Let's face it-you never thought you'd see a title like this. And, you're actually reading it too! Give me a couple moments and this might be fun. I don't know if you can catch rice, but I can. And, fortunately for you, I'm going to tell you how to do it.
Step 1: Have a container full of hot, white rice on the kitchen table.
Step 2: Be hungry, that's the real easy part.
Step 3: Sit down at the table.
Step 4: Have a hot rotisserie chicken sitting near by so you are distracted by the wonderful smell.
Step 5: Put a few heaping spoons full of hot rice on your plate.
Step 6: Get some chicken on that plate next to the rice.
Step 7: In your haste, fill your fork with way too much rice.
Step 8: Move your fork towards your open mouth.
Step 9: Keep your eyes on the chicken, you don't want anyone to grab that from you.
Step 10: Open your mouth to eat the hot rice.
Step 11: Try to get the fork close to your mouth while still watching the chicken.
Step 12: As the rice starts falling, make sure your legs are closed.
Step 13: Catch the rice with your ankles before they hit the floor.
Step 14: Ask for help
Step 15: Allow your wife to remove all the rice from your pants around your ankles.
Step 16: Thank your wife and be grateful you weren't wearing shorts.
Usually when I drop food at the dinner table every single bit of it will hit the floor. This time though, I managed to have only one tiny piece of rice on the floor and all the rest I caught with my ankles. You might think it's easier to catch rice with your hands or in your lap, but you'd be surprised how easy it is catching rice with your ankles. I was surprised, but I did it. If I did it, I'm sure you can too-good luck.
Monday, January 20, 2020
Friday, January 17, 2020
The Cold Air Was Refreshing!
I know what you're saying up there in the North-"you can say that because you live in South Carolina." Yes, you are absolutely correct, but still, the cold air was refreshing.
This morning I walked outside at 4:45 am.(just that should make you cringe) and I was wearing two light jackets and my winter hat. My car said it was 48 degrees, which in the South is borderline freezing. I didn't wear the hat long and it didn't seem that cold, but it did feel good.
We've had several days recently in the seventies, so 48 degrees was cool. The temperature did go down some during the day which is unusual, but it did feel good. There aren't many southerners here who would agree with me on that.
If you think about it though, there are times that cold air is refreshing. Certainly, on a hot day in the summer when you walk into air conditioning, we can all agree that feels good. If you work out and your body is warmed up, when you go outside into cool air, it has to feel good. (I'm only guessing on this since I don't work out) Working as a courier on a warm day, the cool air in my car always feels good.
I used to work in a freezer when I was in college. It was a Foodtown freezer that was six degrees below zero. I would push around a big cart and put frozen goods on it and then push it out on the dock for someone else to load it into a truck. If you stood still in the freezer though, it did not feel refreshing. However, if you were hustling in that temperature, it really did feel good.
Up North, you're going to have some days and nights that the temperature is going to be in the teens or single digits and I'm guessing it won't feel refreshing to you. But, people here in the South who are from the North or the Midwest, they experience cold weather in South Carolina differently than "real" Southerners. If you've been here long enough and your blood starts to thin, you might not find cool air refreshing. I'm still working on becoming that kind of Southerner. I still have my snow shovel with me and if I need it, I'm ready and able to use it. How much fun would that be?
This morning I walked outside at 4:45 am.(just that should make you cringe) and I was wearing two light jackets and my winter hat. My car said it was 48 degrees, which in the South is borderline freezing. I didn't wear the hat long and it didn't seem that cold, but it did feel good.
We've had several days recently in the seventies, so 48 degrees was cool. The temperature did go down some during the day which is unusual, but it did feel good. There aren't many southerners here who would agree with me on that.
If you think about it though, there are times that cold air is refreshing. Certainly, on a hot day in the summer when you walk into air conditioning, we can all agree that feels good. If you work out and your body is warmed up, when you go outside into cool air, it has to feel good. (I'm only guessing on this since I don't work out) Working as a courier on a warm day, the cool air in my car always feels good.
