MY FAVORITE RIDER COMMENTS OF 2019

I know, I can hear the words coming from up North, "he's writing about his riders again? When will it stop?  Please make him stop, someone!" 

With the holidays approaching I wanted to do something special for some of my riders since riders have kept me laughing all year long.  I actually told some of them I would have liked to get them something nicer, but my wife would have been mad at me.  Of course, I got a laugh from that.  I decided to type up a list of my favorite rider comments of the year and give them out.  It was a big hit, more with women than men.  I told them it was a present from me and this would keep them laughing, because I'll laugh at some of these for a very long time.

It was very difficult to pick these, but here they are all together:

“We can’t see you. We’re in the parking lot. We are three, medium to large sized humans.”  

On my App: "I forgot I was in an Uber, it was like riding with a friend."

                  

“So, you’re married 36 years, how’s that working for you?”

(4 women dressed and perfumed up for Saturday night) Do we smell good or do we smell like a whorehouse?”             

“Your nickname should be Jeffro-No-Fro.”

What kind of work do you do? “I pass gas for a living.” (anesthesiologist)

“My son was born on July 4^th. He came in with a bang and out with a bang.” “I may have to go back up north to get a guy to bring back down before ‘I can’t have any more fun.’“(she was more explicit and obscene and she said it THREE TIMES!)

Joking with my male rider on his sales success, he said, “You’re killing my vibe.”

When his wife easily closed my side door, I said she was strong and the big Texan said, “My wife is used to handling a whopper.”          

"Sometimes you just have to get the stupid out of people."

“I didn’t get to look like this(large) by exercising.” 

“The weather here is bipolar.”

How did you get the name Hampton? “I was conceived in a Hampton Inn.” (not)

“People down here are sickenly nice.”  

One woman said to the other, "what does the baby look like?"  Her reply, "It was four weeks early and it looked like it could have baked in the oven a little longer."

How do you get through the rough Buffalo winters? “Since the world is ending soon, we’ll be okay in Buffalo.”               

He just moved here from NY. where he worked on Wall Street:  “Slow down? No, I’m going to speed up. Have you seen the demographics? You have to be a F’ N moron not to make money here.”     

If I got pulled over in Charleston for dropping her off in the wrong place- "Please officer, don't castrate my Uber driver for dropping me off here."                            

“You swing both ways with Uber and Lyft?”      

“Are you due for a colonoscopy?”

“Can I puke in your NY Giants hat and pretend I don’t know what happened?”

Have you done stand-up? “No, should I? Maybe we should do it together later tonight.”  (on app) “Jeffrey and I had a magical evening ride that lasted only a mile. We’re going to be doing a nightly stand-up routine together in Charleston.”