said, "sure." We walked for about an hour and 45 minutes and I said to her, "do you know where the graveyard is?" She said, "what graveyard?"

"After my car accident the EMT told me to squeeze his hand while they gave me pain killers for my other broken hand.  Later at the hospital he told me that I squeezed his hand so hard he was getting X-rays, because he thinks I broke his hand."

"When you get tested for the virus they stick  a swab all the way up your nostril. I have a high tolerance for pain, but when they did the other nostril I had tears in my eyes."

(Pulling up to my rider at the Hilton) "I'm not going to be riding with you.  I need to get my Dad's phone back to him, give him this bag."(32 minutes later I said to the Dad, "what's your daughter's name-you better get this right.)

Him: "I'm a Dallas Cowboy fan and if you're a New York Giant fan, we're not going to be friends."  Me: "Oh no! We're not going to be friends?"

Female rider: "I'm studying marketing, but I hate it.  I don't want to work." Boyfriend: "She wants me to pay for everything." Female rider: "What's wrong with that?" (dating only 8 months)

"I think next time we go on vacation we'll go to an Adults Only Resort."

"They say if you can make a woman laugh you can make her do anything." 

"The day before Disneyland opened up, Governor Ronald Reagan visited with his kids and they wanted to go on the monorail. It hadn't been working and the driver did not know how to stop it.  Walt Disney allowed them on with the Secret Service. Somehow it finally worked and the driver was able to stop it. When the Secret Service heard about the previous problems, they wanted to charge Walt Disney with kidnapping."

"When I ate Cracker Barrel's chicken I thought I was going insane.(loved it) I live cheap and eat cheap."

Me: "Has the virus affected your business?" Waste Management Recruiter: "No, trash don't stop."

Me. "What's the best thing about Myrtle Beach?" Him: "The education, I have eight kids."

"I just showed up everyday and did more and more work.  Before long I was doing more than my boss so they fired him and gave me the job"

"My wedding was postponed in July and now is scheduled for January 1. However, it is not looking promising to have over 200 people there.  We will get married that day, but if we have to we will reschedule the reception for July."

"I have two old Atari games that are worth $2,500 each."

"It's a sad day today, we have to go home."

"Myrtle Beach was our fiftieth vacation destination this time."

"Lot's of people don't know the difference between age 50 and 59." Me: "9 years?"

"Myrtle Beach is cleaner than Miami."

"Myrtle Beach is cleaner than Atlanta."

"I met him on a business trip and he decided to stick around."

"We've stayed at a lot of different places and we really enjoyed the Plantation in North Myrtle Beach."

"We both didn't like Captain Georges Buffet, but it's probably the best buffet I've ever been to."

"I can lift 400 pounds after many years of lifting granite and heavy things. I have co-workers who can't believe how strong I am." (35 years old)

"Bowlers hate each other, especially the good, young guys."

Mom: "I have an eleven and nine year old. It feels like I gave birth yesterday." Me: "If it was, you had a really long day."

"They make the virus sound like your skin is going to bubble up."

"I was married 7 1/2 years-I'm not going to do that again."

Printer: "They've been saying that the internet was going to kill our business for a decade now and it hasn't.  I stopped reading what we print a long time ago, as long as the money is green, I'm good."

"My Grandfather always told us that he brought my Mom and Aunt to Disney World and Disneyland several times, but when he got to Disney World he said he had never been there."

"I was coming down here to golf with 12 other guys, but 11 did not come.  The one guy who I came with got bit by a copperhead and he's on crutches, so I'm playing myself."

"In my city Minneapols, the damage to the city is going to cost taxpayers 250 million dollars.  Half of the restaurants will not open again. I'm thinking of moving."(30 year old male)

Technical Analyst for an Intelligence Agency: "There won't be antidote for this virus this winter. If we don't change what we're doing we may wind up with 300,000 deaths."

ICU Nurse: "The virus is not dominating my life."

"If we're careful the virus allows us to do new things."

"A lot of workers here just want to hang out and go to the beach-I wind up doing their work."

Female rider from Chicago: "I just graduated with a degree in law enforcement and I want to go into gang investigations-think it's thrilling."

Bartender: "I've been a bartender my whole life."(6 years and she's still in her twenties)

"His Mom(referring to the baby's Mom and his wife) didn't think she could get pregnant, it was like a miracle birth."

Bus driver in New York City: "There's no charge so riders don't come near the drivers."

"Getting married in Disney World really was magical. The best part was having about 70 family and friends with us."

