The two bartenders had too much to drink on their day off. I put their white cooler, which looked like a medical container, in the trunk. Halfway home, one of them yelled out, "I forgot the cooler." I replied, "No, it's in the trunk. I have it and you're going to get it as long as there's no chicken in it." (My favorite) He answered immediately, "There's a human kidney and four Coors Light."
Me: "How did you two meet?" Him: "It's a funny story. She ran a stop sign and drove into me. We talked about the damage to my car for a couple weeks and I finally said, "How about I drop everything if you let me take you out to dinner." (Together 6 years, married one)
The IRS agent from Virginia said, "There's a lot more attention on Uber drivers these days." Me: "It's only a 3 1/2 mile walk to your hotel."
The retired Navy guy who was in law enforcement said, "I built two very large grills and did street fairs grilling barbecue. I named the grills "Old Smokey" after the electric chair in Nashville."
The 83-year-old woman left her 27-year-old car in the junk yard after the engine died. She said, "My children will be happy that I won't be driving anymore, but I'm not going to tell them for awhile."
Me: "I asked the realtor, "How did you get to own a rental property? She: "A cousin owned a lot of properties and taught me. I bought my first house when I was 18, I saved my money. I own 18 rental properties in Myrtle Beach and 8 in Maryland."
Me: "You look very familiar." Him: "I'm just really good looking."
He: "When I tell people I inspect nuclear power plants, they frequently say I'm like Homer Simpson."
Her favorite saying is, "Those who know don't tell and those who tell don't know."
She: "I asked my 3- year-old niece, "Is there anyone who knows more than you? She said, 'No.'"
She said, "My fiancee and I went to 13 weddings last year and he was best man in two of them. He's a popular guy."
About to celebrate their first wedding anniversary, he said, "We're going black bear hunting in Canada and it was her idea to go hunting." I asked her, "Why did you suggest going hunting? She: "We went hunting on our honeymoon."
He: "My wife works in ICU and she turns chicken nuggets into babies."
I asked him, "Do you have any plans for the holiday weekend?" He said, "I'm going to be lazy." Me: "Are you any good at it?" He: "I'm the best."
She: "Some people have trouble understanding my southern accent, like when I say, "Oh." Me: "Oh? O...H?" She said, "Oh, O..I..L?" Me: "You say oil and it sounds like Oh?"
She: "When I had my first child she slept through the night because I put in some breakfast food before she went to bed. I was told I had to wake her up in the middle of the night to feed her and I said, 'Hell no, I'm not waking her up."
The husband said when his wife uses the bathroom, "Even if she just pees, it's 25 minutes."
He: "I'm a millwright and sometimes I get 54 hours of overtime in a week."
From New York, he was trying to adjust to the South. He said, "When someone would approach me with a big smile and say, 'hello,' I would first think where is my wallet and phone because I didn't want to get robbed."
She: "When me moved from New York to South Carolina it was an adjustment. My son went to Publix the first time and told me, 'It was like Disneyland.'"
Woman from Wyoming in the first weekend of April: "We're expected a foot and a half of snow today. We've had 700% of the snow we normally get in the winter."
He got in the car in a good mood and told me he just took his name off the credit card that he shared with his wife of three years. "She bought a $9,500 Prada purse to get back at me, it's her responsibility now."
When I told the woman about the lawyer last week who was also a Danish Knight, she said, "I want to be knighted."
The woman's name was Carol and she said, "I tell people to remember me as, "Christmas Carol", and some people call me that."
Proud mom of two college graduates: "When my kids were in a crib I used to whisper to them, 'You're going to college."
She: "I left Boeing because I was tired of working with all the men."
He loves to keep busy as I do, so I could really relate to this. He said he likes to fish and I said, "How can you enjoy fishing?" He: "I have 3 or 4 poles in the water at the same time or I would have to reorganize my tackle box three times."
He: "I hate locking doors so my wife locked me out of the house twice and I kicked in the door and repaired it. The third time I sat outside and waited."
Young guy: "My boss is paying me $40 a week to go ten minutes in an Uber and drop off another employee's check." Me: "Laughing I said, since I'm driving you, I should get a cut of that." At the end of the ride he tipped me $20.
She: "We found out that the bar in our hotel is a "swinger bar." We had no idea."
If you have someone in your car who speaks Thai, my rider taught me how to say thank you in Thai-it sounds like "cop-kun-crop." You spell it, Khob Khun Khrup.
The local woman told me that, "Publix tried to buy out Lowes, but they said no, so almost everywhere you see a Lowes you'll see a Publix."
The young speech pathologist travels to different states to work remotely. "I look for a state that I don't know anyone. Right now I'm thinking about moving to Alabama."
I was told on the show, "Sister Wives" there is, "A guy who is a stay at home thinker, he reads a book a day and then tells his wives what it was about."
She: "New Yorker's are friendly, we just don't have the time to talk a lot."
Looking at the sky he said, "Something's brewing in the atmosphere." I said, "That's the kind of sentence that you start a chapter of a book with."
Him: "I love retirement more than I loved accounting."
Trying to adjust to the south from New York, he had someone here say, "Have a great day and be kind." He couldn't understand why they said that.
Manager: When it came down to cutting personnel, attitude and effort were most important."
She said, "Life is one big test."
I asked the musician what kind of music he played and he said, "I'm a mixture of John Mayer and Jackson Brown."
She: "I was once Teacher of the Year. The students knew that I cared."
Female recruiter: "Hospitals can't afford the wages they have been paying because they don't have the extra money they had coming in from COVID."
She: "We're going to a wedding here in Charleston for the son of friends we saw get married here forty years ago. The wedding is in the same church."
He watches the television show. "Blue's Clues," with his daughter. "The theme song is so catchy I find myself singing along and I can't get it out of my head for hours."
She asked me, "Do you like speed bumps?"
ABOUT ME AND MY CAR
Walking into my car she immediately said, "I've never seen anything like this."
Saying goodbye he said, "Enjoy your life."
She: "You're the nicest Uber driver I've ever had."
The very successful guy got out of my car and said, "I like being in the happy car."
Looking at my 4.99 rating, he asked, "Who didn't give you a 5 rating?"
His girlfriend had just broken up with him and at the end of the ride he said, "You just don't get people to their destination, you take care of people."
Woman: "I feel like I'm getting out of cash cab."
"That was the best Uber ride we've ever had."
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