I used to work in a freezer when I was in college. It was a Foodtown freezer that was six degrees below zero. I would push around a big cart and put frozen goods on it and then push it out on the dock for someone else to load it into a truck. If you stood still in the freezer though, it did not feel refreshing. However, if you were hustling in that temperature, it really did feel good.
Up North, you're going to have some days and nights that the temperature is going to be in the teens or single digits and I'm guessing it won't feel refreshing to you. But, people here in the South who are from the North or the Midwest, they experience cold weather in South Carolina differently than "real" Southerners. If you've been here long enough and your blood starts to thin, you might not find cool air refreshing. I'm still working on becoming that kind of Southerner. I still have my snow shovel with me and if I need it, I'm ready and able to use it. How much fun would that be?
Wednesday, January 15, 2020
"I Hope Things Pick Up So You Don't Have So Much Time on Your Hands"
This was not a quote from a rider of mine, but actually from another Uber Driver. Amazingly enough the comment was made to me on Facebook. The Uber/Lyft drivers here locally have our own Facebook site that we share information and make comments. Although I rarely comment on regular Facebook, when it comes to Uber/Lyft I do make comments and share information.
I posted information on the number of tips I received in 2019 and how Uber Tips compared with Lyft tips and the differences there were in the months during the year. I knew that only a few people would be interested, because most people really don't like numbers and their eyes just glaze over when you start talking numbers.
The driver's comment meant that I spent way too much time looking at these details and I must have a lot of free time. I replied politely and gave him a list of things I do and assured him that "things picking up" would not be a good thing for me and my wife would much rather I get another 60 minutes of sleep each day.
It did get me thinking how different people's perception can be. When you enjoy something you hardly notice the time spent, but when you don't enjoy it, the activity can be a real grind. For me to spend 12-13 hours online picking up riders on a Saturday and Sunday is not a big deal to me. I used to drive those kind of hours in New Jersey delivering and once a month I would do 19 hours a day.
However, 6-8 hours of driving for most people is a lot and something most people are not comfortable doing. It's difficult for them to understand how twice that amount of hours driving can be easy for some people.
I guess this is one the reasons driving for Uber/Lyft is so interesting. I'm meeting a large variety of people with different views and experiences. Here's another example: I've been surveying people who live in Mt. Pleasant, South Carolina. This is a very large suburb of Charleston with over 100,000 people living there. It is beautiful and has a little bit of everything, including restaurants. A couple months back, two women who live there told me that there were not enough restaurants in Mt. Pleasant. According to Trip Advisor, there are over 350 restaurants. About 3/4 of the residents I ask believe there are a lot of restaurants, yet I have spoken to some people who insist there are not enough restaurants in Mt. Pleasant. So, which is it?
It depends on who you talk to. Did I spend a lot of time getting that tip information together? Some people would say yes, but in my eyes, the answer would be no. Keep in mind that sometimes what you think is not necessarily what most people think. Are you right or are they right? Or, is there no right?
I posted information on the number of tips I received in 2019 and how Uber Tips compared with Lyft tips and the differences there were in the months during the year. I knew that only a few people would be interested, because most people really don't like numbers and their eyes just glaze over when you start talking numbers.
The driver's comment meant that I spent way too much time looking at these details and I must have a lot of free time. I replied politely and gave him a list of things I do and assured him that "things picking up" would not be a good thing for me and my wife would much rather I get another 60 minutes of sleep each day.
It did get me thinking how different people's perception can be. When you enjoy something you hardly notice the time spent, but when you don't enjoy it, the activity can be a real grind. For me to spend 12-13 hours online picking up riders on a Saturday and Sunday is not a big deal to me. I used to drive those kind of hours in New Jersey delivering and once a month I would do 19 hours a day.
However, 6-8 hours of driving for most people is a lot and something most people are not comfortable doing. It's difficult for them to understand how twice that amount of hours driving can be easy for some people.
