MARCH RIDER STORIES FROM MARCH

It was an unusual month to say the least.  I drove for Uber/Lyft only on three days and here are my three favorite stories:

THE DON JUAN OF CHARLESTON?: It was unfortunately a short ride.  The College of Charleston has a very unusual ratio of 70-30 women to men.  I have a lot of fun talking to men and women about what life is like on campus.  I asked my male passenger how he was managing with the 70-30% ratio of women to men.  He may have been joking, but his answer was, "I have five girlfriends, I'm doing the best I can to keep everyone happy."  He was very entertaining and I guess it's possible he was being serious, but I'll never know.  He said there's a saying in Charleston, "you can't love them here."  Just before I dropped him off he showed me a picture of a pretty girl and said it was his girlfriend. "She wouldn't give me the time of day at most schools, but here it's slim pickings."  I told him he should stick with one girl, but he didn't show me pictures of the other girls, if there were any.  I'm pretty sure he's enjoying college.


SHE BOUGHT AN ISLAND:  My rider did not buy an island, but her great grandmother did.  In the 1940's she bought an island that wasn't very large, I think 13 acres.  She paid $30,000 which at the time was a very large amount.  Her husband at the time wanted to know if she could get her money back, but she made it work.  She started her own restaurant on the island and it is still very popular today.  My rider helps run the restaurant with her Dad.  There are only a small number of houses on the island and most of them are owned by their family.  Today the island is worth a lot of money and they've turned down offers in the past.  I think her great grandmother made a good investment.



THE PACEMAKER SALESMAN: He started working as a nurse which he did for five years.  He had an opportunity to go into sales due to his outgoing personality.  He supervises five other sales people including having his own territory.  When he sells a pacemaker he has to be in the operating room when the pacemaker is put in, something I would definitely not want to see.  I picked him up to take him to the airport to go back home to Ohio.  He was in South Carolina to pick up a little puppy for his two boys.  I could tell he was successful due to his outgoing personality.  Sometimes you just don't know where a career will lead to.

My Favorite Rider Comments For March 2020

It was a very short month and I drove only three days, but this is what my riders said:

I asked the retired professional race car driver, "what's the best thing about being a race car driver?"  He said, "I survived."

Speaking on the phone he said, "she was hot, we had fun. I'm probably embarrassing myself in front of my Uber." Me sitting next to him: "No, I'm not listening."

Me: "You can sit in the front or the back." Rider: (choosing the back) "I want to be like Driving Miss Daisy."

Older female rider: "I still have a potty mouth."  The customer said to me in the hotel, "Why is that F'N door always locked."  "I said, "because the F'N door is supposed to be locked."

When asked how he was managing with the 70-30% ratio of women to men at The College of Charleston, my rider said, "I have five girlfriends, I'm doing the best I can to keep everyone happy.  This girl(showing me a picture) wouldn't give me the time of day at most schools, but here it's slim pickings."

One girl in her twenties said to another girl, "Did you see her ring? It's huge and it cost $30,000. Who would want to put a $30,000 ring on her finger?" The other girl replied softly, "I would."

"My rental car was stolen.  I left the keys in the car and the car unlocked."

"I only had five hours of sleep." Me: "I had less than that." Rider: "Yeah, but I had alcohol and sex."

"There's more to do in New Jersey than there is in the Charleston area."

(well known phrase) "God gives it's toughest battles to his strongest soldiers."

"The people in Washington D.C. are awful.  They are stuck in their own bubble and can't even discuss things they don't agree with."

"I decided to become a nurse after my Dad's heart attack.  I was impressed with the nurses who helped him."

Looking a my brochures of the area in the back car, my rider said, "Do you give tours also?"

Me: How are you handling the 70-30% women to men ratio at college?" Male Rider: "I'm taking full advantage of it."

"I don't make the best choices every day."