(7am in Surfside my rider watched me approach Ocean Boulevard. Suddenly two cyclists stopped riding and literally stopped in front of my rider and waved me ahead) The rider said, "he's picking me up." (If the cyclists were secret service they could not have protected him from me any better)

"Our hospital in Boston had 450 virus patients a few months ago and we're now down to 20."

"I'm just going to lay on the beach with some fruity drinks that have an umbrella in them."

"Captain Georges Buffet is more elegant than the Calabash Buffets."

"One small children's hospital in Cleveland announced that due to the virus they lost $40 million in two months earlier this year."

Bartender: "I once had some young kids throw up in the bathroom.  I told them they were kicked out of the bar, but first they had to clean up the bathroom and they did it."

As I opened my trunk with dozens of small Wal-Mart bags full of food after the mom went shopping for the family of six from Minnesota, the husband said, "that had to cost at least $50." (It cost $300)

"We really roughed it here playing 100 holes in three days. My back hurts."

Him: "If they say that the decision to have an abortion is about your body, why wouldn't the decision to wear a mask be about your body?" Me: "Don't even think about putting that on social media."

Talking to a big New England Patriot fan from Boston about the Giants beating the Patriots in The Super Bowl to destroy their undefeated season, she said, "do we have to talk about that game?"  "Yes," I said.

"Goodbye Mr. No-Fro." Rider's comment after I told him I was given the nickname Jeff-fro-no-fro last year by a rider.

"As a server sometimes people give you crap."

"I chose to go to the University of Hawaii because they have one of the top cheer leading  programs in the country."

"I hated being an accountant. I bought a dialysis center with a client and now I own 36 Autism centers in seven states."

"My wife and two small children were in a golf cart and were hit by a woman in a car who missed the stop sign. My kids will be okay, but my wife shattered her ankle."

August Rider Stories

 THE DISNEY PRINCESS: There are some rides that I would pay for and it almost doesn't seem right for me to make money having so much fun. My female rider was in her mid 20's and she had worked at Disney World when she was in college.  She also got married in the wedding pavilion at Disney World at the beginning of March. She had 70 people who joined her there to celebrate.  We spent 30 minutes talking about all her experiences, traded Disney stories, did Disney trivia and could have spent a few hours talking "Disney."  She told me that her grandfather had always told her Mom and Aunt that he had brought them to Disney World and Disneyland many times, but when he went to her wedding in Disney World he said, "I've never been here."  She said that "if he's within a few years of remembering something we give him credit for it." She said her wedding was "magical" and she was up for 24 hours straight and she loved putting her grandfather on the Soarin' ride.

She worked in costume design at Disney and loved it. She told me a story I had never heard before. "The day before Disneyland opened, Governor Ronald Reagan brought his kids who wanted to go on the monorail and Walt Disney said yes.  The monorail hadn't been working and the driver did not know how to stop it. Somehow it worked and the driver was able to stop, but the secret service wanted to sue Disney for kidnapping when they found about the problems." When I dropped her off I saw her Disney suitcase and her Disney mask and a shirt that said, "Dreams Do Come True."  As I pulled away I was just thrilled with the ride and moments later I realized she had as much fun as I did because she gave me an $18 tip. I really should share the tip with Walt!

THE BAG: Frequently I tell riders that I deliver boxes during the week and people on the weekend and it's a lot more fun delivering people.  This ride was the first time I got to be a courier and an Uber driver at the same time. I went to pick up a woman at the Hilton and she leaned in the window and told me that she wasn't riding with me.  She had to get her phone back to her Dad and handed me a bag and said that he would be waiting for me in a golf cart. I drove 32 minutes with a bag.  Although passengers can't sit in the front due to the virus, I put the bag in the front seat and put a bag of masks on top of the bag to cover it safely. I couldn't make any suggestions to my rider and I got no laughs.  I arrived and saw the father sitting in the golf cart. I said to him, "what's your daughter's name and you better get this right?"  He did laugh and replied correctly.  Of all the Uber drivers she could have gotten to deliver a package she happened to get a courier, what are the odds of that happening?