I guess this is one the reasons driving for Uber/Lyft is so interesting. I'm meeting a large variety of people with different views and experiences. Here's another example: I've been surveying people who live in Mt. Pleasant, South Carolina. This is a very large suburb of Charleston with over 100,000 people living there. It is beautiful and has a little bit of everything, including restaurants. A couple months back, two women who live there told me that there were not enough restaurants in Mt. Pleasant. According to Trip Advisor, there are over 350 restaurants. About 3/4 of the residents I ask believe there are a lot of restaurants, yet I have spoken to some people who insist there are not enough restaurants in Mt. Pleasant. So, which is it?
It depends on who you talk to. Did I spend a lot of time getting that tip information together? Some people would say yes, but in my eyes, the answer would be no. Keep in mind that sometimes what you think is not necessarily what most people think. Are you right or are they right? Or, is there no right?
Thursday, January 9, 2020
MY FAVORITE RIDER COMMENTS OF 2019
I know, I can hear the words coming from up North, "he's writing about his riders again? When will it stop? Please make him stop, someone!"
With the holidays approaching I wanted to do something special for some of my riders since riders have kept me laughing all year long. I actually told some of them I would have liked to get them something nicer, but my wife would have been mad at me. Of course, I got a laugh from that. I decided to type up a list of my favorite rider comments of the year and give them out. It was a big hit, more with women than men. I told them it was a present from me and this would keep them laughing, because I'll laugh at some of these for a very long time.
It was very difficult to pick these, but here they are all together:
“We can’t see you. We’re in the parking lot. We are three, medium to large sized humans.”
On my App: "I forgot I was in an Uber, it was like riding with a friend."
(4 women dressed and perfumed up for Saturday night) Do we smell good or do we smell like a whorehouse?”
With the holidays approaching I wanted to do something special for some of my riders since riders have kept me laughing all year long. I actually told some of them I would have liked to get them something nicer, but my wife would have been mad at me. Of course, I got a laugh from that. I decided to type up a list of my favorite rider comments of the year and give them out. It was a big hit, more with women than men. I told them it was a present from me and this would keep them laughing, because I'll laugh at some of these for a very long time.
It was very difficult to pick these, but here they are all together:
“We can’t see you. We’re in the parking lot. We are three, medium to large sized humans.”
On my App: "I forgot I was in an Uber, it was like riding with a friend."
“So, you’re married 36
years, how’s that working for you?”
(4 women dressed and perfumed up for Saturday night) Do we smell good or do we smell like a whorehouse?”
“Your nickname should be Jeffro-No-Fro.”
What kind of work do you do?
“I pass gas for a living.” (anesthesiologist)
“My son was born on July 4th.
He came in with a bang and out with a bang.” “I may have to go back up north to
get a guy to bring back down before ‘I can’t have any more fun.’“(she was more
explicit and obscene and she said it THREE TIMES!)
Joking with my male rider on
his sales success, he said, “You’re killing my vibe.”
When his wife easily closed
my side door, I said she was strong and the big Texan said, “My wife is used to
handling a whopper.”
"Sometimes you just have to get the stupid out of people."
“I didn’t get to look like
this(large) by exercising.”
“The weather here is bipolar.”
How did you get the name
Hampton? “I was conceived in a Hampton Inn.” (not)
“People down here are
sickenly nice.”
One woman said to the other, "what does the baby look like?" Her reply, "It was four weeks early and it looked like it could have baked in the oven a little longer."
How do you get through the rough Buffalo winters? “Since the world is ending
soon, we’ll be okay in Buffalo.”
He just moved here from NY. where he worked on Wall Street: “Slow
down? No, I’m going to speed up. Have you seen the demographics? You have to be
a F’ N moron not to make money here.”
If I got pulled over in Charleston for dropping her off in the wrong place- "Please officer, don't castrate my Uber driver for dropping me off here."
“You swing both ways with
Uber and Lyft?”
“Are you due for a
colonoscopy?”
“Can I puke in your NY Giants
hat and pretend I don’t know what happened?”
Have you done stand-up? “No,
should I? Maybe we should do it together later tonight.” (on app) “Jeffrey and I had a magical evening
ride that lasted only a mile. We’re going to be doing a nightly stand-up
routine together in Charleston.”
