The Mattress/Box Spring

May 6,

We got a great deal to buy a new Queen mattress and Box Spring for a ridiculous price.  It was a no-brainer and all I had to do was pick it up five minutes away in a storage unit.  Since I have a van, how difficult could it be? Yes, it was difficult.

At the storage unit the guy we were buying it from helped me get the mattress in the van.  Although it stuck out some it wasn’t a problem since it wasn’t going anywhere. The box spring was different, it had to go on the roof.

How do we keep it on the roof? I suggested he sit up on top of it while I drove, but he didn’t go for it.  We started to tape it and then he managed to find a thick rope.  He asked me if my side windows went down and I told him they didn’t.  We had to use the front windows and tie everything around the van and over the box spring and it was secure.

One minor problem was that I couldn’t get in the front seat since we tied it through the windows.  I got in the side door, climbed on the mattress and positioned myself between the two front seats and barely slid down and into the seat.  Fortunately, I am 50 pounds less than I was two years ago.

I drove slowly home and backed into the driveway and I was now facing the only three neighbors living on the block.  They weren’t outside and hopefully were not looking out their window.  I was trapped in my van and I tried to unknot the knot, but could not do it.

So, I lifted myself up in between the two front seats and pushed my way backwards onto the mattress in the back as I kept my shorts around my waist and slid out the side door.  It took a half hour to unknot the knot and I finally had to cut some of the rope that the seller wanted back.  I managed to get the mattress and the box spring into the garage and then into the house.

But the story got better when the next day my wife told me that the side windows go down and I went out to the car and checked.  She was right again, I didn’t have to struggle out of the van the day before.  It was my last van that had no windows, those would not go down.  And one last thing-I left the side window open when I checked it and later watered the lawn and wet the inside of the car.

You really can’t make this up.