"My friend was from out of town and an attractive woman approached him and asked where he was staying and he said, "Tin-ton Falls."  He didn't know the pronunciation and he asked the woman where she was from and she replied, "Eat-ton-town."

(about the virus)  "It's like when they predict a blizzard, people go nuts.  With this it's a hundred times worse."

"I just came back from Alaska where I was helping a friend re-model his kitchen for the past two months.  It was ten below zero there, but we had a great time fishing, hunting, drinking-doing Alaskan-shit."

Me: "Are you in sales or management?" Rider: "I run the company." (well known company in mid-west)

(From New York)  "When I saw all the people out and in the restaurants yesterday, I thought it was irresponsible."

Am I A Jogger Now?

How many times do you have to jog before you're considered a jogger? Last Sunday I went out for the first time.  This morning, Saturday, I went out for the second time and jogged? If I go out tomorrow morning and DO IT AGAIN, does that make me a jogger?

Some questions you may or may not be asking: (I'm interviewing myself)

Are you serious? No, I'm a little crazy right now. I'm out early every morning, so not going out early is uncomfortable.  It fits in with losing weight and I always wanted to try it.

What did you really do? I walked and then ran and then walked and then ran and walked and then ran.  Then I turned around and headed for home and walked and then ran and walked and then ran and walked until I got home.

How long did you run? I was gone only 30 minutes, so I'm guessing I ran 15 minutes?

Are you going to get some running shoes instead of the old things you're wearing? I was thinking about it.  How little can I spend? If I do, would I then be a jogger?

How did you feel about doing it? It was a beautiful morning and I did get down the road faster running. I did feel good getting some exercise, I'm not sure I'd say it was fun.  It was okay.

Is this something you're going to continue when you start driving on the weekend? I don't see how since I'm gone very early, but maybe during the week if I have an early day and it's not too hot out, and I have a light dinner, maybe after dinner? Nah-it's not very likely.

Maybe, when I retire one day I'll take up jogging for real, maybe.

THERE'S A RUN ON COCOA KRISPIES!

Not to make light of shortages, but I know that there are many people who are running short on paper goods, especially toilet paper.  I've actually been delivering toilet paper to some houses which I never thought I'd be doing. Delivering to hospitals and businesses makes a lot of sense, but to individual homes?

My favorite cereal is Cocoa Krispies and I knew I was running low. I was in two Wal-Marts that had cereal, but not my favorite cereal.  I could have bought Jolly Rancher cereal or Hershey's Kisses cereal, both I've never heard of before.  It reminds me of my favorite name for a cereal, Best Friends.  When we were vacationing in Hershey, PA many years ago, we saw that ridiculous name in a store.  Let's face it, if you're eating Best Friends for breakfast, you have a real problem.

Back to my Cocoa Krispies-I was down to about two bowls.  Do I start using smaller bowls to stretch it out? How many supermarkets do I visit to find them? Fortunately, I stopped at a Krogers supermarket today and I found that they had Cocoa Krispies-what a relief.

Last night we were taking a "social distancing" walk with our friends around the neighborhood and they said they were down to one hot dog.  I suggested they put a sign on their house, "We're down to one hot dog."  I thought it would be funny to see that and I would put a sign on our house when my wife wasn't looking of course that said, "I'm almost out of Cocoa Krispies!"

I'm good for at least a couple more weeks.

How Do You Jog?

I know, some of you hipsters and younger people are saying, "people don't jog anymore, they run."  Well, I crawled before I walked and there's no way I'm going out to just run.  I've never run before, other than playing tennis or basketball or any sport.  I see people running all the time and I've wondered, would I really like that? I love walking fast, this is just a little quicker.

Starting the beginning of this month I decided to lose 20 pounds in the next four months and then July and August to celebrate my 60th birthday I was going to eat some of my favorite foods and not worry about gaining weight.  That may not sound like a great plan, but I'm doing it.  I'm down 6 pounds and I'd like to drop a few more by the end of the month.