Friday, January 3, 2020
DRIVING ON NEW YEAR'S EVE
I do most of my Uber/Lyft driving during the early morning/day/supper hours, so driving overnight was going to be a different experience for me this year. I was surprised how easy it was. I took a two hour nap after work and felt pretty refreshed when I finished up at 3:30 am. As it turned out I was awake for about 22 of 24 hours, which seems ridiculous. I guess all those hours delivering magazines on long days helped me adjust easily.
I was prepared to eat and have some fun too. I packed donuts, raisins, pretzels and a sandwich. I got hungry for the sandwich around 2 am and it's probably the first time I've had a sandwich in the morning. It tasted just as good as it does at a normal time, although I regularly eat lunch at 10 am.
It was slow picking up rides until 11 pm and it was crazy busy from 12 midnight to 1:30 am. One thing I noticed was that the volume of people talking was very high. I'm guessing alcohol is to blame. I definitely talked less since it was impossible to talk at times. I did get two hugs from women in one night which I believe equals the number I've gotten in 2,900 other rides. Again, most likely alcohol is to blame. After 2 am, a political argument broke out and the two sides, (liberal and conservative), sounded just as ridiculous as they do without alcohol. But, they were definitely louder and I just listened and pretended I didn't care about the subject. (not easy to do)
There were definitely a few people who were feeling no pain and they should never have been driving a car in that condition. I made pretty good money and it was a relatively easy night. It certainly was a different experience than I'm used to, but I did have fun also.
I was prepared to eat and have some fun too. I packed donuts, raisins, pretzels and a sandwich. I got hungry for the sandwich around 2 am and it's probably the first time I've had a sandwich in the morning. It tasted just as good as it does at a normal time, although I regularly eat lunch at 10 am.
It was slow picking up rides until 11 pm and it was crazy busy from 12 midnight to 1:30 am. One thing I noticed was that the volume of people talking was very high. I'm guessing alcohol is to blame. I definitely talked less since it was impossible to talk at times. I did get two hugs from women in one night which I believe equals the number I've gotten in 2,900 other rides. Again, most likely alcohol is to blame. After 2 am, a political argument broke out and the two sides, (liberal and conservative), sounded just as ridiculous as they do without alcohol. But, they were definitely louder and I just listened and pretended I didn't care about the subject. (not easy to do)
There were definitely a few people who were feeling no pain and they should never have been driving a car in that condition. I made pretty good money and it was a relatively easy night. It certainly was a different experience than I'm used to, but I did have fun also.
Thursday, January 2, 2020
2020: The Year of What?
The young couple from New York got into my car and I could tell immediately that they had a close relationship. They were finishing each other's sentences and really communicating. I got in a few words here and there, but I let them talk and enjoy each other's company. I believe there was a kiss or two, but I wasn't watching. It's difficult not to hear sometimes what passengers are saying since they are directly behind me.
The couple were talking about their goals for 2020. They were going to get in better shape.(they already looked in shape so they are off to a good start) Everything they were saying was about 2020 which would be the year of this and that.
What will 2020 be like for all of us? The obvious answer will be that it will be dominated by the Presidential election in November which will leave tens of millions of people upset and expecting the end of the world. The last few months of the year into January 20, 2021, will definitely be historic.
On a personal note, next year I will turn 60. It sounds like a big number and I rarely feel like I'm that young. I do plan on doing some special things, but for me I know what 2020 will be. It's going to be the year of more fun. You may wonder sometimes if I have any fun, but my fun has always been a lot different than most people's fun.
What I'm going to do is start making a "Fun List." This will be things that I'm going to do or things that I'm going to do more of during the year. Of course, I will be blogging about many of them throughout the year. The first thing I am putting on my list is walking over a big bridge. Down in Charleston there is a beautiful bridge that I drive people back and forth on from Mt. Pleasant to Downtown Charleston. There is a safe path for pedestrians and a lot of people walk, run, bike, and skate back and forth.
One morning I'm down there I'm going to park my car and go half way across and then come back to my car. I've talked to many people who have done it and it's worth it. I'll take some pictures too. So, what are you planning to do in 2020? You don't have to tell anyone, but 2020, is the year of what?