TURNING 50: What are the odds that a woman 90 days from her 50th birthday, has a list of 90 things to do that she's never done before and she gets picked up by an Uber driver who has a list of 60 favorite foods he's working on eating before he turns 60? The odds are not high, but it did happen.  The woman was a social worker from PA who was here for a three day fishing trip with a male friend of hers. It was her friend's dream to take this trip and he wound up with an expensive, non-refundable ticket, so he invited her.  She got on the plane first, but he was not allowed on the plane because his driver's license expired 6 hours before he tried to board. She arrived in Myrtle Beach alone, with no fishing equipment since it was all his.  I picked her up at Wal-Mart and helped her unload all her stuff for her fishing trip which may have been with all men.  She was determined to enjoy the experience.  One of the things on her list of things to do is skydiving and the only problem is that she's afraid of heights.  She was delightful to talk to and we had a great time getting her mentally and physically ready for her experience.

DRIVING HERCULES: You really never know who is getting in your car and what they are going to say.  My rider was a 35 year old male who worked as a fabricator and installer the past 15 years.  Apparently, lifting granite and heavy things has given him almost superhero strength.  He thinks he can lift 400 pounds and his younger co-workers are amazed at how strong he is.  The guy is not tall and his arms are not big; where his strength comes from I have no idea.  He wasn't bragging, he was pretty humble, but he was also funny.  "Before my car accident I was ripped like Jesus."  He said, "Did you ever notice he always had a six pack-he even looked good on the cross."  "After my car accident the EMT told me to squeeze his hand while they gave me pain killers for my other hand that was broken.  Later at the hospital he told me that I squeezed his hand so hard he was getting X-rays, because he thought I broke his hand."  What really got me laughing was when he told me, ""I tell new workers that after six months of doing this heavy lifting, if you squeeze yourself hard, you'll turn purple."  Before he got out of the car he showed me his arms and they looked a lot like mine, yet he has the strength of Hercules, maybe I'll get super human strength too?

THE DISNEY COUPLE: Only two weeks after an incredible "Disney" ride, somehow I was fortunate enough to have another one.  A young couple in their early 20's were renting a car at the airport and they were driving to Disney World.  It did not take long for them to tell I was excited about their trip and I told them that my trip to Disney World was canceled last month.  They said, "why don't you come with us?" I would have loved to, but with my son visiting and work, it would have been difficult to do.  They met on a dating site five years ago and their first date was in Disneyland since they live in California. Since they didn't know each other they decided to talk on the phone the day before their first date, so they did for 12 hours!(really) The girl graduated from high school the day after their first date and I said, "that's one great week you had." One of their goals is to visit all the Disney parks in the world and they told me about their trip to Paris Disneyland where they ate all kinds of amazing French food throughout the park.  I gave them a number of suggestions about Disney World and I'm pretty sure when I dropped them off they wished they were already at Disney World.  I know they had as much fun as I did, because they gave me a very generous $20 tip.  Thanks again, Walt!

 

Eating Past 60-Part 4

 This was the next to last week and I had some big foods to eat-there was some good eatin' this week.  With these 8'm at 46 items with only a few more I'm going to be able to get to.

1. There are favorite foods and then there is Chicken Parmesan, my number one favorite chicken and it has no chocolate in it.  My wife's chicken parm is really great and Saturday night with our son visiting, the four of us feasted on it.  Below is a picture of my first plate before I devoured it.

2. Burger King's Chicken sandwich- one of the original specialty sandwiches that came out in the late 70's when I started working there and met my wife.  The other sandwiches were fish, ham&cheese and steak! Since I always loved chicken, this one was the one I ate a lot and it still tastes great.

3. Snapple: It's not a food, but I used to drink this a lot and haven't had it in years.  I would drink regular iced tea, but I couldn't find it here.  I hit the jackpot the other day and realized that I didn't have enough change that I carried into the store.(they need change so you can only pay with exact change or a credit card)  When I came back the woman behind me paid for my Snapple.  She said it was her good deed of the day.  I got Snapple for free!  It was goooood!

4. Corned Beef & Pastrami sandwich was fun to eat again.  My wife made the sandwich with cole slaw and Russian Dressing and I really miss eating this, it was that good.

5. Spare Ribs:  I went to a Chinese Buffet and enjoyed some boneless ribs which I figure are the same thing.  If corn and corn on the cob are the same, so are boneless ribs and spare ribs.  They are both terrific, but messy to eat.

6. Fried Chicken: At the buffet I had wings that are close to fried chicken so I'm counting it.  I did eat a bunch of them and I loved it.

7. Barbecue Chicken: My wife made it and I could have eaten five or six pieces.  We don't have it as often as we used to, but it was delicious.

 8. Steak: I know that prime rib and steak are similar, but if corn and corn on the cob are different, I'm enjoying steak as a favorite food and I ate it tonight.

This will be a challenging week just to get a few more on my list.  Maybe I'll go back and eat some on the list I've already had!