To prepare for this I considered jogging, but when would I do it? I'm up too early and go into work too early to jog before work and having a physical workout before doing a physical job doesn't really make sense to me.  When I get home, that really doesn't work either.  On the weekends I get up early and I drive for Uber/Lyft the full day, so, I decided to skip that idea.

Out of nowhere(China) came this virus crisis and I'm now not driving on the weekend.  Today was the day to actually go out and jog.  Did I have the right outfit, of course not.  Did I have the right sneakers, of course not. Did I stretch before I went out exactly the right way, of course not.  I'm not big on doing things "the right way" (I'm passing on the political joke), however, I did go out and jog today.

About 7 am. when there was some daylight I went outside.  It was cool this morning so I wore a sweatshirt on top of my shirt and shorts.  I walked some, ran some, walked some, ran some-you get the picture.  It was cool enough where I had to run, but I stopped when I wanted to except when I saw the street sign that said, "slow down."  I figured that really was a sign for me, so I stopped right there.  I may have been gone a half hour and it was okay.  It was more exercise than walking and it felt pretty good. Will I do it again? I think I will.  Maybe when I retire I'll jog regularly, or maybe I'll run.

"Not My Circus, Not My Indian"

Obviously, these words are not mine.  However, they are southern.  One very nice woman who I deliver boxes and supplies to, is teaching me "how to be a southerner."  She said she would only charge me $100 an hour and I told her I would go for the "dribs and drabs" method. (not sure if I just made that up or there is such a thing)

What does that phrase, "not my circus, not my Indian" mean?  Basically, it means that you don't want anything to do with whatever is going on-I'm not involved.  It's a pretty unique way of saying that and it is amusing.

Today, when I delivered to her, she was on the phone with a patient.  She told her patient that the delivery guy was here and, "we're buddies."  We do seem to laugh a lot when I deliver and I fondly call her, "my favorite Morris."  Not that her name is really Morris, but let's say it starts with a "M".  The phrase reminds me of the old television show, "My Favorite Martian."  I think she likes that greeting.

Since she was on the phone I couldn't ask her for another "southern phrase," but I will next time.  I think I'll start teaching her "northern phrases."  I have to come up with a good one before I see her again.  I use the phrase, "it's not my first rodeo," but that can't be a northern phrase, probably a "western phrase."

Just wanted y'all to know I'm still working on, "becoming a Southerner."

"It'll Be Fun!"

One area of my mouth was sensitive and I waited, because I didn't want to go to the dentist.  The discomfort didn't go away so I reluctantly called the dentist.  The office is about five minutes away so it's convenient, if I'm home.  I couldn't get an appointment later in the day for a couple weeks.

Yesterday, I went to the appointment. The dentist is a very cheerful, positive guy, very hard not to like.  He saw that my crown was missing and had to be replaced.  Boy, was I happy! Of course the cost was more than a couple cavities, but what can you do?

He asked if I had 30 minutes or so that afternoon and he could take care of it and give me a discount.  The word discount probably made it sound better, but I said okay.  He told me that I needed to go into the other room and then he said, "it'll be fun."

Having work done in the dentist office is about as far from fun as you can get. But, I am trying to have more fun this year, so I figured I'd give it a shot.  When he numbed my tooth, jaw, tongue, and anything in the vicinity, I felt the needle go in.  When he took it out I said, "was that the fun?"  He got a good laugh out of that line.  That was the only fun on the visit, seeing him laugh.

My best line came when he said to me, "what toothpaste do you use?"  I replied, "red."  I thought he was going to fall on the floor laughing.  He wants me to use just toothpaste with flouride and nothing else.  I don't know what the toothpaste name is or what's in it.  I'm pretty sure there's no coffee ice cream in it, but I didn't say that though.

So, next time you're going to the dentist office, expect to have fun.  I don't think that advice will help you much, but give it a shot.  You never know.