The couple were talking about their goals for 2020. They were going to get in better shape.(they already looked in shape so they are off to a good start) Everything they were saying was about 2020 which would be the year of this and that.
What will 2020 be like for all of us? The obvious answer will be that it will be dominated by the Presidential election in November which will leave tens of millions of people upset and expecting the end of the world. The last few months of the year into January 20, 2021, will definitely be historic.
On a personal note, next year I will turn 60. It sounds like a big number and I rarely feel like I'm that young. I do plan on doing some special things, but for me I know what 2020 will be. It's going to be the year of more fun. You may wonder sometimes if I have any fun, but my fun has always been a lot different than most people's fun.
What I'm going to do is start making a "Fun List." This will be things that I'm going to do or things that I'm going to do more of during the year. Of course, I will be blogging about many of them throughout the year. The first thing I am putting on my list is walking over a big bridge. Down in Charleston there is a beautiful bridge that I drive people back and forth on from Mt. Pleasant to Downtown Charleston. There is a safe path for pedestrians and a lot of people walk, run, bike, and skate back and forth.
One morning I'm down there I'm going to park my car and go half way across and then come back to my car. I've talked to many people who have done it and it's worth it. I'll take some pictures too. So, what are you planning to do in 2020? You don't have to tell anyone, but 2020, is the year of what?
Wednesday, January 1, 2020
December Rider Quotes
"My Mom's an Uber driver. Last week when she took some people to the concert they gave her a small bag of acid. She gave it to a neighbor."
"Please officer, don't castrate my Uber driver for dropping me off here."(If a cop stopped me on King St. Charleston she would have said this)
"I'll bet you when you get a puppy there will be a day that you would rather be with the puppy than your wife."(she lost that bet)
"My brother's a whore. He think he owns my house."
"Uber was created so I could go out at night and drink mimosas."
"I love your bald head!"
(How's their baby look?) "It was four weeks early and it looked like it could have baked in the oven a little longer."
"My daughter was born looking like a chimpanzee, she had hair everywhere."
What is the secret to being the top salesperson in your company in the USA? "I don't give a "F___" I tell them you probably can't afford this anyway and I have other things to do. My girlfriend is hungry and I have to feed her."
Me: "After 36 years of marriage I can tell you that sometimes you win the argument by not winning it." Female rider: "That's what every F'N man needs to learn in this country."
The hairdresser was told this by a customer: "I have to go pick-up my neighbor's kids. They're actually mine, I'm the home-wrecking whore."
"I want to kill some of those horse carriage drivers."(against cruelty to animals, but not people)
"When I go to my office in Shanghai during the thirty minutes I see 300.000 to 400,000 people."
"I want to go to Top Golf so I can drink and look cute."
"You have to do stand-up with that rider!"
"Some of my drivers complain that the ride is 30 minutes long."(people will complain about anything)
"The South taught me to be nice."
"You can't raise a store if you're raising a family."(mother turned down management job for her kids)
"The people in Montana are friendlier than South Carolina and it's cheaper to live there too."
"I want to try that procedure where you put a lit candle by your ear to get all the wax out. It increases your hearing by four times." (WHAT?)
"I consider myself one of those "sickenly nice" people here in the the South."
"You and your wife are tag-team Uber drivers."
Dynamite said, "I was born four weeks early and my Aunt looked at me and said, "he's a real firecracker.' My Uncle corrected her and said, "No, he's dynamite" and that's how I got the nickname which I go by."
"We're the handsome guys at the concert."
"I love hotels, it's like being on vacation. I get some wine, take-out and watch cable."
Patriots fan: "Do I really have to sit in front of a NY Giants hat. I live those Super Bowl losses every day."
"Retirement is a lot of work."
"I do have a little twang in my voice."
"My husband named our daughter Brooklyn, because he said it sounded southern."
"Pfish is the most popular band no one's ever heard of."
Does coffee wake you up in the morning? "I prefer Red Bull."
"I don't drink coffee from coffee cups in hotel rooms. I'm afraid of what people might have have done to them."
"In Russia we don't send cards or wrap presents."
"New Yorkers are narcissistic."
"Myrtle Beach? Ayyyyyyyyy"(It's too busy for her here)
"I was one of the surgeons who worked on Steven Jobs. My success rate with cancer patients is 70% while most other doctors have a success rate of 7%."
"People in China really don't want to be bothered with you, they are focused on their life and what they are doing."
"Tonight is my 294th Pfish concert."
"The best way to get good airline prices is by doing in online at night incognito so the airlines don't know where you're located."
"My worst Christmas meal was in a small town in a tiny restaurant that was the only place open off the highway in the South. The food was so bad that two third's of the people refused to pay."
"Where else but Nashville can you go into a McDonalds and see a country music singer performing live?"
"Please officer, don't castrate my Uber driver for dropping me off here."(If a cop stopped me on King St. Charleston she would have said this)
"I'll bet you when you get a puppy there will be a day that you would rather be with the puppy than your wife."(she lost that bet)
"My brother's a whore. He think he owns my house."
"Uber was created so I could go out at night and drink mimosas."
"I love your bald head!"
(How's their baby look?) "It was four weeks early and it looked like it could have baked in the oven a little longer."
"My daughter was born looking like a chimpanzee, she had hair everywhere."
What is the secret to being the top salesperson in your company in the USA? "I don't give a "F___" I tell them you probably can't afford this anyway and I have other things to do. My girlfriend is hungry and I have to feed her."
Me: "After 36 years of marriage I can tell you that sometimes you win the argument by not winning it." Female rider: "That's what every F'N man needs to learn in this country."
The hairdresser was told this by a customer: "I have to go pick-up my neighbor's kids. They're actually mine, I'm the home-wrecking whore."
"I want to kill some of those horse carriage drivers."(against cruelty to animals, but not people)
"When I go to my office in Shanghai during the thirty minutes I see 300.000 to 400,000 people."
"I want to go to Top Golf so I can drink and look cute."
"You have to do stand-up with that rider!"
"Some of my drivers complain that the ride is 30 minutes long."(people will complain about anything)
"The South taught me to be nice."
"You can't raise a store if you're raising a family."(mother turned down management job for her kids)
"The people in Montana are friendlier than South Carolina and it's cheaper to live there too."
"I want to try that procedure where you put a lit candle by your ear to get all the wax out. It increases your hearing by four times." (WHAT?)
"I consider myself one of those "sickenly nice" people here in the the South."
"You and your wife are tag-team Uber drivers."
Dynamite said, "I was born four weeks early and my Aunt looked at me and said, "he's a real firecracker.' My Uncle corrected her and said, "No, he's dynamite" and that's how I got the nickname which I go by."
"We're the handsome guys at the concert."
"I love hotels, it's like being on vacation. I get some wine, take-out and watch cable."
Patriots fan: "Do I really have to sit in front of a NY Giants hat. I live those Super Bowl losses every day."
"Retirement is a lot of work."
"I do have a little twang in my voice."
"My husband named our daughter Brooklyn, because he said it sounded southern."
"Pfish is the most popular band no one's ever heard of."
Does coffee wake you up in the morning? "I prefer Red Bull."
"I don't drink coffee from coffee cups in hotel rooms. I'm afraid of what people might have have done to them."
"In Russia we don't send cards or wrap presents."
"New Yorkers are narcissistic."
"Myrtle Beach? Ayyyyyyyyy"(It's too busy for her here)
"I was one of the surgeons who worked on Steven Jobs. My success rate with cancer patients is 70% while most other doctors have a success rate of 7%."
"People in China really don't want to be bothered with you, they are focused on their life and what they are doing."
"Tonight is my 294th Pfish concert."
"The best way to get good airline prices is by doing in online at night incognito so the airlines don't know where you're located."
"My worst Christmas meal was in a small town in a tiny restaurant that was the only place open off the highway in the South. The food was so bad that two third's of the people refused to pay."
"Where else but Nashville can you go into a McDonalds and see a country music singer performing live?"
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